accountability...

I'm a huge fan of accountability. I'm not sure I'd qualify as an expert and I'm not sure I even have any perfect examples of structured accountability in my own life, but I'm a big promoter.

I believe it is crucial to surround yourself with people who will encourage you and set you straight... sometimes in the same sentence. I'm guessing one of the more popular scriptures used for accountability is from Galatians 6, but I stumbled onto a reminder in 1 Thessalonians 5 I like. Verses 14-22: "And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else. Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not treat prophecies with contempt but test them all; hold on to what is good, reject every kind of evil."

I think this is one of those passages that can be misused. The first part of verse 14 alone could have a bunch of busybodies running around warning all of the lazy crew how they're sinning. Instead, Paul goes on with more instructions that make the job a little more delicate. We're to warn, encourage, help and be patient all in one sentence. I think that's the epitome of accountability without ever saying the word.

I'm not sure what accountability looks like in the best case scenario. I don't have a weekly confession session with a friend over coffee while we pray for each other (I am a fan of praying for my friends even when it weirds them out :). I'm sure that works for some people, and maybe I should give it a fair shot... but in the meantime I have tried to surround myself with people I trust will tell me the truth. I want people who can warn, encourage, help and be patient all at the same time. I don't really need friends who are just there to agree with me. I want people who will challenge me.

I'm not sure it's "natural" to tell your friend he/she is screwing up. And I really don't think it's "natural" to smile and take it when your friend tells you you're screwing up. It takes a special friendship to reach a point where you can give and take criticism and know it's coming from a good place. At the same time, I think we're called to something more than just being teammates or gossip buddies. I think God has called us to something more than, "he/she's not hurting me so we're good." I want it to hurt me when my friend is hurting someone else or himself/herself.

My favorite technique... ask questions. We're all less threatened by questions as opposed to a critical observation. Give me a chance to figure out what I'm screwing up before you lambast me for it. A question lets me process it and ask for your opinion when I'm ready. Don't get me wrong... sometimes people are still oblivious and you have to spell it out... or sometimes you still hit a nerve that makes people defensive or bitter. Regardless... keep praying and work on those other hints... encourage, help and be patient when the warning doesn't go so well. It's a package deal.