remembering the past...

I preach (in the loosest sense of the word) a lot about getting over people. I've written a blog or two about replacing memories… Some people avoid good things because those things remind them of people who have hurt them. I created a whole theory where I encourage people (mainly myself) to go back and re-experience those things with new people to create new memories that will replace the painful ones. 

I still stand by it… immediately following a break-up or friend dumping scenario I always think it's helpful to create some distance and re-train your brain how to react to certain situations. When you're accustomed to texting a certain person all day or doing a certain thing with a certain person when you have a bad day, it takes some retraining to create new patterns. I think it's healthy to create space between yourself and the person who hurt you (or maybe who you hurt). It takes time to be able to go certain places or see things and not immediately break down or feel bitter at what was lost. 

However… at some point I can remember and not break. After years of practice, I've realized that there is a time when I can remember the "good ol' days" and smile. I have spent so much time "replacing memories" that I was not allowing myself to appreciate the good times I've had. It was as if I tried to convince myself those experiences, those relationships, didn't exist. 

I have been to Moe's with people who I will probably never go to Moe's with again. But I had such a good time when we went… I can still hear the laughter from the car rides across town and I don't want to forget it no matter how many more trips to Moe's I make. I have gone on road trips and gone on dates with people who I may never even see again… but that doesn't take away from the amazing memories I have with them. The weddings, the movies, the concerts, they all happened and the fact that they'll probably never happen again make them that much more irreplaceable. 

I want to let myself see a friend and laugh about something that happened five years ago. It doesn't mean we're going to be best friends again. It doesn't mean I'm calling all my ex-boyfriends in an attempt to rekindle something that doesn't exist (particularly since most of them are married)… it just means I'm allowing myself to appreciate the good. Can we actually balance the love and the hurt in a healthy way? I sure hope so. 

I'm still waiting.

Every once in awhile I see a friend post the "I don't wait anymore." blog on Facebook. It was actually written almost two years ago, but still gets plenty of traction. The blogger starts…

When I was 16, I got a purity ring. And when I was 25, I took it off. I didn’t tell anyone I was doing it — it wasn’t a statement or an emotional thing. I just slipped it off my finger that day and, before tucking it away in a box, ran my finger around the words on the familiar gold band. “True Love Waits.” Waits. What’s it “waiting” for, anyway?  

Her story always grabs my attention even though I feel like I've read it countless times. It catches my eye because I have my own "purity ring." I got mine when I was 18, but I didn't wear it much when I was in college. At some point I put it back on. It looks like a wedding band, and it attracts a lot of questions. People usually ask if I'm married and I usually get embarrassed trying to explain what it means or why I wear it. I feel like wearing it on my middle finger of my right hand should be a big enough hint that I'm not married, but people still ask.

The story strikes me because it always makes me question my own motives. What am I waiting for? What's the point of the ring? And when the paranoia really sets in… Is the ring keeping me from getting married?  The blogger took off her ring to make a point that she wasn't going to sit around and wait to start her life when she got married. The blog ends…

I lived like I was waiting for something.
And that’s why I slipped off my ring that day. It wasn’t that I wanted to sleep with people – I haven’t. It wasn’t a slap to True Love Waits, or to anyone who wears a purity ring – saving sex for marriage is good and is His design.
I just didn’t want to wait anymore – didn’t want to live like I was waiting on anyone to get here.
I already have Him … and He is everything. 

I can definitely understand her sentiment and I don't write this as a way to slap anyone who takes off their purity ring. I don't want to waste my life waiting for a man, but my ring doesn't mean True Love Waits for a Husband. My ring just means True Love Waits for a Husband Before Having Sex. 

There have been plenty of times that I think about taking it off again… whenever I re-read the chick's blog for starters! There have been plenty of moments I've wanted to throw the ring away and chuck my commitment right along with it. I don't want my "waiting" to just be another legalistic ritual to prove a point. I don't want my "waiting" to keep me from living. I don't want a ring to define me. 

But I've decided I'm still waiting… not to start living… not to find a husband (although that would be nice)… but I'm waiting to have sex. And I can wear a ring to remind me of my commitment without letting it define me. 

For now… I might change my mind the next time I read the blog. 

greatest proposals EVER...

There is a blog floating around Facebook encouraging people to focus on the marriage and not so much the proposal. I agree. Even with absolute no marriage experience, I'm completely confident that more time should be spent preparing for the marriage as compared to the proposal. I know that some women get suckered into the hype of a proposal and lose focus on the relationship. I also know that single women can get lost watching youtube proposals setting their expectations so high that any guy would come up short trying to meet them. I think it's unhealthy for a girl to give a guy a list of demands for a proposal because I would like to think that when it's right, the way he proposes doesn't matter.

On the other hand, I'm a sucker for a good proposal. I know I have to be careful not to take someone else's proposal and let it become my own expectations, but I would like to think I can be content with my own marital status while still being completely happy for someone else's fairytale moment. I feel a little better about the state of the world when I see people getting engaged rather than committing crimes or falling victim to another natural disaster. There's some comfort in seeing love rather than hate. 

Sometimes I need a good proposal binge and I have a few go-tos… I'm here to help you sort through all of the youtube proposals that claim to the best EVER!

Overall

Kandace + Corbin - This is probably one of my absolute favorites. The video itself is great, let alone the proposal. Corbin sets the perfect scene, pulls off the surprise element and delivers the best speech. I always love when family and friends are in on the surprise and can be there to celebrate. 

Will and Alison - I'm definitely biased when it comes to this one. Knowing Will makes this engagement more meaningful… and when the videographer's my bro-in-law, I have to give him a shout out. I love the planning that went into this and the way Barton was able to capture the day despite difficult camera shots! Washing her feet was the cherry on top. 

Big Productions

Matt and Ginny - One of the most popular youtube proposals… Matt made things difficult for the rest of the world. He nails the surprise aspect, has a quality movie trailer produced and throws in some humor on top of it. You always get bonus points for asking the dad too. The problem would be all of the copycats...

Justin Baldoni - This guy cheats a little bit since he's an actor with access to better resources than the average person. It's long… 27 minutes long… but he puts together a pretty sweet short film with a great message and surprises her with family. He did good.

Jesus

Gorilla Gun Man - This one is an oldie but a goodie. I love FCA so you know I have to love any kind of FCA proposal. I'm not such a fan of the proposal in front of thousands of sports fans that you don't know… but proposing in front of tons of kids who love you is pretty cool. He didn't even have to give a speech… but her surprise and the mass support makes this one of my favorites.

Love is a Violent Flame - I am very sure this would never happen to me because no guy in his right mind would let me sing with him in front of people. :) The fact that he can turn a simple worship experience into a proposal with such a smooth transition is impressive in itself. Sometimes we get weird about how to mix love for God and love for another person, but I think they do it right. 

God Gave Me You - He's blubbering a bit, but between the accent and his focus on Christ, I love it. They look so young, but I think he does it right when he invites her to spend time praying at the cross. 

Planning

The Six Year Plan - This couple takes the cake on planning ahead! The proposal itself is so simple, but personal to their relationship and a perfect way to end their six-year project. 

The Double Surprise - This guy definitely planned ahead with the double surprise. I love that the people inside didn't know what was going on either, but got to watch through the glass doors. Having her family show up is my favorite. 

Thoughtfulness

Branden's Proposal Extras - I love when the proposal is personal. He found a way to incorporate the people and moments that were important to them… fyi dancing is no longer required. 

Brad and Emily Lip Dub - I think flash mob/lib dubs are on their way out (I hope) but my favorite part is actually the letters and video she reads on the beach. It doesn't hurt that it ended at sunset… you can't go wrong at sunset on the beach!

Edited… I just found another one that I thought was worthy of the blog…
Clay and Lindsay

home...

Garden State is a movie that came out right after I moved to Tennessee for grad school. I arrived in Knoxville not knowing anyone and while I had a roommate and met some people at church and in class, it was pretty lonely. I think it really took me eight or nine months to find a place where I felt comfortable (figuratively speaking) and I was really only there for 10 months. Meanwhile, Garden State tells the story of "A quietly troubled young man [who] returns home for his mother's funeral after being estranged from his family for a decade."

Once I got past the first 10-15 minutes of drugs and f-bombs, I fell in love with the movie. I don't know that I was troubled, and I wasn't estranged from my family, but I felt like I could connect with Large's (Zach Braff) search for home during that period of my life. My favorite quote from the movie was…

"You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone… You'll see one day when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place."

When you're single in your 20s and 30s (and potentially beyond I suppose) it's easy to feel stuck in between "homes." The home you grew up in, that you long for, doesn't really exist anymore. And yet the home you think your future holds, that you long for, that doesn't exist either… at least not yet. There can be an awkward period in between that can make a person go crazy feeling homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I can be homesick longing for these things that don't exist… or I can embrace the places of "home" as I find them. 

I just spent my first weekend in Fayetteville since selling my house. I was without a "home," but I couldn't help but feel at home. I'm sure the fact that it was "homecoming" didn't hurt, but there's just something about driving on campus, or walking in Scrub Oaks or seeing some of my favorite people… that makes me feel at home. I know it was time for me to move back to Maryland when I did, but I will always consider Methodist another home away from home. I know it won't always be the same... At some point I'll go back to visit and no one will know who I am or be willing to spend four hours with me in the Lion's Den. But the Lion's Den.. the soccer field.. Weaver.. my old office… Just some of the place that will always remind me of the people that made it home for me. 

Home isn't a house or a place you can always go back to, but it's definitely the people and the memories from those places that I call home. 

an ode to my first house...

After one year, one month and 21 days, I have sold my house! The last 417 days of trying to sell my house have been an adventure to say the least, but I really am so grateful for the four years I spent on Albemarle and all of the people that have helped me through the purchase, the renovations, the move, all of it.

I started looking at buying a house in April of 2008. I was tired of paying rent and thought it could be a bit of an investment with three roommates. I figured I could always keep the house. I was in a college and military town, surely I could find people to rent it if I moved. The house always seemed to need work and during the summer of 2010 I did (well I hired some people to do) my big kitchen renovation. Two years later, I accepted a job in Maryland and needed to make some decisions about my house.

I know renting was an option, but I’m chicken. I was afraid of people messing up my house. I was afraid something big would break and I wouldn’t be able to afford to fix it. I was afraid I couldn’t charge enough to cover my mortgage. I was afraid if I found renters, they would leave and I’d be stuck with two mortgages or a mortgage and rent due. So I packed up my clothes and moved in with my parents, leaving my house behind.

Not many 30-year olds move in with their parents. I suppose it might happen more frequently these days, but it’s not usually ideal. I needed to reacclimate myself to living with my parents and adjust to a 120 mile round trip commute (compared to the three miles I was used to in Fayetteville). I told myself I could handle it until Christmas. Christmas came and went and there was not a lot of interest in my house. Really, the first seven months didn’t go so well and I eventually switched realtors in March. I think the combination of a lower price and the time of year helped me get some more looks. It’s not helpful when there are more than 20 houses for sale in your neighborhood, many of them foreclosures, but since pretty much eliminating renting as an option, I didn’t feel like I had another option, but to wait. If nothing else, I had a place to stay when I went back to visit and I could almost fool myself into thinking it was still home.

On Aug. 27 I received my first offer on the house. I accepted it the next day with plans to close Sept. 16. It sounded like as long as there weren’t any crazy issues that came up in the inspection on the 30th, we’d be good to go. The inspection came back pretty normal for a 50-year-old house, but after my realtor met with the buyer last Tuesday, my realtor said the buyer was 50-50. I was in limbo trying to figure out if the buyer was still on board and if she was, I needed to get down there and get my stuff out of the house. Finally, on Wednesday night at 8 p.m., my realtor said the buyer was on board and if I came down this weekend, we could close on Monday the 9th.

There’s always some risk that a contract could fall through up until closing, but my family took a risk and went down with me to get my stuff. We drove down and packed Friday, loaded the truck Saturday and then drove back and unloaded the truck Sunday. Between filling a four-bedroom house and having some pack rat tendencies, I have a lot of stuff. Somehow we survived and it was all worth it when my realtor called this morning to say it’s officially sold.

I’m already getting long-winded, but I need to at least attempt to thank my family and friends for their help. First of all, I’ve had boyfriends, friends and family who have helped me fix up my house. We have ripped off wallpaper, painted, caulked, hung decorations, installed ceiling fans, and did way too many hours of yard work. I didn’t make any money on the sale, but I know it wouldn’t have been close to breaking even without the changes we made.

During the last year I’ve had to rely on people in Fayetteville to keep an eye on my house. People cut my grass and dealt with my alarm issues… and you know you have real friends when they’re willing to clean up dead bugs for you!

I also had a ton of people help me move… both 14 months ago and this weekend. I know I couldn’t have done it without all of them. Whether it was moving a couch or packing a box or forcing me to throw away my papers from college, it was needed and I’m grateful. I know I have an awesome network of people when I can have a house full of people in Fayetteville helping me load a truck and drive back to see family waiting to help me unload the truck in Maryland.

My parents definitely deserve some sort of award. Not only have they dealt with a rent-free roommate for the last year, but they agreed to let me stick around for a few more months while I try to save some money… and then still made the trip to Fayetteville and bought a bunch of my family and friends meals over the weekend. To top it off, when I called my dad to let him know it’s official, he said my parents want to take me to dinner tonight to celebrate. Shouldn’t I be taking them to dinner?? I hope I can be as generous and supportive as they are.

I know people buy and sell houses all the time… but I don’t… so I want to remember it. I learned a ton about patience and trusting in God’s timing over the last few years. Thank you to everyone who has been praying and listening to me vent. I wouldn’t change a moment of my time on Albemarle, but I know this last year prepared me to say goodbye. I am no longer a homeowner!

Before and Afters...

   

   

My house in a truck...

thirty one...

31 is not exactly a special number... but I celebrated 31 years yesterday. Most people stop celebrating birthdays after 21. It's probably the last one that means anything in particular. I however continue to insist on celebrating as much as possible and I refuse to fear aging. After an awesome birthday surrounded by people who are willing to pretend like turning 31 is a momentous occasion, I can't help but look back and be grateful. 

I'm not sure I would have ever guessed this is where I'd be at 31. I used to take a lot of pride in having a plan. My plan went out the window as soon as I graduated college. I'm not sure much of my life has stayed on script since, but I am even more appreciative for all of the experiences. 

When I think about 31 I'm thankful that... 

... I live within an hour of my brother and sisters

... my parents have graciously taken me in

... I have some of the best friends anyone could ask for

... I get to play soccer twice a week

... I have a job in college athletics

... I own a house... kind of... but feel free to buy it if you'd like

... I have a lot of funny dating stories that might be good enough for a book someday

Let's keep celebrating birthdays. Let's keep celebrating life. Here's to 31!

it's worth it...

I've always been a believer in honesty... for other people. I want people to be honest with me and I'm always more hurt (and usually more angry) when I find out about something after the fact than if I had heard about it initially. I can't stand to think that someone would be afraid to tell me something (I can't be that intimidating right?!) or that someone would be that mean to not tell me the truth in the beginning. 

I have numerous examples of situations when I got mad (usually to disguise the hurt) at friends and/or family after I found out from someone else something I think they should have told me. In some cases, it probably would have hurt if they had told me initially, but I've always argued I would be less mad if I could hear it from them. In most cases, I really think I wouldn't be mad if they had just told me. In most cases, I just want to know that people trust me with the truth. 

All of my arguments sounded great until I was faced with an honesty dilemma. I made a decision and felt like I needed to share it with a friend. I also felt like if I shared it, I was going to hurt her. At the same time, there was a good chance someone else would tell her if I didn't and I knew that would hurt more. If I was going to practice what I preached, I had to be honest... now rather than later. 

It sounds so melodramatic now, but the conversation couldn't have gone better. I beat around the bush for a little bit and probably caused some unnecessary confusion, but when all was said and done, I had been holding on to all of this anxiety and guilt over something that wasn't even affecting my friend. She may not have even cared if I had never told her and someone else had, but I would have spent countless hours stressed and burdened wondering about it if I hadn't just had the conversation. 

If we really trust each other... if we're really friends... we can speak the truth in love. And even better... we can hear it and respond in love too. It's worth it. 

expectations...

"If God always met my expectations, He'd never have a chance to exceed them." - Steven Furtick

I've written 26 blog posts in the last year (this makes 27)... and the first 25 had 524 views total... including my farewell to MU post that was a blog-high at 156. Those 25 posts averaged nearly 21 views each and if you take out the one farewell post it drops to an average of 15 views per post. I've been okay with that. I don't even share most of my posts on facebook or twitter because I'm not sure I want to attract people to the crazy ramblings in my head. I took a risk a couple of weeks ago and linked my latest rant to facebook. It caught on a bit and within a couple of hours I had 200 views. Two weeks later and it's been checked out 539 times... more than the 25 previous posts combined. That's pretty cool to think that many people came and checked out my blog, but it left me a bit speechless for the last couple of weeks unsure how to follow that up.

Normally I don't think a whole lot about what I post here because I figure the people who read it know me... and hopefully love me unconditionally. :) An extra 500 people checking it out could backfire if I share too much or criticize too much. I already keep pretty high expectations for myself, but a blog that actually gets read could raise the stakes a bit. I opted to keep doing what I've been doing and share what's on my heart.

Steven Furtick is doing a sermon series at Elevation Church on the Expectation Gap. The series description sums it up... "We all live in a gap. The gap between what we expect and what we experience. It's where our dreams die and passions fade. It's often the birthplace of our frustration, disappointment, and discouragement. But there's a solution. There is a way to reconcile this space between. In this series we learn about the Expectation Gap – and the God who is able to bridge it all."

During the first week, Furtick taught about when others don't meet our expectations. This past Sunday was about when God doesn't meet our expectations and this Sunday will be about when we don't meet others' expectations. I've taken away so much from the first two weeks, but listening to week two's "Even Now Somehow" really struck me in a new way today. 

Furtick mentioned his father-in-law went to the 1984 Orange Bowl when Doug Flutie's hail mary beat Miami. Everyone talks about that moment as one of the most memorable moments in sports. Furtick's father-in-law said he almost missed it because the game had been so crowded and he was looking to leave early. He almost missed one of the top sports highlights because of an unruly crowd. 

There's no point in me regurgitating Furtick's sermon... you should listen to it in its entirety, but I started to think about how many things I might have missed or could miss if I'm always ready to leave early. Sometimes we go through difficult circumstances that have us running for a way out when God wants to take us through it. A crowded football game seems so silly, but I think it's a simple example of letting our current circumstances distract us from what God has planned for us. Sometimes we spend so much time drowning in the mess that we miss God pulling us out of it. Let's not miss it...

blaming methodist...

I spent six years working with college students and some of them are still some of my closest friends. I know it's not anything new, but lately I've been more and more perturbed with the complaining about my alma mater. Since taking a new job and working with other colleges and universities, I know Methodist is not alone. It is impossible to please everyone, but I'm not sure all of the frustrations are directed in the right place. 

When I was a college student, I remember being frustrated with a lot of things. It definitely wasn’t this magical time in my life when everything was perfect... and I even may have rushed through it to avoid some of the drama, but I don’t remember blaming Methodist for it. 

The institution is not without its flaws. It’s expensive and some of the professors appear to be too smart to bother teaching anyone not as fortunate. The food isn’t five-star dining and the hot water seems to be missing more lately. They punish you if you get caught drinking on campus and they attempt to enforce visitation rules. The curriculum even requires you to take more than 15 hours a semester if you want to graduate in four years. Sometimes a coach doesn’t play you as much as you want or makes you run more than you want. 

The list seems almost unbearable if it’s left by itself to torment the unhappy students. On the other hand, maybe it’s all relative. In the big scheme of things, most of the complaints aren’t Methodist’s fault and many are issues facing nearly every institution of higher education. I started to explain away some of the most popular complaints and realized it was getting long and I was rambling so you can read them below if you get bored. 

If you graduate from Methodist you’ll get a piece of paper and hopefully a significant boost to your resume that will give you an opportunity to get a job and maybe even start a career. I know it’s not free, but to bash the institution seems counterproductive. You’re going to use the university as a tool to market yourself and yet you’re going to tell everyone how bad it is? Why should I hire you if you’re telling me your education was worthless or acquired from a lousy institution? I realize I have a 10-year head start on gaining some perspective as compared to recent graduates, but I promise there is nothing gained from tearing down one of the only things listed on a recent graduate’s resume. 

If there’s something you would like to change about Methodist, you might have to express your dissatisfaction in another means other than facebook or twitter. You also might have to actually respond to one of those annoying phonathon calls or duplicate mailings and send them some money to fund some of these desired changes. Regardless of how much money you paid for your education, there isn’t a pile of money sitting around waiting to be used on the master plan. I realize donating while still job hunting is a bit much and no one expects you to match last year’s $5 million gift, but don’t forget about Methodist. Some of you met your wife or your best friend at Methodist or maybe you had access to an internship that turned into a dream career. I would hope everyone can come away with something positive you gained from that uber-expensive, torturous time you spent at Methodist. Ideally, you wouldn't give out of obligation, but out of gratitude. 

My experience at Methodist gave me a chance to play college soccer and meet some friends I hope will last forever. I went to graduate school and earned jobs based on my education and experience gained at Methodist. I was even fortunate enough to start a career in college athletics when no one else would have been dumb enough to hire me with such little experience. Thankfully, Methodist was willing to vouch for me. 

If you’re still a student at Methodist and you’re that miserable, leave. Otherwise your attitude will continue to poison everyone else around you. If you’re on the fence, ask all of your high school friends to give you their top five complaints about their institution and then ask some people who stuck it out at Methodist if they would change their decision. Sometimes you need perspective. 

If you graduated from Methodist, your complaining just decreases the value of your degree. Check out the progress the university is making, contribute if you can, (time and/or money) and look to make it better. I promise the time I spent at Methodist was well spent. 

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For all those still not convinced and looking for more reading material... 

Methodist is too expensive...

The latest data I could find was from October 2012 that quoted the average tuition cost of a private college education at $29,056. The overall average cost of college is listed as $43,289 (to include room and board). U.S. News and World Report lists tuition and total cost for every college and lists Methodist’s 2012-13 tuition at $27,122 and total cost as $37,185. That’s a lot of money for one year of school, but it’s also below the average. The closest private college to me charges $39,944 for tuition ($48,768 total) making Methodist seem like a bargain. I realize if you compare Methodist prices to public schools or just compare it to the average person’s yearly salary, it’s insane. Hopefully you qualify for some academic scholarships or need-based aid that will discount the price. I decided the small, private education I could gain from Methodist was worth the price tag (thank you mom and dad). Too often, families figure out how to work it out for one year, but can’t tackle the cost for four years. Ideally, you get an education that is worth the cost. The problem is that most students don’t have anything else to compare it to in order to know how valuable the experience really is. 

The professors suck...

There are a ton of awesome professors at Methodist. There are still some who might leave a bit to be desired. Some should probably stick to research or maybe Jeopardy rather than molding young minds. Believe it or not, not every professor at the cheaper, bigger public university is awesome either. I don’t know that there is a school out there with a faculty that would be at a 100% awesome rate. Sometimes you don’t have a choice about professors, but when you have a choice, choose wisely. When you don’t have a choice, suck it up and be an adult. 

The caf sucks...

I think there is always something to eat via the dining options. Even if cereal, salad or pizza doesn’t make your mouth water, you actually have the option of going upstairs or even down the street and using meal money. I love Outback, but I think if I ate lunch and dinner at Outback every day I would get a little tired of it. That doesn’t mean that Outback sucks, it just means we like choices. The good news is you’re getting a new vendor and new options anyway! 

I want to take a hot shower...

I can’t justify the lack of hot water or even update you on a plan to keep it from happening again, but I can tell you tweeting about it won’t make it come back. Some of the buildings are older and bound to have maintenance issues. As a home owner, I’m all too familiar with the issues that come with an older building. Believe it or not, it’s not a conspiracy to make you miserable and the cost of your tuition does not directly correlate to the maintenance issues. I paid a lot of money for my house, but things still break. 

I want to drink in my dorm and let my friends spend the night...

There are a ton of people that might like to argue the alcohol and visitation policies until they’re blue in the face. I actually liked both policies so I’m not sure I’m the best person to complain to on this one. I was never of age to drink while attending Methodist and I liked having an excuse to kick out unwanted visitors at 1 or 2 a.m. I do think both are policies that have been around forever so it’s not like anyone sprung it on you midway through your college career. If no one told you during the recruiting process, that’s a different story. Essentially, you chose Methodist and the rules come with the territory. Suck it up or move off campus when you can. 

My advisor (or anyone but me) kept me from graduating on time...

One of the most popular complaints come from those students who get to their senior year and missed a class or changed their major or catalog or something that ends up with the dreaded message that graduation won’t happen on time. I realize the university assigns you an advisor and many students put their entire career in that advisor’s hands with the hope of graduating on time. Unfortunately some advisors have more than 50 students they’re advising and things are missed. Sometimes a policy changes or an advisor changes and things get missed. I did my own advising. I filled out my schedule and checked classes off my checksheet and made sure I was going to graduate on my timeline. My advisor had to sign off and she double-checked me, but I knew what I had taken and what I had left to take. Don’t wait until the last semester to make sure you’re covered. Audit yourself each semester and make sure you’re on target. Worst case scenario, call me and I’ll check for you. 

I should have more playing time aka my coach is an idiot...

There are also a ton of complaints about coaches. I’m not sure anyone has spent four years playing for a coach and not had a complaint. Some coaches are better than others and I had my share of frustrations as a student-athlete. One of my frustrations now is when a student-athlete lets a coach take away their love of the game. There aren’t a lot of people who decide to play a sport at a Division III college who don’t love it. If you really love it, the annoying coach or the petty players won’t matter. If the coach is doing something unethical, of course report it. If you’re not getting playing time, work harder. If you think you can get time somewhere else, have at it. Regardless, play because you love it or don’t play.

a friend that sticks...

I like to think I can read people pretty well. As loud and talkative as I can be, I love to survey a room in silence. I want to know what makes you tick. I want to know why you do the things you do and who you're trying to impress. Usually it's because I'm selfish. I want to know if we could be friends or maybe even date. Sometimes I want to know if I can help you. 

When I worked at a college, every new group of students was a new group to get to know. I met so many people, and got to know some better than others. Sometimes I saw myself in the naive freshman or the kid who was surrounded by people, but looked lonely. Sometimes I saw a kid just looking for a friend or an answer or just someone to listen. Sometimes I saw someone hurting and I just wanted to take away the hurt. Sometimes I saw a student looking for answers and I just let them ask the questions. 

A few times I got hurt. Maybe I misread a person or misjudged their intentions. Maybe they changed or maybe I just messed up. I've learned it's risky to make friends with 18-22 year olds. There is so much growing up that happens then... especially when you're away from home and charged with figuring out who you are. It's not the same for everyone, but generally speaking... we change so much during college... hopefully for the better, but it's nearly inevitable. How do you move to a new place with new people and new experiences and not change? 

I wish I could draw a chart of college friendships. People show up and have limited standards for friendship at first... you just want someone to hang out with or eat lunch with so you don't look like a loner. If you're lucky... you and your roommate work out and tag team it. If you're not so lucky you hope the first person you risk friendship with isn't insane. I cringe when people proclaim new "best friends" every five minutes. There are of course exceptions to the rule. Sometimes the friendships last four years and more often than not even if you're  not "best friends" you're still friends or at least acquaintances. Occasionally you get to graduation and see your first friend walk across the stage and wonder what in the world you ever had in common with that stranger. 

My point? When you make a friend that sticks... be grateful. And when it doesn't stick, it's not always your fault. People change... and just like relationships, sometimes friendships end to make room for new ones. 

helicopters and babies...

My family loves talking about my trip to Johns Hopkins hospital in a helicopter because we love to rag on my dad for running out of film before I got to the helicopter. Evidently he took a few too many pictures of my mom crying as she said goodbye to me. For some reason I don't remember hearing the story leading up to the helicopter until this week. 

I was born at 1:03 a.m. and my mom said they whisked me away because I was having trouble breathing. Here's the first shocker of the story... my dad left and went home. He claims they told him I just needed some oxygen and I'd be alright, but I'm having a hard time imagining I would ever allow my husband to leave me under normal circumstances let alone if my baby isn't breathing normally. 

Meanwhile my mom was moved into a room by herself which she interpreted as her baby was going to die. She assumed they didn't want her around other new moms when it happened. Evidently a baby died at the hospital the week before and my mom had read about it and then overheard nurses talking about it after I was born. A series of coincidences combined with my lack of normal breathing had her freaking out to say the least. By 7 a.m. when the nurses changed shifts, the new nurse realized my mom hadn't had a chance to hold me and went to get me, but my mom said my chest was rising and falling so heavily that they had to take me back for oxygen pretty quickly. After my doctor arrived they decided I needed to go to Johns Hopkins... in a helicopter... without my mom. Cue photos of my hysterical mom. (I am feeling kind and decided to leave them off the world wide web.)

I've obviously never had a baby, so I can't even pretend to imagine what my mom was going through. To give birth for the first time and not know if your baby is going to live is terrifying to say the least. Usually my family hears the helicopter story and we laugh it off, because despite a slight heart murmur I am healthy and never displayed any signs of what must have been some crazy first hours of life. 

Most of the time the helicopter story is just another silly thing my dad did (or didn't do), but the other night I heard the fear in my mom's voice and saw the anxiety in my dad's eyes. Looking back, most moms would kill for a private room or a chance to give her kid a helicopter ride, but to my mom they were my death sentence. 

There's no point in getting stuck in the past reliving those moments and I'm so thankful my mom didn't let those first scary moments rule her life as a mother and keep me in a glass cage. And while I don't want to be super dramatic, I also don't want to take those moments for granted. I don't know that I was really "near death" but I think my mom would say I was close enough... Our life is such a series of events that could have gone another way but they didn't. Let's be grateful for today.

happily ever after...

I read Karen Kingsbury's newest book today, "The Chance." I've read all of her books and continue to be captivated by her stories... scooped up and drawn into the characters' lives. Sometimes I've wondered whether the stories are too perfect. Don't get me wrong, there's heartache... tears, dying, tragedies... but it always seems like there's a "happily ever after" ending. I'm guessing that's probably a requirement in Christian fiction test polls, but I'm not sure how much of it is real life. Or maybe it's just not wrapped into neatly packaged stories. Our happily ever afters don't always come when we want them.

*SPOILER ALERT* Stop here if you're a die hard Kingsbury reader who hasn't read the book yet... I might give away too much... even if I think you could guess the ending. 

I don't want to give away all the sappy details... because I think the story is worth reading, (obviously if I read all 320 pages in a few hours today) but the story centers around a girl... Ellie. It begins when she's 15 and being whisked away from everything she knows including her best friend, a guy who says he's going to marry her when they grow up. They bury some letters and agree to meet back in 11 years to dig them up just in case they lose touch. Things don't go exactly according to plan, but nevertheless, the guy never stops searching for her and they eventually reunite 11 years later. 

I have dated my fair share of guys and for one reason or another, the relationships haven't worked out. Sometimes we tried again... and again. Sometimes I couldn't run far enough away and sometimes I kept hoping we could give it another try. Occasionally you find one you would wait 11 years for... and sometimes God answers the prayer like Kingsbury's book and there's a happily ever after reunion. But sometimes, God answers the prayer another way... with a different kind of happily ever after. 

I didn't get my happily ever after today, but I feel like I got my answer to a six year prayer. I don't know what my "happily ever after" will look like, but tonight I'm thankful for answers. I am thankful God knows better than I do and I'm thankful for stories that bring hope in the waiting. 

preserving memories...

After college I started journaling pretty regularly. I scribbled randomly during college and have notes from the summer before college, but that's the extent of what I can find pre-college graduation. I remember having diaries when I was a kid, daydreaming about the newest boy I thought was cute, but I'm guessing someone eventually convinced me to chuck them... normally I'm a bit of a pack rat. 

Journaling can be helpful in the moment, because it allows you to express yourself. I started blogging on myspace (shout out to myspace!) in 2005 and eventually transitioned over to blogspot. Sometimes (okay usually) my blog turns into a journal and I pretend I don't have any readers. I know blogging and journaling have been crucial for me to work through things rolling around in my head. 

Not only is it helpful in the moment, I also think journaling is helpful looking back. I love reading journals or blogs from this day five years ago or 10 years ago. I love seeing how far I've come. I love reading about a time when I felt like things were crashing in around me and being able to see how God led me out of it. I love reading about a really good day and having those feelings imprinted on my heart over and over again. 

I'm a little bummed at myself for not capturing high school and college better. I spent six years working at my collegiate alma mater and relived a lot of those memories every day, but I just don't want to forget. Every time someone's collegiate athletic career ends, I think back to my own. I played my last college soccer game November 8, 2002. I actually try to block that game out. We lost in the conference tournament semifinals 3-0 to Greensboro on CNU's field. A combination of bad memories all around. When I think about my last game, I prefer to remember my senior day. We won 2-1 and I assisted the game-winning goal in the last 10 minutes. Of course a couple of my teammates got me a copy of the game (VHS baby!) and my performance was not as glorious as I prefer to remember it. 

I always want to remember the end. I want to remember what it felt like to be a college athlete. I will always be grateful for my coach for giving me a chance to play even when he drove me crazy. I will always be grateful for my teammates... for putting up with me and making me better. 

I wish I had written something that night... November 8... to capture what I was feeling. Being a college athlete doesn't last forever. Every time someone else's career ends, I try to remember what it felt like. I remember no one wanting to stay in Newport News another second and I remember a pretty miserable ride back to Fayetteville. I also remember spending that entire year thinking about the "lasts." I was the only senior on the roster that year, although my teammate Courtney ended up finishing early too, but I felt like no one was as concerned about the season as I was. Until you're a senior, you always know you have another game, another season, another chance. I always think if I could find a way to bottle up a player's commitment and perspective as a senior and sell it to freshmen, I'd be successful. 

How do you convince freshmen it doesn't last forever? How do you convince players to exhaust every option, to work out above and beyond, to do more than expected when they think it will last forever? 

It doesn't last forever, but I'll be forever grateful for the time it lasted. 

a few of my favorite things...

Rather than blowing up facebook or twitter with a ton of links I decided to put them all in one place... here are some things I'm loving this week in no particular order...

1. Rachael Lampa's first Stairwell Session... cool concept... even cooler cover

2. From the Plain Dealer... Love game: Toledo's Ben Pike ends football career to assist ill fiancee

3. Kelli Higgins' "newborn" photography... I have a heart for adoption and some of my favorite people are adopted. It warms my heart to see this adopted mom share a "newborn" experience with her adopted 13-year-old.

From yahoo.com "Three years ago, Kelli Higgins of Crestview, Florida, had five biological children at home and was pregnant with a sixth. She and her husband then adopted two siblings, 5-year-old Chanya and 10-year-old Latrell. Last month, while the family sat around the dinner table, Higgins, a photographer, told the kids that she would be doing a newborn photo session. Latrell, who spent much of his youth in foster care, mentioned to his mother that he didn't have any baby photos of himself. That gave his 12-year-old sister Alycia an idea: Their mom should take "newborn" pictures of Latrell now, at age 13!"

Check out the photos HERE!

4. Prinstant Replays... When I have my own place with a sports room again... these are awesome. It doesn't hurt that the company was started by a Tennessee alum They say... "If you have any connection to a team, their most memorable plays have a special, warm place in your soul. Well, we want to put that feeling on your wall." They essentially take famous plays and make the diagram into art. Check them out HERE! 

5. Big Bang Theory... This isn't anything new, but I've been loving the new episodes. Shelden has inspired me to start a business helping guys buy gifts for their girlfriends or wives. They can register their anniversary and her birthday and get reminders around gift-giving holidays. I'll do the stalking and help create potential gift lists. A branch of personal shopping, but personal shopping for other people. I don't even really like shopping, but I like helping people come up with gifts that will make others happy. 

To be continued... 

the Ray Lewis theology...

I'd like to think I'm a pretty big Ravens fan. I'd even consider myself a Ray Lewis fan. I'm also completely aware there aren't a ton of people outside those of us who grew up in Maryland or live here now who feel the same way. To write a blog anything Ravens related seven days after the Super Bowl is a prime example of showing up late to the party, especially with today's culture of "need it now" information and short-term attention spans. Once again... here I am going against what might be acceptable or preferred. :)

I could probably write a book (and perhaps someone will) about Ray Lewis and his theology, particularly when you frame it next to the Atlanta "incident" from 2000. While I don't have any statistics to support it, I would imagine the majority of America (especially if you didn't poll Marylanders) would consider Lewis a criminal and think he killed one or two people January 31, 2000 at a post-game Super Bowl party. I'll debate that with you another day... Even those willing to admit he's a good player have been sick of all of the retirement hoopla... tired of hearing Lewis rant. Through the Ravens' playoff run, Lewis has been the spiritual leader of sorts wearing his Psalm 91 shirt in the postgame interviews after his last game in Baltimore and continuing to spout "no weapon formed against us shall prosper" leading up to the Super Bowl.

Some people find it ironic that a "murderer" would be preaching to the masses. Other find it rubbish no matter who's preaching. And still some wonder if God and sports go together at all.

There has been plenty of commentary over the years, especially in the last few weeks analyzing God and sports and where God "fits." I'm not sure I have anything new to add to the conversation, but I had to at least say my piece. I really struggled after Lewis' postgame Super Bowl interview when he quoted part of Romans 8:31, "If God is for us, who can be against us?"

First of all, I don't think God "fits" into a nice neat box when it comes to sports or anything else. Some Christians have claimed God doesn't fit onto a football field. What an athlete has to do to compete, doesn't fit with their personality as a Christian off the field. I've never played football, so my opinion doesn't carry a lot of weight, but I think that's crap. I'm taking God with me wherever I go and if I feel like I have to drop him off at the door, then maybe I shouldn't be going there to begin with. God's been in a battle or two... life threatening ones believe it or not and I don't think a football game would scare him away.

Secondly... I have a hard time applying Romans 8:31 to the outcome of a Super Bowl... or any athletic event. If we apply Lewis' assertion literally, he's saying, "If God is for the Ravens, the 49ers can't stop us." Logically, this implies God is not for the 49ers. So God likes the Ravens better than the 49ers? There's nothing theologically sound about that argument. There are Christian men on both teams and I don't think God sits down before every game and weighs the strengths or numbers of Christians against each other between the two teams to pick a winner.

If we buy into Lewis' application, what bad Christians we must be every time we lose a game or miss out on a job opportunity or go through a break up? If we were better Christians, God might be for us instead of the other "guy."

Even if you throw out Lewis' theology (which I have but still completely love him as a former Ravens player), I suppose the next question would then be, what role did God play in the outcome of the Super Bowl? I think if you want to answer the question "Why do good things happen to good or bad people?" we have to go back to "Why do bad things happen to good people?"

We struggle how God could cause or ignore (depending on your beliefs) big disasters like Columbine or 9/11 happen. I believe He gave us free will to make our own choices and there are some evil people that choose poorly and cause disasters and nightmares for others... and other times there are just plain accidents that God doesn't want anymore than we do. I think God still finds a way to use bad things. It doesn't always make anyone that loses anyone feel better right away, but God still finds a way to reach people when things don't make sense. Stories of Columbine students speaking out about their faith spread quickly after the shooting. Churches filled following 9/11. Does that bring any of the dead back to life? No, but maybe another person chooses life.

In the same way, I don't think God causes or ignores good things to happen like Super Bowl victories. I think He wants people to glorify Him... in victory and in defeat. Maybe it's not so black and white. I'm just not sure He cares who wins or loses as much as He cares about how we're living.

Completely unrelated to Ray Lewis or the Ravens but completely related to stories of God working through tragedies... ever since hearing the story of the Laymon family in December, I have not been able to get them out of my head. As Elevation Church describes it... "Their story of unshakeable faith in the midst of pain and loss inspired our church and reminded us all of the real reason the Church exists." It's a bit lengthy, but when you have some time, pop a squat and bring a box of tissues! Scroll down and click WATCH: http://elevationchurch.org/sermons/banneryears/part6

a twitter sidenote...

Anyone that knows anything about developing a blog following will tell you to find a theme and stick with it. I've never been very good at that and tonight is no different. I'm going on an educational rant about twitter... 

I'm not a twitter expert. I don't have anywhere near the following of anyone who is somebody in twitter terms. On the other hand, I have been on twitter longer than most and was tweeting before anyone was really listening. I've watched it grow and change and I'd like to think I get it. With that said... here are my tips of the trade... some things I think are essential for anyone, but especially for people using twitter for work or to develop a brand. 

1. The period. If I'm following you and you start a tweet with @justinbieber and I don't follow him, your tweet won't show up in my feed. I could still go to your "profile" (twitter.com/username) and see the tweet so it's not really private, but unless I'm checking profiles often (most people don't) I won't read it. That's helpful when you're having a conversation you may not want to broadcast (maybe you don't want me to make fun of you for tweeting Justin Bieber) but if you're trying to get information out, you're missing your audience. I've seen this most often with institutions or teams starting their tweet with a handle and making an announcement. If the Ravens tweet (without quotes) "@raylewis is retiring at the end of the season" only people who follow @raylewis will see the tweet. Of course you hope your audience is already following him, but it can be part of your marketing to get your news out... and his handle so all of the people who aren't following him will see his handle and start following. 

Opportunities: 

- Start your tweet with anything else... "Today @raylewis announced he will retire at the end of the season."

- The big trend now is just to start with a period. ".@raylewis is retiring at the end of the season"

2. Hashtag interruption. I would guess the most common complaint about hashtags would be their length. If I have to read it three times to understand it, it's too long. My biggest hashtag pet peeve is all those hashtags that are interrupted by punctuation. Part of this depends on your intention with a hashtag. Sometimes we just use hashtags to imply sarcasm or some kind of humor. The greater use comes in when you're developing a brand or trying to create community amongst your fans. If I tweet about the Tennessee Lady Vols and use the hashtag #LadyVols I can search for or click on the hashtag in my tweet and see everyone else in the world (with public accounts or people I follow) who has tweeted using that hashtag. Some sports teams have tried using a different hashtag for each game and I think that's asking a lot of your fanbase. I'd recommend keeping it simple. But back to my interrupters... too often I see people use a hashtag like #TexasA&M. As soon as you put the & you're breaking the hashtag. Now you can still search for everyone who has tweeted #TexasA&M, but if you try to click on the hashtag, you're going to find everyone who tweeted the hashtag #TexasA. 

Opportunitities: 

- Keep your hashtags simple. The shorter the better. 

- Don't use punctuation!! 

3. The mute blessing. I use echofon on my iphone to access twitter. As a disclaimer, I've never used the general Twitter app and I haven't tried any other apps, so there might be some advantages to something else, but I'm a huge fan of echofon. The biggest reason... the mute option. I follow more than 300 people/organizations and I'm sure more than half of them are people I've never met. If any of these people tweet ridiculousness I can unfollow them... no harm, no foul. If one of my friends/acquaintances starts tweeting ridiculousness, I don't want to unfollow them and potentially offend them or miss out on something, but I don't want to be brought down by their mess so I can mute them on echofon. Muting allows me to still click on their profile and read their tweets, they don't know their muted, but I'm not depressed by their negativity or repulsed by their vulgarity. Again... no harm, no foul. 

Opportunities: 

- Mute until your heart's content and then find some positive, funny, encouraging people/organizations to follow! 

- My other favorite trick is to block people's retweets. Some people retweet too much or retweet accounts that are offensive or stupid. Most often I block retweets from celebrities who just retweet annoying fans asking for retweets. If you log onto twitter from a computer and go to the account's profile and click the drop down head and shoulders, you can turn off retweets for individual accounts. 

4. Bloggers' replay. This one is just a personal pet peeve that real bloggers would tell you to ignore me, but... I can't stand when bloggers tweet their post more than once. I'm sure the strategy is to make sure you reach your entire audience, but I check my timeline all the time so I see them all... you can't miss me. My biggest frustration is when a blogger tricks me and rewords the teaser in a way that makes me think it's a new post when it's really the same one I read last night. 

Opportunities: 

- Completely ignore me and keep blasting your followers so they read your blog. 

- Tweet your blog post at a time when the majority of your followers are awake and checking their twitter. Friday night at 8 p.m. might not be a good time if everyone's out living life off of social media and Tuesday at 7 a.m. might not be great if everyone's still sleeping and your tweet gets buried when they wake up. 

- I have a ton of respect for those who acknowledge they're posting it again (and keep me from getting faked out :)... "In case you missed it last night, here's my new blog..." or "Here's my latest blog post for the afternoon crowd..."