storming...

It has been particularly hot lately. Up and down the east coast people seemed to be complaining about the heat. My family went to the Orioles game Saturday night and my sisters and I decided we could use our seats as slip and slides from all of the sweat. Sexy I know. Today I went to work in a torrential downpour but the temperature definitely cooled. It has been raining off and on all day with the sun stuck behind the clouds. We had a break from the sun, but unfortunately I felt like my first thought was to whine about the rain.

Too often we get caught up in the "grass is greener on the other side" mentality. It could be weather or jobs or relationships or any number of things, but I would like to spend more time making the most out of the current situation rather than begging for a new one only to find out it's worse.

"The grass is greener where you water it." 

There are obviously situations that are dangerous or completely unhealthy that I'm not sure watering would help, but drown the grass. However, I know there have been plenty of times in my life in which I ran away from people and/or circumstances that I think just needed water. When I came back to Fayetteville I made myself promise to stay at least three years in an attempt to see something through without running away. Now that I have been back four years, this is the longest I have been in one place since I left my hometown 10 years ago. The last four years have been full of ups and downs... some days more than what I could have hoped for while others have left me crying out for anywhere but here. I'm praying today that I can keep watering...

And... a funny video from Beckah Shae to get you through the week...

love...

I fell in love today... people talk about love at first sight and I usually scoff. Is it real? Will it last? Today I met my best friend's son... and I fell in love. If a 28-year age difference wasn't so socially unacceptable (particularly when he's four days old), I would definitely be signing up for a life lived happily ever after. It probably helped when I first met Kaeden he was sleeping... and it didn't hurt during the two and a half hours I spent with him he was sleeping, eating, or content to squirm in my arms. What more could a girl want?!

When people try to explain God's unconditional love for us, it is most often compared to a parent-child relationship. Unfortunately there have been examples of parents who didn't hold up their end of the bargain... but generally speaking a parent meets their child, falls in love and the love lasts through the good, the bad and the ugly. I have two adorable nephews and have had the pleasure of meeting so many of my family and friends' children and I have seen unconditional love play out in their lives. I am so thankful for their example in my life and can't wait to experience it with my own children some day. Above all, I wake up every morning grateful for God's unconditional love for me... despite my stupidity, my insecurity, my unworthiness... He loves me anyway...

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. - Romans 8:38-39

p.s. I gave up my softball career a long time ago, but I have so much respect for Jennie Finch... retiring tonight from USA softball after an amazing career. Such an amazing athlete and person all while living out her faith in the spotlight. Congratulations Jennie!

renovation...

This has been a crazy up and down week. On Tuesday I had a kitchen full of empty cabinets... old ones and new ones. On Wednesday I had a kitchen still with empty cabinets just new ones not assembled. And tonight I have a kitchen with new ones actually on the walls! It has been cool to see the process... I know you see a lot of it all the time on HGTV or Extreme Home Makeover... but it's different when it's your own space. It is literally cleaning out the old and starting new. Sometimes I really need to apply my kitchen renovation to my life. As summer comes to an end it makes me think about renovating my life... starting the school year fresh without the junk. Sometimes we pack it away but that doesn't solve the problem. Thankfully my kitchen installers actually threw my old cabinets outside and hauled them away to the dump at the end of the day... they aren't just sitting in storage waiting for me to pull them back out for a rainy day. Here's to starting fresh and throwing out the old... throwing it out so far it's unreachable.

My kitchen on Tuesday...

My kitchen on Wednesday...

My kitchen on Thursday...

There is obviously still a ton of work to be done, but I'm relieved to be able to visibly see progress.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day." - 2 Corinthians 4:16

thinking from the basement...

I should be sleeping... I had a busy day and there's more to come tomorrow. However... I had Japanese for the first time tonight so I decided that was definitely blogworthy. Secondly... the bachelorette was miserable tonight. You know it's a bad sign when someone texts 22 minutes into a two hour show questioning why we were watching this... "It's like a car accident." And yet we keep watching.

It is so easy to sit at home and judge the people on tv. How in the world could billy do that or how could suzy let that happen? I go back and forth remembering we are only seeing a sliver of the whole story but also remembering that the "contestants" knew what they were signing up for and agreed to put their story on display giving the power to the editors. I know all of this and still get sucked into the stories. I see myself in the stories. I get mad at the jerks, laugh with the jokesters and feel sad with the heartbroken.

The only way this makes any sense is if I can somehow use their experience to better myself. I pray I can recognize the "Franks" (and really "Jasons" too) in the world and run away. I also pray I can be decisive in my relationships and never be a "Frank." I pray I can see through the "Justins" in the world and never even have to meet one while also praying I am never in a similar situation so far from the truth. I pray I can sort through the mess of our human hearts and find truth, authenticity and love without fear, disrespect or dishonesty.

You'd think after 28 years I'd have this figured out...

time...

Three and a half weeks until 200 football players arrive on campus... Four and a half weeks until the remaining fall athletes arrive... 37 days until the first day of class... How is it going by so quickly??

The passage of time can be so relative... To a soldier's wife waiting on his return the days pass slowly... To parents watching their children grow up they go by too fast... To a kid waiting to get their driver's license time crawls... To vacationers escaping a stressful job situation the work comes around entirely too quickly.

Too often we become caught up in whining about the time passing too fast or too slow and forget to appreciate the here and now. I am constantly reminding myself, but it's been on my heart a lot this week with my birthday and the warning of summer's end.

Inspirational video of the week... meet sean forbes a deaf singer who just signed a record deal

the year I was 27...

On the eve of the anniversary of my birth I thought I'd take a look back at the year I was 27. A friend asked me yesterday how it went. I'm not sure I've really taken the time to sit down and reflect, but it has been a big year. Not big in the sense of marriage (although I was in my ninth wedding), funerals (I did go to one) or births (I lost track of the number of friends who were popping them out :) but "big" in the sense of life defining moments.

I have loved and lost, laughed and cried, took leaps of faith and crumpled in fear... this year has taught me a lot. I have challenged my faith and I pray that every lesson I learned this year I can remember during the next year.

I have already been so blessed this week with friends and family... here's to 28!

hurt...

You hurt me...

Sometimes I just need to say it out loud (or write it out loud)... I don't want to actually tell you because I don't want to give you power over me... Once I've gained some perspective or distance from the situation it seems silly... But right here in this moment it hurts.

I feel like we usually have the people who are always so tough and never let anyone or anything phase them. They don't rely on other people for their own personal well-being and seem to glide throughout life skipping over the tops of the clouds. Then there are those people who whine and cry about every little bump in the road or every wrong done to them whether on purpose or by accident.

Somehow I think I need to find a balance. I'm not so tough. I do get phased. But I know that sitting and sulking about it isn't productive. To get your hopes up... and then be let down... that hurts. I have to believe it's not the end of the story. It's more than the falling down... it's the getting up after the fall. It's more than the rain... it's the rainbow after the rain. It's more than the failure... it's the success after the failure. We are worth it.

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
Lamentations 3:22

Song of the week...

sarah...

I've probably talked about Jill and Kate too much already, but I go through phases of music and they're the most recent phase. They did a show in Nashville last week that I really wanted to go to but it just didn't work out. I've been checking youtube for videos and found a few just extending the phase. My new fave is "Sarah." Someone asked Jill and Kate if the song was written about a particular person and they said, "Even though we know a lot of really cool people name Sarah, it's not written about one person. It's kind of that ideal person you want to be and it's qualities that we respect or like in a lot of different people.. the ideal woman you want to be."

Sarah
Sarah runs when everybody's walking
Sarah never seems to second guess
She doesn't care that everybody's watching
Sarah never looks behind her back
Sarah never feels the bruises
When she falls down she laughs
Sarah teach me how to fall like that

Sarah catches everybody's glances
Sarah never throws them back
She's not afraid to take her chances
Sarah dreams in more than white and black
Sarah doesn't care if she loses
She always bounces back
Sarah teach me to lose like that

She's always first to say I love you
She looks you in the eye and never blinks
She doesn't hide it
She doesn't try and
Sarah doesn't care what anybody thinks
Sarah loves like it's never gonna hurt
With her eyes wide open too
Sarah teach me how to love like you

freedom...

For the last couple of years I spent the fourth of July with my second family, the Rileys, at the beach. With their trip moved to August I wasn't sure what to do with my three-day weekend. With some last minute planning I went to visit my little sister in Johnson City, Tenn. We had a perfect low-key weekend with plenty of sun, food and conversation. Saturday we escaped to Watauga Lake to lay out and it was an awesome view. There's something about laying out that is so relaxing to me. Despite a couple of curious creepers and an uptight park ranger we had a great day followed up by a sweet dinner and neighborhood fireworks.

I decided to drive back Sunday so I could have Monday to rest up before work and allow Kelsie and Barton to enjoy a day off together. I ended up crashing a bbq/cookout (depending on where you're from), losing miserably in cornhole and watching some more neighborhood fireworks from the comfort of the roof.

To be honest, the fourth of July hasn't always had a lot of meaning to me. I don't know that I've ever not known freedom to truly appreciate it. The holiday becomes more about fireworks and the beach and less about the history. I'm still not sure I totally grasped the holiday... but I really am thankful for our freedom as Americans and grateful to those who work to protect it. I won't forget this weekend for a long time.

Random sidenote... I watched the series finale of "Dawson's Creek" last week. I've seen it plenty but felt like reminiscing with Dawon, Pacey and the gang. It takes me back to high school watching with Erin, Kami and Betty. Quality quotable moments for sure...

"I like that you ramble when you're nervous. I like that I know that you ramble when you're nervous. I like that I still make you nervous." - Dawson

"And then there's love. I want you to love to the tips of your fingers, and when you find that love, wherever you find it, whoever you choose, don't run away from it. But you don't have to chase after it either. You just be patient, and it'll come to you, I promise, and when you least expect it..." - Jen

"When she's around I just feel more alive. I think people underestimate how important that is." - Pacey
"I think they overestimate it too. As much as you want to, you can't rely on someone else to make you feel alive. It's an inside job." - Jen