proud...

"I'm proud of you."

Four little words that mean so much. I just finished watching tonight's "one tree hill" and Julian "needed" his dad to tell him he was proud of him. It's crazy how much we just want to make people proud of us... particularly our parents. People crave it as children, but then seem to forget once they become parents how valuable the little phrase can be. Sometimes we just assume people know we're proud. Sometimes we wrap it up into achievements... whether it is academic or athletic or social... we're proud of you for good grades or proud of you for winning or proud of you for being successful. It becomes attached to circumstances. But are you proud of me for me being me? We get caught up in seeking approval from others. We want to be accepted. We want to hear, "I'm proud of you."

winning deoderant

My job forces me to become engrossed in sports. I've always loved sports so this isn't necessarily a problem. However, I have a few teams that I support more than others and my job sometimes prevents me from following them as much as I would like. The US Women's National soccer team and the Tennessee women's basketball teams are probably my favorite. At different points in my life I could probably recite both rosters with number, hometown, height, etc. My old roommate Stacy used to call me and quiz me on player birthdays. Not stalking... just dedicated! You could almost name a league and I'd have a team. I'm more committed to some than others, but I love watching games live.

For the past three years I've watched more Methodist athletic events than any other team. People come and go... many who are looking for a place to vent. I even acquired a couch for the office last year so I feel even more therapeutic! After one of our teams who had been really successful for the last few years had a losing season last year, my athletic director and I were talking about some of the inner team problems they were having. He mentioned that he always said "winning is a deoderant." When teams start losing, things start to stink. Most teams have some kind of drama... stereotypically women are famous for it, but I think he's right. Drama on winning teams seems to get swept under the rug. Players and coaches are able to let it go or write it off as long as the team is doing well. On the other hand a team facing losses on the field/court/track/etc. is attacking any and every problem in an attempt to fix the culprit leading to their struggles. 

I'm not sure this is anything worth fixing. Do you dig up the dirt when a team is winning at the risk of messing up the success or do you let the drama go when you're losing in an effort to just ride it out? I have such an interest in sport sociology and why and how teams and/or groups of people react to sport within the context of our culture.

Either way, winning helps me in my profession. I'd much rather write about wins than losses. Not to mention, everyone is happier in my office!

the path...

It's been an interesting couple of weeks. School is in full swing so of course my work schedule has picked up quite a bit. Games started Sept. 1 which makes my schedule pick up even more. I'm trying to balance my personal life with my work life and still put God first before all of it. I'm not always very good at that. I find myself battling between my head and my heart, between what I know to be true and what the world tells us, between who I am or who you want me to be.

I've told you before, but I've enjoyed listening to Benji Kelley from New Hope Church in Durham. I subscribe to their podcasts and love a good message from him. His latest series Proverbs and Pathways had been collecting on my ipod without a long trip to listen to them but after a reminder last night I took an hour to listen today to the first one and was not disappointed.

If you get a chance, you can watch the sermon or read Benji's blog or subscribe to all of New Hope sermons.

The last 15 minutes are what really hit home for me from Proverbs and Pathways part 1. I had to listen to it again just to let it sink in and evaluate how I can best apply it to my own life... In case you don't have to time to catch the whole thing I'm a nerd and typed it out...

My prayer is in the very beginning is that you’d let this principle, that Solomon is using to teach us about this couple, that you’d let the principle bubble up from scripture and just start piercing your mind, your heart and your soul and that’d you muster from all of this the courage to get on the right path and whatever area of your life whereby you’re not experiencing the destination you had once hoped for and dreamed for and longed for. Here are a few examples:

I want to end up with a great Christian guy, a great godly man that will bless our family and lead our family in the way of the Lord so I’m going to date any guy that comes along as long as he’s cute.

It’s a path, not just a date. It’s a path.

I want a family that is so family-centered. I want a family that is loving and warm. I want a family that values vacation time. I want a family that values family time so here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to work 18-20 hours a day and travel all the time.

See the disconnect. See the chasm.

I want my kids to respect me. I kind of want to be a statesman one day. I want my kids to come back home and value my input and my insight and I want to bounce the grandkids on my lap one day. I just want to be respected by my kids so I’m going to fool around on their mother.

I want to grow old and invest in my grandchildren. I want to live a long life because I want to see my grandchildren and love them and have good retirement years. And bless them. I want to live a long life with my grandchildren so I’m going to neglect my health.

I want to be thin. I want to be attractive. I want to look good so supersize that for me.

It’s a path.

I want to be a man of God. I want to be a woman of God. I want to be a man and woman after God’s own heart. I want to be wise and I want to grow. I want to be a man and woman of the word so here’s what I’m going to do I’m going to get up every morning and spend countless hours on facebook because I’m so nosey I want to know what everybody else is doing. I want to be a man of the word so I’m just going to get up and twitter and blog and totally neglect the word. I believe in those things I believe in using technology but the moment I put technology and all that stuff above the study of God’s word and prayer time, is the moment I have just decided I’m going to get on a path and that path is destruction.

I want to have a great sex life. I want “Notebook” kind of sex, I want passionate, intimate sex. So here’s what I’m going to do, I’m going to practice with everyone along the way until I get married. I don’t know of one mature believer who I respect, I don’t know of one mature believer who’s walked with the Lord for any amount of time, whose grown in the Lord and could look you or me in the eye and tell you the way to have great sex when you get married is to practice along the way. In fact, it’s exactly the opposite. You say no it’s just an event you wouldn’t buy a car without test driving it. No, it’s a path, it’s a principle that is in direct opposition to the word of the Lord and the moment you start to break God’s principles you break yourself on them in the process.

I want to have a great relationship with my husband. I want to feel loved by him and I want to love him back I just want us to be so tight and so joined. I want a great relationship with my husband, so here’s what I’m going to do I’m going to prioritize my children over my husband.

It’s a path.

I want to be financially secure. I want to live in a great house and I want to provide educational means for my children. I want to drive nice cars and I want to do this and that, in fact I want to save and have enough money in retirement years to live the final years of my life in a very nice way. I want those blessings so here’s what I’m going to do, I’m going to go more and more in debt and live way beyond my means.

The path determines the destination.

Not your tears, not your dreams not your hopes not your prayers.

The path determines the destination.

When you get where you’re going, where will you be?

Where will your path lead?

You came here today already on paths. You’re already on a path. You’re on a path financially, relationally, in your marriage.

My hope and my prayer is that we’ll be honest with the subject matter and get off the paths that will end so painfully and get on the paths that will honor God and be the greatest life you could ever imagine.

friendship...

At FCA on Tuesday, our Vice President of Church and Community Relations, Mike Safley, spoke about friendship. He had a list of characteristics for friendship including honest, open, trust, etc. He wrapped it up with advice that you need to be a friend to have a friend. I'd like to believe it's always so simple. I always thought being a friend was something I could do. Don't get me wrong, I've been blessed to make some awesome friends in my life. I've also been blessed to keep some amazing friends in my life. I just wish I could keep more longer.

“Sewer Walking”

You and me,we used to talk
Like a river underground, the sewer
where we used to walk.
The hole at the end empties out to the pier
Where paperboats disappear.

Me, I try to send this note,
Float it like a paper boat,
But paper sinks and words are weak.
I try but I don’t speak.

Join together in the silent snow;
Turn our faces up to see
Not endless night but day,
A pier,
And you and me,talking…

-- from Joan of Arcadia episode “Anonymous”