methco

I had an afternoon of reminiscing about methco. David Merrill had videotaped my last FCA in the cave before I graduated and made a copy for me. Every once in awhile I like to pop it in for a feel-good spree. I know I was so anxious to graduate and leave, but watching the tape, there are definitely things I miss... in particular a bunch of college kids crammed in a basement for some awesome worship, turning the lights off to see the stars, post-fca ice cream runs, finding years of dirt in the couches and 80s carpet, crazy skits that I had tried to put a stop to, stupid costumes I piled on from the storage closet, sleepovers in the cave, seeing all of my friends in one place... FCA was probably the highlight of my time at methco. Even when there was drama surrounding us, it was one of the few things that kept me sane.

On my last night Beth sang a song that she had promised to sing before I left... Beth and I came a long way the three years I was there... we were roommates our freshman year and didn't always get along, but we always went to FCA together. Having her sing at my last one two and a half years later, brought things full circle.

I tried to speak that night too... I cringe now every time I watch it. I have to fast forward before I start tallying every time I said um, or the awkward silences when I said things people didn't expect, or the nervous fidgeting while I sped through the tough parts. I don't know if I said anything worthwhile that night, but it was therapeutic for me.

Mike led some great worship and Peter Rochelle spoke... great moments... plenty of tears shed... I miss having people like that right downstairs or across the street. I don't think we realized how spoiled we were... perhaps we could have avoided the pettiness, sucked up our pride and loved the time we had. There's no point living in those days, but every once in awhile taking a step back to remember helps me appreciate today.

change the world

Are you content?

Contentment can be your enemy.

Are you satisfied?

Satisfaction can become your master.

Are you comfortable?

Comfort is a stubborn obstacle.

The people who leave a changed world in their wake are the ones who refuse to accept the status quo. The ones who always ask "why?" and "what if?" The ones who actively seek out whatever challenges them the most.

Not everyone is meant to climb Everest or defeat the Nazis. But if you feel that restlessness in your soul... if you feel that stirring in your heart... or that refusal to accept complacency... If you know that you know you were meant to do something different than what most people in this world do...

Fight for it. Fight your own comfort, your own satisfaction, your own comfort. That special fire was placed in your soul for a reason. So never give in, and never give up.

Go change the world.
- Robin Parrish

v-day hoopla

Valentine's Day usually comes along with the lovers and the haters. I haven't heard many guys express excitement about the holiday and the only girls that I hear shrieking with joy are ones who are attached to romantic guys about to propose or new relationships where you're still in the "honeymoon" stage. There are plenty of bitter single people out there... but even if you're in a relationship, it can be an awkward time trying to find an appropriate gift and/or date activity that defines perhaps a previously undefined relationship. Should a guy stick to the flowers and chocolate? What is a girl supposed to get a guy that means the same thing? When is jewelry too soon? Go out to eat or cook at home? Find a sappy professing your love card or a funny still getting to know you card? Too many questions... not always a lot of good answers.

Last year I read an article in the Washington Post about "love's dying ritual" all about the new rules of dating that our society has created... straying away from the previous times of courtship. I don't really care about the terminology as much as I am I concerned about the games we play. William Raspberry has some good points... I won't post the whole article in case lengthy posts make you nervous... but hopefully you can access it from: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A21979-2005Feb13.html

So I didn't have a valentine today... but I did get flowers from my boss... okay all of the employees did... but I did talk to one of my best guy friends last night... okay he did tell me all about his v-day plans with his girlfriend... but I don't want to place my self worth in valentine's day... I did get cards from my parents and sister... messages from friends and people I haven't seen in awhile... and even without all of that I know the greatest love that goes beyond february 14th...

february

It's been seven months since I left knoxvegas. I don't think I could have ever predicted where I'd be today. Okay I'm sure this might have made the list at some point, because this was always my back up plan, I'm just not sure I was going to rely on the back up plan for seven months. There are some different opinions about living at home... particularly living at home after graduating from college... or after graduating twice. Some people can only dream about having an opportunity to go home and save some money, take a break to regroup and map out the next step. Others only have nightmares about having to be confined to the "prison" of their parents' humble abode. Whether you have dreams or nightmares about living at home... I can't please you... I can't complain to the dreamers because they picture paradise and I can't be happy around the nightmare sufferers because they cringe at my failure to move on with life. So I gave up trying to appease the masses (at least on this issue)... is this where I want to be? No. Am I grateful to be here? Yes. This is where I need to be today. I don't know where I'll be next month, let alone next year, but I'm trying to breathe in every aspect of this... here... in this moment... the place I couldn't wait to come back to a year ago. Is the grass always greener? I'm not so sure.

"There had been times in the city at Tante's, or dancing in Linda's basement, or fishing off the dock in Kingston, that I was excited with what life had given me. Times I felt perfectly complete. Then I left all of that. I went too far to go back, but I didn't know that until I was grasping for something familiar and safe and there wasn't anything for me to hold on to." -- Carole Radziwill