farewell 2011...

Some call me a thinker... sometimes I call myself an over thinker. Either way, it's not often I let an occasion pass without some reflection.

I've liked 2011. It hasn't been too momentous with any particular event, but neither has it been devastating. Well... don't get me wrong there have been people lost and people hurt, but I've also seen lessons learned and people healed.

What I've learned...

1. life is fragile... I hope I knew this before 2011, but this year has been a reminder. I went to two funerals and that was two too many. Death is never easy and no words ever seem enough. I want to pause and remember the lives lost this year and pray they won't be forgotten.

2. people are struggling... I was/am a pro at masking my emotional and mental battles... or at least I thought so... primarily because I didn't want the stigma that came with it. I'm not supposed to struggle... especially as a Christian. I've felt extreme pressure to "cast my cares on Him" and "do not be anxious about anything" in a way that makes it difficult to share when I am struggling. As much as I don't like to see others struggling, there is some comfort in knowing I'm not alone and praying my struggles might help someone else going through the same thing.

3. mistakes are inevitable... Every time I think I have it together, I'm reminded I have no idea what I'm doing. I date a guy and think I've learned a lesson until I'm trying to talk myself into the same lousy characteristics of a different guy six months later. As strong and independent I try to be, relationships have a way of knocking me sideways, backwards and upside down. I would like to say I learned a lesson from the failed dates of 2011, but I think I'm resolving to know I'll keep making mistakes and keep learning lessons even after I get married.

4. it's ok to make mistakes... I am a perfectionist... in some areas more than others and I like to make it look like I'm not, but I am. I want to be right and I want to do it the best. Hence mistakes are not usually part of the deal. I'm still not good at making mistakes, but I'm trying to accept I'm going to make them.

Where do we go from here? Hopefully these lessons will translate into a healthy 2012!

laugh of the week...

Flash mobs are definitely "in" these days and I'm a complete sucker for them. I really wanted to be in Kelly Clarkson's new video where she invited fans to record themselves for a flash mob video, but I'm still learning the moves!

My new favorite flash mob...



And Kelly Clarkson's finished product...

merry Christmas...

And here it is... Christmas has arrived. Sometimes it's hard to get in the "Christmas spirit." Work, stress, shopping, travel... it can take away from why we celebrate Christmas, but I hope we can pause at some point over the next few days and breathe.

At our Christmas Eve service tonight we had a chance to see a short clip on Christmas in 50 Words... It sums it up better than I ever could!



Some other Christmas videos to warm your heart :)

Deep Thoughts...
Christmas on Social Media
A Christmas Carol...
Michael Buble Duets commercial

mic'd up like tebow...

Tim Tebow has been garnering a ton of attention lately... and not just on ESPN. The American public seems captivated by his ability to win (until Sunday) and be so forthcoming about his faith. I had a hard time jumping on the Tim Tebow bandwagon. First of all, he's a Gator... an obvious point of dissension for a Tennessee grad. Secondly... I hate bandwagons. I have this thing about being first... or not at all. I can't like bands everyone else likes or celebrities everyone else is clamoring over now.

Nevertheless, Tim Tebow has people talking and they're talking about faith. The Broncos staged another fourth quarter comeback against the Bears and kicker Matt Prater tied the game and won in overtime with two huge field goals. It was the perfect prequel to the battle against Tom Brady and the New England Patriots. During the week a youtube video was passed around letting fans hear Tebow mic'd up against the Bears.



Fans are divided. Some people hate the "religious talk." Others cling to it. I love his perspective. He's a little pitchy as Randy Jackson might say, but he's singing classic worship songs in the middle of a tight professional football game. My favorite part... "Lord, win or lose, help me to honor you." That's the key to me. As funny as the SNL skit was (or at least I thought it was), it's funny because it exaggerates. Tebow's not creepy obsessed with God, he's not claiming God is on his side, helping the Broncos win. Win or lose, Tim is honoring God (or at least from a fan's perspective not having ever met him or know anything about how he acts away from the cameras).

All of that to say, I wonder what would have happened had someone mic'd me up during a soccer game. Stressful situations are not usually our finest moments and many would probably rather see Tebow mic'd up during the Patriots' loss, but it's not so much about Tebow as much as it is about ourselves. Where is my heart?

Lord, win or lose, help me to honor you.

laugh of the week...

Old video, but highlighted in a list of top viral videos of 2011 and I had to laugh again...

change (again)...

Lately I've noticed my writing has been inspired by others... and I'm not so sure that's a bad thing. When I first started blogging on the ever popular myspace, I wasn't really sure what blogging was other than a place for me to vent. There was this crazy adrenaline rush to post something and not know who might read it while I tried not to care. Now I've found dive this other world of blogs where I can blog-hop from one to another inspired by family, friends and complete strangers' writing. 

Tonight I checked in on Lindsey Nobles. I've been following her blog for awhile and this year she has chronicled her journey quitting her job in Nashville and moving across the country for a new adventure in California. She recently posted a blog about reflecting on the last year and it made me think... 

I want to take a look and figure out, am I really living life or am I letting life happen? Am I taking control of my life or am I living vicariously through other lives I read about and watch on tv? I want to make sure I'm staying in my current job and city because this is where God wants me and not out of fear of change. At the same time, just because I have the same job in the same city doesn't mean I have to be stagnant. 

There are moments when I feel useful here... like I'm making a difference. And then there are moments when I want nothing more than to pick up and take a risk on a dream. Sometimes I think the dreaming is more glamorized in Hollywood than it is real life. I just wrote the other day about balancing tradition and change, surprisingly enough I'm still seeking that balance and not just in Christmas traditions. As much as I love tradition and security, I don't want my life to be out of tradition. 

Just another rambling moment of 2011...

song of the week...

I've really never blogged a song of the week, but I wanted an excuse to copy JillandKate and blog this one. I haven't seen Country Strong since it was in the theater, but this song reminded me I want to see it again!

laugh of the week...

Sometimes I wonder why I share laughs at the expense of myself, but then I'm reminded we have to laugh at ourselves! I'm okay with laughing at myself... especially my 10-year-old self. I stumbled across these last week and had to share.

tradition...

I'm a big fan of tradition, but lately I've been asking myself, am I protecting tradition or am I afraid of change?

My family has a number of traditions especially around the holidays... Some of my favorites are Christmas shopping with my mom and sister on Thanksgiving Eve, wrapping presents with my dad and sister on Christmas Eve and our whole family donning matching pj's Christmas Eve. I remember the first time my sister spent Thanksgiving with her now husband and missed our shopping trip. I wasn't thrilled and I make sure to remind her of the two trips she missed.

A couple of my single friends and I have created a tradition of going to the beach for New Year's. It's been a huge relief to know we have single company on probably the No. 2 couple's holiday (second to Valentine's Day in my unofficial ranking). I would think we all secretly hope that someday we won't need a single's beach trip once we have boyfriends and/or husbands... (or do we drag them along with potential extra wheel scenarios) but who is the first to "break the tradition." Or is it breaking tradition?

I think I'm realizing I work best with tradition because I don't work well with change. When it comes to my faith, I'm usually arguing against traditions and rituals and yet when it comes to my family and friends or my daily routine I'm holding on to tradition for dear life. I want to work on it. I think I'll always need some structure in my life, but I don't want to resist change for the sake of tradition.

laugh of the week...

Stumbled across comedian Brian Regan and wanted to share! Be sure to check out some of his other videos...

longing...

One of my favorite authors is Karen Kingsbury. I first read One Tuesday Morning in 2003 and have been captivated by Kingsbury's books ever since. I suppose they could be considered predictable... but I'm grateful for books that share a positive message through some not so positive circumstances all the time. I suppose they could be considered unrealistic or too fairy tale... but I'm grateful for books that give me hope for my own fairy tale.

Kingsbury has written more than 60 books, but my favorite series is actually an ongoing storyline throughout a number of her four or five-book series that first started around the Baxter family in the Redemption Series. Four series later, Kingsbury started the Bailey Flanagan series and recently released "Longing."

Without giving away the entire series, midway through the book, the main character goes to church Christmas Eve with friends and hears a message on longing. Kingsbury writes...

"'This time of year people are longing... We long for love and relationship and healing and hope... But this Christmas God wants us to long for so much more.' He spoke then about longing for holiness, for a closer walk with Jesus, for God's truth to speak louder than the noise of the world. 'When we long for the right things, we find a different sort of love. The kind of love that will never let go of us, never let us down. Never walk away or disown us. A love that knows us and our flaws but stays anyway.' He paused. 'For us... to long for God is to long for a perfect love.'"

The circumstances around the message make for a moving story, but even apart from Bailey Flanagan's story, the pastor's message is poignant. So many people are hurting... searching... longing for a perfect love. We want to be wanted... to be accepted... to be listened to... and God's love gives us all of that.

I am grateful for Karen Kingsbury's stories... but ultimately I'm grateful for God's love, sacrifice and acceptance to fulfill my own longing.

Official book trailer...

laugh of the week...

I've never been a huge Kermit fan... too many people confused me with him :) but I did get a chuckle when I saw this one...

giving thanks...

"We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures."  - Thornton Wilder

I am grateful not just for the little things or the obvious things, but everything that matters. I think Wilder had it right. When we are consumed with what we don't have rather than what we do, we become lost in "want" rather than "have." I have been blessed with so many treasures and I try to stay conscious of those things every day... not just Thanksgiving Day. I try to journal every day with at least five things I'm grateful for... it's a sweet reminder just before I try to sleep each night.

Some of my treasures in no particular order... 

1. my family - After having not seen my family since the summer, it was such a relief to come home Wednesday. I'm only home for barely more than 48 hours so this definitely about quality rather than just quantity. My parents, sisters, bro and bros-in-laws and my nephew (zac is missed fo sho) have made this a great mini-vaca.

2. my friends - I have friends all over the country and I'm grateful for each one. God has placed people in my life at the perfect time to remind me not just who I am, but whose I am. 

3. my faith - I have absolutely no idea where I'd be without my faith. I'm so grateful for God's plan for my life and His ultimate sacrifice sending Jesus to the cross to pay my debt. Life here on earth doesn't always make sense, but I'm trusting His direction and holding on to His hope. 

4. my job - There are stressful days, but having experienced unemployment and knowing so many people without a job... I am grateful for a job. I have had so many opportunities to meet so many people and do so many things I wouldn't have had otherwise. 

5. my sense of humor - Some people may not always appreciate it, but my humor... the ability to laugh can be the extra push to get me through a tough situation or a hard day. When we look at the big picture... does it really matter? We need to laugh at ourselves. 

I could go on and on and be more specific listing person after person, but in reality I just want to be thankful... every day. Or as my friend wiz might say... 'er day.

laugh of the week...

this one goes out to one of my new favorite comedies...

Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur...

passive aggressive social media...

I've been pondering this blog for awhile... questioning my intentions... wanting to make sure I'm asking myself the same questions I'm about to ask all social media users..

I am constantly questioning the point of my tweets and facebook posts. I'm sure I'm not innocent in it all, but I guess my hope is my presence online would be an encouragement to someone else. Sometimes that may be through a laugh, but I hope it's not at the expense of someone else. There's a fine line and I want to make sure I'm treading carefully.

My big question tonight is about the passive aggressive posts/tweets... It seems we need an outlet to vent so we turn to social media and post what we think (or maybe hope) are cryptic updates in an effort to create something similar to an inside joke amongst our friends while calling someone else out. Sometimes the wrong person thinks the post was about them and more passive aggressive posting ensues. My suggestions for alternative ways to handle it...

1. pray... I keep trying to go here first but it's definitely not instinctual yet for me. He's the best listener... and a whole lot better than any of our followers/friends.

2. talk to the person you're secretly posting about... Sometimes they're angry thoughts toward a former friend... sometimes it's someone you've never met... sometimes it's a crush or a former flame... the hashtag #oomf for one of my followers is more than awkward to me. I'm really good at tweeting something I want someone in particular to read and wish we were as close as we used to be. But it's silly... if I really miss someone, I should be able to tell them. If I'm mad at someone, I should be able to tell them. If I'm not ready to tell them, I don't think I should be tweeting about it.

3. walk away from technology... A coach once told me after a heated situation with a player he always takes 24 hours to cool off before doling out punishment to ensure the emotion has been taken out of the situation. Would you want to tweet/post that same update 24 hours from now? Sometimes I think we need to just walk away from the smart phone or the iPad or laptop or whatever device we're using to creep and take a break. Go for a run, read your bible, call a friend... anything to put life in perspective.

I still believe in social media. I believe it's a positive thing... we can communicate so much faster... and hopefully better. I just want to practice being a more positive participant.

"To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived-- this is to have succeeded." - Emerson

laugh of the week...

Sinbad's still around?! Absolutely! And speaking TRUTH!

too picky...

I'm so grateful for friends who feel comfortable holding me accountable. It becomes almost easy to encourage our friends, but I think it's so important to also challenge each other.

One of my best friends who I've known for 15 years and served as her maid of honor picked my brain a bit regarding my singleness. She's always encouraged me to not sweat it... God has a plan... etc., but this time she dug a little deeper to ask why certain guys weren't appealing to me or why relationships hadn't worked out. I still believe most of my relationships that haven't worked are because we weren't on the same page in our faith journey. I think I settled. They met everything else on my list of "must haves" or stayed off of the list of "deal breakers," except having a relationship with God that comes first before everything else. Her point was what if we reversed it... if someone was completely sold out for Christ and putting Him first, does anything else matter? Can we throw out the lists? I wanted to keep non-smoker on my list and she even challenged that... saying he could work on it. I had to ask myself... was I being too picky?

Fast forward a week later and I had a chance to go on a date today. He confirmed he was a Christian and despite not having gone to church in a few years, said he "certainly would go with you and be more involved. You might need the person I need to get me back on track." Those are the hard ones. It's flattering to know I could help encourage someone in their faith journey, but I'm not sure how much I think it should coincide with a dating relationship or even male-female friendship. He seemed nice enough and I continued to talk to him before agreeing to meet him today. The last few days I grew uncomfortable with his forwardness. In a relationship it would probably be considered sweet or romantic, but 24 hours into communicating or three days into texting, I was uncomfortable. I kept challenging myself... am I being too picky? Or is this God nudging me? To be honest, I'm not sure he met the first requirement to allow me to drop my other requirements.

I've just been challenging myself to discern God's guidance with my own pickiness. I don't want to be picky... but I also don't want to settle out of impatience.

Here's to not being picky within God's will...

suitcases...

I heard Dara Maclean's song "Suitcases" months ago and can't get it out of my head. I feel like we're always looking for this balance between baggage and freedom. We're afraid to be "free" for fear of stepping outside of God's will... but instead we carry around burdens from our past. How can we be free and not screw up?

Maclean teamed up with Ian Eskelin to write the song and it speaks to letting go of the burdens and running free. Even then I have warning lights going off in my head for fear of running away from something rather than running to God.

Believe it or not... I'm a thinker. I overanalyze and I question and as much as I want to believe I'm not making decisions based on what people think... I confess I am. I want to be free from that. I want to be free from past mistakes. Free from doubt. Free from pain. Free from fear.

Maclean's song definitely does not give us the magic cure. She literally says, "Just let them go." I'd like to think if it was that easy, we would have done it a long time ago. Or is it that easy? God broke off the shackles more than 2,000 years ago when Jesus took the blows for us. We don't need to suffer under guilt and insecurities... we are free.

"I want to paint a picture of God's complete restorative love and how through Christ, we have an opportunity to live free," shares Maclean. "This song does just that."

"To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, 'If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples.Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.'" John 8:31-32 (emphasis added)

laugh of the week...

During the summer I was much better at posting these... but thought I'd try to get back into it now that fall sports have essentially wrapped up.

Today we have Chonda Pierce...

church...

Church... and the role of church in our lives has been on my heart lately. One of my friends found an amazing church a couple of years ago and I really think it changed her faith. Another friend went through a life-changing experience and afterward, he got plugged into his church where people surrounded him with love and acceptance.

In a discussion Friday we were talking about moving and church. People move for jobs all the time, but don't often move for church... unless church is your job. I took that as before accepting a job or moving to a random city, it makes sense to do your research and "interview" churches just like you would be interviewed for a job. If you're plugged into a church you love, usually your pastor will have suggestions of other churches across the country based on pastors or mentors who he trusts. With today's internet, often you can watch a service from the comfort of your own home thousands of miles away.

With that being said... a discussion Saturday reminded me how sometimes we replace God with church... or pastor so and so... or book such and such. That church didn't save you... nor did that person or that book. God did. God uses people to do His work... but I think they should be pointing us back to Him. Too often I feel like people can start to worship the pastor or the church instead of God. I don't think that gives us an excuse to not get involved or not to go... but like most things, there is a balance.

november...

There are some dates and times that will always remind me of certain events in my life and cause me to ask, "what if?" I'm not sure there's ever much good in asking the question, but I have become pretty good at it. Whether it's life or death or just a mistake at work or a relationship screw up or friendship downfall... I have a bad habit of replaying it over and over in my head. I'm pretty good at letting go of the things I had no control over. There's no point in wondering why I had to break  my ankle my freshman year of soccer. I had no control over it. I do wonder why I couldn't have been a better friend or a better girlfriend.. but then I remember I really have no control over any of it... because it's all in the past.

November is one of those times... I try to let my faith remind me God has a plan and a purpose for me and I can't screw that up. Here's to a solid November!

priorities...

I think you can tell a lot about a person based on their priorities. How do we prioritize those things important to us? A person's typical list usually goes something like God (depending on belief system), family and friends with career and hobbies falling in behind. That's the safe list to recite without ridicule. Sometimes our actions don't line up with what we're saying. That's not to say our intentions aren't good, but sometimes our own pride or subconscious motives take over and distract us from the original path.

I've been thinking about my own priorities a lot. What is important to me? And if those people/things are really important to me, why am I putting them so low on the totem pole? A guest speaker spoke in church today with an awesome illustration that has switched my whole perspective..

Stuart Hall introduce three plastic bins, the largest labeled "you." Inside of "you" was a smaller box "sin." This is how we are born... we are born bad. We have a selfish, sinful nature. Galatians 5:16 says... "So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature." Awesome... if I live by the Spirit I can avoid this sinful nature. But how do we live by the Spirit? As a Christian, God took the sin out of me and put Christ in. Hall removed the "sin" bin and placed a "Christ" bin inside the "you" bin. In 2 Corinthians 5:17-19 we can see God has reconcile us to himself through Christ. How can we be more like God? With Christ inside of us! Nothing really new right? Ok here comes my aha moment...

Colossians 2:9-10 "For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority."

We (or maybe just I) spend so much time asking for more of Christ... We go to church or read the bible or pray asking for more of God to make us better... to make us more like Him. In reality... He is already in us... in full... We just need to remove the crud to let his light shine through us. That silly kid's song hiding the light under the bushel... sometimes our light of Christ is covered by all of the mess, but He didn't go anywhere. We don't need more of Christ... we need less of the junk that is blocking His light in us.

As much as I know faith has never been about good works, I still find some relief in recognizing Christ is in me... in all the fullness. I can't do anything to gain more of Him or to lose Him. Of course that doesn't mean I'm finished. I want you to be able to see Christ in me. Can you see Christ's light in me?

"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." - Matthew 5:13-16

a praying man...

I have a habit of tearing up easily... At our hall of fame dinner people I didn't know were thanking God and their teammates for such prestigious honor and I was struggling to keep it together. There are certain triggers that just bring tears to my eyes. I can count on being moved by someone expressing their feelings of love, appreciation, graciousness for someone else.

This morning we were singing in church and I looked over to see a man wrapping his arm around his wife and two boys to pray. I have no idea what he said and I have no idea what is going on in their lives, but watching a man pull his family into pray reminds me how important prayer is... especially in a family.

I know women are criticized for being too picky or for dreaming of a fairytale prince... but I think it's more about where your expectations are coming from. There are some things I can't budge on... and I don't think it's picky to wait for someone to meet expectations God has set for us. I'm grateful for praying families... and I'll keep praying God will bless me with one someday.

enough...

I was doing so much better blogging this summer... and then reality hit and work took over. I had every intention of finishing the Elijah story a few days after my last blog and we see how well that worked out.

Regardless... here I am with a thought for the day. In 1 Kings 17 Elijah had this awesome experience where he was reminded of how adequate God is. God came through when he felt abandoned and inadequate. Two chapters later, Elijah thinks he has hit his max. Jezebel was ready to kill him when he thought Ahab was going to fix everything. He had been on this huge high and now everything seemed to be falling apart. He ran away, into the wilderness and told God he had enough. "He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. 'I have had enough, LORD' he said. 'Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.' Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep."

I can only imagine how Elijah felt... Scared, burned out, anxious... And yet rather than trusting God to take care of him, he essentially quit. He threw in the towel and went to sleep. God didn't let him off the hook so easily and an angel woke him up and made him eat. God gave him food and rest in preparation for his journey. After 40 days and 40 nights (coincidence? I don't think so) Elijah was sent to Mt. Horeb for a complete transformation. I love 1 Kings 19. God took a man from the lowest of lows to the highest of highs. God wasn't in the fire or the earthquake, but in a small whisper... giving Elijah the peace he needed to continue his journey. You know who else was at the end of the journey... Elisha. Food, sleep and manpower. I love it.

Too simple? Perhaps. But I am strengthened from Elijah's journey. We're not on this journey alone.

inadequate...

I feel like we are living in a culture that is breeding feelings of inadequacy... When I checked out the definition for inadequate, google told me it is "not adequate." Well that's helpful isn't it! It goes on to say, "lacking the quality or quanitity required; insufficient for a purpose." Perhaps it is my age and the age group I'm most often surrounded by, but I tend to hear a lot of people first trying to figure out their purpose and then secondly not feeling like they're good enough.


Moses is probably the guy from the bible most often cited in discussions of inadequacy, but I've been thinking a lot about Elijah. Ahab was king and Elijah had told everyone there wouldn't be any rain for three years. God told Elijah to go hide in this ravine where he could drink from the brook and let the ravens feed him. Eventually the brook dried up as brooks sometimes do when there's no rain. The bible says, "Then the word of the Lord came to him." Well isn't that nice. God told Elijah to go chill with the ravens and drink from the brook and the brook dries up so God shows up and tells him where to go next. I have no idea what Elijah was thinking while the brook was drying up, but I know how I would probably react. Most of us start freaking out at the first sign of the water level dropping. I'm a planner and I know I would be trying to map out other options, trying to find new brooks to quench my thirst. I can only imagine how much I might start to panic as the brook really started to dry up. And yet... did you notice, God showed up after the brook dried up? Once the brook dried up, "then" the Lord spoke and gave Elijah a new spot. (paraphrased from 1 Kings 17)


Can we trust God to quench our thirst? To find our new source of food and water? Too often we'll listen for a little while... trust Him for a little while... and then get scared and want to go do it our way. I find I feel most inadequate when I am not relying on God to be adequate. God knew he had enough food and water for Elijah. God is enough. When we're trying to quench that thirst or satisfy that longing... He is enough. Sometimes he asks us to keep drinking from a brook that looks like it's going to dry up. Keep drinking because just when you think it's dried up, it is then that He shows you the next step... the next brook to fill you up. I'm grateful for when I feel insufficient or inadequate or just insecure... He is sufficient. He is adequate. He is secure.






When my heart is like a stone, And I'm running far from home, Remind me who I am. When I cant receive Your love, Afraid I'll never be enough, Remind me who I am. If I'm Your beloved can You help me believe it. Tell me, once again, Who I am to you, Tell me, lest I forget, Who I am to you, that I belong to You. I'm the one You love, I'm the one You love

9/11/01...

It was a Tuesday. Somehow I made it through my 8 a.m. class and hurried to one of my favorite spots on campus... the Lion's Den. Not only did "the den" have food, they had couches and tvs that kept us all entertained between classes. Ten years ago today, I walked into the den and immediately knew something was different. I found one of my teammates and friends, Slavin, and knew things were not good. As soon as the second plane hit, we knew it wasn't an accident. Slavin immediately became concerned for what this would mean for her military dad. Another teammate's brother was a student at NYU and she spent the day trying to make sure he was okay. Another teammate's dad was a firefighter on Long Island. Thankfully, everyone I knew located their family. Unfortunately, not everyone around the country was so fortunate. Nearly 3,000 people died that day and our country completely changed. Our college campus was on high alert due to our close proximity to one of the largest military bases in the country. My parents live an hour from DC and at the time, it felt entirely too close. Nothing we knew seemed to be the same. There was fear. There was confusion. There was really a lot of just not knowing.

It's hard to believe it was 10 years ago. Sometimes it feels like yesterday. It has me thinking about how much changes in relatively little time. I can't help but think about the people who were so important to me 10 years ago... Or five years ago? Two years ago? Last year? The people you surround yourself with help give perspective to what you're going through, sometimes at the time... sometimes much later. I'm grateful for my family and friends for supporting me through big events like 9/11 and even the little ones like a break up or a bad day. Some people have come and gone and some are still here... regardless I'm stronger and I'm grateful.

20 questions...

This brought back memories or e-mail forwards or myspace surveys, but I stole it from Bethany Joy Galeotti and she makes everything more sophisticated so I feel better about it!

1 Were you named after anyone? nope... absolutely an original

2 Do you like your own handwriting? sometimes

3 What would your superpower be if you could choose one? healer

4 Are you an optimist or pessimist? I want you to think I'm an optimist.. fake it til you make it right?!

5 What do you collect? sports memorabilia... specifically Tennessee or USWNT

6 What movie would your friends be surprised that you like? I think I'm pretty predictable but maybe seven pounds?

7 What are your favorite smells? fresh cut grass and my mom cooking sausage

8 Coffee or Tea? neither

9 Wine or Beer?depends on the occasion

10 What is the best thing you've ever eaten? (Where?) xangos at scrub oaks

11 Mac or PC? I would love to say PC but the iphone is starting to turn me towards mac

12 What are you listening to right now?adele, lifehouse and sidewalk prophets... how's that for a mix

13 What career would you pursue in another life? pro soccer player

14 What sound or noise do you love? music, rain

15 What sound or noise do you hate? repetitive anything... clicking pen, shaking, squeaking

16 Mountains or Beach? beach fo sho

17 Cook or Bake? bake

18 Do you go to restaurants and movies by yourself? nope but I could if I had to

19 What is your favorite fairy tale or childhood story? polar express

20 What would you tell the 13 year old you? relax

growing up...

I've decided one of the most important lessons you learn growing up is how to deal with conflict, specifically conflict in relationships. It seems our instinct is to walk (or sometimes run) away. Someone is annoying us or has made us mad or is just not holding our attention anymore and so we would prefer to just get out of the situation. Sometimes we get ourselves in too deep and can't figure out how to get out so we just tiptoe away hoping no one will notice.

I would like to think that as we grow up we might learn how to better handle situations. I think in most situations people deserve honesty, and by that I don't mean hurtful honesty - check your intentions. If your roommate is driving you crazy, talk to them. If your coach sucks, talk to them. If your boyfriend or girlfriend is boring you, talk to them. If we're all grown ups, we should be able to handle a conversation. I tend to encourage people to ask questions rather than pull out your list of 100 reasons why you suck. I'm not so naive to think talking always fixes things, but I feel like it gives the other person an opportunity to change or at the very least understand where you're coming from before you run away.

Let's be grown ups.

pat summitt...

I have been a Tennessee fan for as long as I can remember. I credit so many people in my life for fostering a love for women's sports including Tennessee women's basketball. I obviously grew up post-Title IX and I feel fortunate to have been empowered by so many female athletes in my 29 years. I vividly remember Tennessee's "Cinderella Season" in 1996-97 and I quickly loved everything about head coach Pat Summitt. During college I did an internship with the Washington Freedom of the now defunct Women's United Soccer Association (WUSA) and one of my supervisors had attended Tennessee. After graduation I took a job with the WUSA, but when it fell apart I started looking at graduate schools more seriously.

I spend a lot of time educating college students on grad school partially because I had no idea what I was doing and didn't feel like I had a lot of direction. I didn't have a clue about graduate assistantships or how to go about getting one but I knew I liked Tennessee and I knew someone who went there and she turned out okay. I also knew as a student I would have free tickets to all of the women's basketball games. The friends I made at Tennessee were through our shared love for sports. One of my classmates was the manager for the women's soccer team and she shared her women's basketball tickets with me. I took a sport psychology class and convinced my partner to do our project on Pat Summitt. I went to tons of practices and just tried to soak up everything Pat Summitt said and did. I knew if I was only going to have a chance to live in Knoxville for a year, I had to make the most of it.

I still love Tennessee women's basketball and I'm still inspired by Pat Summitt. In 37 seasons at the helm she has built the Lady Vols from the ground up. That's not to take away from her assistants or the hundreds of players who have come through the program but it is hard to deny the influence Pat Summitt has had on Tennessee basketball, women's basketball and women's sports.

Summitt announced this week she has been diagnosed with early-onset dementia. I cried. Some people will think that's crazy... to cry over someone who really has no idea who I am. But when you have grown up watching someone make a difference... and when you have seen the effects of dementia... it's heartbreaking. My grandmother struggled with dementia for at least the last five years of her life. My family chose to laugh about it to keep from crying. Dementia is such a cruel disease... it tries to steal everything that is good about a person... everything that makes a person who they are.

I take comfort in knowing Summitt has been and always will be a fighter. I refuse to let dementia steal the monumental difference she has made for the people in her life and the people she has never met. I am grateful for the attention she will bring to the disease in hopes someone will find a cure. And I will be routing for the Tennessee Lady Vols more than ever.

Summitt's friend Sally Jenkin's piece for the Washington Post

ESPN.com coverage

awesome God...

I was on such a roll this summer... blogging more... working on consistency and then July hit and I feel like I can't catch up. I had to share my story of the day though...


I went to church this morning and we went through the first couple of songs and things seemed dare I say... business as usual. One of the youth spoke about her mission trip experience and then Giles invited Jonathan Lazenby up to the front. Jonathan had also served on the trip and Giles has known him. Jonathan began to speak and everyone quickly realized he stuttered. My "fix it" personality wanted to help him get it out faster, easier... anything to ease the tension in the room. Jonathan shared how he wasn't a good talker, but he had something to share about how awesome God is. The band then broke into "Awesome God" and Jonathan led everyone with a flawless voice, belting out how awesome God is.


I've heard of stories like this... people who can't speak clearly but can sing as clear as day. But today... hearing it for myself... I was overcome with how awesome God really is... the tension of Jonathan's difficulty speaking completely erased in a pure song of worship.


Sometimes I think it would be "easier" if we saw miracles every day... of course we would never doubt God then, right? I want my faith to grow in the every day moments even without the big miracles. However, I am completely grateful for the moments when I feel completely consumed by God's love and faithfulness... He is enough.


Here's the video that inspired Jonathan's performance:

29 things...

In honor of my 29th birthday yesterday I've created a list of 29 things worth holding dear... (inspired by Bill Kirby's "62 things worth holding very dear")

1. faith
2. family
3. friends
4. health
5. soccer
6. FCA
7. forgiveness
8. employment
9. freedom
10. education
11. books
12. movies
13. music
14. shelter
15. technology
16. vacations
17. accountability
18. communication
19. living in the moment
20. honesty
21. working out
22. teaching
23. inspirations
24. birthdays
25. the little things
26. new things
27. learning
28. loyalty
29. hope

I could write a paragraph about each one but I might be 30 by the time I finished and I want to make sure I'm taking advantage of this year... living in the moment right... here goes nothing!

laugh of the week...

I've been slacking like no other... Better late than never... my laugh of the week:

where your heart is...

My friend Quinn came and met with our FCA leadership team this past year and shared a cool illustration. (Someone might have to correct me if I get the specifics wrong, but hopefully the principal is the same.) First, she asked us to list our top three concerns or things we worry about. Then she asked us to list three things we want for FCA. She made the connection.. shouldn't the lists overlap? I can't remember exactly what Quinn said that day, but I have been constantly thinking about what my priorities are... and what I'm thinking about... what I'm praying about.

What are your top three priorities? Are those the things that occupy your thoughts? Your prayers? Lately I've been thinking about how that relates to what we're telling everyone else. Before social media really took over we used AIM or AOL Instant Messenger. Everyone had a profile and an away message where we could tell everyone what who we were or what we were doing. Maybe we used a good quote or a bible verse or a countdown for something... whatever it was by placing it there, we made it seem important to all of our "buddies."

Now we have things like facebook and twitter to let everyone know what we're thinking. Facebook asks us "What's on your mind?" and twitter asks "What's happening?" On both sites you have space to insert other profile information. I've been wondering if my updates... if my profile... reflect my priorities. I don't want to fake it and just post things to make it seem like I'm always happy and living a perfect life to make my "friends" and "followers" happy... but it is a heart check. If you read my facebook posts and tweets, could you guess my priorities? Is my faith evident? Do my words match my actions? I want my words... my actions... even my posts... to reflect my heart. What are you posting? Where is your heart?

women's soccer in the media...

I'm breaking from the normal routine to write about the Women's World Cup. I know it doesn't interest everyone, but as I've mentioned before I consider myself a pretty big fan of the US Women's National Team (USWNT) and have been tracking them through the tournament.

One of my frustrations with sports in general would be the media's portrayal of events. My profession might even group me in with the media sometimes, but I usually feel more like a liaison between the university and the media and I hope I can represent both sides fairly. I get frustrated when the media are desperate for ratings or readership or maybe just attention and end up making something out of nothing.

Anyone who follows the USWNT knows they didn't take the easy road getting to this year's WWC. They really haven't had the best success in world cups since the always remembered 1999 championship. In reality, the women have only won two of the five cups. The team has won three of four gold medals in the Olympics and the team entered the WWC ranked number one despite dropping two games in 2011 prior to the tournament. I don't think we are the dominant force in women's soccer as I once may have argued. Whether it's parity in the game or the team never recovering from the retirement of the "Fab Five," the USWNT has not been cruising as the media might like everyone to believe.

Therefore... I don't think yesterday's loss to Sweden was a surprise, a wake-up call or a reality check. I was not stunned or shocked. I was disappointed and frustrated, but the media (including print, web and tv) has portrayed it as a huge upset. Sweden is ranked fifth, so in terms of rankings, yes it was an upset, but I'd argue the rankings.

Hope Solo has garnered a lot of attention since her "outburst" after the USWNT 4-0 loss to Brazil in the 2007 WWC. I thought she had a point... I didn't agree with her method. She has since criticized the media (or maybe culture as a whole) for the difference in expectations between men and women.

"People like to keep everything so positive -- like we're the girls next door. We like to do everything together, and all that. Why are we sugarcoating? Just because we're teammates doesn't mean we're all best friends. But that's how women's sport have been portrayed. We're not your girls next door. We have opinions, we have arguments."

Her argument is a completely separate blog... but just reinforces my point we have some issues to address with the media. Since the WWC began, Solo mentioned getting painkillers for her shoulder and everyone jumped on it thinking they had found a weakness. She's recovered from surgery, but Solo finally got tired of everyone questioning her and assured ESPN viewers she was fine and it wouldn't affect her performance. Leading up to the match against Sweden the media jumped on Abby Wambach and Heather O'Reilly missing pre-game practices. Wambach still played a full 90 on Wednesday and after being questioned after the game Wambach said (paraphrased) "I keep saying I'm going to play every minute of this tournament and no one believes me." Why do we have to make something out of nothing?

Before the USWNT's first game of the tournament, head coach Pia Sundhage switched the lineup starting Lauren Cheney instead of Megan Rapinoe. The media jumped on it almost trying to start drama. Cheney scored and celebrated with the bench, perhaps putting the issue to rest. Instead in the second game Rapinoe entered as a sub and scored with the announcer, Ian Darke, shouts, "Rapinoeee... ohh there's an answer to the coach!" Yes, everyone is fighting for playing time. Yes, Rapinoe would probably prefer to start. But I feel like the media would love to create some dissension and let the USWNT be a Jersey Shore spin-off.

I know the old saying, "any publicity is good publicity" and I'm sure the USWNT follows it to some extent. It's been awhile since a women's sports team took over the nation like it did in 1999. I get that... but I still don't want to sell out.

laugh of the week...

I honestly tried to find something related to the 4th of July so I could be current and relevant... but I failed. Instead you get some bathroom humor... but I can't help but laugh...

more...

Random rant or observation of the weekend... Sometimes I think we downplay our faith so as not to scare anyone off or to appear more "cool" or maybe we're embarrassed.  I never want to shove my faith down anyone's throat, however, I do want to make sure I stand up for what I believe in. I want to be proud of what God has done for me and if I'm really moved by who He is in my life... how can I downplay that? Sometimes I still find myself settling for less when I know He's called me to more.

"The irony is that while God doesn’t need us but still wants us, we desperately need God but don’t really want Him most of the time." — Francis Chan

love in the wild...

Guilty pleasure... reality tv. I know it's silly. I know sometimes it's even staged. There's just something about escaping from my own "reality" into someone else's reality.

I'm boycotting ABC's Expedition Impossible as a rip-off of The Amazing Race, but I had to tune in (or rather DVR) NBC's Love in the Wild. For some reason I thought it was couples dropped in the middle of the jungle to complete challenges similar to Amazing Race, but it's 20 complete strangers (10 men and 10 women) dropped off in the middle of the jungle and paired up for challenges. The other twist is the women chose their partners in the first episode, but after the challenge, the teams were ranked first to last and each guy had first dibs at choosing to stay with his current partner or choose a new partner. The last man and woman not chosen were eliminated. Perhaps it would be easier to watch than me try to explain... but let's just say I appreciated the new concept in a world of summer television that seems to have already been done.

The critics are not loving the show... ok I'm not sure who else would love the show... but what else would we expect during the summer at 10 pm? A gift compliments of TVguide.com is: The 10 Dumbest Things Said on the Premiere of 'Love in the Wild'

10. "I'm a self-proclaimed meathead, myself." — Dawn (But what does she have to say about her own redundancy?)

9. "It's kind of like being in an ice cream shop. There's just so many flavors!" — Heather (This show is tearing down civilization. Soon people will want to marry ice cream cones.)

8. "I just met Mike like two hours ago and here we are! I honestly feel like I've known him for ... months and months." — Samantha (Months are a long time!)

7. "I'm ready to kiss and get down!" — Samantha (Just FYI: Samantha, a ringer for Rock of Love 2's Kristy Jo, was the biggest purveyor of closed-mouth kissing on the episode.)

6. "Building the raft was horrible. I want to get on the Internet and Google 'how to build a raft,' because I don't want to look like a pansy." — Miles (Some would argue that the impulse to Google such a thing is already a sign of pansydom.)

5. "I've seen movies where ants end up eating people alive. I hope those ants aren't in Costa Rica." — Jason (They are. And so is that giant ant from Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, as you will find in the upcoming shrinking challenge.)

4. "My thighs were on fire, burning so hard. But I mean, hey, I just met this girl. I don't want to complain about my groin being sore."  -- Miles (Note: Complaining about his groin being sore was exactly what he did.)

3. "Before my checklist was like, OK, you gotta be hot, you have to be funny, you have to have a good personality, you have to be hot. I know I'm only 26 years old, but my biological clock is ticking and so my checklist has definitely changed and there's still in there hot, but not as much." — Vanessa (So, wait: hot or not?)

2. "I live in San Francisco, but I definitely think it's a dead zone in terms of single men. I don't know where all the men are hiding there!" — Heather (Probably in gay bars.)

1. "I'm looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with." — Vanessa (Clearly, reality TV is the perfect place for that! Things always work out so well on these things!!!)

soundtracks...

It's crazy how intertwined music becomes in relationships. Couples have songs that remind them of each other. We have songs that remind us of a particular moment with a person. We have breakup songs and moving on songs. I'm grateful for music that helps to tell a story.

I've always been hesitant to give a relationship "Our Song" as Taylor Swift so eloquently sings. I vividly remember a "crowd" (I use the term loosely in 12-year old standards) asking two of my friends in sixth grade what their song was and they immediately responded, "I Swear." (Although I think Rachel will adamantly deny it-- I witnessed it.) Now anytime I hear the song all I can think about are Rachel and Joey (and no not from those Friends). Adorable? Maybe if they had lasted through the weekend.

I was always afraid a relationship gone bad was going to permanently ruin a relationship. I can still hear Brian McKnight's "Anytime" and instantly think back to high school and the relationship that wouldn't end. I hear Tim McGraw's "My Best Friend" and I'm reminiscing about the high school football stud and John Mayer's "St. Patrick's Day" reminds me of a disappointing senior year of college. Lifehouse's "You and Me" takes me back to my favorite week in Knoxville. I love when a couple picks a song from the top40 countdown and then think every time they hear it on the radio... "it's a sign!" Yes it's a sign... a sign you picked one of the most popular current songs of the moment that will be played over and over again whether your relationship lasts or not. 

Not only are there songs tagged to relationships, but there are the songs that just trigger memories. I hear Jonah33's "Faith Like That" and I'm on my way to Ohio State with my boyfriend at the time. I hear anything Jamie Cullum sings and I'm being serenaded. I can't get away from any of the songs I so nicely put on a cd and labeled the playlist accordingly.

Some of the other classics are songs to help you move on from a relationship or maybe the others that just take you back and let you drown in what you lost. Kelly Clarkson's "Behind these Hazel Eyes" came out just in time to try to move on from a relationship while I could try to talk myself into having moved on with the grammatically correct "Since U Been Gone." For every "Broken" (Lifehouse) there's a "Settlin'" (Sugarland) to help counteract each other.

Lately I keep hearing "Fix You" (Coldplay) and "Jar of Hearts" (Christina Perri) and while neither song triggers any particular relationship... they might need to be stored up for a rainy day. But then again... do I really want them to be forever linked to a relationship that didn't work? I think that's why I like Christian music. The songs are linked to a God who's never leaving me.

laugh of the week...

I caught an episode of the Cosby Show recently and reminisced about all of the wholesome laughter the Cosby family brought to my family growing up.

One of my favorite clips...

P.S. I tried to look up Peter from the show because I thought he was just adorable. His real name is Peter Costa and I was a bit saddened to read on (the always reliable) Wikipedia he's a member of two bands Torrential Downpour and the Kreptaka Bar Band. Let's just say I'm not sure we have much in common.

finding God...

I read PostSecret weekly and have three of their books. I'm sure I've blogged about them before... "PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard." I always thought about sending a post card. I wonder sometimes when people have their postcard published... is it the idea that it's published and they are releasing something they had kept inside or is it the idea that it's published and someone might figure out they wrote it? Is sharing a secret enough? Or is it who you share it with?

The blog posts secrets that cover love, religion, death, family, friends... they run the gamut. Today one postcard said, "Dear God, help me find you again." It seems simple enough... a prayer I would think a lot of people have prayed. The debate has come in the e-mails after it was posted.

-----Email-----

God isn't the one who is lost; we all are. God is where He always is... we need to stop trying to "find God" and instead rid ourselves of the things that we use to hide from God.

-----Email-----

I was so deeply offended that someone would assume that it is one's fault that they feel void of God's presence. It is the worst thing to be told when you are so desperately trying to feel something that once seemed to be ever present, and then one morning is just gone.

I don't think the writer thought God was lost. I think the postcard was acknowledging they were lost... lost without God. At the same time, I recognize I didn't write it so I have no idea what they meant by it. As much as I love the PostSecret project, I keep hoping we'll have someone in real life to share our secrets with... We wouldn't need PostSecret if we all had someone to tell... to be honest with.

modern family...

 I recently caught up on some of my favorite sitcoms including Hot in Cleveland, Modern Family and Big Bang Theory.

Modern Family is in reruns, but I missed out on the first few episodes and love catching one I haven't seen yet. Two of my good friends are in the first stages of a relationship... "talking" if you will. I'm the lucky one hearing their giddiness from both sides and thinking it's adorable (usually :). For one, this is the first real potential relationship after a five year relationship ended. I've never been in a five-year relationship, but I can imagine embarking on a new one can be intimidating and anxiety-producing! She said a friend reminded her... If that relationship was so good and she felt so loved and loved so much, imagine how great it will be when the relationship is the "right" one or one that lasts. It's comforting to know what we think is the best really isn't.

Phil Dunphy (of Modern Family) chimed in for me on Friday when comforting his oldest daughter's ex-boyfriend. "I know it hurts now, but that's how you know it was a relationship worth having." So comforting and almost frightening to know it came from a sitcom! I think we spend a lot of time wishing we could take it back after a failed relationship, but I like Phil's spin... if it hurts, it was worth having... worth experience and worth going through.

bachelorette...

I made a commitment to blog Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Sunday and despite being exhausted after a night out, I'm determined to write something of substance in order to fulfill my commitment.

Watching the Bachelorette during the summer is such a good form of escapism for me. I don't have to work on nights and weekends and following along with this cheesy love story is a fun (or funny) way to get away on Monday nights. The big story this season is Ashley falling for this tool Bentley who plays with her heart until he leaves suddenly in the middle of the show. She is still hung up on him not knowing why he really leaves and we are all anxiously waiting Monday to find out what happens when she gets a chance to seek closure.

Most Bachelorette fans will tell you they are absolutely sick of hearing about Bentley. He is/was a tool and chose to walk away from the show so why do we have to continue to listen to Ashley gab about how much she misses him and felt like they had a connection. It seems outlandish to the viewer who watched Bentley's interviews about how he had no interest in Ashley and wished the other chick had been on the show. No one wants to hear about Bentley anymore. I wish the host, Chris Harrison, or a producer, or someone would show Ashley Bentley's interviews so she could move on.

I was absolutely frustrated on Monday when I realized I could be in her shoes. I'm usually too embarrassed to talk about the guy I'm hung up on through national tv, but it's crazy how you can get stuck on someone.. years later. I pray I'm not the annoying "Ashley" daydreaming about a boy who could care less about me... but I guess if I didn't see his ABC interviews, I have no idea. It really makes you think about who you spend your time pining after. I don't want to be an annoying Ashley pining after "Bentley" but I do want to be honest with myself about how I feel in hopes guys would be honest with me. Here's to seeking something real... beyond the Bachelorette.

laugh of the week...

I've been watching America's Got Talent since I first spotted Cas Haley a few years ago... Some of it is too commercialized or just plain ridiculous... but occasionally there's some good stuff...

This week's laugh of the week...

relevant...

My ramblings about Craig Groeschel sent me stumbling back to Relevant Magazine after not checking it out in forever. They are self-described as, "We’re twentysomething Christians seeking God, living intentionally and striving to impact the world around us. Each day on the website and every other month in the magazine, we try to publish ideas that break stereotypes, challenge the status-quo and spur a generation to know God and change the world. It’s pretty simple, really."

I'm sure I wouldn't agree with every article or review posted, but I can appreciate their attempt to find Christ in culture rather than always separating culture and Christ. I don't want to water down my faith in a way that makes me seem like I'm ashamed or not completely sold out for Him, but I also don't want to be so disconnected from what's going on in the world.

I think Relevant is one of the best ways to find the balance thus far... This week it seems the most popular stories are a take on "Super 8" and "Francis Chan Takes on Hell." Just a thought to add more to your summer reading list...

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." - Romans 12:2

dead poets society...

"Dead Poets Society" is one of my favorite movies. I think it was one of the first movies I saw that challenged me to think. I've never been a huge fan of poetry or even really smart literature, but I felt inspired sitting in on John Keating's class.

A class of boys was transformed through Keating's controversial teaching. He continued to poke and prod and question everything they had been trained to accept as status quo.

"We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race and the human race is filled with passion. Medicine, law, business, engineering... these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love...these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, 'O me! O life!...of the questions of these recurring, of the endless trains of the faithless...of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life? Answer. That you are here...that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse.' That the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?"

I don't think it's enough to exist. I want to contribute a verse.