After college I started journaling pretty regularly. I scribbled randomly during college and have notes from the summer before college, but that's the extent of what I can find pre-college graduation. I remember having diaries when I was a kid, daydreaming about the newest boy I thought was cute, but I'm guessing someone eventually convinced me to chuck them... normally I'm a bit of a pack rat.
Journaling can be helpful in the moment, because it allows you to express yourself. I started blogging on myspace (shout out to myspace!) in 2005 and eventually transitioned over to blogspot. Sometimes (okay usually) my blog turns into a journal and I pretend I don't have any readers. I know blogging and journaling have been crucial for me to work through things rolling around in my head.
Not only is it helpful in the moment, I also think journaling is helpful looking back. I love reading journals or blogs from this day five years ago or 10 years ago. I love seeing how far I've come. I love reading about a time when I felt like things were crashing in around me and being able to see how God led me out of it. I love reading about a really good day and having those feelings imprinted on my heart over and over again.
I'm a little bummed at myself for not capturing high school and college better. I spent six years working at my collegiate alma mater and relived a lot of those memories every day, but I just don't want to forget. Every time someone's collegiate athletic career ends, I think back to my own. I played my last college soccer game November 8, 2002. I actually try to block that game out. We lost in the conference tournament semifinals 3-0 to Greensboro on CNU's field. A combination of bad memories all around. When I think about my last game, I prefer to remember my senior day. We won 2-1 and I assisted the game-winning goal in the last 10 minutes. Of course a couple of my teammates got me a copy of the game (VHS baby!) and my performance was not as glorious as I prefer to remember it.
I always want to remember the end. I want to remember what it felt like to be a college athlete. I will always be grateful for my coach for giving me a chance to play even when he drove me crazy. I will always be grateful for my teammates... for putting up with me and making me better.
I wish I had written something that night... November 8... to capture what I was feeling. Being a college athlete doesn't last forever. Every time someone else's career ends, I try to remember what it felt like. I remember no one wanting to stay in Newport News another second and I remember a pretty miserable ride back to Fayetteville. I also remember spending that entire year thinking about the "lasts." I was the only senior on the roster that year, although my teammate Courtney ended up finishing early too, but I felt like no one was as concerned about the season as I was. Until you're a senior, you always know you have another game, another season, another chance. I always think if I could find a way to bottle up a player's commitment and perspective as a senior and sell it to freshmen, I'd be successful.
How do you convince freshmen it doesn't last forever? How do you convince players to exhaust every option, to work out above and beyond, to do more than expected when they think it will last forever?
It doesn't last forever, but I'll be forever grateful for the time it lasted.
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