I went to FCA tonight (fellowship of christian athletes for those curious). There's a woman on campus this week hanging out kind of seeing what we do here at Methodist (exciting things of course). She plugged the camp where she works and had us play a game. I can be a bit skeptical when it comes to playing group games because I'm not always sure if adults understand their audience... or perhaps I can just be a bit of a stick in the mud but I was feeling open and optimistic tonight.
Everyone had to find a partner and face each other. One person was the car... which meant you had to close your eyes and keep your hands out in front of you like "bumpers." The other person was the driver... which meant you turned the car around to face the other direction and put your hands on their shoulders to drive. We got to meander around (no faster than 3 mph :) for a minute or two and then switched roles. I'm sure everyone felt a little silly at one point or another but tons of people made crashes inevitable and entertaining of course. Afterwards we found another duo and teamed up to rehash the game. Our leader asked us to talk about what we liked and didn't like about being the car and the driver. I found solace in one of my group members who was as much of a control freak as I was feeling it hard to trust the driver when we were the car. Then we were supposed to talk about a time in our life when maybe we felt like a car or a driver. Most people related their college search or a job search... wanting to be in control but losing a lot of it. Then she asked us to apply the car and driver to Christian relationship. The cynical side of me felt the question and answer session building up to this. I'm not a big fan of those sunday school type questions. The church girl in me wants to recite something about God being the driver and we have to let go and trust Him. Most people relate the analogy about jumping into the passenger seat.
Thankfully my group wasn't satisfied with the sunday school answer. We talked about the obvious... that in our relationship with God, He should be the driver and we need to trust Him... even when it seems crazy or we'd much rather be in control. But we also talked about sometimes as Christians in our relationships with others, we need to be drivers and help steer them towards our driver, God. We decided to use the example of a vehicle I have since learned can be referred to as a tractor trailer auto transporter for our analogy. God is driving the tractor trailer but we're driving all of these other cars onto the trailer to be steered in the right direction. It all reminds me of my former employer, Inter-Rail, Inc., which was their job to unload and load vehicles off of railcars to be shipped to or from dealerships. A little off-topic... but the point is I'm on taking a ride on the tractor trailer auto transporter... trying to find my way.
P.S. Last week in chapel, mike safley talked about loving without expectations. I pray every day I can love like that.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
ugh...
Today has not been the most pleasant day. I'm not sure I should blog after days like today but I want to be able to get it out and get on with it... Some random thoughts...
1. I love when I hear a song and I it reminds me of a time or place or people when I heard it. Maybe not the last time I heard it but a significant time. For example... there's a matthew west song called More that came out in 2003. My "dream job" just ended with the women's soccer team and I feel like I heard it nearly every time I got in my car while I wandered aimlessly around Cary from Sept 2003 - Feb 2004 trying to figure out what to do with my life. I can hear songs from my high school warm-up tape (yes we used tapes back then) and remember jamming out in the stadium.
2. There was a chick on American Idol that tried out with her sister a couple of years ago that I liked and found out she was a Christian. She had a myspace page and would blog with occasional updates regarding her record deal, releases, etc. She just posted a new one with info about her manager passed away from pancreatic cancer, her engagement fell through and she's no longer signed to the record company. Dealing with one is tough but I can't imagine dealing with all three in the span of a few months. But she went on in her blog to describe her new attitude that I continue to strive for. I keep trying to get there... but I want this to be me... minus the whole American Idol/record deal part!
Brooke Barrettsmith - "As I share this last piece of news with you, I’m sure if I wasn’t in my own shoes, it may appear that I just lost everything I had within a few months. But nothing is further from the truth. Whatever things were once gain to me, I have counted loss for the sake of knowing Christ. The deep, personal revival the Lord has been doing in my heart and life as a result of all these hardships is unspeakable,
irreplaceable, and invaluable. I cannot begin to describe to you the refining work God is doing at the very core of who I am. It is very exciting to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is now on the throne of my life. I have spent too many years searching out and trying to find wholeness in accomplishments, in success, and in
relationships. I have wasted so much precious time in my day to day life glorifying myself. I have missed true intimacy with my Beloved Husband... As I look back on the motion picture of my 27 years of life, I see a prideful and self-centered young woman, desperately longing to be somebody in this world. Trying to prove I am valuable and talented and worthy of love. Forgetting all along that God was offering me true satisfaction in falling more in love with my Savior. Forgetting that I was always “good enough” because of the presence of Jesus in my life. And He has
always loved me for just being me…not because I possess any special quality, talent, or achievement. I spent years trying to “make it” in life, especially the music industry. From being in a successful indie band with my sister, to American Idol, to eventually getting signed to Essential/Sony BMG in 2006…I thought I had it all…but I was still not content. The bottom line for me is now this – I am not my own... I am convinced that the Lord is calling us all out of our complacency in these last days…it is up to us respond to our Shepherd’s voice and follow Him out of the darkness of our pride. Even if it might mean losing some things we hold most dear... So did God take these things away from me for a reason? Or did I just get the short end of
the stick? The answer is this – the LORD gives, and the LORD takes away… BLESSED be the name of the Lord. There is never a short end with the Lord. We have assurance of eternal life and purpose to live this life each day! I’m not going to lie, these past 3 months have been filled with tons of questions, hurt, confusion, and anxiety. Yes, anxiety – even the struggle I thought I faced and conquered 10 years
ago God in His mercy has allowed to come back in order to keep me on my knees. But it’s all part of a divine process that is in God’s hands."
3. Kelly Clarkson's new cd came out Tuesday... Yes I preordered it... Yes I listened to it a week before it was released... and Yes I love it.
4. I am thoroughly overwhelmed with work but grateful to have work and blessed to be able to pay my bills and eat (I would say put food on the table but I don't typically cook :)
5. Jason Mesnick annoys the heck out of me. If he was that distraught over his decision perhaps he shouldn't have proposed to Melissa and he could have just picked her and dated her. And then to "break up" with Melissa and make out with Molly five minutes later was the last straw. I know I shouldn't even watch this stuff.
6. I watched four and a half seasons of Lost in less than two months. Based on my job schedule, some may consider this miraculous. Just thought I'd share.
1. I love when I hear a song and I it reminds me of a time or place or people when I heard it. Maybe not the last time I heard it but a significant time. For example... there's a matthew west song called More that came out in 2003. My "dream job" just ended with the women's soccer team and I feel like I heard it nearly every time I got in my car while I wandered aimlessly around Cary from Sept 2003 - Feb 2004 trying to figure out what to do with my life. I can hear songs from my high school warm-up tape (yes we used tapes back then) and remember jamming out in the stadium.
2. There was a chick on American Idol that tried out with her sister a couple of years ago that I liked and found out she was a Christian. She had a myspace page and would blog with occasional updates regarding her record deal, releases, etc. She just posted a new one with info about her manager passed away from pancreatic cancer, her engagement fell through and she's no longer signed to the record company. Dealing with one is tough but I can't imagine dealing with all three in the span of a few months. But she went on in her blog to describe her new attitude that I continue to strive for. I keep trying to get there... but I want this to be me... minus the whole American Idol/record deal part!
Brooke Barrettsmith - "As I share this last piece of news with you, I’m sure if I wasn’t in my own shoes, it may appear that I just lost everything I had within a few months. But nothing is further from the truth. Whatever things were once gain to me, I have counted loss for the sake of knowing Christ. The deep, personal revival the Lord has been doing in my heart and life as a result of all these hardships is unspeakable,
irreplaceable, and invaluable. I cannot begin to describe to you the refining work God is doing at the very core of who I am. It is very exciting to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is now on the throne of my life. I have spent too many years searching out and trying to find wholeness in accomplishments, in success, and in
relationships. I have wasted so much precious time in my day to day life glorifying myself. I have missed true intimacy with my Beloved Husband... As I look back on the motion picture of my 27 years of life, I see a prideful and self-centered young woman, desperately longing to be somebody in this world. Trying to prove I am valuable and talented and worthy of love. Forgetting all along that God was offering me true satisfaction in falling more in love with my Savior. Forgetting that I was always “good enough” because of the presence of Jesus in my life. And He has
always loved me for just being me…not because I possess any special quality, talent, or achievement. I spent years trying to “make it” in life, especially the music industry. From being in a successful indie band with my sister, to American Idol, to eventually getting signed to Essential/Sony BMG in 2006…I thought I had it all…but I was still not content. The bottom line for me is now this – I am not my own... I am convinced that the Lord is calling us all out of our complacency in these last days…it is up to us respond to our Shepherd’s voice and follow Him out of the darkness of our pride. Even if it might mean losing some things we hold most dear... So did God take these things away from me for a reason? Or did I just get the short end of
the stick? The answer is this – the LORD gives, and the LORD takes away… BLESSED be the name of the Lord. There is never a short end with the Lord. We have assurance of eternal life and purpose to live this life each day! I’m not going to lie, these past 3 months have been filled with tons of questions, hurt, confusion, and anxiety. Yes, anxiety – even the struggle I thought I faced and conquered 10 years
ago God in His mercy has allowed to come back in order to keep me on my knees. But it’s all part of a divine process that is in God’s hands."
3. Kelly Clarkson's new cd came out Tuesday... Yes I preordered it... Yes I listened to it a week before it was released... and Yes I love it.
4. I am thoroughly overwhelmed with work but grateful to have work and blessed to be able to pay my bills and eat (I would say put food on the table but I don't typically cook :)
5. Jason Mesnick annoys the heck out of me. If he was that distraught over his decision perhaps he shouldn't have proposed to Melissa and he could have just picked her and dated her. And then to "break up" with Melissa and make out with Molly five minutes later was the last straw. I know I shouldn't even watch this stuff.
6. I watched four and a half seasons of Lost in less than two months. Based on my job schedule, some may consider this miraculous. Just thought I'd share.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
overload
It's been awhile and I think it's about that time. Life keeps threatening to overtake me and sometimes a blog is just what I need to come back down to earth.
The last month has kept me busy... too busy if I do say so myself. February is miserable with basketball wrapping up while all of the spring sports are kicking off their seasons. March is prime time for spring sports... the 23rd is the only day in which no team from Methodist will be competing... and who knows if it will stay that way if the weather keeps postponing and delaying things. Things will slow down in April after the conference tournaments but of course that's just in time to cram for the NCAA men's and women's golf national championships we're hosting in florida in may. I'm looking forward to the summer but in the meantime I keep trying to find things to escape or to keep my head above water... even if just for a little bit.
Some of my faves...
... an afternoon escape from work just to take a nap
... blasting my iPod so I can sing at the top of my lungs
... wasting an evening watching tv or movies (currently catching up on lost)
... going out to dinner and staying late just to talk until they kick us out
... calling a friend I haven't talked to in awhile just to catch up
... seeing my family when I don't get home nearly enough
... resting in Him when everything else is just stress
The last month has kept me busy... too busy if I do say so myself. February is miserable with basketball wrapping up while all of the spring sports are kicking off their seasons. March is prime time for spring sports... the 23rd is the only day in which no team from Methodist will be competing... and who knows if it will stay that way if the weather keeps postponing and delaying things. Things will slow down in April after the conference tournaments but of course that's just in time to cram for the NCAA men's and women's golf national championships we're hosting in florida in may. I'm looking forward to the summer but in the meantime I keep trying to find things to escape or to keep my head above water... even if just for a little bit.
Some of my faves...
... an afternoon escape from work just to take a nap
... blasting my iPod so I can sing at the top of my lungs
... wasting an evening watching tv or movies (currently catching up on lost)
... going out to dinner and staying late just to talk until they kick us out
... calling a friend I haven't talked to in awhile just to catch up
... seeing my family when I don't get home nearly enough
... resting in Him when everything else is just stress
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