remembering the past...

I preach (in the loosest sense of the word) a lot about getting over people. I've written a blog or two about replacing memories… Some people avoid good things because those things remind them of people who have hurt them. I created a whole theory where I encourage people (mainly myself) to go back and re-experience those things with new people to create new memories that will replace the painful ones. 

I still stand by it… immediately following a break-up or friend dumping scenario I always think it's helpful to create some distance and re-train your brain how to react to certain situations. When you're accustomed to texting a certain person all day or doing a certain thing with a certain person when you have a bad day, it takes some retraining to create new patterns. I think it's healthy to create space between yourself and the person who hurt you (or maybe who you hurt). It takes time to be able to go certain places or see things and not immediately break down or feel bitter at what was lost. 

However… at some point I can remember and not break. After years of practice, I've realized that there is a time when I can remember the "good ol' days" and smile. I have spent so much time "replacing memories" that I was not allowing myself to appreciate the good times I've had. It was as if I tried to convince myself those experiences, those relationships, didn't exist. 

I have been to Moe's with people who I will probably never go to Moe's with again. But I had such a good time when we went… I can still hear the laughter from the car rides across town and I don't want to forget it no matter how many more trips to Moe's I make. I have gone on road trips and gone on dates with people who I may never even see again… but that doesn't take away from the amazing memories I have with them. The weddings, the movies, the concerts, they all happened and the fact that they'll probably never happen again make them that much more irreplaceable. 

I want to let myself see a friend and laugh about something that happened five years ago. It doesn't mean we're going to be best friends again. It doesn't mean I'm calling all my ex-boyfriends in an attempt to rekindle something that doesn't exist (particularly since most of them are married)… it just means I'm allowing myself to appreciate the good. Can we actually balance the love and the hurt in a healthy way? I sure hope so.