I've always been a believer in honesty... for other people. I want people to be honest with me and I'm always more hurt (and usually more angry) when I find out about something after the fact than if I had heard about it initially. I can't stand to think that someone would be afraid to tell me something (I can't be that intimidating right?!) or that someone would be that mean to not tell me the truth in the beginning.
I have numerous examples of situations when I got mad (usually to disguise the hurt) at friends and/or family after I found out from someone else something I think they should have told me. In some cases, it probably would have hurt if they had told me initially, but I've always argued I would be less mad if I could hear it from them. In most cases, I really think I wouldn't be mad if they had just told me. In most cases, I just want to know that people trust me with the truth.
All of my arguments sounded great until I was faced with an honesty dilemma. I made a decision and felt like I needed to share it with a friend. I also felt like if I shared it, I was going to hurt her. At the same time, there was a good chance someone else would tell her if I didn't and I knew that would hurt more. If I was going to practice what I preached, I had to be honest... now rather than later.
It sounds so melodramatic now, but the conversation couldn't have gone better. I beat around the bush for a little bit and probably caused some unnecessary confusion, but when all was said and done, I had been holding on to all of this anxiety and guilt over something that wasn't even affecting my friend. She may not have even cared if I had never told her and someone else had, but I would have spent countless hours stressed and burdened wondering about it if I hadn't just had the conversation.
If we really trust each other... if we're really friends... we can speak the truth in love. And even better... we can hear it and respond in love too. It's worth it.
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