kallie jean

I always told everyone I wanted 12 children. I first thought I'd want 12 children after reading Cheaper by the Dozen (yes there's a book and yes it's so much better than the Steve Martin/Bonnie Hunt movie version). The longer it took to get married, the more unrealistic 12 children became. Ok let’s be honest, 12 children may have always been a bit unrealistic, getting married at 32 just made it more obvious. Of course now we’re less than a month from our fifth anniversary and we have three. Six years ago I was living in Maryland and I wasn’t even sure Steve and I could date.

After having two kids we talked a lot about number three. My doctor has assured me that while my pregnancy was considered geriatric.. women much older than me have children. And yet every pregnancy has made me feel more geriatric. We found out in November that Kallie was a girl. Steve was adorably thrilled. I was a bit more apprehensive.. partially because I was dreading all the pink, frilly, glitter harassment from friends and fam.. and partially because I was nervous about learning how to be a girl mom.

I was due May 2, but my history of c-sections meant we were able to schedule Kallie’s arrival at 39 weeks on Saturday, April 25. After having Lucas in the heart of flu season and dealing with hospital visitor restrictions (no one under 12), we were praying restrictions would be lifted by April. Meanwhile, COVID-19 started making interrupting things in March. Before we knew it the hospital was eliminating all visitors with a few exceptions. Thankfully, labor and delivery patients were allowed one visitor, but once you leave you can’t come back.

My parents came down to watch the boys.. essential travel in the middle of a stay at home order. With Lucas, Britt went to daycare and my parents came to the hospital. Having a baby on a Saturday, in a pandemic, with no daycare, and no other visitors made my parents heroes for taking care of the boys. Steve and I arrived Saturday morning and had to wait to check in, but our awesome nurse Dominique came and brought us to a room to prep. My favorite anesthesiologist, Vicki, found us. My doctor reviewed everything and then eventually I went to the operating room while Steve had to go to the waiting room. I always tell people the weirdest things about a scheduled c-section (especially after the first wasn’t scheduled) is walking into the operating room and hopping up on the table. Vicki gave me the cocktail of the day and I got a catheter but I started to feel nauseous and so uncomfortable. Thankfully, we adjusted (or I got used to it?) and settled in. Steve arrived and took his place by my head. Vicki is so kind to talk me through everything. There was a ton of pressure as they pulled Kallie out and then I could relax once I heard her crying. When she came out people remarked about how big she looked, but she’s actually our smallest baby. The NICU doctor took what felt like forever to evaluate her, but Steve told me she had pooped on them and we found out she swallowed a bunch of secretions on her way out so they had to suction her out a bunch. Thankfully we haven’t seen any issues since.

Eventually, Steve got to hold Kallie and bring her over to me. In that moment, there is so much love and so much relief. She was here. She was healthy. I felt safe. There has been so much anxiety in the world around COVID-19.. people anxious about germs.. anxious about the economy.. anxious about their jobs and bills.. anxious about being alone or anxious about being stuck in close quarters with the wrong people or just too many people. But on Saturday morning just before 10 am, it all went away for a brief moment. And then we went right back to that underlying anxiety of a parent trying to provide all the things for this tiny human.

The only other side effect from the pandemic was that Steve had to go back to the waiting room when I went to recovery. It sucked, but we were so thankful he could be there at all that it wasn’t worth dwelling on. Recovery took forever while we waited on a room and I was exhausted, but at some point that afternoon we had a room!

We spent the next 44ish hours in room 45 in and out of sleep, feedings, and delirium. We were blessed with awesome hospital nurses and staff, but were more than ready to come home Monday morning.

Please excuse my ramble but I want to remember what last Saturday felt like. Kallie Jean, I love you. I pray you’ll always know that. I pray that you’ll know God’s love for you and put your faith in Him first. I pray you become a strong, secure, Christ follower. Let’s do this!