my dreams vs. His

I look back at the last two years and it's hard to believe how much has changed. I can't imagine how much is going to change in the next two years. Steve and I have big dreams, but they're still evolving and changing on a daily basis. I don't always trust my dreams, but I always want to make sure they line up with God's will for my life. Now it's even a bigger deal when my dreams affect multiple people.

It's no secret that Steve and I have dreams of moving. We change our mind every day about where we might actually move, but we have agreed we don't see our current house as our forever house. Our dream home is a steal of a foreclosure with some land. A couple of months ago we found one. We told a few people and we showed photos and I started to let myself think we might actually be able to buy it. Of course one of the obstacles between us and this sweet foreclosure was the fact that we actually already own a home have a mortgage. So we met with a realtor and talked about trying to sell our house. And then we remembered I'm pregnant and trying to sell a house while pregnant and/or taking care of a newborn sounds miserable. Steve and I agreed to wait and always pray that God would open the doors that we needed to walk through (literally and figuratively).

One weekend we thought we had an interested buyer for our house and I went through a cleaning frenzy... until they changed their mind and forgot to tell us. Meanwhile the foreclosure kept coming and going off of zillow. On Wednesday I asked Steve if we could at least go look at it. We saw it and of course it just made me want it more. I was getting a little excited again... until we got home.

Steve called the realtor and he said the previous owners went through a debt consolidation and were going to close on it today. Ouch. It's not often you think about the previous owners of a house or how they might be affected, but sometimes foreclosures smack you in the face. I have no idea what the circumstances were that led to the foreclosure, but it is something that happens more and more. My house prayers are usually self-centered, but I was quickly reminded of all the others who might be affected by my dream for this house. I still love the house and I still pray that we'll have a chance to find a house for us... but I'm also praying for the family who I imagine reclaimed their house today. I'm imagining they have children and praying for their transitions out of, and back into their house. I'm praying the debt consolidation was a good decision for them and they find a way to keep their heads above water. I'm also praying that we remember this whenever we do buy another house... That we don't try to live above our means... That we make smart financial decisions and work hard to avoid the worst-case scenarios... That my dreams match up with His will for our lives.

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way walk in it." Isaiah 30:21

my uncle...

I always felt like I grew up going to funerals. The first one I remember was my Aunt Donna's in 1991. Two years later both of my mom's parents passed away and I felt like I was becoming a pro. I've been grandparent-less since college and went to most of my great aunts' and uncles' funerals not to mention some cousins, friends, friends' family members, teachers... the list goes on and on. And yet it doesn't seem to get easier.

Sure I usually know what to expect. And I usually find some closure, but there's usually a guarantee I'll leave dehydrated from the gallons of tears I shed.

My uncle has been sick for awhile now. At first it didn't seem like a big deal. Most people wouldn't even know it as he was still playing softball and golf and chasing his grandkids around. When I was a kid, I loved to challenge Uncle Woody and my cousin Brian in a quiz game on my "computer." He's so smart and I loved to try to stump him. Every Christmas he handed out Pez dispensers and he had some crazy organizational "quirks" that our family may say I shared with him. Robin blames it on the July birthday thing, but either way I embraced it.

Living in Fayetteville off and on for 10 of the last 16 years while Robin lived here always helped me see Aunt Sharon and Uncle Woody more. When I moved to White Marsh in 2014, I always said I wanted to see them more. In Oct. 2014, Steve and I were talking about engagement, but I had no idea how close it was. He came up to visit and I was adamant that he needed to meet Aunt Sharon and Uncle Woody. I didn't necessarily need their stamp of approval, but I wanted them to be a part of the process before it was official. We made plans to go to dinner one Friday after Steve made the drive up, but of course that would be the weekend he got stuck in some major traffic. We were running late, but I insisted we still go. After dinner I got annoyed because Steve pretended to act like he hadn't even asked my parents' permission to marry me yet and I didn't want to know that and I couldn't imagine how the timing was going to work out. Aunt Sharon and Uncle Woody didn't say a word, but they assured me they liked him.

Fast forward a week later... Steve proposed and my aunt and uncle were a part of a surprise group who met us for dinner to celebrate. I'm so grateful they were both there on one of the biggest days of my life. When we sent our save the date cards, word spread that Steve looked like Uncle Woody and my cousins love to call him Little Woody. Steve knows by now that while "Woody" may not be a man's dream nickname, it's quite the compliment to be compared to my uncle.

Last spring, Uncle Woody's health problems seemed to get a little more serious and the stubborn man that he was... he still tried to play it off. Thankfully, he made it to our wedding in May and while he may not have been the party animal he would've been a couple years ago, it meant the world to me that he was there.

I saw Uncle Woody for the last time over Christmas, but it wasn't really him. My heart ached seeing the daily grind Aunt Sharon was living with and the difficulties Uncle Woody was having to struggle with. It's hard to find the good when you see disease stealing a person like that.

I can't imagine what Aunt Sharon is going through now that he passed away this morning... or what their kids or grandkids are going through but I'm one of a ton of people whose heart aches knowing he's not here with us anymore. At the same time I feel some relief that he's not stuck in that body anymore. And yet somehow that doesn't help me miss him any less...