time heals all...

There's a rumor "time heals all wounds." The quote supposedly traces back thousands of years, but there are probably just as many people arguing its validity. It seems to be one of those pat statements people offer after a tough situation... death, end of a relationship, a tough loss.

In that moment, I'm not sure anyone cares about time or its ability to heal. When you're feeling the effects of loss I think it is hard to even comprehend it's possible to heal let alone believe time might be the answer. The other difficulty with the quote centers around the idea we have no control over time. Someone might tell us running heals all wounds and we could run until we were healed or maybe chocolate heals all and we'd dive headfirst into a vat of chocolate until we could find healing. But time... you can't speed it up or slow it down... it seems to just pass around us.

At some point a day turns into a week and a week into a month. At some point you're convinced you're going to be okay... Or maybe you always were okay.

Being "okay"... finding "healing" always becomes relevant.

I know whenever I think of my toughest day, I'm sure someone else has had a tougher day. Whenever I look back on what I thought was my toughest day, I'm more and more aware there will be tougher.

Does time heal all wounds? Or does it give us a healing perspective?

short-term memory...

One of my friends is a single parent and we were talking about the effects dating might have on her child. Her kid is only 15 months old so I was trying to assure her... even if she dated a guy for six months and they broke up, the odds of her kid being traumatized or remembering the ex were slim to none. She acknowledged her son did recognize people and if he didn't see his grandmother for a couple of weeks, would "ask" about her... but even if his grandmother wasn't in his life anymore, how long would it take for him to forget her? At what age, could a single parent traumatize a kid by bringing boy/girlfriends in and out of his/her life?

I read an article that said, "From the ages of 5 to 10, children tend to be possessive of their mothers and do not want to share them with anyone else. Also, young children do not see a difference between cohabiting and marriage. So once a new partner moves in, a young child may feel that her parent has remarried." It also says, "An older child may have difficulty watching his mother be with another man because, in a sense, he is dealing with his mother's sexuality. She may feel as though her mother is behaving like a teen."

It doesn't say anything about kids from 0 to 5, so perhaps it's free game? I tried to think back to when I was 3 or 4... It's hard for me to distinguish between what I remember versus what I'm reminded of through pictures. The first loss I really remember was when I was eight years old and my aunt passed away. Even at eight, I'm not sure how much I remember and it frustrates me. I remember pieces of her, but I feel like what was even more traumatizing was watching the people around me deal with her loss as much as I was struggling with her actual loss.

I'm not a single parent, so what's my point? The whole conversation made me think about how long it takes for us to get over people as we get older. When we're in middle school and a friend moves away, we're upset at first, we might even write for a little while, but then we move on with no real long-term effects. After high school we go to college and lose touch with a ton of people and I'm sure it effects people differently but we move on and make new friends. Now... in post-college.. adult world... how does losing people affect us? Sometimes people die, sometimes they move away and sometimes they just walk away... but we have to be able to respond and move forward.

Most of the people in my life that have moved away and/or walked away from our friendship/relationship have hurt a ton. I don't deal with change all that well... especially when it comes to my relationships with people. I feel like I've been brutally honest in my journey through relationships, but I feel like while it never seems possible initially, I get to a point where I see the person again, or talk to them and realize I'm not missing anything. Maybe it won't work for everyone... and I know I can never say never (beiber shoutout) especially in actual dating relationships (how do I not ask "what if")... but usually... God reminds me He knew what He was doing all along and I just need to trust Him. Today... I'm grateful for that.