turning 30...

During the summer of 2012 I have managed to get a new job, a boyfriend and.... gasp... turn 30. I've seen some friends really struggle with 30 and I was determined not to join them. In reality, we're getting older every day and we've created these societal expectations and media pressure that have determined who we should be when we turn 30. I think if you had asked me 15 years ago... probably even 10 years ago where I would be when I turned 30, I would have told you I'd be married with a kid or two while balancing some amazing career. Of course I also thought I'd meet my husband in college. I probably struggled more graduating college and not being any closer to mastering my love life than I did this year. At the same time I was cognizant of this milestone approaching and trying to figure out what I was doing with my life.

I've tried to balance these feelings of content and panic all summer. Change is never easy... at least not for me and I am usually a big long-term planner. In May I typically know what the next 7-8 months will look like. During this May I had no idea what I would be doing in June let alone December or January. I over think things and analyze every possible scenario and this summer I've been challenged to just take it one day at a time while still checking my direction. We can't let the unknown of next week paralyze us, but I also don't think we should keep our head down so much that we end up falling off the track.

I'm confident God spends time convincing me to really be satisfied in Him alone and sometimes that means holding back some of this stuff I think I need. I want to grateful for the Giver, not just the gifts. I'm grateful for the opportunity to see a couple of steps in front of me after a season of unknown as I turned 30. I was ready to move forward and I think it helped me conquer whatever expectations I have placed on myself for this particular time in my life.

At the same time, there is still what feels like an almost overwhelming sense of unknown. After an exhausting week with a move... I came to some sense of peace. I don't have all the answers, but I'm trying to live in this moment and be content... even at 30! The last month has been full of stress, change and sleepless nights... but tonight I am grateful. I am so thankful God always knows better than I do... His timing is better than mine. Here's to embracing unsettledness!