I wonder...

I just finished watching Thursday night's season finale of Grey's Anatomy. When it first premiered I was finishing up at Tennessee and trying to transition back to living at home and I think the first three years of life in Fayetteville was a blur, so I missed all of the hoopla and frenzy surrounding grey's. This fall I realized I had nearly every Thursday night without a home game and decided I needed something to follow (why I decided that I'm not sure). I had seen enough reruns of Grey's and watched enough pieces of episodes with friends that I knew most of the general storylines.

Sometimes I wonder why I felt like I needed to get hooked on another tv show... especially after just spending nearly two hours of my free Saturday night watching the stressful, emotional season finale. Some lessons I can take away from the episode... (warning SPOILERS for anyone who hasn't watched and might want to later... if facebook didn't already ruin it thursday night)

1. eat more bacon... when Karev thought he was dying he made sure to let Sloan know he should eat more bacon

2. Oprah gives good advice... April was next in the shooter's sights but she started spitting out random "personal details" about herself before the shooter finally told her to run. April told Yang she had heard it on Oprah once. So... when you come across a shooter, make yourself appear human and share personal details and you won't get shot... evidently April proved it.

3. Questions of life and death bring people together... Of course Callie and Arizona reunite... Owen realizes he loves Christina... everyone is forced to figure out who they wouldn't want to live without. The part that I think becomes more messy and the show kind of glosses over is when you figure out who you wouldn't want to live without and that person picks someone else. Teddy is left watching Owen pick Christina and seems perfectly content. I think Lexie is going to have to realize that Karev is not quite picking her over Izzy yet but she ignored it in the life or death moment. Regardless... I kept putting myself in that situation thinking about who I couldn't live without... thinking about who I wanted to call and fix things with or just try to pick up a dormant friendship. Unfortunately, I don't think I'd always be picked... so I think the bigger lesson can be to be content with who you pick even if they don't pick you.

4. Voiceovers are still my favorite... One of my favorite parts of One Tree Hill has always been the voiceovers... which are far too infrequent these days now that we're trying to move on without Lucas... but Derek filled in the gap for me on Grey's...

"Yes or no. In or out. Up or down. Live or die. Hero or coward. Fight or give in. I'll say it again to make sure you hear me. The human life is made up of choices. Live or die. That's the important choice. And it's not always in our hands."

Just some thoughts... trying to map out my summer since I am officially free nights and weekends until August! I want to use this summer wisely... I want to become stronger... more passionate... I want to be smarter and I want to live bigger. Here's to seeking out all the best God has for me.
"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, his generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Jesus." - philippians 4:19

renewal...

There's something about renewal... whether it's the silly relief of renewing an almost overdue movie or the relief of renewing a friendship or a sense of self... it always brings something with it. Right about now I'm a little overworked and seeking renewal. But good news came this week when the tv executives confirmed One Tree Hill has been renewed! Ok so a silly sense of renewal, but brought relief just the same.

I have watched OTH from the beginning. I think my satisfaction has been well-documented through this blog over the years. I thought this season actually turned out pretty good despite the absence of my favorites Lucas and Peyton. I grew to like Quinn and Clay but this also means... SPOILER alert... the season 7 finale left me hoping they really didn't kill them off after just one season... I'm praying for a speedy recovery for both of them.

Earlier this week I posted one of the song's from the finale, "Almost Everything" by Wakey Wakey. During the last eight minutes of the show, there was this haunting song that I kept trying to google during the finale but could never find it. Turns out the song is "Carry You Home" by Nashville Skyline... Nashville Skyline is a collaboration between OTH creator/writer/director/producer Mark Schwahn, and musicians Matthew Ryan, Michael Grubbs, Courtney Jaye, and Dallas Green. They wrote the song for the purpose of the finale making it perfect.

I found the last eight minutes of OTH with the song in the background... just a warning it gives away the entire episode so be prepared if you haven't watched it yet... Should you care less about OTH and just feeling curious about the song you can listen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXx0GCzrDM8

However... I do feel like the storyline makes the song mean that much more...



renew - to make like new: restore to freshness

ping pong...

There's a ton going on these days... I feel like most people blog with a purpose or an agenda and mine are more like ping pong balls bouncing around between quotes or topics or songs or questions. I feel like it mirrors my life and I'm just keeping it real. :)

First of all this week will wrap up a long school year. Classes are finished... grades entered and I have just six student-athletes still competing. This week we're hosting a NCAA baseball regional tournament, but unfortunately MU wasn't selected to participate so I'll be watching 10-11 baseball games this week without a real vested interest in any of the teams. It's probably a good thing in terms of my job as an objective scorer, but it can make the games drag on a bit. Shenandoah is representing the USA South so I've adopted them for the week not to mention some of my good friends happen to work there. I'm finishing my fourth year at Methodist and this will be my fourth NCAA event to host. I feel like they always stress me out... I become impatient and emotional and I just pray that I'm growing and maybe even boosting my resume! Either way, I would appreciate any prayers this week as we work some long hours... I knew it was going to be a long week when my alarm went off at 4:45 a.m. :)

A couple of notes from church yesterday. Almost a year ago Snyder welcomed their new pastor. It's been an adjusting year as I try to transition from Dr. Cogdill's funny stories and life application to Rev. Cook's vast knowledge of scripture and military formalism. I don't think one's better than the other... but a transition for sure. One of the things Cook started was asking everyone to stand when reading scripture. He introduced it by saying it comes from the Old Testament and while I haven't researched it like I probably should, I trusted his request. This past week he asked us to stand and also kind of admonished us... When he says "the word of God for the people of God" he wanted us to say "thanks be to God." I've heard it done a lot in the Methodist church, but never really grew up saying it... He said we should be thankful for the word of God so he expects us to respond as such so of course everyone sang out in a joyful chorus at the end of the scripture. It just comes off ritualistic and forced to me... Am I thankful? Absolutely! Should I tell God more often? Absolutely! Do I have to say the same words as everyone else at the same time immediately after being prompted to do so? I don't feel like I do. I actually tried researching this one and google didn't give me any immediate results. I don't want to rebel from what God wants for me... but I also really struggle with doing something just because everyone else is doing it. Just a thought...

After church I went to "sunday school" that sounds like I'm six, but really it's a great group of young adults who can have some great discussion. We've been looking at the bible and what it means. Something that has stuck with me... someone brought up the bible was Jesus giving us an example of how to live. Someone else countered with yes, Jesus is an example but really the bible is showing us Jesus is a substitute. If we just see Him as an example we'll always be living in despair because we can't live up to the example or we'll become self-righteous because we think others can't live up to it. As a substitute... we can live in grace and gratefulness living out of love. We can't pay it back... but I want to live as if I might have before we needed the substitute.

One more ping pong bounce... I have this thing where I spend a lot of time trying to connect people... connect with them myself... connect them with others... I think we spend a lot of time stuck in what/who we know and forget to reach out. I caught a lot of flack in college for my mingling but I met some amazing people during that experience. Since returning to Methodist it hasn't always been easy to keep my connections. I don't regret any of them but it's always hard when a connection fades... especially when I start to wonder whether it was me or maybe I just misread the person or misread a situation or maybe it was just God saying not now. Praying I can trust His timing.

p.s. one tree hill season finale was crazy tonight!! not sure I can really put into words all of my thoughts but letting it simmer for now while I watch wakey wakey perform "almost everything"

BUZZsession: Almost Everything - Wakey!Wakey! from the WILD honey pie on Vimeo.

mom...

I didn't get to spend mother's day with my mom... again. I remember last year I was in Florida for the NCAA National Golf Championships and one of my co-workers but pretty upset about missing her first mother's day with her mom and daughter... and she was over 40. Meanwhile I'm just 27 and feel like I've spent at least the last four apart. Regardless I hope my mom always knows that my absence is not a reflection for how I feel about her. Our relationship has had its ups and downs, but I can't imagine life without her. I know she held our family together while I was growing up.

Both of my grandmothers have passed away but I can't forget them today. Mommom Wolf passed away in 1993 and even though it's been more than 15 years, I still remember her vividly and appreciate everything she did for me. Mommom Britt passed away in 2003 after a long bout with dementia. It became harder and harder to connect with her, but I will always remember her cooking and humorous stories she brought to our lives.

Meanwhile... I have been blessed with so many women in my life who have made an impact on me. Aunts, sisters, cousins, friends, mothers of friends... countless people who have been a mother to me and countless others who have shown me what it means to be a mother. I can't wait until I can show that same love and support to my own children someday.

Happy Mother's Day to every mother, every mother-to-be and every adopted mother. I love you all.

some faves...

It's not often I have time to blog twice in a week but I just felt like sharing some faves I've stumbled upon this week...

Eight years ago I traveled to Orlando, Fla. for a leadership conference held by Michelle Akers' soccer outreach international organization. It sounded too good to be true... play soccer and learn more about my faith and leadership with my all-time favorite soccer player and a bunch of other soccer nuts. I think my parents were a little nervous about me traveling by myself to a random conference and I must admit I was a bit sketched out getting an e-mail from one of the organizers telling me she was going to pick me up in a red Xterra but that's all I knew. So I arrived in Orlando and waited outside the airport for a red Xterra that I prayed was taking me to a legit conference. It turned out to be a very influential weekend for me as I was preparing to finish my college career. I met a ton of awesome people and not too long ago I stumbled upon my Xterra driver Marcia on facebook. Earlier this week she posted a quote I had to steal...

“The greatest enemy of the spiritual life is self-rejection because it contradicts the Voice that calls you Beloved.” –Henri Nouwin

It was a great reminder for me this week... a reminder that He has called me Beloved and a reminder how cool God is in the way he connects people.

Later in the week one of my co-workers, Chris, forwarded me a sweet video from Ohio State. A little annoying it's Ohio State sure, but I can't get over that this is not high school musical or glee but an actual university. I can't wait to set this up at MU... I just need to install a few more cool stairwells to really get the cool effects.

Tonight I was checking out all the blogs I like to stay updated on and saw one of my favorite photographers, Ica, posted a Kari Jobe video of the song "Beautiful." I've been on a KJ kick since the dove awards a couple of weeks ago, but I love this song. I'm totally ripping Ica's blog, but really resting in the line, "Here in your presence, I am not afraid of brokenness."

Finally... I've been loving John Mark McMillan's "How He Loves" for more than a year now since I saw an original video (pre-crowder cover) thanks to kay. I will always love crowder, but I just saw a clip from JMM's video and I've decided I can love them both. :)

Rocking out and looking forward to a sweet friday!

may...

Wow... it's May! Sometimes it feels like just yesterday my little sister was getting married and here we are almost a year later. I think back to last year and can't get over how much has changed. It's crazy to think about when you have people you talked to every day and now don't communicate with at all. I would like to think I've continued to grow and become a better person but I suppose everyone has a right to their own opinion. :)

I have a little more than three weeks left of my school year. I've wrapped up our regular season home events after six baseball games this weekend and now have a couple of weeks to get ready for the NCAA regional baseball tournament May 20-24. In the meantime I have plenty to keep me busy but I have every intention of getting to the beach in the very near future. During my first three years back in NC I went to the beach during the last Saturday of April to give myself a day away. Unfortunately this year a baseball three-game series was moved back to Fayetteville leaving me here too. I am determined to get there eventually with or without company!

Earlier this week, Jennie Finch retweeted "If you want to be stand out, don't be an imitator. Be outstanding!" from Bianca Juarez. I didn't know who Bianca was, but it sparked my curiosity. It turns out she is a speaker, teacher and writer that I thoroughly enjoy reading. She has a blog and some videos that just really make me think. I think some of us get caught up churning out stuff we already know... what we've heard over and over again. On the other hand, Bianca is talking about the controversial issues giving me a different perspective.

I'm in a bit of a period of unknown. I've tried to give myself options, but I also prayed that God would eliminate the options I shouldn't take so it would be clear I would know what to do. I want to balance sticking with status quo because it's comfortable and staying with status quo because it's where I need to be. I found out I have one less option today. I have mixed emotions about it, but I'm really trying to trust God's plan for my life. A lot of Christians quote Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." But lately I've really been banking on verse 13 just a little later... "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." I'm holding onto it and moving forward...

By the way... this morning at church a little girl in front of me kept getting scolded by her mom for fidgeting too much during the worship. Eventually the pastor asked everyone to stand for the reading of the scripture and the girl checked the table of contents of her bible to find the page number for the book of Acts. She was trying to find the scripture herself when her mom closed the bible and snatched her up out of her seat to stand with everyone else. I don't have kids and definitely not a parenting expert but my heart broke for the girl. I think standing with everyone is so trivial compared to a child wanting to find scripture on her own. I was the kid being forced to memorize scripture and find bible verses. I started to resent it and yet here was a girl with the desire to do it on her own. I am so grateful now for all of my bible drilling mayhem but at the time I didn't have the same desire she had. I wanted nothing more than to give the bible back and let the girl find the scripture.

Remembering ovarian cancer awareness today... a ton of my family members walked in an ovarian cancer walk for the cause and I really wanted to be there. I'm remembering Aunt Donna and honoring Aunt Sharon from afar today!