farewell oprah...

I can't remember the first time I watched Oprah Winfrey's tv show. During high school I was a huge fan. I can't imagine I had the chance to watch it much since I played sports after school, but I know I watched it as much as I could. And for awhile... I e-mailed her show every day in an attempt to get one of my favorite teachers on the show.

Mrs. Nedra Spry was one of my favorite teachers of all-time. I took psychology with her first period during the fall semester of my senior year and I loved it. She was funny, kind and an amazing teacher. I learned a lot about psychology and even more about myself. I remember being in this weird position trying to figure out who I was now that three of my best friends had graduated. I had lost some of my identity in terms of who I was at school and I hung on every word Mrs. Spry said as she used psychology to help us become better people.

I can't imagine what it's like to teach high school students... kids who think they're adults but are typically far from it. Mrs. Spry went above and beyond... showing patience and making the class entertaining despite starting at 7:45 am. I desperately wanted Oprah and the rest of the world to recognize what an amazing teacher Mrs. Spry was... and I wanted Oprah to do something to let her know how much we appreciated her.

Obviously, Oprah, nor her staff, responded to my e-mails. And I suppose Mrs. Spry and I will never get to go on the show since Wednesday marked the series finale. Since getting a DVR last summer I've watched nearly every Oprah episode during the farewell season and I think everyone involved went above and beyond to go out on top.

I have so many memories of lessons learned from the show, but the one I felt echoed over and over this week was... "You are not alone. You are enough." When there are so many negative influences around us, shoving us down... there was finally someone offering some encouragement... offering to build us up.. and for that I'm grateful.

One of my favorite moments I'll take from the show were Oprah's final words... "To God be the glory." Earlier during the show, Oprah acknowledged people had questioned what God she talked about during the show... there are plenty of sources questioning her faith especially in light of her infatuation with "the secret" years ago. Oprah addressed it on Wednesday and said, "I'm talking about the Alpha, the Omega, the one and only G-O-D." I don't think it's my job to judge her faith, but I'm grateful for her recognition of God's impact on her life.

I could go on for days about Oprah memories... but found a montage with some of the highlights... farewell oprah!

around the web...

I love coming across nuggets on the Internet that inspire some kind of emotion... laughter, happiness, tears... to me it's a weird kind of art form that makes you feel. Here are my nuggets of the day...

1. More marriage proposals... one has already taken over the web and I thought I could nudge along the other...

NYC Weddinig Proposal

Matt and Ginny

This inspired a discussion with a friend about public versus private proposals. I've decided it's important for the one proposing to know what the one their proposing to wants. There's no point in making a huge public declaration for a girl (or guy) who would go running the opposite direction. Personally... I'd like to add another category public with friends and family. I'm not really into the videoboard proposals in front of thousands of people who could care less, but I like including people who mean something to the couple.

2. The Voice... the new singing show is attempting to make a dent in the American Idol market. I love the concept... but I'm not sure I've seen a talent show that includes singing I haven't liked.

There are a ton of awesome singers most of the frontrunners aren't even attempting to sell the beginner concept. Many have had cds recorded or other professional experience. I was bummed to see Elenowen go this week. I know they lost the battle, but I go back to their version of "Falling Slowly" and the harmonies are so good! Or at least in my world with not a lot of music knowledge.

Elenowen on the Voice

3. Rain Delay Antics... I've seen videos of teams making use of rain delays, but I think Clemson and Davidson take the cake... so far... Clemson vs. Davidson

I know teams will be looking to do better and I hope Methodist is one of them. We already went after Duke's BP breakdown video with our own breakdown video.

I dread a rain delay, but love the creativity.

Happy Surfing!

soccer stalkerism... part II

[read part I here]

Despite the lack of obsession, I've still tried to follow the USWNT blog faithfully. At some point U.S. Soccer announced the women would be coming back to Cary to take on Japan in a World Cup prep game. I recruited some friends and paid way too much money for seats by the tunnel close to the field. Anytime I go to Cary, my mind wanders back to the nine months I lived there after college. I did an internship for the Carolina Courage during my senior year of college and was absolutely thrilled when they offered me a job after graduation. I was paid pennies and worked my butt off, but was living my dream job at 20 years old.

On Wednesday we ate cheap across from SAS, the company that almost bought the Courage. We cut through back roads I memorized eight years ago to get to my apartment. We took the same path I used to take from my apartment to the stadium, but were forced to park much further away! I always feel a little possessive when I get back to the stadium. We spent so much time trying to build our brand... I didn't work there long, but it meant the world to me. I reminisced working camp with the players and staff, painting a ridiculous banner in the locker room or hauling merchandise in the Hyundai Santa Fe.

During the game I watched Shannon Boxx, the player who used the WUSA as her tryout for the USWNT. I spotted former Courage coach and Assistant GM Marcia McDermott, former assistant coach Susan Ellis and former superstar Hege Riise. There were former USWNT players galore between Mia Hamm, Cindy Parlow, Julie Foudy and Kate Markgraf. Tennessee head coach Angela Kelly blended in amongst UNC coach Anson Dorrance and current USWNT players Lindsey Tarpley and Heather Mitts. I fell right back into the extreme fandom spouting off useless knowledge and winning the halftime trivia game from my seat.

If I worked for U.S. Soccer I would be working hard in these months leading up to the World Cup to get people excited about women's soccer. If that was the goal Wednesday night, U.S. Soccer succeeded. I'm itching to watch more soccer... read more articles... I'm ready for the 2011 World Cup. I don't know if I'll ever have the opportunity to work directly with professional women's soccer players again, but I will forever be a supporter.

soccer stalkerism... part I

 I grew up a soccer fan. There weren't many others like me when I was growing up. I wish I remembered the moment when I knew I loved soccer. I first played when I was six and I can't imagine I was really good. My teams were dominated by boys and I have a feeling I had to work hard to prove value to the team.

My mom told a story the last time I was home about when I was kid... She came to pick me up from a school dance and went inside to look for me and someone told her I was outside playing. She was so excited I wasn't being a girly girl stuck inside with the insecurities of a school dance. She tracked me down and we loaded up the car and she asked about my decision to play outside. I was so matter-of-fact, but that's where the boys were. Some girls played sports because they felt like one of the guys. I didn't feel like one of the guys, I just think there was definitely a part of me that wanted to just be with the guys. I went where they were.

I subscribed to Soccer Jr. magazine and started to learn about the United States Women's National Team (or USWNT). I vaguely remember hearing about the U.S. loss in the 1995 World Cup, but remember falling madly in love throughout the 1996 Olympics. I passionately followed Dominique Dawes and the U.S. gymnastics team as much as I did Michelle Akers and the U.S. women's soccer team. As far as I can remember, I first saw the team play live June 8, 1997. I saw them again a few years later at the Naval Academy and have seen the team play three times in Cary, N.C.

When I wasn't watching the team live, I was collecting newspaper and magazine articles (I have four binders full) or recording games on tv (I have at least 29 games on vhs not counting pro or college games). I went to a Michelle Akers conference in college and have autographs from a bunch of players. Through at least high school and college I could name every player in the national team pool, their number and college. During the 1999 World Cup I was working at a camp without access to watch games. My boyfriend and my parents sent me articles and on championship Saturday, anyone who could stand me crowded around a 13 inch tv to watch history. In 2003 I volunteered at the World Cup and watched games with former coworkers and players from the WUSA. In 2007 I recruited players from Methodist to get up at the crack of dawn and watch games... Most would say I was dedicated.

I still follow the team, but over the last five years of working a job engrossed in sports my fandom has waned...

to be continued

[my ability to babble has inspired me to post part II tomorrow]

car shopping...

It seems I need to buy a car. I've known for nearly three weeks and have been stuck somewhere between denial and avoidance. I've been battling with myself to make a smart financial decision, a practical decision and still meet my list of SUV dreams.

I could get a roommate and buy the car of my dreams... or I could continue to rock the mortgage solo and drive a clunker. I could buy a trusty new car or try not to get worked over on a used car. I could buy a car down here or try to get back to Maryland where I can rely on my car salesman brother.

I'm not the best decision maker, but to make any or all of these stress me out more than usual. In reality, I think the idea of making them alone stresses me out more than the actual act of making the decision. I am a strong, independent woman wishing I had a guy to swoop in and make all the right decisions with me. Ugh the feminist in me cringes at the thought, let alone actually seeing the words in black and white, but there it is... I'm leaving it here and moving forward... stepping out of denial and avoidance and into acceptance and car purchasing.

to the moms in my life...

Here it is... the cliche mother's day blog. I feel like I should try to avoid being cliche but spending mother's day away from my mom... or any mom really... leaves me the opportunity to be cliche. :)


My mom...
... I have been blessed with a mom who loves me very much. Sometimes I think back to what our relationship must have been like when I was a kid and I struggle to remember. I know we connected around reading and school and were totally disconnected when it came to my wardrobe. I preferred sweatsuits and boy shoes while she had her heart set on me wearing matching "sister dresses" with my little sister. I know for sure our emotions are genetic... we both cry at the drop of a hat. When high school came around I felt like my dad was holding me back from real life and wished she would stand up to him. College came and we transitioned from this I never want to go home and visit to I couldn't wait to get home and visit. My parents took me in when I was unemployed... and welcomed me back as I was turning 23 with a master's degree and not sure where to go with my life. My mom insisted on coming down to play nurse when I had my wisdom teeth out at 25 and was right back here painting and doing yard work on numerous occasions after I bought my house. She hasn't always agreed with every decision I made, but she has supported me nevertheless.


Mrs. Clarissa...
... While I met Sarah Riley earlier, I really became friends with the Riley family during the summer of 1996. At some point Mrs. Clarissa realized I wasn't going away and has treated me like one of her own. I was honored to be a part of Kim, Laura and Sarah's weddings and Mrs. Clarissa included me with everything. For the past three summers I have been invited to their family vacation and they have filled the gap for me on numerous occasions. Whether it's shopping, rock band or learning to clean up like she does... I always feel loved.


Mrs. Diane...
... Once I made the varsity soccer team my sophomore year of high school I began to get to know Mrs. Diane Stinchcomb. She was the loud, obnoxious parent in the stands letting us know we were screwing up but always encouraging us after a good play too. During my junior year I became good friends with her daughter Erin and I felt like I spent more time at the Stinchcomb's than my own house. Whether it was providing a meal, providing an impromptu bed, or just offering an ear to listen, she was always there to fulfill my needs.  I cannot remember a time when I was turned away or I felt unwanted.  She understood me and I felt like a part of her family. Erin graduated a year ahead of me and I felt lost my senior year. In September of that year, Mrs. Diane was diagnosed with stomach cancer and I can't forget sitting in Erin's driveway while she was home for the weekend hearing the news. While Mrs. Diane dove into surgery and treatment she still found a way to come to my last soccer game and I could only hope she was on her way to recovery. Things went downhill in the spring and we had our final visit Memorial Day 2000 before she passed away July 12, 2000. Even though our time together wasn't nearly long enough, she impacted my life forever.

Aunt Sharon...
... I think when I was a kid I might have loved visiting my Aunt Sharon more to see my cousin Robin than anything else, but I'm grateful I've had the opportunity to spend more time with my aunt since then. I chose a college that happened to be in the same city as Robin and was fortunate to have my aunt visit me while she was in town to see my cousin during those three years. She was always willing to take me and any of my friends to dinner and it was always a night of laughter. I don't remember exact dates but sometime during my second year of college into that summer of 2002, Aunt Sharon was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Her sister, Donna (also my mom's sister) has passed away from ovarian cancer in 1991 and I was scared. I remember sending her a card and going to the hospital just praying for healing. On October 8, 2002 my parents celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary and my siblings and I planned a surprise party for them on the 13th. I had a soccer game on the 12th so my aunt was visiting my cousin and I picked her up after the game and we started the journey home. The first issue we had was avoiding the sniper. It was a big deal at the time and we were trying to strategically time gas and restroom breaks around where the sniper was seen last. We finally reached the eastern shore of Maryland late Saturday night and could not find a hotel. There were boat races or something and we couldn't find a room. We were on the verge of ruining the surprise and knocking on my parents' door but instead ended up driving 30 minutes past my house to stay in this dump of a motel. My aunt was going through chemo at the time and rocking a sweet wig that she desperately wanted to take off to sleep but didn't want me to have to see. I'll never forget how vulnerable and yet beautiful she looked as a fighter... Less than a year later she was my sponsor at graduation and hooded me... a cancer survivor. Still to this day we laugh about how much our personalities are alike and I look forward to her visits south!

I would be an idiot to not mention my grandmothers. Unfortunately both have passed away... I hate that sometimes my memory of Mommom Wolf starts to fade but I remember loving her and loving spending time on their back porch. My Mommom Britt kept us all entertained to the very end. She gave some of the most endearing gifts (how can you go wrong with sunny delight and underwear) and truly was one of the best cooks!

I have dreams of becoming a mom myself one day and I am so grateful for all of my family, friends and friends' moms who are moms and teaching me how to be a mom. No matter how long you are a part of my life... the lessons last forever. So thank you Robin Autry, Jessi Bailes, Deborah Baker, Allison Brown, Becky Buck, Kimberly Busby, Patsy Cook, Marlo Coppage, Michelle Dewey, Sarah Dietz, Adrienne Dombrowsky, Terrie Farmer, Mary Beth Flaherty, DeeDee Jarman, Dianne Madoni, Barbara Matney, Kim McCullen, Stephanie McNinch, Jill Messer, Patty Moore, Nancy Quimby, Penny Quimby, Linda Randall, Rikki Rich, Mindy Sewell, Nedra Spry, Laura Takata, Teresa Yates...

I'm sure I forgot someone.. nearly 29 years of women teaching me things is a lot to remember... I have more and more friends popping out kids and I can't wait to learn from you as you embark on motherhood. Happy mother's day to everyone!

pride vs. proud

What is the difference between pride and proud? I'm no linguist, but the most obvious difference is pride is considered a noun while proud is an adjective. It struck me when I was blogging earlier that pride is more often put in a negative context while proud is typically more positive. Of course they can be both be put into sentences implying positive or negative, but just thinking about patterns.

I wrote an entire blog about wanting someone to say they were proud of me... but yet you can read tons of references of people suggesting pride is bad. I suppose part of it is the level of pride and then the other part is who the pride is directed toward. It's rare to hear someone is too prideful in their friends, but maybe too often we hear someone is too prideful about themselves.

One of the stories I love is Uzziah from 2 Chronicles 26 in the bible. Uzziah was made king when he was just 16 years old and "He did what was right in the eyes of the Lord, just as his father Amaziah had done. He sought God during the days of Zechariah, who instructed him in the fear of God. As long as he sought the Lord, God gave him success." Sweet set up eh? Uzziah did the right thing, sought out God and he was successful. Unfortunately Uzziah's army grew and he became famous and powerful. "But after Uzziah became powerful, his pride led to his downfall." Uzziah stopped relying on God and he even ignored some priests' admonishment before eventually contracting leprosy.

I want to be proud of the people around me, but not too proud of myself. I want to even be proud of myself, but too proud. Here's to finding the balance within pride and proud as we look to find the success of Uzziah without the fall.

I'm proud of you...

I've grown up in a family where compliments aren't exactly forthcoming... My dad is the talker just not sentimental while my mom is sentimental but rarely shares her feelings. I grew up desperately seeking their approval and always wondering whether I would ever measure up.

If there's a theory out there that too much encouragement or too many compliments would make a kid soft, my dad probably bought stock in it. While my classmates were paid for getting A's on their report cards, mine were just expected. My grandfather used to pay me for scoring goals until he passed away when I was 10, but that was probably the extent of rewarded behavior as a child.

I could go on for days on the effects of becoming a people pleaser, but instead I'm here to share my own "living vicariously through tv shows" moment compliments of "Friday Night Lights." I've read the book, watched the movie and hung onto the tv show despite the attempts to bury it.

I was catching up on the dvr the other day and watched the most recent episode "Right Hand of the Father." Vince, the high school quarterback, was reunited with his dad who had spent the last five years in jail and he wasn't too thrilled about it. He didn't trust his dad and told him not to even come to his game... but of course his dad showed up.  When Vince got home his dad had packed up and confessed he went and watched him play... “Tonight for the first time in my life I knew what pride felt like. I’m proud of you Vincent.”

Anyone who knows me knows I was a weepy mess at this point. I love the honesty and I especially love when a grown man can share his feelings... no matter how sentimental. I'm not sure what it is about those words... of knowing someone is proud of you... but it makes everything worthwhile. I'm praying I'll be able to tell my kids I'm proud of them (just enough to make them feel loved but not soft :) and I'm praying I'll find a man who can do the same.

one step at a time...

I've lost two people I cared about in a little more than two weeks. I'm not sure death is ever easy, but I think I get comfortable not dealing with it for awhile until it comes back to remind me. This week has been especially hard. I was definitely not one of Colton's best friends, but we had plenty of mutual friends and he always treated me like a best friend when we saw each other. I can't decide what hurts more... losing someone... or watching people you care about lose someone.

This week has been a careful balance of tears and laughs... standing still in a moment of sadness and moving forward in a moment of daily routine. How do you say goodbye but never forget? How do you grieve but still rejoice in God's blessings? How do you wait patiently but not get stuck in this moment?

I find some comfort in Psalm 116:15... "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints."

I'll never forget...

"we are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. we don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. we won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. we were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home." - twloha