transparency...

If I had a soap box it would probably be something about transparency. I think it is important for us to be real and genuine with each other. There's a message of respect and sincerity that comes from being true to who you are without the games or gimmicks.

I've been thinking a lot about how transparency relates to privacy. The messages today regarding social media are filtered through a need for safety, but we typically advise users to be cautious regarding information shared. I have a facebook and twitter profile that are both private. People have to request to be my "friend" or to "follow" me. Earlier this week I had 41 facebook friend requests waiting for an answer to go along with 10 potential followers on twitter. A few months ago I went through and denied everyone I had never hung out with and even deleted nearly 100 facebook "friends" who I hadn't spoken to since becoming "friends." I get frustrated when someone asks to connect and I add them only for them to pass me in the hall without speaking. I know people use social networking differently, but I was thinking I would prefer to know the people I share my information with.

This week I felt like as a step towards transparency I would take down a wall and connect with more people rather than less. I accepted nearly every request except for people I really didn't know. I think there's still a measure of safety and I'm not planning on sharing my address or my every moment whereabouts, but I feel like I shouldn't have anything to hide in terms of what I'm posting on facebook and twitter. If I'm not comfortable with random acquaintances reading about it, maybe I shouldn't be doing it. Not to mention I have a public blog where I'm sharing more personal information with people I'm not even connected with through other social networking sites.

I'm still trying to find the balance... how much is too much? In the end... I do believe in social networking in terms of creating community and if I can help facilitate that rather than perpetuating exclusivity and secrets, I want to do it.

laugh of the week...

Sometimes you just need a laugh to get you through the week...

Mark Lowry was the only approved comedian in my house growing up... brings back sweet memories.

following through...

I am a Christian... and have been for 20 years. One of the core teachings of the Christian faith is prayer. A Christian's entire faith journey begins with a prayer and there are tons and tons of scriptures pointing us toward prayer. Paul said to "pray without ceasing" (1 Thes. 5:17) and Jesus said, "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer" (Matt. 21:22). There are a ton of different reasons why people pray... and I've tried to tackle what I think are three of the most common...

1. we want something i.e. healing, employment

2. fulfill a ritual

3. create a connection

I think the most popular prayers probably fall under number one... we want something. People who don't even have a relationship with God pray when they want something. Whether it's healing, a new job, a husband/wife, relief from bad circumstances... whatever it may be, we're willing to send up a prayer. Another popular form of prayer is one that fulfills a ritual like praying before a meal. I grew up saying the same "God is good..." prayer taught in Sunday School until I thought I was becoming independent and made my own prayer but I still recite the same one and it still starts with "God is good..." I always thought it was weird my family never prayed before a meal in a restaurant (unless we ate with our pastor) but our family had its rituals no matter the rhyme or reason. Other people may be taught to say their prayers before bed or in church there's usually a prayer before the offering. I think all of these prayers are timely and appropriate and even following along with what God commands us to do... but I question where my/our heart is. I don't want to pray out of habit, but out of graciousness or pure brokenness or seeking that true connection with my King... my Daddy... my Savior. 

I am not one to lecture about a prayer life. I confess mine usually stinks. I am the first person to offer prayers to any and everyone in need, but have to make a conscious effort to follow through. I've tried journaling, out loud prayers, silent prayers, driving prayers, prayers through song... I know it is something that does not come easy to me and I have to work at it. I think I balked at that at first. My relationship with God should not be "work." It should be rainbows and butterflies and dare I say easy.

Then I struggled with questions about the purpose of prayer. If God is in control, why do we pray? If God knows what I'm thinking, why do I have to tell Him? If God already knows how it ends up, why do I have to ask for anything? Of course instead of really talking to Him (aka praying) about it and wrestling with it... I sat on it and used my questions as excuses not to seek Him... not to follow through.

The easy answer to my questions is because He said so. No one really likes that answer, but I think we have to remember He doesn't say so to make us miserable and keep us up late... but He says so because He has our best interest at heart and desires that connection with us. When I lost my job in 2003, nearly everyone knew about it. The entire league folded and it was on ESPN and covered on a ton of major news outlets. I didn't have to tell anyone I was unemployed, but I wanted to call my parents or call my best friend. Even if they already knew... I wanted to talk to them... Even if they couldn't fix it... I wanted to talk to them. I want to follow through with prayer to have the ultimate relationship God desires with me.

I just finished reading Craig Groeschel's Christian Atheist. One of the guys from FCA had spoke earlier this spring and referenced Groeschel's "third line" idea from the book and it's a great visual to figure out where you are in your faith. To get the whole concept of the Christian Atheist and the "third line" read a short article from Relevant Magazine from Craig or you can watch Craig talk about it or better yet go read the book... but my point being I think there are a ton of us stuck at the second line saying "I believe in God and Christ’s Gospel enough to contribute comfortably." I want to move deliberately towards line three and be able to confidently say "I believe in God and Christ’s Gospel enough to give my life to it." I also think my prayer life is one thing holding me back and I know I need to make a conscious effort to seek God in all things not just in the easy things.

So here goes... seeking the third line.

messages...

I've been thinking a lot about the messages we tell ourselves and how that impacts who we are... and who we become. Our daily train of thought... the conversations we have with ourselves... they play such a huge role in the end.

One of my favorite people is about to turn 14 and has entered into the teenage years which can be particularly volatile for girls. I knew her better when she was much younger until I moved away. First of all... she is adorable. She has the best curls that shape her face and her smile is contagious. The last time I saw her before last she was in elementary school gabbing about a mathathon and trying to keep up with her big brother. Fast forward more than five years and we were finally reunited a couple of weeks ago.

I was reminded of how much I miss her and I'm still so proud of the teenager she has become. We agreed in our adoration for Lauren Alaina on American Idol and were both appalled at Lady Gaga's performance. We laughed at her mom's comment, "five years ago you wouldn't be watching this!" I told her my parents were the same way and then she let me know she was glad she couldn't watch some of that stuff. What?! She's not even 14 and she's already understanding the concept of parents protecting you from some things while I know for sure I was still crying about them "punishing" me by withholding it at her age.

My friend told me she didn't have many friends until she started playing lacrosse and my heart melted when I first found out she was a goalie like me. She posted a picture of herself in her eighth grade formal dress and tried to balance this "please like it" with the "I don't care what people think." She is so strong and I'm so impressed with the messages she's telling herself. I don't think she's perfect... and I don't think she has it all figured out... but I felt like I could see the conversation in her head. She seemed to be fighting back against any negative thought knocking her down and countered with a reminder she is going to be okay.

I want to be like her. I'm not unrealistic to think we can eliminate all of the haters in our heads... but I want to battle back with optimism... the optimism of an almost 14-year-old who very well may have it together more than me.

what we think...

I posted a bit of a rant on facebook earlier this week about some form of letting go... 

"There are some situations when what you think doesn't matter.. You can share your feelings or state your case until your blue in the face, but sometimes it's just not your call.. That is when we learn to let go."

I have been frustrated in friendships/relationships and trying to make them work and really just needed a reminder... I'm not in control. We can share our feelings and we can practice honest communication... but it doesn't matter if the other person isn't interested. I want you to know how I feel but then if you don't feel the same way, it doesn't matter how I feel. The key then is when to let go and how to let go. We hear stories or read books or see movies of people who held on and kept fighting for what they wanted and in the end maybe even won over their desires. Somehow we have to sort out what is real... and how God wants to use us in the lives of others.

So here we go... sometimes it's just not your call...

no strings attached...

I have a note in my phone now with potential blog topics... which is partially a sign I have tons of brilliant ideas with no time to expand on them (or at least I'd like to think so). Last weekend my little sister and I rented and watched "No Strings Attached" starring Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman.

Some people are already disappointed in me for watching a R-rated movie let alone one based on the idea of having sex without commitment. I read a blog from Jon Acuff earlier this week about Christians watching movies that may not necessarily be building you up in the faith (i.e. the hangover 2) and how we deal with the guilt, or justification to be "up" on pop culture. That's a whole other topic I trust Jon to cover... but I opted to write not so much on the R-rated filth :) but the lessons I learned.

First of all... I'm not sure how much like real life anyone could say the concept was... the guy is craving a commitment while the female is just looking for a good time? You knew from the beginning Ashton's character (Adam) had more feelings for Natalie's character (Emma). Emma was scared of getting hurt and wanted no commitment while Adam was willing to go along with the deal for what I thought was the chance at something more. How many times do we do that? He's content for awhile and then tries pushing a relationship when Emma balks and Adam calls off everything. Who's fault is that? He agreed to the original terms and then got mad when she wouldn't accept his new deal. I understand where he's coming from... I know he loved her... but I also question him for accepting the original deal when he knew he wouldn't be able to settle for that.

SPOILER ALERT... Of course the movie has a happy ending... he ignores her for awhile and then she finally comes to her senses and realizes she loves him too. And I sat there wondering how many times does that happen in real life? Most of the time people don't wait for us to figure out what we want... or we have don't have the nerve to make the big gesture and admit we want another chance. Sometimes it's just timing... or maybe location... but I just have to remember these cheesy movies are just a form of escapism... and not real life.

farewell oprah...

I can't remember the first time I watched Oprah Winfrey's tv show. During high school I was a huge fan. I can't imagine I had the chance to watch it much since I played sports after school, but I know I watched it as much as I could. And for awhile... I e-mailed her show every day in an attempt to get one of my favorite teachers on the show.

Mrs. Nedra Spry was one of my favorite teachers of all-time. I took psychology with her first period during the fall semester of my senior year and I loved it. She was funny, kind and an amazing teacher. I learned a lot about psychology and even more about myself. I remember being in this weird position trying to figure out who I was now that three of my best friends had graduated. I had lost some of my identity in terms of who I was at school and I hung on every word Mrs. Spry said as she used psychology to help us become better people.

I can't imagine what it's like to teach high school students... kids who think they're adults but are typically far from it. Mrs. Spry went above and beyond... showing patience and making the class entertaining despite starting at 7:45 am. I desperately wanted Oprah and the rest of the world to recognize what an amazing teacher Mrs. Spry was... and I wanted Oprah to do something to let her know how much we appreciated her.

Obviously, Oprah, nor her staff, responded to my e-mails. And I suppose Mrs. Spry and I will never get to go on the show since Wednesday marked the series finale. Since getting a DVR last summer I've watched nearly every Oprah episode during the farewell season and I think everyone involved went above and beyond to go out on top.

I have so many memories of lessons learned from the show, but the one I felt echoed over and over this week was... "You are not alone. You are enough." When there are so many negative influences around us, shoving us down... there was finally someone offering some encouragement... offering to build us up.. and for that I'm grateful.

One of my favorite moments I'll take from the show were Oprah's final words... "To God be the glory." Earlier during the show, Oprah acknowledged people had questioned what God she talked about during the show... there are plenty of sources questioning her faith especially in light of her infatuation with "the secret" years ago. Oprah addressed it on Wednesday and said, "I'm talking about the Alpha, the Omega, the one and only G-O-D." I don't think it's my job to judge her faith, but I'm grateful for her recognition of God's impact on her life.

I could go on for days about Oprah memories... but found a montage with some of the highlights... farewell oprah!