passive aggressive social media...

I've been pondering this blog for awhile... questioning my intentions... wanting to make sure I'm asking myself the same questions I'm about to ask all social media users..

I am constantly questioning the point of my tweets and facebook posts. I'm sure I'm not innocent in it all, but I guess my hope is my presence online would be an encouragement to someone else. Sometimes that may be through a laugh, but I hope it's not at the expense of someone else. There's a fine line and I want to make sure I'm treading carefully.

My big question tonight is about the passive aggressive posts/tweets... It seems we need an outlet to vent so we turn to social media and post what we think (or maybe hope) are cryptic updates in an effort to create something similar to an inside joke amongst our friends while calling someone else out. Sometimes the wrong person thinks the post was about them and more passive aggressive posting ensues. My suggestions for alternative ways to handle it...

1. pray... I keep trying to go here first but it's definitely not instinctual yet for me. He's the best listener... and a whole lot better than any of our followers/friends.

2. talk to the person you're secretly posting about... Sometimes they're angry thoughts toward a former friend... sometimes it's someone you've never met... sometimes it's a crush or a former flame... the hashtag #oomf for one of my followers is more than awkward to me. I'm really good at tweeting something I want someone in particular to read and wish we were as close as we used to be. But it's silly... if I really miss someone, I should be able to tell them. If I'm mad at someone, I should be able to tell them. If I'm not ready to tell them, I don't think I should be tweeting about it.

3. walk away from technology... A coach once told me after a heated situation with a player he always takes 24 hours to cool off before doling out punishment to ensure the emotion has been taken out of the situation. Would you want to tweet/post that same update 24 hours from now? Sometimes I think we need to just walk away from the smart phone or the iPad or laptop or whatever device we're using to creep and take a break. Go for a run, read your bible, call a friend... anything to put life in perspective.

I still believe in social media. I believe it's a positive thing... we can communicate so much faster... and hopefully better. I just want to practice being a more positive participant.

"To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived-- this is to have succeeded." - Emerson

transparency...

If I had a soap box it would probably be something about transparency. I think it is important for us to be real and genuine with each other. There's a message of respect and sincerity that comes from being true to who you are without the games or gimmicks.

I've been thinking a lot about how transparency relates to privacy. The messages today regarding social media are filtered through a need for safety, but we typically advise users to be cautious regarding information shared. I have a facebook and twitter profile that are both private. People have to request to be my "friend" or to "follow" me. Earlier this week I had 41 facebook friend requests waiting for an answer to go along with 10 potential followers on twitter. A few months ago I went through and denied everyone I had never hung out with and even deleted nearly 100 facebook "friends" who I hadn't spoken to since becoming "friends." I get frustrated when someone asks to connect and I add them only for them to pass me in the hall without speaking. I know people use social networking differently, but I was thinking I would prefer to know the people I share my information with.

This week I felt like as a step towards transparency I would take down a wall and connect with more people rather than less. I accepted nearly every request except for people I really didn't know. I think there's still a measure of safety and I'm not planning on sharing my address or my every moment whereabouts, but I feel like I shouldn't have anything to hide in terms of what I'm posting on facebook and twitter. If I'm not comfortable with random acquaintances reading about it, maybe I shouldn't be doing it. Not to mention I have a public blog where I'm sharing more personal information with people I'm not even connected with through other social networking sites.

I'm still trying to find the balance... how much is too much? In the end... I do believe in social networking in terms of creating community and if I can help facilitate that rather than perpetuating exclusivity and secrets, I want to do it.

facebook drought...

I've spent the last 42 days without logging into facebook. And with five days left of lent, I've survived. This is only the second time in my life I've even given up something for lent. The first was 11 years ago when I felt like I was spending too much time hanging out on the couches of the lion's den. I gave up the den for lent other than eating and actually spent time in the library and my room doing homework. Crazy concept for a college student I know!

Fast forward to last month and the anticipation of lent. I'm not committed to always giving up something. I think people have taken the period of time out of context, but it was meant to be a time of preparation for Easter. I'm not sure that giving up chocolate or not biting my nails is going to help me get ready for Easter, but I felt like I could use a refocus this year.

I have nothing against facebook itself. I think it is an awesome tool for people to communicate and stay in touch like never before. I have a slight problem with the number of people who want to be my "friend" but never actually communicate with me, but that's for another blog. I do have an issue when I start to spend way too much time facebook stalking rather than something else more productive.

I look forward to logging in Sunday and seeing pictures of a friend's baby and a school group's mission trip not to mention all of the things I don't even know happened in the last 47 days. I'm sure I'll need to apologize for all of the birthdays I missed and the messages that went unanswered, but I am grateful for the e-mails, phone calls and texts I received that might have normally been answered via facebook or even just facebook stalking.

Over the last 42 days without facebook I have... read a book not required for work... blogged an average of once a week... had more actual conversations with people... not reacted to people differently based on their status...

Will I get back on facebook? Absolutely. But I hope my hiatus has given me a different perspective on the uber addictive social networking site. I'm just seeking a balance in the midst of extremes.

summer update

I think myspace is losing more and more users every day. People were already flocking to facebook and now twitter is trying to catch on too. There are some of us that are still trying to balance myspace, facebook and twitter but I just don't think you can do all three well. I'm trying to hang on to myspace merely for the blog but at this point I think I'd have the same readership if I just "blogged" in my journal.

This summer has had its ups and downs. The downs really had me down and lately my tactic is just to pretend the downs don't exist. I'm not very good at it. During the school year I run around like crazy with this ridiculous schedule and summer comes around and I have all this free time... free time to think too much.

Thankfully, my sister got married a little more than a week ago and I was able to escape Fayetteville and surround myself with my family and friends. As the weekend went on I think it just kept getting better. The rehearsal dinner was good, everyone cried through the wedding and then we let it all go during the reception. Now my little sister is married... still a little crazy to think about but I'm soo happy for both Kelsie and Barton. I got little sleep while I was in Maryland... spent my first father's day with my dad in a few years and then had to make my way back to Fayetteville.

Summer becomes a balance. My personality typically likes to always be doing something but then I crave time to relax whether it be by myself or with a close friend or two. I'm trying to balance the free time I'm blessed with during summer with a social life. Many of my friends don't live in Fayetteville... most don't even live in NC... I'm grateful for visitors and thrilled about the chance for vacations like Riley Fest with my second family at the Outer Banks this week. There's a part of me that feels like I just got back and another part of me that is just itching to get out of here.

Enough rambling... I want to be grateful for summer and thankful for the ups regardless of the downs. Here goes nothing...