the facade...

It's late and the week has been long but I had to share what's rattling around in my heard if I wanted any chance of sleeping tonight.

I haven't been able to attend my church here in Fayetteville lately. A couple of weeks ago I was working in Burlington and then the last weekend of April I was in Virginia for my cousin's funeral so I went to my friend Laura's church in Manassas. I heard a message at the Quest on Betting on Hope. The biggest thing I took away from Manassas was trying to grasp the concept of faith... but remembering the man with leprosy who said "Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean." Not can you make me clean or please make me clean... but with faith to say I know you can but are you willing. My prayer life has changed... and I still need to listen to this past Sunday's sermon to hear the next piece of the story.

This past Sunday I was hoping to visit New Hope in Durham to hear the author of the Shack, William P. Young speak. I wasn't able to make it but their pastor Benji Kelley posted video on his site. I loved the Shack... I blogged about the Shack. I'll talk to anyone about the Shack. I didn't know a whole lot of Young's story but I can't describe the feelings I went through listening to him speak... there's a part of his story that resonates within me. He talks about how he grew up as a "religious kid" as a missionary kid and pastor's kid. He says...

"I create a facade on the outside... That's how I dealt with it. I tried to become a perfectionist hoping I could paint the facade fast enough to win somebody's approval and affection...
The reason you don't let somebody into the shack (your inner self) is you're afraid if you did, they'd reject you. When we do get affection and approval, we don't believe it because they don't know the whole truth, because if they did, they would reject us. Therefore, we fooled them."

I'm not sure if you've had the chance to read it... it's almost summer maybe you'll have time. Either way check out Young's story... http://www.benjikelley.com/