it's that time

Well you knew it was coming. It's that time of year. The last few weeks have held a lot of ups and downs. Not really huge ups or really huge downs... but enough to keep me on my toes. October 15th basketball practice starts. Why is this significant? I enjoy college basketball, but more relevant is the fact that fall sports do not usually end until a month after basketball starts. Basketball practice itself doesn't require much of me... it requires nothing of me really. Sure it means I have rosters to update and photos to take, but the time factor is miniscule. At the end of October we hosted our hoopla frenzy and including an exhibition game the day before, I've worked five basketball events while trying to balance the end of football, men's and women's soccer, volleyball and cross country.

Where's the up to this gripe session? Our women's soccer team went undefeated in conference play... again... allowing us to host the conference tournament. The ups continued with a tournament championship for the first time in school history giving us a bid to the NCAA Tournament... back-to-back bids after eleven years without a peek at postseason play. Of course I had checked the football schedule back in the spring and knew if we were able to get another bid, I would most likely not being able to see the game due to our final football home game that weekend. My fears were relieved when another SID offered to cover for me and my students stepped up to help me out. It seems I'm not very good at hiding my soccer fandom.

I knew going in the game would be tough. Everything we heard told us Roanoke was fast and had a few studs that would put our team to the test. I practiced with the team all week doing anything I could to help the cause. This team has not gone without its fair share of ups and downs this season. Two season-ending injuries to starters, another starter screwing herself off the team and all of a sudden we were down to 16 athletes. I could only hope the adversity would make them stronger.

Somewhere along the way I made some friends. I'm not sure if it's even "legal" to call them that, but the difference from a year ago is crazy. I always give them a hard time for ignoring me last season. Now they probably get sick of my interference... I'm probably too involved. Sometimes I think I want it more than they do. But you know more when you can't have it anymore. I've been able to connect with seniors facing their last game. It's a scary thought that hits you in that final season that you really can't grasp until it's over. As the season starts winding down you start to speak in lasts... my last day of fitness, my last conference tournament, my last tuesday practice... the freshmen don't get it. The sophomores don't really understand and I'm not sure juniors do either. You'd think we'd have a better grasp of it after just being high school seniors. But finishing a high school career is different when you know in a few months you'll be sporting a college uniform. The end of a college career brings more question marks and you wonder if you'll get another chance to play competitively outside of the annual alumni game. As a senior, how do you convince the rest of the team to play like it's their last game too... to forget about the beer back at school, the free weekends to go home or just two afternoons in a row without having to go to practice.

Last night I had to watch four more soccer careers end. It's such a roller coaster of emotions as I replay my own last game and struggle to find words to say something that would make it better. But I can't. I get glassy-eyed and make sure everyone has everything they need. I pat backs and get stats and then I just stand there because that's all I know how to do. I can't talk because then I'd cry. I can't cry because I'm supposed to be the strong one. I don't feel very strong because I know what it's like to play your last game in a Methodist uniform. But hopefully just being there, they know that I know at least a glimpse of what they feel.

A lot of people offer the pat answers... kind of like when someone dies... those responses like well she's in a better place, or at least you had the time with her that you did... they sound good but feel empty when you're the one dealing with loss. I don't mean to say death is the same as ending a collegiate athletic career, but that people respond similarly. After the game, people say well at least you made it this far or at least you got to play in college. Both very true things, but hard to put into perspective minutes after you just took off your cleats.

So I didn't have much to say last night... but I wanted to be there. Welcome them to the club... there are a host of us who have had to hang up the Methodist uniform but we all have choices about what we do afterwards. Some are coaching the game, some are playing in their free time, or maybe teaching their kids to play, and others may never put their cleats on again... but we'll still share the same bond. We wore the uniform, we gave it our all and when it's over we wonder if we did enough...