so over thanksgiving I tried to be personal and leave as many "friends" comments as I could... but it proved to be fairly time consuming with more than 200 "friends" now and so I resort to a blog this Christmas.
It's hard to believe it will officially be Christmas in 10 minutes... I feel like there's all of this anticipation leading up to the holiday with the shopping and the decorating... and then it arrives with little fanfare... or at least the fanfare decreases as you get older.
I only have a few more days left in Maryland before I have to head back to work in North Carolina. I just want to wish everyone a merry Christmas! I hope you're with some people you love and appreciative the things you give and receive. I hope you find the joy in the holiday beyond the stress of shopping and the pressures of patience-testing family and friends! :)
Merry Christmas!
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Thursday, December 7, 2006
poop
I think things come in phases... and of course people sometimes come in phases too.
There are days when good things are happening and I tend to coast along... before I hit a series of wake up calls that perhaps aren't so good. I think they end up being good most of the time because I don't want to coast through life or get too comfortable or put my head down and sleep through what's going on around me... but during the not so good stuff or what I might like to refer to as "poop" it's hard to remember how last year or last month's poop all worked out just like the current poop will work out.
I'm still reading streams in the desert and I think it's a good thing because some of the lessons are the same but it seems like every night I need a reminder. Some things I learn more quickly than others... or maybe some things I just believe while for others it takes a few more reps before I buy into the system.
I have this thing where I think I expect too much from people... or maybe place too much value on people... when in reality people always let you down... we're human therefore not perfect... whether it's intentional or not, by creating relationships with people we're basically signing a waiver to accept disappointment, hurt and poop along with all of the positives that we see and/or feel at first glance.
So here's to the poop... may we embrace it and find the good in it even if we feel like we're sinking in it at the moment.
There are days when good things are happening and I tend to coast along... before I hit a series of wake up calls that perhaps aren't so good. I think they end up being good most of the time because I don't want to coast through life or get too comfortable or put my head down and sleep through what's going on around me... but during the not so good stuff or what I might like to refer to as "poop" it's hard to remember how last year or last month's poop all worked out just like the current poop will work out.
I'm still reading streams in the desert and I think it's a good thing because some of the lessons are the same but it seems like every night I need a reminder. Some things I learn more quickly than others... or maybe some things I just believe while for others it takes a few more reps before I buy into the system.
I have this thing where I think I expect too much from people... or maybe place too much value on people... when in reality people always let you down... we're human therefore not perfect... whether it's intentional or not, by creating relationships with people we're basically signing a waiver to accept disappointment, hurt and poop along with all of the positives that we see and/or feel at first glance.
So here's to the poop... may we embrace it and find the good in it even if we feel like we're sinking in it at the moment.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
another cheeseball moment...
If someone created an award for the most frequent cheesy blogs, then I think I could win it... but I'm able to accept my cheesiness and embrace it for all it's worth.
On that note... we just celebrated thanksgiving... or at least I did... so I thought I should be thankful. I didn't think I would get to go home because I had to work the weekend, but I drove home early wednesday morning to surprise my parents (it was so worth it when my mom cried!) and drove back early friday morning.... so if nothing else I'm thankful I had safe travel and I got to see my family...
I heard on an oprah at some point that she keeps a gratitude journal or something and she tries to write down five things that she's thankful for... specific to that day. Like of course you're thankful for your health or your family or your friends... but it has to be something specific that happened that day. So... since january 1st, for the last 329 days (I haven't written today's yet) I have been listing five things I'm thankful for each day. Some days are definitely easier than others and there are some days when I'd like to add a list of five things I want to complain about... but listing five things has helped me maintain perspective. Even when the things right in front of your face might appear dismal, when you stop and look at the bigger picture and seek out the good stuff... it's a lot easier to face the tough stuff.
Regardless.. a summary of some of the things I'm thankful for this thanksgiving season... I'm thankful for...
... a job that allows me to support myself
... a better relationship with my parents since I survived living at home
... the rileys are getting better at keeping in touch :)
... my sister let me work at her school
... reclaiming a peace about who I am and finding my purpose
... meeting new people that have been a positive addition to my life and cutting out the negative baggage
... learning not to hold a grudge
... Tennessee women's basketball is still undefeated :)
... the friends who I thought wouldn't stick around, but have
... every single "zone"r I met this summer
... the million dollars I won on reality tv... oh wait that one hasn't happened yet :)
On that note... we just celebrated thanksgiving... or at least I did... so I thought I should be thankful. I didn't think I would get to go home because I had to work the weekend, but I drove home early wednesday morning to surprise my parents (it was so worth it when my mom cried!) and drove back early friday morning.... so if nothing else I'm thankful I had safe travel and I got to see my family...
I heard on an oprah at some point that she keeps a gratitude journal or something and she tries to write down five things that she's thankful for... specific to that day. Like of course you're thankful for your health or your family or your friends... but it has to be something specific that happened that day. So... since january 1st, for the last 329 days (I haven't written today's yet) I have been listing five things I'm thankful for each day. Some days are definitely easier than others and there are some days when I'd like to add a list of five things I want to complain about... but listing five things has helped me maintain perspective. Even when the things right in front of your face might appear dismal, when you stop and look at the bigger picture and seek out the good stuff... it's a lot easier to face the tough stuff.
Regardless.. a summary of some of the things I'm thankful for this thanksgiving season... I'm thankful for...
... a job that allows me to support myself
... a better relationship with my parents since I survived living at home
... the rileys are getting better at keeping in touch :)
... my sister let me work at her school
... reclaiming a peace about who I am and finding my purpose
... meeting new people that have been a positive addition to my life and cutting out the negative baggage
... learning not to hold a grudge
... Tennessee women's basketball is still undefeated :)
... the friends who I thought wouldn't stick around, but have
... every single "zone"r I met this summer
... the million dollars I won on reality tv... oh wait that one hasn't happened yet :)
Monday, November 6, 2006
methco soccer
Seven years ago I met Bobby Graham. We had talked on the phone for a couple of months and then he saw me play in my last high school soccer game at a senior all-star game in the "fog bowl." He claimed I could play soccer at Methodist College and help his 5-13 team. He explained that his mentor Joe Pereira was the first methco coach and the team had been a division III powerhouse back in the day... as recently as 1995 going to the national championship (at the time 1995 was only four years prior so it sounded recent). Bobby told me he wanted to get us back to the NCAA tournament by my senior year.
A few months later I would decide to go to Gardner-Webb University... paid my deposit and started planning the next four years. Bobby didn't give up and a couple of months later I broke the news to my parents I wanted to play soccer at methco instead. I spent three years in fayettenam attempting to play soccer with a ton of great people and doing everything I thought I could to get methodist soccer back to the NCAA tournament. My freshman year we lost in PKs to CNU in the conference semifinal... sophomore year we lost to Greensboro 1-0 in the conference semifinal... my jr/sr year we lost to Greensboro 3-0 in the conference semifinal... so much for the NCAA tournament.
I struggled giving up soccer when I decided to graduate in the spring of '03. I was never the star athlete, but I had a ton of fun and I love the sport. Sometimes it was easier than others, but it never changed the way I felt about methodist soccer. There will always be a year of eligibility hanging over my head asking me "what if?" When I came back to methco in August I knew it would be different. I knew some of the team, but they probably wouldn't know me or could care less... there was a new coach... I was in a new job... no one knew what to expect out of the 2006 season.
Over the last three months I've been routing this team along with everything I know about being a "monarch" (or if you read my last blog... mr. monarch). When the team went undefeated in conference play and won the regular season championship, I was thrilled. When the team advanced to the tournament championship, I was filled with nervous excitement. When the team was down 2-0 at halftime, I was trying to stay optimistic. When I was counting down the final 10 seconds, and the team was still down 2-1 I was screaming in my head for Chrystal to take the free kick quickly. When the ball hit the back of the net and there was still a second left on the clock I quickly turned off the mic and jumped up and down like a former methco women's soccer player should. When overtime ended and the team prepared for a shootout, I tried to ignore the thoughts of my freshman year running through my mind. When I had to announce CNU as the tournament champions, I wanted to puke.
This morning I woke up and checked www.ncaasports.com to find out methco soccer had received an at-large bid to the NCAA tournament that women had been striving to get back to for the last eleven years. I did some more jumping up and down like a former methco women's soccer player should. There's history there... and even though I had absolutely nothing to do with this NCAA appearance, I'm proud to be a part of the process that filled the eleven year gap. The 2006 team is fulfilling a dream I dreamt seven years ago. I can't wait until Saturday night.
A few months later I would decide to go to Gardner-Webb University... paid my deposit and started planning the next four years. Bobby didn't give up and a couple of months later I broke the news to my parents I wanted to play soccer at methco instead. I spent three years in fayettenam attempting to play soccer with a ton of great people and doing everything I thought I could to get methodist soccer back to the NCAA tournament. My freshman year we lost in PKs to CNU in the conference semifinal... sophomore year we lost to Greensboro 1-0 in the conference semifinal... my jr/sr year we lost to Greensboro 3-0 in the conference semifinal... so much for the NCAA tournament.
I struggled giving up soccer when I decided to graduate in the spring of '03. I was never the star athlete, but I had a ton of fun and I love the sport. Sometimes it was easier than others, but it never changed the way I felt about methodist soccer. There will always be a year of eligibility hanging over my head asking me "what if?" When I came back to methco in August I knew it would be different. I knew some of the team, but they probably wouldn't know me or could care less... there was a new coach... I was in a new job... no one knew what to expect out of the 2006 season.
Over the last three months I've been routing this team along with everything I know about being a "monarch" (or if you read my last blog... mr. monarch). When the team went undefeated in conference play and won the regular season championship, I was thrilled. When the team advanced to the tournament championship, I was filled with nervous excitement. When the team was down 2-0 at halftime, I was trying to stay optimistic. When I was counting down the final 10 seconds, and the team was still down 2-1 I was screaming in my head for Chrystal to take the free kick quickly. When the ball hit the back of the net and there was still a second left on the clock I quickly turned off the mic and jumped up and down like a former methco women's soccer player should. When overtime ended and the team prepared for a shootout, I tried to ignore the thoughts of my freshman year running through my mind. When I had to announce CNU as the tournament champions, I wanted to puke.
This morning I woke up and checked www.ncaasports.com to find out methco soccer had received an at-large bid to the NCAA tournament that women had been striving to get back to for the last eleven years. I did some more jumping up and down like a former methco women's soccer player should. There's history there... and even though I had absolutely nothing to do with this NCAA appearance, I'm proud to be a part of the process that filled the eleven year gap. The 2006 team is fulfilling a dream I dreamt seven years ago. I can't wait until Saturday night.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Mr. Monarch
I just got an e-mail at work addressed to "Mr. Monarch." (For those of you who have not been fortunate enough to attend Methodist College... our mascot is a Monarch in the form of a lion referring to the "king of the jungle.") I've received at least 35 e-mails today but I have to admit that one is going to get me through the rest of my 15 hour day.
Sometimes I get e-mails from angry parents/athletes/coaches or grateful parents/athletes/coaches or maybe just perhaps parents/athletes/coaches who think my entire 24 hours in a day should be devoted to them.
Either way... I like the good stuff about the job... particularly days when I'm called a Mr... or even better... Mr. Monarch.
Sometimes I get e-mails from angry parents/athletes/coaches or grateful parents/athletes/coaches or maybe just perhaps parents/athletes/coaches who think my entire 24 hours in a day should be devoted to them.
Either way... I like the good stuff about the job... particularly days when I'm called a Mr... or even better... Mr. Monarch.
Saturday, October 7, 2006
desert streams
I should probably go to work but procrastinating is so much easier... getting pumped to work football in the rain takes time. This summer I met a high school student... who at first glance appears to have it all together. Her parents are Christians, she grew up in the church and has not denied her faith, but... we had some great conversations questioning is that enough? She isn't breaking any laws... isn't disrespecting her parents... isn't neglecting church... but she decided she wanted to go deeper. Our camp pastor that week suggested she get the devotional "streams in the desert." It was originally written by L.B. Cowman in 1925 and James Reimann has updated it. I bought the book hoping to encourage my new friend I'd read it with her. I'm not sure she ever bought it... but nevertheless I've benefitted from it.
There is obviously a reoccurring theme about dealing with the bad stuff... some of that why do bad things happen to good people... or how to move forward in your faith when things seem to be pulling you back. One analogy was a gardener that told the homeowner that if he was going to tend his grapes he had to prune them all back. For two years they didn't have any grapes but then the vines flourished. At first the gardener probably looked stupid... for two years... there was nothing, but then the fruit came back even stronger.
On September 30th, there's a story about a little plant in the forest whose growth was stunted because it was hidden in the shade of a giant oak tree, but the plant valued the shade and protection the tree provided... until a woodsman came in and chopped the oak down. The plant was upset he was left unprotected and scared he would be uprooted by the wind and storms. But in reality... the plant was exposed to the sunlight that would help the plant grow stronger and bloom flowers making it better than it ever could have been in the shade of the oak. There was a bigger blessing waiting for the plant that it couldn't see beyond the oak.
A quote from streams... "Dear believer, do you understand that God may take away your comforts and privileges in order to make you a stronger Christian? Do you see why the Lord always trains His soldiers not by allowing them to lie on beds of ease but by calling them to difficult marches and service? He makes them wade through streams, swim across rivers, climb steep mountains, and walk many long marches carrying heavy backpacks of sorrow. This is how He develops soldiers-- not by dressing them up in fine uniforms to strut at the gates of the barracks or to appear as handsome gentlemen to those who are strolling through the park. No, God knows the soldiers can only be made in battle and are not developed in times of peace. We may be able to grow the raw materials of which soldiers are made, but turning them into true warriors requires the education brought about by the smell of gunpowder and by fighting in the midst of flying bullets and exploding bombs, not by living through pleasant and peaceful times."
There is obviously a reoccurring theme about dealing with the bad stuff... some of that why do bad things happen to good people... or how to move forward in your faith when things seem to be pulling you back. One analogy was a gardener that told the homeowner that if he was going to tend his grapes he had to prune them all back. For two years they didn't have any grapes but then the vines flourished. At first the gardener probably looked stupid... for two years... there was nothing, but then the fruit came back even stronger.
On September 30th, there's a story about a little plant in the forest whose growth was stunted because it was hidden in the shade of a giant oak tree, but the plant valued the shade and protection the tree provided... until a woodsman came in and chopped the oak down. The plant was upset he was left unprotected and scared he would be uprooted by the wind and storms. But in reality... the plant was exposed to the sunlight that would help the plant grow stronger and bloom flowers making it better than it ever could have been in the shade of the oak. There was a bigger blessing waiting for the plant that it couldn't see beyond the oak.
A quote from streams... "Dear believer, do you understand that God may take away your comforts and privileges in order to make you a stronger Christian? Do you see why the Lord always trains His soldiers not by allowing them to lie on beds of ease but by calling them to difficult marches and service? He makes them wade through streams, swim across rivers, climb steep mountains, and walk many long marches carrying heavy backpacks of sorrow. This is how He develops soldiers-- not by dressing them up in fine uniforms to strut at the gates of the barracks or to appear as handsome gentlemen to those who are strolling through the park. No, God knows the soldiers can only be made in battle and are not developed in times of peace. We may be able to grow the raw materials of which soldiers are made, but turning them into true warriors requires the education brought about by the smell of gunpowder and by fighting in the midst of flying bullets and exploding bombs, not by living through pleasant and peaceful times."
Saturday, September 23, 2006
long time no talk...
Another month has passed and I thought I should probably catch up the stalker space faithful. This might be my first day off in a month. Once games started, I've been going non-stop. This weekend all of the teams are away so I'm just waiting for results to come in so I can update the website. I'm trying to make sure that I don't get caught up in going through the motions and forget to actually live in the moment, but the busy schedule is always threatening my good intentions.
The summer feels so long ago... (well it is fall now) and living and working in Maryland feels like another life entirely. I want to remember the lessons from past experiences, but still move forward with the new knowledge applied to today. MethCo is definitely a different animal when you're on the other side of things... especially after a spending a few years away. I miss some of the things and people from my time as a student... but some things will never change... My whole student experience seems so much more valuable and worthwhile now that I can look back on it with some perspective.
Some random musings from another ccm issue compliments of jars of clay...
"'In Africa,' explains Haseltine, reflecting on the band's visit to the continent, 'People embody their experiences, their emotions. When there's a funeral, there's wailing, and it isn't a bunch of people standing around trying to be strong for everybody else. When they're thankful or happy, they're not taking anything away from that experience because they're dancing or they're singing, and there's real joy. In America, there are structures in place that keep us from actually experiencing the fullness of those emotions in life. You find in Africa they don't have much of a suicide rate-- it's extremely low. Compare that to the U.S., where we have these structures in place to keep us at a certain level of emotional status. And what are we doing with our emotions? We're killing ourselves. It's stuff like that that's definitely informed this record [Good Monsters].'"
I was just talking to one of my good friends a few weeks ago about expressing emotion and he was saying he felt like as a man he had to be strong and will not show emotion in public... anymore. I am known for being everyone's local flood and was trying to justify the value of letting it all out. Expressing emotions... good and bad... can be a healthy alternative to pretending that everything's okay when it's not. Pretending isn't being strong. I need authentic for my own sanity and encouragement... maybe I should move to Africa.
The summer feels so long ago... (well it is fall now) and living and working in Maryland feels like another life entirely. I want to remember the lessons from past experiences, but still move forward with the new knowledge applied to today. MethCo is definitely a different animal when you're on the other side of things... especially after a spending a few years away. I miss some of the things and people from my time as a student... but some things will never change... My whole student experience seems so much more valuable and worthwhile now that I can look back on it with some perspective.
Some random musings from another ccm issue compliments of jars of clay...
"'In Africa,' explains Haseltine, reflecting on the band's visit to the continent, 'People embody their experiences, their emotions. When there's a funeral, there's wailing, and it isn't a bunch of people standing around trying to be strong for everybody else. When they're thankful or happy, they're not taking anything away from that experience because they're dancing or they're singing, and there's real joy. In America, there are structures in place that keep us from actually experiencing the fullness of those emotions in life. You find in Africa they don't have much of a suicide rate-- it's extremely low. Compare that to the U.S., where we have these structures in place to keep us at a certain level of emotional status. And what are we doing with our emotions? We're killing ourselves. It's stuff like that that's definitely informed this record [Good Monsters].'"
I was just talking to one of my good friends a few weeks ago about expressing emotion and he was saying he felt like as a man he had to be strong and will not show emotion in public... anymore. I am known for being everyone's local flood and was trying to justify the value of letting it all out. Expressing emotions... good and bad... can be a healthy alternative to pretending that everything's okay when it's not. Pretending isn't being strong. I need authentic for my own sanity and encouragement... maybe I should move to Africa.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
fear
I've been a slacker in terms of keeping up with things on stalker space lately... I finished the zone at the end of july. I'm not sure I can honestly put the entire summer into adequate words. I really needed a break from the office grind, and I absolutely love camps. Some day I'm going to own my own camp and just work camps all the time... (and hire people to fill in when I need a vacation).
I left New Mexico on a Friday, went to a bridal shower on Saturday and was back at my new apartment in North Carolina on Sunday... supposed to start work on Tuesday until Monday afternoon I found out I had a work meeting in Williamsburg on Tuesday morning. Another meeting on Wednesday and since I got back, I've spent the last two and a half weeks writing a 52-page football media guide so it can be printed in time for the first football home game. I love my job, but it's definitely keeping me busy.
I have reunited with some old fayettenam friends and met some new people, but it is still a process of getting back into the whole long distance friendship with some others. Life keeps moving so quickly and I don't want to get so caught up in it that I don't have a chance to really live it. Careers, marriage, family, friends... they all take up more space so things get juggled around and hopefully nothing gets neglected.
I stole some wise words, but not particularly related... from Nichole Nordeman from the August CCM...
"Fear is potent and central to our lives... While fear is easy to identify on a global scale and in a time of war, consider the more subtle kinds of fear we breathe in and out all day. Career paths are chosen by our fear of financial instability. Relationships wither and die from a fear of intimacy. Fear of cancer motivates me to pick out certain vegetables in the produce department. Fear of rejection makes me laugh at jokes that are offensive and demeaning. Fear of judgment keeps me from raising important questions about my faith. And I might jeopardize my status as an evangelical, but it astounds me to consider the number of people who continue to enter into a relationship with Jesus because a well-intentioned preacher spent half the sermon hollering about how hot the lake of fire is going to be. And, naturally, people respond... out of fear. I think I got "saved" five different times between the ages of 9 and 13 for the same reason...
'There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear...' 1 Jn 4:18
...Imagine living a life where decisions, both personal and international, were made out of perfect love and not paralyzing fear. Imagine what that would look like to the world to see Christians responding from a place of certainty rather than reacting from a place of panic and damage control."
I left New Mexico on a Friday, went to a bridal shower on Saturday and was back at my new apartment in North Carolina on Sunday... supposed to start work on Tuesday until Monday afternoon I found out I had a work meeting in Williamsburg on Tuesday morning. Another meeting on Wednesday and since I got back, I've spent the last two and a half weeks writing a 52-page football media guide so it can be printed in time for the first football home game. I love my job, but it's definitely keeping me busy.
I have reunited with some old fayettenam friends and met some new people, but it is still a process of getting back into the whole long distance friendship with some others. Life keeps moving so quickly and I don't want to get so caught up in it that I don't have a chance to really live it. Careers, marriage, family, friends... they all take up more space so things get juggled around and hopefully nothing gets neglected.
I stole some wise words, but not particularly related... from Nichole Nordeman from the August CCM...
"Fear is potent and central to our lives... While fear is easy to identify on a global scale and in a time of war, consider the more subtle kinds of fear we breathe in and out all day. Career paths are chosen by our fear of financial instability. Relationships wither and die from a fear of intimacy. Fear of cancer motivates me to pick out certain vegetables in the produce department. Fear of rejection makes me laugh at jokes that are offensive and demeaning. Fear of judgment keeps me from raising important questions about my faith. And I might jeopardize my status as an evangelical, but it astounds me to consider the number of people who continue to enter into a relationship with Jesus because a well-intentioned preacher spent half the sermon hollering about how hot the lake of fire is going to be. And, naturally, people respond... out of fear. I think I got "saved" five different times between the ages of 9 and 13 for the same reason...
'There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear...' 1 Jn 4:18
...Imagine living a life where decisions, both personal and international, were made out of perfect love and not paralyzing fear. Imagine what that would look like to the world to see Christians responding from a place of certainty rather than reacting from a place of panic and damage control."
Saturday, August 5, 2006
summer pictures
I haven't had time to do a picture blog so I just put all of my summer pictures on webshots... in case you're interested...
http://community.webshots.com/user/skirbster
http://community.webshots.com/user/skirbster
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
summer thinking...
I'm hanging out in new mexico for the next two and a half weeks. We flew in late Sunday night after a couple of weeks in north carolina. I feel a bit like a nomad this summer "running" back and forth between everything.
Some of you probably know I can be a bit organized or perhaps over-organized. I like to know what's going on and know what I'm getting into. I'm not too big on uncertainties... I get nervous and would rather plan ahead. I'm not in a certain, safe, or comfortable time in my life right now. I've had to learn more about rolling with the punches and being flexible with what I've been given. I have met a ton of cool people and despite any drama that myspace might bring, I'm thankful for another avenue to help everyone keep in touch as long as it doesn't take priority in your life... or mine.
Camp is an interesting concept... particularly Christian camps... we all hang out for a weekend or a week and trust each other with some pretty personal information and hopefully grow a little bit and try to uncover some new concepts to go deeper in our relationship with God. It's easy to sound like you have it all together or have some emotional moment committing yourself to Christ... and then you go home... not as easy. I don't ever want to get comfortable here, or even appear like I have it all together when I know I'm just hanging out in this safe haven called camp. I hope students continue to challenge me and stretch me and ask me the tough questions that bring me back to reality. I hope God can use my words to say something worthwhile when all I see is glazed eyes and bored expressions. I'm thankful God is bigger than anything I could even attempt to describe... I pray that I can continue to surrender my life not just today, but every day... especially in the "real world" post-"zone".
Keep digging and hold me accountable...
Some of you probably know I can be a bit organized or perhaps over-organized. I like to know what's going on and know what I'm getting into. I'm not too big on uncertainties... I get nervous and would rather plan ahead. I'm not in a certain, safe, or comfortable time in my life right now. I've had to learn more about rolling with the punches and being flexible with what I've been given. I have met a ton of cool people and despite any drama that myspace might bring, I'm thankful for another avenue to help everyone keep in touch as long as it doesn't take priority in your life... or mine.
Camp is an interesting concept... particularly Christian camps... we all hang out for a weekend or a week and trust each other with some pretty personal information and hopefully grow a little bit and try to uncover some new concepts to go deeper in our relationship with God. It's easy to sound like you have it all together or have some emotional moment committing yourself to Christ... and then you go home... not as easy. I don't ever want to get comfortable here, or even appear like I have it all together when I know I'm just hanging out in this safe haven called camp. I hope students continue to challenge me and stretch me and ask me the tough questions that bring me back to reality. I hope God can use my words to say something worthwhile when all I see is glazed eyes and bored expressions. I'm thankful God is bigger than anything I could even attempt to describe... I pray that I can continue to surrender my life not just today, but every day... especially in the "real world" post-"zone".
Keep digging and hold me accountable...
Monday, June 12, 2006
o canada...
I just got back from my first trip outside of the US... I went all the way to Canada... small steps okay! I went to visit my friend Ciara and in the process I saw some good soccer, met some good people, and tried some good food. I know Canada isn't far and it's not that much different from here... but not all Canadians are exactly full of love for the Americans... and yet we don't have a clue... probably because we're too caught up with ourselves to notice... or care. It was a good week to spend on the other side of the border taking a look at another perspective all while having a mini-SOI reunion four years later.
I tried to post some pictures... hope this works... some of the vancouver sights... including the top brazilian dancer in british columbia... ciara's on the move to take over the crown next year... and listening to some anna begins in honor of the trip soundtrack...
I tried to post some pictures... hope this works... some of the vancouver sights... including the top brazilian dancer in british columbia... ciara's on the move to take over the crown next year... and listening to some anna begins in honor of the trip soundtrack...
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
life and loss
Sometimes I'm not the best at putting the thoughts in my head or feelings from my heart into words. In the last two weeks I have lost two friends... neither was a best friend and there is a lot about both that I didn't know and wouldn't claim to, but I miss both of them. One man was 24 and the other was 79... at 24, Gene's death probably created more shock and questions while Mr. Lee at 79 was admired for his long, productive life. Both men were very different, but just the fact that I have to use the past tense shows one too many similarities. Neither loss is any less significant to the people that knew them. I don't have any answers for the why's or any big sweeping gestures to fill the space that has been left behind. I do have hope that the rest of us can live life big enough to make them proud.
On the other end of the loss spectrum... Oprah did a special with Elie Wiesel at Auschwitz today. I don't think any of us can truly comprehend the loss that occurred during the Holocaust. Even bigger than the number of lives lost during the Holocaust (more than 5 million Jews) are the lessons we can take away from the unthinkable tragedy. Wiesel has said "The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference." Let's not be indifferent. Step up and step out. It is so easy to run our lives with blinders on... naive, ignorant and indifferent to the world around us. We have more to give... we have more to be...
To those who lost their lives
We Remember
To those who survived
We Hear You
To the next generations
We Must Never Forget
- the oprah show
On the other end of the loss spectrum... Oprah did a special with Elie Wiesel at Auschwitz today. I don't think any of us can truly comprehend the loss that occurred during the Holocaust. Even bigger than the number of lives lost during the Holocaust (more than 5 million Jews) are the lessons we can take away from the unthinkable tragedy. Wiesel has said "The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference." Let's not be indifferent. Step up and step out. It is so easy to run our lives with blinders on... naive, ignorant and indifferent to the world around us. We have more to give... we have more to be...
To those who lost their lives
We Remember
To those who survived
We Hear You
To the next generations
We Must Never Forget
- the oprah show
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
it's about time
I've been anxiously waiting to share... but I just accepted a position at MethCo as the sports info director starting august 1st. Three years ago no one would have believed I would be moving back to Fayettenam (myself included), but time and space away from it all has helped me appreciate it for what it is. The SID position is not the most glamorous job in the world, but after a year of waiting and trying to trust that I would find a job in sports, I might actually be able to put that master's degree to use. I'm excited to get back to MethCo and I'm hoping I can help clean up some things. I have a feeling I'm going to be working a lot, but I still have some friends and family in the NC area and it'll be good to catch up. At the same time I know I'm going to be leaving a lot behind. Despite the living with the parents and the not working in sports and the lack of activity on the shore... I am so glad I came back home after UT... if nothing else then to be in three weddings and meet two new babies. Distance can't take away those memories... and I can't wait for everyone to road trip it to NC now. I've learned a lot about patience and that God's timing is perfect.
In the meantime I'm going to be spending the summer at Ridgecrest, NC and Glorieta, NM working some camps. My last day at Inter-Rail is June 1st and while I'll miss the people and maybe even the safety of it all... I'm excited about what's coming next. I've been sitting for a long time just being comfortable and I'm ready to get up and move.
"It's not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it's that place in between that we fear . . . . It's like being between trapezes. It's Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There's nothing to hold on to." - Marilyn Ferguson
In the meantime I'm going to be spending the summer at Ridgecrest, NC and Glorieta, NM working some camps. My last day at Inter-Rail is June 1st and while I'll miss the people and maybe even the safety of it all... I'm excited about what's coming next. I've been sitting for a long time just being comfortable and I'm ready to get up and move.
"It's not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it's that place in between that we fear . . . . It's like being between trapezes. It's Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There's nothing to hold on to." - Marilyn Ferguson
Friday, May 5, 2006
real to me
Nichole Nordeman has a new radio single from her album Brave called Real to Me... I don't own the record and I didn't gravitate to the song at first... probably a little too bubble gum pop... but then I read her inspiration for the song and I gained a greater appreciation for the meaning behind the song...
"This song was, in the truest sense, an evolution.... I lost track of the number of re-writes, title changes, melody transformations and re-structuring that took place during the writing of it. It started with a series of late night phone calls with my good friend, Jill...which were a rare treat.
Jill started telling me about this tension she'd recognized in her life. There seemed to be this giant disconnect, she'd noticed, between how meaningful and inspirational Christian books/music/Bible study/church services can bebut how irrelevant all that seems in real life. It's like when you walk out of your church on Sunday morning (regardless of how you felt inside) and back into the sameness of your everyday, the genie disappears back into the bottle somehow, or at least that's how it feels. This totally made sense to me. I've even felt that way walking off stage after a concertknowing that God had done something really special in the room, and somehow just wondering if the evening would really change anything or anyone for real. Even worse, some nights I care more about what after-show food will be on the bus than I do about any lasting spiritual impact on anybody. Sorry, the ugly truth.
We talked for hours over the course of several days about how some days we just feel like hollering up to God Listen. I really appreciate all the stuff that's being written, and spoken, and sung about youit's great, really. but just for one minute, could you be really REAL to me? Jill ended up reading these beautiful passages and entire chapters out of Brennan Manning's Lion and the Lamb book to me, until I could locate my own dusty copy, and then we read together. All of these wonderful late night talks, and longings, found their way into this hopeful song. It means a lot to both of us."
Lyrics to Real to Me...
(Nichole Nordeman, Jill Tomalty, Jay Joyce)
Every time I try to find you
Every road comes back around
Just another hoop to jump through
Another mile of covered ground
I am weary of the answers
More theory and cliché
They raise the letter of the law like a banner
Til youre small and far away
All the questions in my head
Are from my heart instead
Be real to me now
Thats all Im asking
Be real to me now
Every scribe and every scholar
No winners in this debate
Everybody seems to stand up taller
When youre easy to explain
I dont need to know what I dont know
Just got to let it go
Be real to me now
Thats all Im asking
Be real somehow
More than anything
More than anything
So lay down the sword
And put away the doctrine
Love a little more, love a little more
Cause everybodys broken
"This song was, in the truest sense, an evolution.... I lost track of the number of re-writes, title changes, melody transformations and re-structuring that took place during the writing of it. It started with a series of late night phone calls with my good friend, Jill...which were a rare treat.
Jill started telling me about this tension she'd recognized in her life. There seemed to be this giant disconnect, she'd noticed, between how meaningful and inspirational Christian books/music/Bible study/church services can bebut how irrelevant all that seems in real life. It's like when you walk out of your church on Sunday morning (regardless of how you felt inside) and back into the sameness of your everyday, the genie disappears back into the bottle somehow, or at least that's how it feels. This totally made sense to me. I've even felt that way walking off stage after a concertknowing that God had done something really special in the room, and somehow just wondering if the evening would really change anything or anyone for real. Even worse, some nights I care more about what after-show food will be on the bus than I do about any lasting spiritual impact on anybody. Sorry, the ugly truth.
We talked for hours over the course of several days about how some days we just feel like hollering up to God Listen. I really appreciate all the stuff that's being written, and spoken, and sung about youit's great, really. but just for one minute, could you be really REAL to me? Jill ended up reading these beautiful passages and entire chapters out of Brennan Manning's Lion and the Lamb book to me, until I could locate my own dusty copy, and then we read together. All of these wonderful late night talks, and longings, found their way into this hopeful song. It means a lot to both of us."
Lyrics to Real to Me...
(Nichole Nordeman, Jill Tomalty, Jay Joyce)
Every time I try to find you
Every road comes back around
Just another hoop to jump through
Another mile of covered ground
I am weary of the answers
More theory and cliché
They raise the letter of the law like a banner
Til youre small and far away
All the questions in my head
Are from my heart instead
Be real to me now
Thats all Im asking
Be real to me now
Every scribe and every scholar
No winners in this debate
Everybody seems to stand up taller
When youre easy to explain
I dont need to know what I dont know
Just got to let it go
Be real to me now
Thats all Im asking
Be real somehow
More than anything
More than anything
So lay down the sword
And put away the doctrine
Love a little more, love a little more
Cause everybodys broken
Thursday, May 4, 2006
weekend
Some day I'm going to write a book. And I'm going to include some classic events from this past weekend. I would try to describe it for you now, but I think I need some time and space from it to really capture the true insanity of it all. I will suggest that if a kid (I should note that I use the term "kid" loosely to describe males regardless of their age) starts belting the Canadian national anthem in the middle of a restaurant while eating with your parents or if he calls your dad an old geezer... probably not a good sign. It's all about learning from the experience right?
Big props to the Riley/Takata/Busby (yeah phone support was huge) fam for accompanying me and making the weekend that much more bearable. I still question whether I ever should have left chili's friday night... but the story might make the experience that much more worthwhile.
And thanks to Ciara for letting me earn my cafe wings all on my own! I think I'm going into retirement now!
Positive note... we did take a tour of wo-me-to and I miss it. I owe so much of who I am to my experiences at that camp. I spent ten summers there and amidst some tears, crutches and mini-drama I learned a ton about God, myself and found the best friends I could ever dream of... Some day when I strike it rich from my book deal or perhaps the winning lotto ticket, I'm going to buy the whole camp and everyone can come visit... but I will be taking the air conditioning out of the cabins, putting an orange cone over the rock that tore ligaments in my toes, keeping the chapel unlocked for visitors, installing new benches around the lake/pond for candlelight (no more pool-side service), constructing a permanent mexican market, removing any sign of bees from the counselor's pool deck, playing music over miss sandra's sound system 24-7 (with a slight upgrade from amy grant and michael w. smith to david crowder and shawn mcdonald-esque music), and keeping the plastic covers on all of the bunk beds to allow guests to experience sleep loss from 9 year old girls rolling around on plastic. Maybe I should start a fund for donations...
Big props to the Riley/Takata/Busby (yeah phone support was huge) fam for accompanying me and making the weekend that much more bearable. I still question whether I ever should have left chili's friday night... but the story might make the experience that much more worthwhile.
And thanks to Ciara for letting me earn my cafe wings all on my own! I think I'm going into retirement now!
Positive note... we did take a tour of wo-me-to and I miss it. I owe so much of who I am to my experiences at that camp. I spent ten summers there and amidst some tears, crutches and mini-drama I learned a ton about God, myself and found the best friends I could ever dream of... Some day when I strike it rich from my book deal or perhaps the winning lotto ticket, I'm going to buy the whole camp and everyone can come visit... but I will be taking the air conditioning out of the cabins, putting an orange cone over the rock that tore ligaments in my toes, keeping the chapel unlocked for visitors, installing new benches around the lake/pond for candlelight (no more pool-side service), constructing a permanent mexican market, removing any sign of bees from the counselor's pool deck, playing music over miss sandra's sound system 24-7 (with a slight upgrade from amy grant and michael w. smith to david crowder and shawn mcdonald-esque music), and keeping the plastic covers on all of the bunk beds to allow guests to experience sleep loss from 9 year old girls rolling around on plastic. Maybe I should start a fund for donations...
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
yesterday
I don't mean yesterday as in Monday... but yesterday like any day before today. Sometimes things happen that we can't control. Or maybe we could have controlled the intial action, but we can't control the consequences. We can control our response to all of it... or at least I think we can work towards it.
I don't always make the best decisions. I am extremely sensitive and sometimes I allow a person's words, actions or presumed thoughts to take hold. We always tell people that you shouldn't care what people think. Usually, I agree. I shouldn't care what those girls are saying about something they only saw and don't even know me. I shouldn't care about someone who has made some false assumptions about me or the people who only have their own best interest in mind. I do care about what my family thinks... what my friends think... what those people think that know me and are going to hold me accountable for my actions.
I can't change what happened three years ago... I can't change how I responded to something in the past and I especially can't change how someone else responded to something... I can listen and move on. I don't want to be disrespected or rolled over, but I also hope that I can take the good with the bad and use it for the next yesterday.
I don't always make the best decisions. I am extremely sensitive and sometimes I allow a person's words, actions or presumed thoughts to take hold. We always tell people that you shouldn't care what people think. Usually, I agree. I shouldn't care what those girls are saying about something they only saw and don't even know me. I shouldn't care about someone who has made some false assumptions about me or the people who only have their own best interest in mind. I do care about what my family thinks... what my friends think... what those people think that know me and are going to hold me accountable for my actions.
I can't change what happened three years ago... I can't change how I responded to something in the past and I especially can't change how someone else responded to something... I can listen and move on. I don't want to be disrespected or rolled over, but I also hope that I can take the good with the bad and use it for the next yesterday.
Monday, April 17, 2006
sherri coale
I never really had any interest in Oklahoma basketball until Stacey Dales-Schuman took the team to the championship game in 2002. The OU coach, Sherri Coale, started doing diaries on espn.com during that season... sometimes she writes more often than others, but it usually keeps me thinking. This year her team lost to Stanford in the sweet 16. Very few teams ever end a season on a win, but no matter how much company you have, ending on a loss is never easy. Some highlights from today's diary...
"Hemingway once said that 'Life is filled with sobs, sniffles, and smiles -- with sniffles predominating.' I believe him in my bones but this business balks. I love the way participation in athletics forces one to disdain mediocrity. I love the push the rush I even in a twisted sort of 'never-want-to-be-there-again' way, love the bottom so made of solid rock. I would even go so far as to say that I feel blessed to be a part of a profession that lives in such extremes. But I don't think mediocrity is the stuff of which Hemingway spoke. Even if it is, that is not his point."
"Hemingway was right. Rare are the times we climb the ladder, cut the nets and dance the night away. We did that twice this year -- lucky, lucky are we. And rarer, still, is the devastation we feel when the ball goes square and the wings of destiny flap over someone else's jerseys. That happened last Saturday [a 88-74 loss to Stanford on March 25]. Most of our year was somewhere in the middle of those two emotional explosions. That was his point. Life is what happens to you while you aren't looking. So keep your eyes open, Ernest urges. Don't miss it. That's what I want my kids -- and my staff -- to know. Enjoy the days. Replay the stuff. Wallow in the wins we walked to as well as the wins we wrestled for. And don't let one set of 40 minutes define a year. You become in the middle. And at the end of all your days, the middle better be worth remembering or you won't have much."
Coale Diary - http://sports.espn.go.com/ncw/news/story?page=diary/coale7_200506
She goes on to talk about the impact the seniors made on the team and how the players are moving on from this past season. It takes me back to when I was competing and that period of mourning that always followed the conference tournament. It never seemed like we fulfilled our potential. In some ways, that's comforting because at least you know you could be better, even if it wasn't until next year... but after your last game of your last season... there is no next year. Losing sucks... but it pays to appreciate the experience regardless of the result. One game should not define a year... or a career.
"Hemingway once said that 'Life is filled with sobs, sniffles, and smiles -- with sniffles predominating.' I believe him in my bones but this business balks. I love the way participation in athletics forces one to disdain mediocrity. I love the push the rush I even in a twisted sort of 'never-want-to-be-there-again' way, love the bottom so made of solid rock. I would even go so far as to say that I feel blessed to be a part of a profession that lives in such extremes. But I don't think mediocrity is the stuff of which Hemingway spoke. Even if it is, that is not his point."
"Hemingway was right. Rare are the times we climb the ladder, cut the nets and dance the night away. We did that twice this year -- lucky, lucky are we. And rarer, still, is the devastation we feel when the ball goes square and the wings of destiny flap over someone else's jerseys. That happened last Saturday [a 88-74 loss to Stanford on March 25]. Most of our year was somewhere in the middle of those two emotional explosions. That was his point. Life is what happens to you while you aren't looking. So keep your eyes open, Ernest urges. Don't miss it. That's what I want my kids -- and my staff -- to know. Enjoy the days. Replay the stuff. Wallow in the wins we walked to as well as the wins we wrestled for. And don't let one set of 40 minutes define a year. You become in the middle. And at the end of all your days, the middle better be worth remembering or you won't have much."
Coale Diary - http://sports.espn.go.com/ncw/news/story?page=diary/coale7_200506
She goes on to talk about the impact the seniors made on the team and how the players are moving on from this past season. It takes me back to when I was competing and that period of mourning that always followed the conference tournament. It never seemed like we fulfilled our potential. In some ways, that's comforting because at least you know you could be better, even if it wasn't until next year... but after your last game of your last season... there is no next year. Losing sucks... but it pays to appreciate the experience regardless of the result. One game should not define a year... or a career.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
be not afraid
"Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact."
- Henry James
- Henry James
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
operation weddings complete
I started this blog yesterday and ran out of intelligent things to say... I can't promise that this will be any better, but I'm feeling babble-ful...
Michelle and Dewey got married Saturday... it was my third wedding in six months, so there was some relief that I get a break... but it was definitely a lot of fun. It's been awhile since all of the girls had been able to get together, so we had fun catching up. There were people there that I hadn't seen since graduation and others I hadn't seen since elementary or middle school.
I think it's safe to say that kindergarten through our senior year, I was probably regarded as the hyper, occasionally obnoxious kid. I was always trying to do whatever people thought I would be too embarassed to do whether it was spending a day under my desk barking, wearing a flag as a cape, or just trying to be as loud as possible. I'm sure there are plenty of theories out there about why I did it all... some it was probably to get attention or get a laugh out of people, some of it was probably to try to pretend I didn't care what people thought about me, some of it was to try to keep from being boxed into the jock or the goody goody. Either way... I was weird! :)
I did some of the same junk in college, but I think (or at least I hope) I've grown up a bit in the last six years. I try to sit back more and listen and read a group better before I jump into song and dance. "Drama" has become more about finding a job and paying the bills compared to the "big" stuff we used to stress about like Johnny dumped me after 3 days to go out with Suzy or Lizzy won't stop talking about me. However... sometimes its fun to regress to the good ol' days and let go of the expectations of being an adult. It was such a relief to spend an afternoon/night with some great friends from high school to remind me of who I was... and who I am. I still can't dance and I definitely still can't sing... but they still put up with me! I'm thinking about having a fake wedding like we used to do in elementary school just to have an excuse to get everyone together again. I'll be registered at American Eagle and Best Buy!
Michelle and Dewey got married Saturday... it was my third wedding in six months, so there was some relief that I get a break... but it was definitely a lot of fun. It's been awhile since all of the girls had been able to get together, so we had fun catching up. There were people there that I hadn't seen since graduation and others I hadn't seen since elementary or middle school.
I think it's safe to say that kindergarten through our senior year, I was probably regarded as the hyper, occasionally obnoxious kid. I was always trying to do whatever people thought I would be too embarassed to do whether it was spending a day under my desk barking, wearing a flag as a cape, or just trying to be as loud as possible. I'm sure there are plenty of theories out there about why I did it all... some it was probably to get attention or get a laugh out of people, some of it was probably to try to pretend I didn't care what people thought about me, some of it was to try to keep from being boxed into the jock or the goody goody. Either way... I was weird! :)
I did some of the same junk in college, but I think (or at least I hope) I've grown up a bit in the last six years. I try to sit back more and listen and read a group better before I jump into song and dance. "Drama" has become more about finding a job and paying the bills compared to the "big" stuff we used to stress about like Johnny dumped me after 3 days to go out with Suzy or Lizzy won't stop talking about me. However... sometimes its fun to regress to the good ol' days and let go of the expectations of being an adult. It was such a relief to spend an afternoon/night with some great friends from high school to remind me of who I was... and who I am. I still can't dance and I definitely still can't sing... but they still put up with me! I'm thinking about having a fake wedding like we used to do in elementary school just to have an excuse to get everyone together again. I'll be registered at American Eagle and Best Buy!
Monday, April 3, 2006
skype
I am going to try to limit as much of the cheese ball factor as possible, but I had to give some props to skype. Prior to yesterday I had heard bits and pieces of headlines about skype and internet communication but didn't really know what it was, or why I would need it. But then... I downloaded it...
Almost four years ago I went to Orlando for a weekend to meet Michelle Akers. Well that was the original intention, but I ended up learning a ton and meeting a bunch of good people. I kept in touch with a few after the big shindig.... but it can be difficult to maintain a friendship that's based off of a weekend years ago. However... somehow Ciara and I managed to be pretty good e-mail buddies while I lived vicariously through her multi-country living as we rehashed soccer, failed or unattempted relationships and navigating the "real world". Instant messenger was added to the mix in the last year but trying to connect time zones can be difficult when she's in canada or denmark. Basically, I've been keeping up with this chick for almost four years but haven't seen or "talked" to her since Orlando... until skype came to the rescue.
Skype allows you to make "phone calls" through your computer... free... or you can call from your computer to a phone cheap... I guess cell phones have limited the long distance calls we pay for because we stick to free nights and weekends or the "in" network... but I might be skype's newest fan if nothing else but for cheap international calls with friends met randomly four years ago. Do you think I could get an endorsement deal?
Almost four years ago I went to Orlando for a weekend to meet Michelle Akers. Well that was the original intention, but I ended up learning a ton and meeting a bunch of good people. I kept in touch with a few after the big shindig.... but it can be difficult to maintain a friendship that's based off of a weekend years ago. However... somehow Ciara and I managed to be pretty good e-mail buddies while I lived vicariously through her multi-country living as we rehashed soccer, failed or unattempted relationships and navigating the "real world". Instant messenger was added to the mix in the last year but trying to connect time zones can be difficult when she's in canada or denmark. Basically, I've been keeping up with this chick for almost four years but haven't seen or "talked" to her since Orlando... until skype came to the rescue.
Skype allows you to make "phone calls" through your computer... free... or you can call from your computer to a phone cheap... I guess cell phones have limited the long distance calls we pay for because we stick to free nights and weekends or the "in" network... but I might be skype's newest fan if nothing else but for cheap international calls with friends met randomly four years ago. Do you think I could get an endorsement deal?
Friday, March 24, 2006
the in-between moments
When I interviewed Cameron Crowe late last year, he told me that "life is in the in-between moments."
He was talking about the moments, as depicted in many of his films, where characters will simply look at one another without saying anything. Where there are no distractions, nothing to get in the way of simple human existence. The in-between moments are the moments where nothing seems to happen.
Modern life has become a constant, unending stream of information and activity. PDAs, cell phones, laptops, text messages, GPS, MP3 players, wifi, RSS news aggregators... Industry has perfected the art of finding ever-quickening means of gathering new information. Do we ever slow down enough to absorb any of it?
Life blurs past us because we take on too many responsibilities or try to be too many things to too many different people, and each day must be filled with more activities than the last. That's not living. That's running.
When was the last time you sat with a friend or family member in pure silence, and just absorbed their presence? When was the last time an embrace substituted for an entire conversation? When was the last time you ate a meal and took the time to savor it? When was the last time you sat still long enough to hear God's voice?
Don't miss those in-between moments. Seek them out. Life will find you there.
- Robin Parrish
He was talking about the moments, as depicted in many of his films, where characters will simply look at one another without saying anything. Where there are no distractions, nothing to get in the way of simple human existence. The in-between moments are the moments where nothing seems to happen.
Modern life has become a constant, unending stream of information and activity. PDAs, cell phones, laptops, text messages, GPS, MP3 players, wifi, RSS news aggregators... Industry has perfected the art of finding ever-quickening means of gathering new information. Do we ever slow down enough to absorb any of it?
Life blurs past us because we take on too many responsibilities or try to be too many things to too many different people, and each day must be filled with more activities than the last. That's not living. That's running.
When was the last time you sat with a friend or family member in pure silence, and just absorbed their presence? When was the last time an embrace substituted for an entire conversation? When was the last time you ate a meal and took the time to savor it? When was the last time you sat still long enough to hear God's voice?
Don't miss those in-between moments. Seek them out. Life will find you there.
- Robin Parrish
Sunday, March 19, 2006
random chaos
I'm in a random mood so here comes some junk you probably could have lived your life without, but maybe it'll help you pick the winning lottery numbers... and then I only request 10%...
1. Candace Parker dunked twice in a game today. Fourth woman to dunk in a college game, first woman to dunk in a NCAA tournament game, and first woman to dunk twice in a game. I have mixed feelings about the dunk. It drives me insane when some people write off women's basketball because there isn't dunking... I don't think the sport needs it to be entertaining or competitive... I love that CP shocked everyone winning the McDonalds high school dunk competition two years ago and I love that people can stop bugging her about when she's going to dunk... she did it... twice... and it was sweet!
2. I was easily irritated this weekend... and I knew it. Who slows down at a green light just waiting for it to turn yellow... of course it does... and then slams on their brakes to stop for the yellow light even when they had plenty of time to keep going? Who opens their window a mile before the bridge toll only to freeze the rest of us out? Who says they're trying to see what something is and when I tell them they get mad? Who questions if a dvd will work in a dvd player because it has a hole in the middle (ok that one's not irritating as much as it is just funny)?
3. My computer has a bug in it. I don't know a lot about spyware/malware or whatever you're supposed to call it, but I think I've run every free software possible and have submitted myself to the techie gods of some forum to tell me how to remove the stupid thing. On the bright side my computer still works and I haven't lost any files so I should be grateful I only have to deal with security warnings and porn pop-ups right?
4. There are a bunch of first graders in viriginia who think I played basketball at the University of Tennessee... haha ok that one just makes my day!
5. I am currently tied for third in my office's tournament bracket challenge, however my future does not look bright as only 5 of my predicted elite 8 are remaining with plenty of opportunities for upsets between now and then. Go Zags!
6. I read a bulletin about this kid that was in love with his best friend and never told her because he thought she didn't think of him like that. She got married and then passed away... at her funeral he found out she had written a journal in high school or something about how she loved him but didn't think he felt the same way. I suppose it's trying to tell you to lay it all out there... and in that case it's pretty obvious to see they should have done that... but where's the bulletin about the kid that told his/her best friend and then their friendship was all weirded out or they tried to date and everything ended in a mess. I think it's a good story... but I don't think we can forget the alternate endings.
7. I have barely more than a month to get in shape for that highly anticipated alumni game at methco. Before Chris threatens my life... yes I'm running... is it pretty... no... but I think I needed an excuse to get moving. (Thank goodness the girl scout cookies have finally been eaten and removed from storefronts across America!)
8. I was going to try to go to 12 because I like that number and it felt like an even dozen... but I'm getting lengthy and running out of wit... if I even had any to start with. I hope you have a great week...
1. Candace Parker dunked twice in a game today. Fourth woman to dunk in a college game, first woman to dunk in a NCAA tournament game, and first woman to dunk twice in a game. I have mixed feelings about the dunk. It drives me insane when some people write off women's basketball because there isn't dunking... I don't think the sport needs it to be entertaining or competitive... I love that CP shocked everyone winning the McDonalds high school dunk competition two years ago and I love that people can stop bugging her about when she's going to dunk... she did it... twice... and it was sweet!
2. I was easily irritated this weekend... and I knew it. Who slows down at a green light just waiting for it to turn yellow... of course it does... and then slams on their brakes to stop for the yellow light even when they had plenty of time to keep going? Who opens their window a mile before the bridge toll only to freeze the rest of us out? Who says they're trying to see what something is and when I tell them they get mad? Who questions if a dvd will work in a dvd player because it has a hole in the middle (ok that one's not irritating as much as it is just funny)?
3. My computer has a bug in it. I don't know a lot about spyware/malware or whatever you're supposed to call it, but I think I've run every free software possible and have submitted myself to the techie gods of some forum to tell me how to remove the stupid thing. On the bright side my computer still works and I haven't lost any files so I should be grateful I only have to deal with security warnings and porn pop-ups right?
4. There are a bunch of first graders in viriginia who think I played basketball at the University of Tennessee... haha ok that one just makes my day!
5. I am currently tied for third in my office's tournament bracket challenge, however my future does not look bright as only 5 of my predicted elite 8 are remaining with plenty of opportunities for upsets between now and then. Go Zags!
6. I read a bulletin about this kid that was in love with his best friend and never told her because he thought she didn't think of him like that. She got married and then passed away... at her funeral he found out she had written a journal in high school or something about how she loved him but didn't think he felt the same way. I suppose it's trying to tell you to lay it all out there... and in that case it's pretty obvious to see they should have done that... but where's the bulletin about the kid that told his/her best friend and then their friendship was all weirded out or they tried to date and everything ended in a mess. I think it's a good story... but I don't think we can forget the alternate endings.
7. I have barely more than a month to get in shape for that highly anticipated alumni game at methco. Before Chris threatens my life... yes I'm running... is it pretty... no... but I think I needed an excuse to get moving. (Thank goodness the girl scout cookies have finally been eaten and removed from storefronts across America!)
8. I was going to try to go to 12 because I like that number and it felt like an even dozen... but I'm getting lengthy and running out of wit... if I even had any to start with. I hope you have a great week...
Wednesday, March 8, 2006
friends
Random babble begins... now... We have different kinds of friends... some are probably more like acquaintances and others are probably more like familiy. Some we've known since childhood and the friendship changes over time and others we just met but feel like we've known forever. There are some friends who you only talk to a couple of times a year, maybe less, but every time you do it's like nothing has changed and there are the others where everything seems to have changed in a few short months. We have friends we see every day but don't really "know" them and the others are what keep us going through the week because they know our soul.
My cell phone contacts, my e-mail address book have both grown longer over the years, but that inner circle of trust just grows closer. I know who will be there in the middle of the night when I'm stressing. I know who would drive hours to see me even if it was inconvenient. I know who writes the best e-mails for a good pick-me-up. I know who understands me even when I don't. I also know who would be the first to volunteer to give me a place to stay if I drive through their town. I know who would be the first to rehash high school memories and remember every detail about every embarassing thing I did. I know that with all of my friends I have some connection whether it be a school we went to, a place we worked, a mutual friend or just that perfectly timed meeting that was anything but a coincidence.
Myspace "friends" are weird because it combines all of the above. Some are people we haven't even met. Others are people we never thought we'd hear from again. Sometimes we do the quick catch up and others we add them to our friend bank and don't even plan to talk to other than stalking their page (that picture is hideous... they still talk to her... they're married... they said what on his page...). Some people are ones we are thankful myspace has given us a new place to reconvene and myspace will probably be the only form of communication. Others are friends that we don't need myspace to keep in touch but they add another element to your "space" (basically to comment).
Who knew that we used to be able to communicate without myspace, IM, e-mail or cell phones? How did friendships survive?
My cell phone contacts, my e-mail address book have both grown longer over the years, but that inner circle of trust just grows closer. I know who will be there in the middle of the night when I'm stressing. I know who would drive hours to see me even if it was inconvenient. I know who writes the best e-mails for a good pick-me-up. I know who understands me even when I don't. I also know who would be the first to volunteer to give me a place to stay if I drive through their town. I know who would be the first to rehash high school memories and remember every detail about every embarassing thing I did. I know that with all of my friends I have some connection whether it be a school we went to, a place we worked, a mutual friend or just that perfectly timed meeting that was anything but a coincidence.
Myspace "friends" are weird because it combines all of the above. Some are people we haven't even met. Others are people we never thought we'd hear from again. Sometimes we do the quick catch up and others we add them to our friend bank and don't even plan to talk to other than stalking their page (that picture is hideous... they still talk to her... they're married... they said what on his page...). Some people are ones we are thankful myspace has given us a new place to reconvene and myspace will probably be the only form of communication. Others are friends that we don't need myspace to keep in touch but they add another element to your "space" (basically to comment).
Who knew that we used to be able to communicate without myspace, IM, e-mail or cell phones? How did friendships survive?
Sunday, February 26, 2006
methco
I had an afternoon of reminiscing about methco. David Merrill had videotaped my last FCA in the cave before I graduated and made a copy for me. Every once in awhile I like to pop it in for a feel-good spree. I know I was so anxious to graduate and leave, but watching the tape, there are definitely things I miss... in particular a bunch of college kids crammed in a basement for some awesome worship, turning the lights off to see the stars, post-fca ice cream runs, finding years of dirt in the couches and 80s carpet, crazy skits that I had tried to put a stop to, stupid costumes I piled on from the storage closet, sleepovers in the cave, seeing all of my friends in one place... FCA was probably the highlight of my time at methco. Even when there was drama surrounding us, it was one of the few things that kept me sane.
On my last night Beth sang a song that she had promised to sing before I left... Beth and I came a long way the three years I was there... we were roommates our freshman year and didn't always get along, but we always went to FCA together. Having her sing at my last one two and a half years later, brought things full circle.
I tried to speak that night too... I cringe now every time I watch it. I have to fast forward before I start tallying every time I said um, or the awkward silences when I said things people didn't expect, or the nervous fidgeting while I sped through the tough parts. I don't know if I said anything worthwhile that night, but it was therapeutic for me.
Mike led some great worship and Peter Rochelle spoke... great moments... plenty of tears shed... I miss having people like that right downstairs or across the street. I don't think we realized how spoiled we were... perhaps we could have avoided the pettiness, sucked up our pride and loved the time we had. There's no point living in those days, but every once in awhile taking a step back to remember helps me appreciate today.
On my last night Beth sang a song that she had promised to sing before I left... Beth and I came a long way the three years I was there... we were roommates our freshman year and didn't always get along, but we always went to FCA together. Having her sing at my last one two and a half years later, brought things full circle.
I tried to speak that night too... I cringe now every time I watch it. I have to fast forward before I start tallying every time I said um, or the awkward silences when I said things people didn't expect, or the nervous fidgeting while I sped through the tough parts. I don't know if I said anything worthwhile that night, but it was therapeutic for me.
Mike led some great worship and Peter Rochelle spoke... great moments... plenty of tears shed... I miss having people like that right downstairs or across the street. I don't think we realized how spoiled we were... perhaps we could have avoided the pettiness, sucked up our pride and loved the time we had. There's no point living in those days, but every once in awhile taking a step back to remember helps me appreciate today.
Friday, February 17, 2006
change the world
Are you content?
Contentment can be your enemy.
Are you satisfied?
Satisfaction can become your master.
Are you comfortable?
Comfort is a stubborn obstacle.
The people who leave a changed world in their wake are the ones who refuse to accept the status quo. The ones who always ask "why?" and "what if?" The ones who actively seek out whatever challenges them the most.
Not everyone is meant to climb Everest or defeat the Nazis. But if you feel that restlessness in your soul... if you feel that stirring in your heart... or that refusal to accept complacency... If you know that you know you were meant to do something different than what most people in this world do...
Fight for it. Fight your own comfort, your own satisfaction, your own comfort. That special fire was placed in your soul for a reason. So never give in, and never give up.
Go change the world.
- Robin Parrish
Contentment can be your enemy.
Are you satisfied?
Satisfaction can become your master.
Are you comfortable?
Comfort is a stubborn obstacle.
The people who leave a changed world in their wake are the ones who refuse to accept the status quo. The ones who always ask "why?" and "what if?" The ones who actively seek out whatever challenges them the most.
Not everyone is meant to climb Everest or defeat the Nazis. But if you feel that restlessness in your soul... if you feel that stirring in your heart... or that refusal to accept complacency... If you know that you know you were meant to do something different than what most people in this world do...
Fight for it. Fight your own comfort, your own satisfaction, your own comfort. That special fire was placed in your soul for a reason. So never give in, and never give up.
Go change the world.
- Robin Parrish
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
v-day hoopla
Valentine's Day usually comes along with the lovers and the haters. I haven't heard many guys express excitement about the holiday and the only girls that I hear shrieking with joy are ones who are attached to romantic guys about to propose or new relationships where you're still in the "honeymoon" stage. There are plenty of bitter single people out there... but even if you're in a relationship, it can be an awkward time trying to find an appropriate gift and/or date activity that defines perhaps a previously undefined relationship. Should a guy stick to the flowers and chocolate? What is a girl supposed to get a guy that means the same thing? When is jewelry too soon? Go out to eat or cook at home? Find a sappy professing your love card or a funny still getting to know you card? Too many questions... not always a lot of good answers.
Last year I read an article in the Washington Post about "love's dying ritual" all about the new rules of dating that our society has created... straying away from the previous times of courtship. I don't really care about the terminology as much as I am I concerned about the games we play. William Raspberry has some good points... I won't post the whole article in case lengthy posts make you nervous... but hopefully you can access it from: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A21979-2005Feb13.html
So I didn't have a valentine today... but I did get flowers from my boss... okay all of the employees did... but I did talk to one of my best guy friends last night... okay he did tell me all about his v-day plans with his girlfriend... but I don't want to place my self worth in valentine's day... I did get cards from my parents and sister... messages from friends and people I haven't seen in awhile... and even without all of that I know the greatest love that goes beyond february 14th...
Last year I read an article in the Washington Post about "love's dying ritual" all about the new rules of dating that our society has created... straying away from the previous times of courtship. I don't really care about the terminology as much as I am I concerned about the games we play. William Raspberry has some good points... I won't post the whole article in case lengthy posts make you nervous... but hopefully you can access it from: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A21979-2005Feb13.html
So I didn't have a valentine today... but I did get flowers from my boss... okay all of the employees did... but I did talk to one of my best guy friends last night... okay he did tell me all about his v-day plans with his girlfriend... but I don't want to place my self worth in valentine's day... I did get cards from my parents and sister... messages from friends and people I haven't seen in awhile... and even without all of that I know the greatest love that goes beyond february 14th...
Sunday, February 5, 2006
february
It's been seven months since I left knoxvegas. I don't think I could have ever predicted where I'd be today. Okay I'm sure this might have made the list at some point, because this was always my back up plan, I'm just not sure I was going to rely on the back up plan for seven months. There are some different opinions about living at home... particularly living at home after graduating from college... or after graduating twice. Some people can only dream about having an opportunity to go home and save some money, take a break to regroup and map out the next step. Others only have nightmares about having to be confined to the "prison" of their parents' humble abode. Whether you have dreams or nightmares about living at home... I can't please you... I can't complain to the dreamers because they picture paradise and I can't be happy around the nightmare sufferers because they cringe at my failure to move on with life. So I gave up trying to appease the masses (at least on this issue)... is this where I want to be? No. Am I grateful to be here? Yes. This is where I need to be today. I don't know where I'll be next month, let alone next year, but I'm trying to breathe in every aspect of this... here... in this moment... the place I couldn't wait to come back to a year ago. Is the grass always greener? I'm not so sure.
"There had been times in the city at Tante's, or dancing in Linda's basement, or fishing off the dock in
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Thursday, January 12, 2006
things I learned in 2005...
Just because a guy is older doesn't mean he's more mature.
If your roommate offers to let you stay with her pet tiger in the west wing of her future house, it doesn't mean your life is in danger.
It is possible to blow a 16-point lead in the final four only to send fans around the country into a deep state of denial.
Some master's degree students think living in Hawaii equates to studying abroad.
Being a "nanny" isn't babysitting, but it does include taking out the trash, cleaning, and doing laundry.
At the University of Tennessee, Olympians are like traffic in DC
It is possible to enjoy watching golf, if you get to be a standard bearer for Brendon DeJonge.
Dollywood sights and sounds will never leave you the same.
The University of Tennessee will do everything possible to make you think you won't graduate on time.
Look beneath the surface of a guy who seems like he's perfect. He's not.
Soccer camp is a lot more fun when you're a coach.
Any job is a good job when you're poor.
Temporarily living with your parents for free rent is bearable when you're poor.
When someone asks you to be in their wedding, it really means will you spend a butt load of money for me.
While a lot of the complaints about MethCo are the same as they were when I first went there five years ago... going back isn't the same.
You can't keep in touch with everyone.
I still have a lot to learn!
If your roommate offers to let you stay with her pet tiger in the west wing of her future house, it doesn't mean your life is in danger.
It is possible to blow a 16-point lead in the final four only to send fans around the country into a deep state of denial.
Some master's degree students think living in Hawaii equates to studying abroad.
Being a "nanny" isn't babysitting, but it does include taking out the trash, cleaning, and doing laundry.
At the University of Tennessee, Olympians are like traffic in DC
It is possible to enjoy watching golf, if you get to be a standard bearer for Brendon DeJonge.
Dollywood sights and sounds will never leave you the same.
The University of Tennessee will do everything possible to make you think you won't graduate on time.
Look beneath the surface of a guy who seems like he's perfect. He's not.
Soccer camp is a lot more fun when you're a coach.
Any job is a good job when you're poor.
Temporarily living with your parents for free rent is bearable when you're poor.
When someone asks you to be in their wedding, it really means will you spend a butt load of money for me.
While a lot of the complaints about MethCo are the same as they were when I first went there five years ago... going back isn't the same.
You can't keep in touch with everyone.
I still have a lot to learn!
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
quote fever
So I said I was going to be reflective about 2005, but every time I have internet that will let me post something, I'm supposed to be doing that annoying thing called work. But... in the meantime I found a couple of quotes that make me think...
"Every person wants to know.. 'Did you hear me? Did you see me? Did you really see me?' Every person matters." - Oprah
"Which of us is happy in this world? Which of us has his desire? Or, having it, is satisfied?" - William Thackeray
"Every person wants to know.. 'Did you hear me? Did you see me? Did you really see me?' Every person matters." - Oprah
"Which of us is happy in this world? Which of us has his desire? Or, having it, is satisfied?" - William Thackeray
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