12th...

This is my 201st post on my blog. Of course it's a blog that originated on myspace and have since moved, but still... hard to believe I came up with 200 things to say previously!

On Thursday I said I'd write a blog about being 12th and here it is Sunday and I'm just sitting down to do it. There is this theme in our culture that we have to be first. Winners are rewarded with fame, money, acceptance... challenging all of us to be the best. Unfortunately it's impossible for us to all be "the best." I don't want to quit trying to do my best... but I also want to be content with my position even if it's not the best.

Some situations in life rank us based on our abilities which can be disappointing, humbling and sometimes just plain frustrating. The question is, what are we going to do about it? We can settle and say, "Sweet I'm number 12* and going to chill out here without exerting anymore effort." Sometimes we settle because we're afraid of trying and failing. It's easier to say you failed because you didn't try, rather than to admit you did your best and still didn't do well. If we don't settle, we could just blame someone else. "I would be number 1, but Joey cheated and caused me to drop 11 spots to number 12, but it's totally not my fault." Always an easy way out, but usually not true. If I can avoid settling or casting blame, I hope I can keep battling... taking control of what I can control and letting go of those things outside of my control.

In the big scheme of things, I'm arguing for the underdog. How many times is a team ranked number one, just to get knocked off by a lower seed? I'd much rather defy expectations than fall short. I also love spinning a potentially crushing experience into something positive... especially for the people around me that I care about!

*Under full disclosure it should be known that I love the number 12 and would thoroughly enjoy being 12th... or 21st in the event of dyslexia.

jacee...

I know I know a posting frenzy, but I had to make sure everyone met my new American Idol love (and by love I mean it in the most legal way possible!) Jacee!

He's absolutely adorable...

half-siblings...

My dad was married, had two kids and a divorce before he even met my mom. I don't know a ton of the details, but there are plenty of jokes about my dad trying to survive as a single man with a limited cooking repertoire. Fortunately, he met my mom and wore her down for them to marry October 8, 1977. They had me in 1982 soon after my older sister graduated from high school and my brother was in middle school. Four and a half years later Kelsie joined the party.

I don't have a ton of memories of us growing up... I remember when Mindy lived above the funeral home and I remember Adam torturing me... As I got older I remember Mindy trying to spoil me with movies Dad wouldn't let me watch but ensuring I had at least read the book first. When I moved back home after college, Mindy and I spent countless Wednesday nights at the dollar movie theaters. Kelsie was with us sometime in 2004 to see Ladder 49 and the three of us left looking a wreck with puffy, red bloodshot eyes after nearly two hours of straight sobbing. We try to have a sibling movie night on Thanksgiving Eve every year as one of the few opportunities we still have to get everyone together. 

Today, Oprah devoted her show to the announcement she found out she has a half-sister she never knew about. Hearing their story and watching them meet, just made me even more grateful I have known my half-sister my entire life. We have definitely grown closer over the years and I love her dearly. Some people are surprised when our entire family gets together for a birthday dinner including my dad's ex-wife and her husband, but I'm so grateful for my parents allowing our relationship as siblings to grow as we grew up and matured. I can't imagine life without Mindy or Adam let alone without my brother-in-law Jamie and my adorable nephews Zac and Cameron. 

Tonight... I'm incredibly thankful for half-siblings... so thankful I dropped the "half" a long time ago...

peace...

Peace is something many people are searching for, but what does it really look like? Wikipedia said it "describes a society or a relationship that is operating harmoniously and without violent conflict." Dictionary.com has a bunch of definitions, but one that stuck out to me was, "a state of tranquility or serenity." Most of the time we associate peace with calm or tranquility... no drama or conflict.

I find myself praying for peace a lot... peace for a specific situation... peace about a decision I have to make. What I usually mean is, "God please make this situation better" or "God make me feel good about what I'm doing." I was reading this week about God's peace and Darlene Sala said, "Christ's peace is not a passive absence of conflict, but an active arbitrator in the middle of conflict."

Ahhh... "an active arbitrator in the middle of conflict??" We would much rather have no conflict, but God promised us troubles. Now I'm praying for His peace... even in the middle of conflict.

off the map...

Shonda Rimes' new television show "Off the Map"debuted to mix reviews this week. I only started watching "Grey's Anatomy" regularly a year ago and watch "Private Practice" sparingly, but wanted to check out the new series for myself. I wasn't blown away, but still entertained.

My favorite moment was in the last five minutes when Ben Keeton was sharing with Lily Brenner. "You ever seen the Southern Cross?  Right there, those five stars. They say Magellan used it to find true south whenever he got lost. They gave him the strength to keep going."

I had never heard of the Southern Cross before... probably because it's visible from the Southern Hemisphere. Often called the Crux, the constellation features five stars in the shape of a cross. Can we talk about the double meaning of Keeton's quote? Whenever Magellan was lost, he used the cross to find his way... to gain the strength to keep going. When I get lost where am I looking? I don't think a constellation has the answers, but I think the ultimate cross does.

letting go...

Last week I was reading about Gideon when he says, "'Pardon me, my lord,' Gideon replied, 'but if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us?'" (Judges 6:13). First of all.. how polite is he? I should start every prayer with a little "pardon me, my lord" and see how that goes! But really... how often are we asking the question... but God, I signed up to be on your team, why are crappy things still happening to me? We try to quote him... but God you said if I picked you, things would be good. Instead... He said "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." (James 1:2-3).

Trials? Who agreed to that? It's much easier to get people to sign up for a God who could guarantee happiness and only good things (joel osteen anyone?). I can appreciate Gideon's question... but even more than the question, I can appreciate God's answer. “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?” (Judges 6:14). I feel like that should be enough... I want that to be enough. God giving me the strength and knowing He's sending me should be enough. Of course it's not always enough and obviously wasn't for Gideon as he continues to pester God and eventually even tests him with the fleece. I want to trust God the first time and know He is with me and helping me develop perseverance.

As a follow-up, Sunday's sermon was about the "not so abundant life." It seemed like Pastor Cook was piggy backing off of Gideon when he was talking about John 10 and looking for Jesus' words to come to fruition when he said "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full" (John 10:10). Sweet concept, but are we really living life to the full? He said we're usually not for one of two reasons... we haven't chosen to follow Christ or... we're carrying burdens God never intended us to carry. I'm still letting that one simmer this week as I try to figure out which burdens I'm carrying and need to let go. He mentioned guilt, worry, doubt... I can't get the mental picture out of my head when he talked about the weary traveler heading to the airport with a ton of luggage and carry-on bags and feeling such a relief when he finally reaches the counter and can get rid of the extra bags. Why are we carrying more than we need to?

On a lighter note... much lighter note... My six and a half year old friend Dawson (you may remember her as the puking kid from a few blogs ago) seemed perturbed today I wasn't married. She's now on a hunt to find me a boyfriend and gave me some great advice I had to share with the masses...

to save a life...

I'm a sucker for the cheesy low-budget Christian-themed movies. The ones like Facing the Giants, Fireproof, Something to Sing About, No Greater Love... and now To Save a Life. I've seen To Save a Life in the Christian bookstores for awhile and my sister had told me she and her husband liked it so I added it to my Christmas wish list. My other sister bought it for me and I finally got around to watching it this week. I wasn't sure what to expect, but there were so many relevant themes presented in a way I didn't think was too preachy or too out of touch from real life.

I don't want to give away too much about the actual movie plot... I'd rather invite anyone and everyone to my house to watch it (within the confines of the law) so it can reach you like it did me. Sometimes we can become so jaded to look around and decide this is just how life is going to be. Maybe I'm naive, but the movie motivated me to hold on to hope... hope people can be better for each other. I look around the campus where I work and have to believe there's a chance for change.

A clip from the movie...

In semi-related news... I read a blog today about feeling left out. To Save a Life addresses it from a teen perspective and dealing with kids who feel left out. Unfortunately it's not just kids who feel that way, but sometimes I need a reminder like Sarah Markley's. And this is why I call my best friend Laura after a bad day...

[from sarahmarkley.com] Whether it’s an adult-styled Ditch-Em game, with intention and purpose behind the leaving out, or simply a party or gathering it doesn’t make sense for us to attend, even as grownups we still can’t escape the feelings of being

overlooked,

outside,

left out.

It’s why I can’t watch Twitter when All. Of. My. Friends. are at the same conference and I’m tap tap tapping away on my laptop at my normal Starbucks at home. #LeftOut

It’s why I inside-gasp when I read on someone else’s Facebook wall the “OOOHH, it was SOO fun last night with the WHOLE group. Let’s do it AGAIN soon!” Um. I thought I was part of the whole group. I wore my bloated-tummy sweats, ate tortilla chips and watched “I Love Lucy” reruns while my husband worked last night.

It’s why it’s hard it’s sometimes hard to be happy for friends when they get chosen for __________ when it’s something I’ve been passed over for many times. Oh Yay! Whoo-Hoo. I’m so happy for you. When all I want to do is ugly-cry and dramatically scream to the sky, “WHY NOT ME?”

I could tie this article up and tell you that No, You Are Not Forgotten. And that would be true.

But what I really want to say, and what I can’t say to my fourth grade self or my four year old daughter, is Get Over It. At 10 or at 4 we lack the emotional tools to pick our teary selves up and sniffle our snot back into our noses.

But, how old are you? How old am I? Certainly old enough to know the truth:

That most of the time being overlooked is accidental. That most of the people who are chronic conference attendees either do so for work or because they don’t have anything else to do. And that being “left out” is only because you perceive that you would be more content somewhere else.

You are better than that. And so am I. I’m going to suggest that remember what and who we have at our fingertips. That we stop worrying about feeling left out and worry more about how we can be content today. Here. With what I have. That we try to create the type of experiences this morning or this weekend that will make us fall back on our sofas exhausted and say,

“Let’s do that again very soon.”

kristine lilly...

Many people have no idea who Kristine Lilly is while I've been following her career for the last 15 years. She is one of the best women's soccer players to ever don the United States uniform. Not only did she dress for a record 352 games, but she scored 130 goals, second only to Mia Hamm. "She is the only player to appear for the United States in four different decades and is both the youngest and oldest player to ever score a goal for the USA. She is also the oldest player ever to earn a cap by more than three years over long-time teammate Joy Fawcett," (ussoccer.com).

Michelle Akers has always been my favorite player, but Lilly is one of those consistent warriors I admire. During high school many would say I was slightly obsessed with the U.S. women's national team collecting tons of memorabilia and following the team like a crazed Bieber fever fan. After college while working with the Carolina Courage in the WUSA, I saw women's professional soccer players on a different level and Lilly just continued to prove her hero status. Nearly all of the players from the magical 1999 Women's World Cup Championship have retired (Christie Rampone and Tiffeny Milbrett are the only active players), but there's something about Lilly's retirement that truly marks the end of an era.

To Kristine: Thank you... Thank you for paving the way... Thank you for giving back... Thank you for continuing the fight... Thank you for making a difference.
 

ussoccer.com is filled with highlights and memories for any other addicts looking for a fix.

Other news outlets covering the story...

... Kristine's retirement journal entry

... New York Times blog

... ESPN blog

... Examiner interview

... local Wilton, Conn. story

newness...

Hard to believe it's really 2011... I still remember approaching 2000 with everyone freaking out about Y2K and no one feeling prepared for a new century and here we are 11 years into it. I feel like this is the time of year when we're supposed to take a look back at the last year and evaluate our progress as we make goals for the upcoming year.

I spent the past few days at the beach with a couple of friends and we tried to think about our progress in 2010. I'm not sure what to think when my biggest accomplishment was remodeling my kitchen. Professionally, we've had some turnover in our department and sometimes fresh faces helps to create a fresh perspective at work. Personally, I've tried to treasure the friendships I have without dwelling on the loss of others.

Some lessons I learned in 2010...

... hosting NCAA events will always be exhausting and burdensome no matter how many times I do it.

... there are student-athletes who make my job worthwhile despite the ones who try to ruin it.

... I always seem to handle life better when I keep my eyes on Him and put things in perspective.

Some hopes for 2011...

... to be more decisive.

... to be more efficient at work.

... to stretch myself professionally and personally without burning out.

I tried not to use the word resolution... I feel like it is so final and non-negotiable and I want to remember my goals are negotiable and can change. Today... I'm placing my hopes and fears in God and resting in Him... praying everything I do glorifies Him.