An assortment of thoughts to add to your holiday weekend...
1. More and more people are dropping myspace. I wondered whether I was talking to myself before, now I know I'm talking to myself.
2. Since our first athletic event of the 2008-09 school year I've written more than 450 stories. That's crazy... particularly since it's probably my least favorite thing about my job. No more games/meets/matches until August.
3. Somehow we pulled off a surprise bridal shower for my little sister. My older sister was a huge help... we had about half of the bridesmaids here and my mom entertained kelsie while we could set up. I love surprises but I'm grateful the stress is over!
4. My little sister gets married in less than a month (steph too... congrats!). It's crazy to think about but I'm happy for kelsie and barton and pray they'll enjoy marital bliss!
5. I believe the very definition of "best friend" makes it impossible to have more than one. If they're the best then, they have to better than all the rest right? Maybe it's just because I suck at keeping them or being one or something... just a theory I have.
6. I'm not sure I'm very good at relationships either. I don't always know what I'm doing... I get stuck rocking back and forth between making decisions based on the future and trying to live in the moment. Dan... thank you for your patience.
7. I bought Kate Voegele's new cd on amazon for $2.99. Can't pass up a steal like that. I could be biased because she sings on one tree hill but I just wanted to let you know what I thought.
8. I'm beginning another summer of home improvements. I hope it looks as good when I'm finished as I'm envisioning in my head!
9. I miss the shore... I just don't think it's my time to be back yet.
10. I would like to go back to high school for a day... with everyone else from my "era"... but just to see everyone and laugh at what we thought was monumental and maybe appreciate the little things we skipped past.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
the facade...
It's late and the week has been long but I had to share what's rattling around in my heard if I wanted any chance of sleeping tonight.
I haven't been able to attend my church here in Fayetteville lately. A couple of weeks ago I was working in Burlington and then the last weekend of April I was in Virginia for my cousin's funeral so I went to my friend Laura's church in Manassas. I heard a message at the Quest on Betting on Hope. The biggest thing I took away from Manassas was trying to grasp the concept of faith... but remembering the man with leprosy who said "Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean." Not can you make me clean or please make me clean... but with faith to say I know you can but are you willing. My prayer life has changed... and I still need to listen to this past Sunday's sermon to hear the next piece of the story.
This past Sunday I was hoping to visit New Hope in Durham to hear the author of the Shack, William P. Young speak. I wasn't able to make it but their pastor Benji Kelley posted video on his site. I loved the Shack... I blogged about the Shack. I'll talk to anyone about the Shack. I didn't know a whole lot of Young's story but I can't describe the feelings I went through listening to him speak... there's a part of his story that resonates within me. He talks about how he grew up as a "religious kid" as a missionary kid and pastor's kid. He says...
"I create a facade on the outside... That's how I dealt with it. I tried to become a perfectionist hoping I could paint the facade fast enough to win somebody's approval and affection...
The reason you don't let somebody into the shack (your inner self) is you're afraid if you did, they'd reject you. When we do get affection and approval, we don't believe it because they don't know the whole truth, because if they did, they would reject us. Therefore, we fooled them."
I'm not sure if you've had the chance to read it... it's almost summer maybe you'll have time. Either way check out Young's story... http://www.benjikelley.com/
I haven't been able to attend my church here in Fayetteville lately. A couple of weeks ago I was working in Burlington and then the last weekend of April I was in Virginia for my cousin's funeral so I went to my friend Laura's church in Manassas. I heard a message at the Quest on Betting on Hope. The biggest thing I took away from Manassas was trying to grasp the concept of faith... but remembering the man with leprosy who said "Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean." Not can you make me clean or please make me clean... but with faith to say I know you can but are you willing. My prayer life has changed... and I still need to listen to this past Sunday's sermon to hear the next piece of the story.
This past Sunday I was hoping to visit New Hope in Durham to hear the author of the Shack, William P. Young speak. I wasn't able to make it but their pastor Benji Kelley posted video on his site. I loved the Shack... I blogged about the Shack. I'll talk to anyone about the Shack. I didn't know a whole lot of Young's story but I can't describe the feelings I went through listening to him speak... there's a part of his story that resonates within me. He talks about how he grew up as a "religious kid" as a missionary kid and pastor's kid. He says...
"I create a facade on the outside... That's how I dealt with it. I tried to become a perfectionist hoping I could paint the facade fast enough to win somebody's approval and affection...
The reason you don't let somebody into the shack (your inner self) is you're afraid if you did, they'd reject you. When we do get affection and approval, we don't believe it because they don't know the whole truth, because if they did, they would reject us. Therefore, we fooled them."
I'm not sure if you've had the chance to read it... it's almost summer maybe you'll have time. Either way check out Young's story... http://www.benjikelley.com/
Thursday, April 23, 2009
pray naked
This week has sucked a lot out of me. I was in Burlington, NC from Thursday to Sunday for work and didn't get home until after midnight Sunday night/Monday morning. I tried to sleep in some Monday but had some catching up to do at the office not to mention preparation for our awards banquet Tuesday. Tuesday was filled with meetings and high stress and ended the evening just feeling disconnected from the people in my life.
I don't always understand myself... rarely I understand myself. I can be wishy washy and opinionated... I can be judgmental and too forgiving... I can be desperate for time alone and still be desperate for time with friends. I can't predict it.. I can't time it.. it's me.. maybe it's part of being a girl but I don't even want to excuse it so easily.
I went to sleep in my house by myself craving fellowship and woke up to an e-mail from my mom with the subject "upsetting news." That can't be good. My mom can be funny but e-mail subjects aren't usually her avenue of humor. It turns out my cousin, my dad's niece committed suicide Tuesday. She has to be close to 40 with a husband and kids. The last time I saw her was probably at a funeral three years ago. The last time I spent any considerable time with her was at our grandmother's funeral six years ago. I don't know a whole lot about her. That doesn't make it easier. There's something about family that makes it possible to miss them even if you barely knew them. I can't explain it. Maybe it's the unexpectectancy... just leaves a lot of unanswered questions.
Meanwhile I feel like death causes people to run to others for support. I just wanted to sit and cry yesterday and yet I had to go to work and pretend like everything's ok. Students are finishing classes and stressing about exams and I'm fumbling through silly work in my office. I've just been feeling this need for people... to be able to sit and talk in my pajamas all day talking and watching movies or sit in a restaurant until it closes and they kick us out. But life keeps going and I can't seem to keep up.
Some smart people said... " We don't normally think of attachment as an emotion, but our attachment for people and objects generates a great deal of emotion. For example, our attachment to people or objects creates a wider range of areas for trespass and therefore, anger. It is the loss of important attachments which bring on sadness. It is the attachment to people who upset us and the attachment to our righteousness which leads to hate. Some sages [e.g., Buddha and Jesus] have suggested that we should have no attachments, going so far as to give up family and friends to seek serenity."
As a Christian I feel like God would want me to be completely reliant on Him and not need others. I was reading a sermon from John Beddingfield called "pray naked" where he talked about in Mark 6 Jesus told the disciples to travel light and if people weren't going for what they had to say to "shake the dust off your feet when you leave." I'm not a very good dust shaker. I take rejection and criticism and I load them all up and try to walk around with them. Beddingfield said "When God calls, often he peels away the layers that weigh us down. In the calling of the prophets, in the calling of the disciples, in the calling of the faithful in every age, it often seems like God strips away in order to make us free." I'm aiming for free.
I don't always understand myself... rarely I understand myself. I can be wishy washy and opinionated... I can be judgmental and too forgiving... I can be desperate for time alone and still be desperate for time with friends. I can't predict it.. I can't time it.. it's me.. maybe it's part of being a girl but I don't even want to excuse it so easily.
I went to sleep in my house by myself craving fellowship and woke up to an e-mail from my mom with the subject "upsetting news." That can't be good. My mom can be funny but e-mail subjects aren't usually her avenue of humor. It turns out my cousin, my dad's niece committed suicide Tuesday. She has to be close to 40 with a husband and kids. The last time I saw her was probably at a funeral three years ago. The last time I spent any considerable time with her was at our grandmother's funeral six years ago. I don't know a whole lot about her. That doesn't make it easier. There's something about family that makes it possible to miss them even if you barely knew them. I can't explain it. Maybe it's the unexpectectancy... just leaves a lot of unanswered questions.
Meanwhile I feel like death causes people to run to others for support. I just wanted to sit and cry yesterday and yet I had to go to work and pretend like everything's ok. Students are finishing classes and stressing about exams and I'm fumbling through silly work in my office. I've just been feeling this need for people... to be able to sit and talk in my pajamas all day talking and watching movies or sit in a restaurant until it closes and they kick us out. But life keeps going and I can't seem to keep up.
Some smart people said... " We don't normally think of attachment as an emotion, but our attachment for people and objects generates a great deal of emotion. For example, our attachment to people or objects creates a wider range of areas for trespass and therefore, anger. It is the loss of important attachments which bring on sadness. It is the attachment to people who upset us and the attachment to our righteousness which leads to hate. Some sages [e.g., Buddha and Jesus] have suggested that we should have no attachments, going so far as to give up family and friends to seek serenity."
As a Christian I feel like God would want me to be completely reliant on Him and not need others. I was reading a sermon from John Beddingfield called "pray naked" where he talked about in Mark 6 Jesus told the disciples to travel light and if people weren't going for what they had to say to "shake the dust off your feet when you leave." I'm not a very good dust shaker. I take rejection and criticism and I load them all up and try to walk around with them. Beddingfield said "When God calls, often he peels away the layers that weigh us down. In the calling of the prophets, in the calling of the disciples, in the calling of the faithful in every age, it often seems like God strips away in order to make us free." I'm aiming for free.
Monday, April 6, 2009
jambalaya
Another blog of random thoughts...
1. Twitter... I'm a recent addict. I've been hearing people talk about it but wasn't sure what all the fuss was about. I felt like I had enough to keep up with between facebook and myspace not to mention my personal e-mail account, work e-mail... all on top of managing a web site for 19 sports and 400 student-athletes. Regardless... I spent a Friday afternoon looking for new media for work and decided to stumble around twitter. I ended up creating a school profile and a personal one... There are still a lot of people who have never heard of it and I guess I describe it as being a lot like facebook or myspace statuses. People post what they're doing or what they're thinking and everyone reads what everyone else is saying. I think the biggest selling point is the celebrity presence... people like Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, Shaq, Lance Armstrong, Ellen Degeneres... they're using twitter and letting their fans into their lives a bit. And yes its really them. There are plenty of fan sites and imitators, but you can tell which ones are real. You can follow thousands of people or just a couple of close friends. Anyone can follow you or you can make your profile private for only those you allow. You can update your twitter with a "tweet" just by texting. You can subscribe to the people you're "following" and their "tweets" can all be sent to your phone. (This feature was a bit frightening to think of how often my phone would be going off but I've limited the people I subscribe to and I can set the hours that I want to receive texts - as in not when I'm sleeping!)
I'm not a paid endorser :) but I do think its another cool site that I check way too frequently.
2. One of my former zoners Holly posted a facebook status with the quote "A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her." I've heard the quote before but it was a good reminder for me. I'm not very good at it... I get impatient and I usually fail but I keep trying.
3. They showed a video at church a few weeks ago that I really liked and found the link... check out The Truth
4. I counted last week and I've worked 118 home events this year... but only four left! I'll still have to go to Burlington Apr. 16-19 for the USA South Tournaments and I'll be in Florida May 8-17 for the NCAA DIII Golf Championships but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Each year does get easier but I feel like it takes so much out of me. I love being a part of college athletics but it can be draining. I'm anxious for the summer... riley fest... kelsie's wedding... and another trip to mississippi for sure. Hoping to do some more work on my house and make plenty of trips to the beach. I can't wait to have some free time to make my own schedule.
5. Sunday is Easter. I feel like it always makes me reflective... The pastor this past Sunday said "I want you to know why I'm a Christian." I think I spent a lot of my life just saying "I want you to know I'm a Christian" and most people look at me and think "good for you" or "stop judging me" but it doesn't mean anything without the why. I don't like religion. I don't like rituals. I believe the Bible is true and I try to apply it to my life. I believe in God. I believe He sent His Son, Jesus... who was human and God all at the same time... to come to earth... I believe He was hung on a cross to die... not for what He did wrong but for what I did, do and will do wrong. I need God to make sense of this life. Most people ask if there's a God why do bad things happen to good people... Dr. Tony Cartledge talked about this a week ago in reference to Luke 13... and I think the point is we all deserve to die... It's not a point of some were more evil than others, or God made a mistake and a few good ones slipped into the evil pile. I don't even think God categorizes us as good people and bad people... we've all screwed up.. just by being human Adam and Eve messed it up for all of us! Check out Dr. Cartledge's message at The Year of No Fig Preserves or his blog.
6. I don't get to go home for Easter. I suppose I could try to make quick trip but I'm not sure it's worth driving six hours each way to be there for such a short time. My parents brought me my Easter basket (how many 26-year olds still get Easter baskets? perhaps this is one benefit to being single) this past weekend and I'll have softball Friday and tennis Saturday to keep me occupied. I'm contemplating attempting to make it to a sunrise service Sunday before heading to my church. I've been taking two to four girls to church each Sunday the past few weeks so I've gotten used to company... back to sitting by myself but maybe its all for a good reason. Either way... happy Easter!
1. Twitter... I'm a recent addict. I've been hearing people talk about it but wasn't sure what all the fuss was about. I felt like I had enough to keep up with between facebook and myspace not to mention my personal e-mail account, work e-mail... all on top of managing a web site for 19 sports and 400 student-athletes. Regardless... I spent a Friday afternoon looking for new media for work and decided to stumble around twitter. I ended up creating a school profile and a personal one... There are still a lot of people who have never heard of it and I guess I describe it as being a lot like facebook or myspace statuses. People post what they're doing or what they're thinking and everyone reads what everyone else is saying. I think the biggest selling point is the celebrity presence... people like Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, Shaq, Lance Armstrong, Ellen Degeneres... they're using twitter and letting their fans into their lives a bit. And yes its really them. There are plenty of fan sites and imitators, but you can tell which ones are real. You can follow thousands of people or just a couple of close friends. Anyone can follow you or you can make your profile private for only those you allow. You can update your twitter with a "tweet" just by texting. You can subscribe to the people you're "following" and their "tweets" can all be sent to your phone. (This feature was a bit frightening to think of how often my phone would be going off but I've limited the people I subscribe to and I can set the hours that I want to receive texts - as in not when I'm sleeping!)
I'm not a paid endorser :) but I do think its another cool site that I check way too frequently.
2. One of my former zoners Holly posted a facebook status with the quote "A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her." I've heard the quote before but it was a good reminder for me. I'm not very good at it... I get impatient and I usually fail but I keep trying.
3. They showed a video at church a few weeks ago that I really liked and found the link... check out The Truth
4. I counted last week and I've worked 118 home events this year... but only four left! I'll still have to go to Burlington Apr. 16-19 for the USA South Tournaments and I'll be in Florida May 8-17 for the NCAA DIII Golf Championships but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Each year does get easier but I feel like it takes so much out of me. I love being a part of college athletics but it can be draining. I'm anxious for the summer... riley fest... kelsie's wedding... and another trip to mississippi for sure. Hoping to do some more work on my house and make plenty of trips to the beach. I can't wait to have some free time to make my own schedule.
5. Sunday is Easter. I feel like it always makes me reflective... The pastor this past Sunday said "I want you to know why I'm a Christian." I think I spent a lot of my life just saying "I want you to know I'm a Christian" and most people look at me and think "good for you" or "stop judging me" but it doesn't mean anything without the why. I don't like religion. I don't like rituals. I believe the Bible is true and I try to apply it to my life. I believe in God. I believe He sent His Son, Jesus... who was human and God all at the same time... to come to earth... I believe He was hung on a cross to die... not for what He did wrong but for what I did, do and will do wrong. I need God to make sense of this life. Most people ask if there's a God why do bad things happen to good people... Dr. Tony Cartledge talked about this a week ago in reference to Luke 13... and I think the point is we all deserve to die... It's not a point of some were more evil than others, or God made a mistake and a few good ones slipped into the evil pile. I don't even think God categorizes us as good people and bad people... we've all screwed up.. just by being human Adam and Eve messed it up for all of us! Check out Dr. Cartledge's message at The Year of No Fig Preserves or his blog.
6. I don't get to go home for Easter. I suppose I could try to make quick trip but I'm not sure it's worth driving six hours each way to be there for such a short time. My parents brought me my Easter basket (how many 26-year olds still get Easter baskets? perhaps this is one benefit to being single) this past weekend and I'll have softball Friday and tennis Saturday to keep me occupied. I'm contemplating attempting to make it to a sunrise service Sunday before heading to my church. I've been taking two to four girls to church each Sunday the past few weeks so I've gotten used to company... back to sitting by myself but maybe its all for a good reason. Either way... happy Easter!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
car or driver...
I went to FCA tonight (fellowship of christian athletes for those curious). There's a woman on campus this week hanging out kind of seeing what we do here at Methodist (exciting things of course). She plugged the camp where she works and had us play a game. I can be a bit skeptical when it comes to playing group games because I'm not always sure if adults understand their audience... or perhaps I can just be a bit of a stick in the mud but I was feeling open and optimistic tonight.
Everyone had to find a partner and face each other. One person was the car... which meant you had to close your eyes and keep your hands out in front of you like "bumpers." The other person was the driver... which meant you turned the car around to face the other direction and put your hands on their shoulders to drive. We got to meander around (no faster than 3 mph :) for a minute or two and then switched roles. I'm sure everyone felt a little silly at one point or another but tons of people made crashes inevitable and entertaining of course. Afterwards we found another duo and teamed up to rehash the game. Our leader asked us to talk about what we liked and didn't like about being the car and the driver. I found solace in one of my group members who was as much of a control freak as I was feeling it hard to trust the driver when we were the car. Then we were supposed to talk about a time in our life when maybe we felt like a car or a driver. Most people related their college search or a job search... wanting to be in control but losing a lot of it. Then she asked us to apply the car and driver to Christian relationship. The cynical side of me felt the question and answer session building up to this. I'm not a big fan of those sunday school type questions. The church girl in me wants to recite something about God being the driver and we have to let go and trust Him. Most people relate the analogy about jumping into the passenger seat.
Thankfully my group wasn't satisfied with the sunday school answer. We talked about the obvious... that in our relationship with God, He should be the driver and we need to trust Him... even when it seems crazy or we'd much rather be in control. But we also talked about sometimes as Christians in our relationships with others, we need to be drivers and help steer them towards our driver, God. We decided to use the example of a vehicle I have since learned can be referred to as a tractor trailer auto transporter for our analogy. God is driving the tractor trailer but we're driving all of these other cars onto the trailer to be steered in the right direction. It all reminds me of my former employer, Inter-Rail, Inc., which was their job to unload and load vehicles off of railcars to be shipped to or from dealerships. A little off-topic... but the point is I'm on taking a ride on the tractor trailer auto transporter... trying to find my way.
P.S. Last week in chapel, mike safley talked about loving without expectations. I pray every day I can love like that.
Everyone had to find a partner and face each other. One person was the car... which meant you had to close your eyes and keep your hands out in front of you like "bumpers." The other person was the driver... which meant you turned the car around to face the other direction and put your hands on their shoulders to drive. We got to meander around (no faster than 3 mph :) for a minute or two and then switched roles. I'm sure everyone felt a little silly at one point or another but tons of people made crashes inevitable and entertaining of course. Afterwards we found another duo and teamed up to rehash the game. Our leader asked us to talk about what we liked and didn't like about being the car and the driver. I found solace in one of my group members who was as much of a control freak as I was feeling it hard to trust the driver when we were the car. Then we were supposed to talk about a time in our life when maybe we felt like a car or a driver. Most people related their college search or a job search... wanting to be in control but losing a lot of it. Then she asked us to apply the car and driver to Christian relationship. The cynical side of me felt the question and answer session building up to this. I'm not a big fan of those sunday school type questions. The church girl in me wants to recite something about God being the driver and we have to let go and trust Him. Most people relate the analogy about jumping into the passenger seat.
Thankfully my group wasn't satisfied with the sunday school answer. We talked about the obvious... that in our relationship with God, He should be the driver and we need to trust Him... even when it seems crazy or we'd much rather be in control. But we also talked about sometimes as Christians in our relationships with others, we need to be drivers and help steer them towards our driver, God. We decided to use the example of a vehicle I have since learned can be referred to as a tractor trailer auto transporter for our analogy. God is driving the tractor trailer but we're driving all of these other cars onto the trailer to be steered in the right direction. It all reminds me of my former employer, Inter-Rail, Inc., which was their job to unload and load vehicles off of railcars to be shipped to or from dealerships. A little off-topic... but the point is I'm on taking a ride on the tractor trailer auto transporter... trying to find my way.
P.S. Last week in chapel, mike safley talked about loving without expectations. I pray every day I can love like that.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
ugh...
Today has not been the most pleasant day. I'm not sure I should blog after days like today but I want to be able to get it out and get on with it... Some random thoughts...
1. I love when I hear a song and I it reminds me of a time or place or people when I heard it. Maybe not the last time I heard it but a significant time. For example... there's a matthew west song called More that came out in 2003. My "dream job" just ended with the women's soccer team and I feel like I heard it nearly every time I got in my car while I wandered aimlessly around Cary from Sept 2003 - Feb 2004 trying to figure out what to do with my life. I can hear songs from my high school warm-up tape (yes we used tapes back then) and remember jamming out in the stadium.
2. There was a chick on American Idol that tried out with her sister a couple of years ago that I liked and found out she was a Christian. She had a myspace page and would blog with occasional updates regarding her record deal, releases, etc. She just posted a new one with info about her manager passed away from pancreatic cancer, her engagement fell through and she's no longer signed to the record company. Dealing with one is tough but I can't imagine dealing with all three in the span of a few months. But she went on in her blog to describe her new attitude that I continue to strive for. I keep trying to get there... but I want this to be me... minus the whole American Idol/record deal part!
Brooke Barrettsmith - "As I share this last piece of news with you, I’m sure if I wasn’t in my own shoes, it may appear that I just lost everything I had within a few months. But nothing is further from the truth. Whatever things were once gain to me, I have counted loss for the sake of knowing Christ. The deep, personal revival the Lord has been doing in my heart and life as a result of all these hardships is unspeakable,
irreplaceable, and invaluable. I cannot begin to describe to you the refining work God is doing at the very core of who I am. It is very exciting to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is now on the throne of my life. I have spent too many years searching out and trying to find wholeness in accomplishments, in success, and in
relationships. I have wasted so much precious time in my day to day life glorifying myself. I have missed true intimacy with my Beloved Husband... As I look back on the motion picture of my 27 years of life, I see a prideful and self-centered young woman, desperately longing to be somebody in this world. Trying to prove I am valuable and talented and worthy of love. Forgetting all along that God was offering me true satisfaction in falling more in love with my Savior. Forgetting that I was always “good enough” because of the presence of Jesus in my life. And He has
always loved me for just being me…not because I possess any special quality, talent, or achievement. I spent years trying to “make it” in life, especially the music industry. From being in a successful indie band with my sister, to American Idol, to eventually getting signed to Essential/Sony BMG in 2006…I thought I had it all…but I was still not content. The bottom line for me is now this – I am not my own... I am convinced that the Lord is calling us all out of our complacency in these last days…it is up to us respond to our Shepherd’s voice and follow Him out of the darkness of our pride. Even if it might mean losing some things we hold most dear... So did God take these things away from me for a reason? Or did I just get the short end of
the stick? The answer is this – the LORD gives, and the LORD takes away… BLESSED be the name of the Lord. There is never a short end with the Lord. We have assurance of eternal life and purpose to live this life each day! I’m not going to lie, these past 3 months have been filled with tons of questions, hurt, confusion, and anxiety. Yes, anxiety – even the struggle I thought I faced and conquered 10 years
ago God in His mercy has allowed to come back in order to keep me on my knees. But it’s all part of a divine process that is in God’s hands."
3. Kelly Clarkson's new cd came out Tuesday... Yes I preordered it... Yes I listened to it a week before it was released... and Yes I love it.
4. I am thoroughly overwhelmed with work but grateful to have work and blessed to be able to pay my bills and eat (I would say put food on the table but I don't typically cook :)
5. Jason Mesnick annoys the heck out of me. If he was that distraught over his decision perhaps he shouldn't have proposed to Melissa and he could have just picked her and dated her. And then to "break up" with Melissa and make out with Molly five minutes later was the last straw. I know I shouldn't even watch this stuff.
6. I watched four and a half seasons of Lost in less than two months. Based on my job schedule, some may consider this miraculous. Just thought I'd share.
1. I love when I hear a song and I it reminds me of a time or place or people when I heard it. Maybe not the last time I heard it but a significant time. For example... there's a matthew west song called More that came out in 2003. My "dream job" just ended with the women's soccer team and I feel like I heard it nearly every time I got in my car while I wandered aimlessly around Cary from Sept 2003 - Feb 2004 trying to figure out what to do with my life. I can hear songs from my high school warm-up tape (yes we used tapes back then) and remember jamming out in the stadium.
2. There was a chick on American Idol that tried out with her sister a couple of years ago that I liked and found out she was a Christian. She had a myspace page and would blog with occasional updates regarding her record deal, releases, etc. She just posted a new one with info about her manager passed away from pancreatic cancer, her engagement fell through and she's no longer signed to the record company. Dealing with one is tough but I can't imagine dealing with all three in the span of a few months. But she went on in her blog to describe her new attitude that I continue to strive for. I keep trying to get there... but I want this to be me... minus the whole American Idol/record deal part!
Brooke Barrettsmith - "As I share this last piece of news with you, I’m sure if I wasn’t in my own shoes, it may appear that I just lost everything I had within a few months. But nothing is further from the truth. Whatever things were once gain to me, I have counted loss for the sake of knowing Christ. The deep, personal revival the Lord has been doing in my heart and life as a result of all these hardships is unspeakable,
irreplaceable, and invaluable. I cannot begin to describe to you the refining work God is doing at the very core of who I am. It is very exciting to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is now on the throne of my life. I have spent too many years searching out and trying to find wholeness in accomplishments, in success, and in
relationships. I have wasted so much precious time in my day to day life glorifying myself. I have missed true intimacy with my Beloved Husband... As I look back on the motion picture of my 27 years of life, I see a prideful and self-centered young woman, desperately longing to be somebody in this world. Trying to prove I am valuable and talented and worthy of love. Forgetting all along that God was offering me true satisfaction in falling more in love with my Savior. Forgetting that I was always “good enough” because of the presence of Jesus in my life. And He has
always loved me for just being me…not because I possess any special quality, talent, or achievement. I spent years trying to “make it” in life, especially the music industry. From being in a successful indie band with my sister, to American Idol, to eventually getting signed to Essential/Sony BMG in 2006…I thought I had it all…but I was still not content. The bottom line for me is now this – I am not my own... I am convinced that the Lord is calling us all out of our complacency in these last days…it is up to us respond to our Shepherd’s voice and follow Him out of the darkness of our pride. Even if it might mean losing some things we hold most dear... So did God take these things away from me for a reason? Or did I just get the short end of
the stick? The answer is this – the LORD gives, and the LORD takes away… BLESSED be the name of the Lord. There is never a short end with the Lord. We have assurance of eternal life and purpose to live this life each day! I’m not going to lie, these past 3 months have been filled with tons of questions, hurt, confusion, and anxiety. Yes, anxiety – even the struggle I thought I faced and conquered 10 years
ago God in His mercy has allowed to come back in order to keep me on my knees. But it’s all part of a divine process that is in God’s hands."
3. Kelly Clarkson's new cd came out Tuesday... Yes I preordered it... Yes I listened to it a week before it was released... and Yes I love it.
4. I am thoroughly overwhelmed with work but grateful to have work and blessed to be able to pay my bills and eat (I would say put food on the table but I don't typically cook :)
5. Jason Mesnick annoys the heck out of me. If he was that distraught over his decision perhaps he shouldn't have proposed to Melissa and he could have just picked her and dated her. And then to "break up" with Melissa and make out with Molly five minutes later was the last straw. I know I shouldn't even watch this stuff.
6. I watched four and a half seasons of Lost in less than two months. Based on my job schedule, some may consider this miraculous. Just thought I'd share.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
overload
It's been awhile and I think it's about that time. Life keeps threatening to overtake me and sometimes a blog is just what I need to come back down to earth.
The last month has kept me busy... too busy if I do say so myself. February is miserable with basketball wrapping up while all of the spring sports are kicking off their seasons. March is prime time for spring sports... the 23rd is the only day in which no team from Methodist will be competing... and who knows if it will stay that way if the weather keeps postponing and delaying things. Things will slow down in April after the conference tournaments but of course that's just in time to cram for the NCAA men's and women's golf national championships we're hosting in florida in may. I'm looking forward to the summer but in the meantime I keep trying to find things to escape or to keep my head above water... even if just for a little bit.
Some of my faves...
... an afternoon escape from work just to take a nap
... blasting my iPod so I can sing at the top of my lungs
... wasting an evening watching tv or movies (currently catching up on lost)
... going out to dinner and staying late just to talk until they kick us out
... calling a friend I haven't talked to in awhile just to catch up
... seeing my family when I don't get home nearly enough
... resting in Him when everything else is just stress
The last month has kept me busy... too busy if I do say so myself. February is miserable with basketball wrapping up while all of the spring sports are kicking off their seasons. March is prime time for spring sports... the 23rd is the only day in which no team from Methodist will be competing... and who knows if it will stay that way if the weather keeps postponing and delaying things. Things will slow down in April after the conference tournaments but of course that's just in time to cram for the NCAA men's and women's golf national championships we're hosting in florida in may. I'm looking forward to the summer but in the meantime I keep trying to find things to escape or to keep my head above water... even if just for a little bit.
Some of my faves...
... an afternoon escape from work just to take a nap
... blasting my iPod so I can sing at the top of my lungs
... wasting an evening watching tv or movies (currently catching up on lost)
... going out to dinner and staying late just to talk until they kick us out
... calling a friend I haven't talked to in awhile just to catch up
... seeing my family when I don't get home nearly enough
... resting in Him when everything else is just stress
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