sleeplessness

Current mood: sleepy

There is the occasional night I find my head hitting the pillow and I fall right to sleep. Tonight is not one of them. I've found I sleep best when I can clear my head. I've been trying to read before bed in hopes I can escape into a story rather than become lost in my own thoughts racing around when I want to sleep. That one didn't really work tonight. I worked 14 hours today for the third day in a row and my eyes were asking for sleep but my head won't give in.

I think it's conviction. My heart is fighting with my head. I have old friendships that are struggling partially due to my lack of honesty along with my inability to forgive and forget... or maybe I've forgiven but can't seem to forget... but then again do I have to forget? but can I keep the friendship if can't forget? or am I willing to give up the friendship if I have to forget? I have new friendships that I may have screwed up before they even started. I'm still trying to master being honest with tact. I don't have the nerve to say what I really feel and then I start questioning if I should even feel that way. Is this how I really feel or have I let someone talk me into feeling it? Is there a deadline to determine how I really feel?

I'm just babbling hoping my fingers will find the peace my head and heart desire in order to catch a few zzz's tonight. Still searching...