it's not too late...

I wrote about new beginnings yesterday and it made me think of my fave duo JillandKate. They just released their new album Songs on the 17th vol. I and one of my fave songs made the list. I keep praying for more new beginnings... I'm still praying you'll give me one.  

JillandKate posted the explanations and lyrics for all of their songs on their blog but I included "Your Way Back" below...

"We find that it can be easier to write a song about someone than to actually tell them how you’re feeling. Maybe it’s cowardly, but it is what it is. Sometimes a song is the only chance you have of communicating to that person. Whatever the reason, this is one of those songs.

Relationships come and go in life and some losses are harder to swallow than others. We wrote this song together, but each of us wrote about different people.

So this is a combination of our attempts at reaching out to someone who we have lost touch with in our lives and communicating that the door is always open for them to come back."

LYRICS

I miss you so
And you’ll never know
I was too afraid to try to show you love
To give it up
To let you know I might

Care a little
Care a lot
Hold a place for you in this stubborn heart of mine
I hide it well

And maybe you’ll never see
But you’ve got me

And do you still remember me
Your long lost friend you used to need
I’m still hoping that you might find your way back
And if you ever think of me
I hope you know that it’ll never be
Too late for you to make your way back

Are you alright
Are you getting by
Do you still laugh out loud
Like we used to ’til it made us cry
And does it spark a memory
When you hear my name does it make you miss me
You hide it well

Did you close the door
Well I’m still yours

And do you still remember me
Your long lost friend you used to need
I’m still hoping that you might find your way back
And if you ever think of me
I hope you know that it’ll never be
Too late for you to make your way back

On a downtown street
(Your favorite song on repeat)
Drinking coffee late at night
(Your favorite show on tv)
Driving your car around all around
(Do you remember me)
All around

On a downtown street
(Your favorite song on repeat)
Drinking coffee late at night
(Your favorite show on tv)
Driving your car around all around
(Do you remember me)
All around

And do you still remember me
Your long lost friend you used to need
I’m still hoping that you might find your way back
And if you ever think of me
I hope you know that it’ll never be
Too late for you to make your way back

No it’s not too late for you to make your way back
No it’s not too late for you to make your way back

(c) jillandkate.

thankful...

I really do take time every night to come up with five things I'm grateful for and I don't think thanksgiving should be the only time we take time to say thanks. However... perhaps this is a chance for me to take a moment to give thanks "publicly" in the blogosphere of the world wide web.

1. I am so thankful for my family. It could be an obvious one... but I know there are people not so blessed. Thanksgiving and Christmas are the only two holidays I have been able to hold as sacred family holidays... I refuse to let work take that away even if it means making 4 a.m. drives or spending nearly 25% of my trip in the car. Some day I hope I'm married and I'll have to figure out how to share the holidays... but for now I love being back on the shore. We have had our fair share of drama this week, but in the it doesn't matter because we're family.

2. I am thankful for my friends. Most of them don't live near me and I wish we could talk more or see each other more, but I know who I can count on when I need them. Some people know more about me than others... some people are better listeners... some are better advice-givers... some are better lunch dates... some are better shopping buddies... I'm truly grateful and pray we stay in touch.

3. I am thankful for my job. I complain about it a lot, but I never want to take it for granted. I have a job when so many people don't. I have met a ton of amazing people and get to watch them compete in collegiate sports... something that I wish I could still do.

4. I am thankful for new beginnings. I have made mistakes and I'm grateful for the people who have forgiven me and let me start over. I am also thankful I could do the same for others... I'm usually so quick to quit on people after mistakes to avoid being taken advantage of... but I'm praying I can guard my heart and still keep it open for the possibilities of new beginnings.

5. Most importantly... I am thankful for my relationship with Christ. I know for sure I would not be here today if it were not for Him. When I was a kid it was definitely just another characteristic about me... soccer player, liked the color blue, went to church... but now I really hope to seek real, passionate love for the God who continuously puts up with my crap and loves me anyway. I'm not sure I've even fully grasped who He is, but I pray my life glorifies Him.

I'm so happy for you...

How do I sum up this week? It hasn't been easy. I worked 43 hours from Monday through Wednesday and added another solid 20 hours Thursday and Friday. I realized my exhaustion from work can be misconstrued as unhappiness in my job. I like my job... I just don't like working 63 hours in five days.

Despite getting home too late this week, I still like to take time to unwind when I get home before I can actually fall asleep. One of my favorite shows lately is "Parenthood." This week's episode, "Put Yourself Out There," was definitely timely.

One of the main characters Amber found out she did really well on the SATs and her mom set up an interview with a Berkeley alum. Amber was freaking out and refusing when her uncle came to try and talk her into it. She basically said she was afraid of trying and failing and her uncle responded... "Life will knock you down more times than you can possibly imagine. Don't knock yourself down." Ugh... how often do we knock ourselves down? I am definitely not one to always see a situation as "half full," but I definitely don't need to see it "half empty."

At the end of the show there was a scene when Haddie was talking to her grandmother about a guy she met volunteering at the community center. Last week Haddie thought she was getting the vibe and kissed him, but he stopped her and said he was a recovering alcoholic and it wasn't a good time for a relationship. At the end of this week's episode she is telling her grandmother about the guy... Alex.

Haddie - "Can I tell you something... and you'll keep it just between us?" 

Grandmother - "Of course" 

Haddie - "I like Alex. I like coming here and seeing him here and he's an amazing person. He's like I mean.. you know... he's had all this terrible stuff happen to him and he's not bitter which is unbelievable! Like he is just... is a good guy." 

Grandmother - "I think it's wonderful. It's wonderful." 

Haddie - "Well you introduced  him to me.Thank you."

Grandmother - "You're so beautiful. You're such a beautiful girl. I'm so happy for you." 

Haddie - "Thanks"

Did I miss something? I was baffled... Haddie raves about Alex and her grandmother says "I'm so happy for you." I understand Haddie didn't include the part about Alex putting the brakes on a relationship, but the conversation really made me think about my perspective. Usually... if you like someone and the person doesn't like you back... we're not happy for you... we feel bad for you. Of course as an avid viewer I can buy into the belief that Alex likes Haddie, he's just not ready for a relationship... but I'm trying to understand the grandmother's ability to be happy for Haddie for merely liking someone.

Perhaps my disbelief goes along with my fear of usually even sharing with anyone that I like someone... especially when I don't know if the person likes me back... but even when I know we both like each other... I'm always cautious and figure the fewer people I tell about the relationship (or wannabe relationship) the fewer people I have to tell when it doesn't work. However... I think this goes back to Amber's dilemma... "Life will knock you down more times than you can possibly imagine. Don't knock yourself down."

bloggers...

A lot of the blogs I read are written by people who write every day. They blog for a living and usually post every day. I don't have time to post every day so when I do have time my blogs usually become a hodge podge of what I could have made into a week's worth of ramblings. So here goes...

1. Yahoo posted a story this week... 10 quirky facts about kissing. Not exactly the kind of reading that usually makes you think, but I saw a guy mention one of the facts on facebook that he was upset about... "The average woman kisses 29 men before she gets married." The facebook poster said it made him sad to think about and another one of his friends agreed he didn't want his wife kissing 29 men before him. My first question was, "What's the average for a man before he gets married?" I tried googling it, but instead of finding an answer I found contradicting research debating whether the average for a female was 29 or 79... Maybe it's nearly tripling based on the fact women are getting married later. Once upon a time I made a list of the guys I've kissed... Rest assured I'm not close to 29. Although I've debated if I need to start kissing more to increase my chances of finding my husband! just kidding!!

I am always a little apprehensive about the double standard. I hope if you're worried about how many guys I'm kissing, you're thinking about who you're kissing.

2. CMA Awards... I watched a little bit of the CMA's on Wednesday and thanks to the DVR can catch the whole show on a lazy Saturday. I have yet to watch the whole thing, but I promise my favorite part will be the Kelly Clarkson and Jason Aldean performance. I know I'm biased, but just saying...

My other favorite part was Brad Paisley's thanks to the fans... "I'm like a turtle on a fence post. You know he didn't get there by himself." There was some stuff circulating on the internet awhile ago making fun of Obama being a turtle on a fence post and took the analogy further... but I love Brad's tribute. We're all where we are because of someone else. I know for sure I would not be here today if it weren't for a host of people in my life. I can't say thank you enough...

3. Speaking of Kelly Clarkson... her backup singers... and two of my favorite singers... JillandKate recorded a cd with their Songs on the 17th... well documented through my blog they post a song on youtube on the 17th of every month and I definitely preordered the cd. So as a plug for JillandKate... check out their site, their blog, their videos, their cd... do it.

4. One of my favorite bloggers Bianca Juarez posted a vlog about depression on Friday... I'm sitting on it a bit, letting it stew... expansion to come...

home...

At 7:30 this morning I found out my dad is giving his testimony at church tonight as part of re-acceptance to serve as a deacon. I have never heard my dad give his testimony. I have no idea how he came to know Christ and that hurts a little. My faith is such a big part of my life and to not really know that part of my dad or my mom's life seems like something's missing.

I have always fought the pull to let my Christianity become a habit. I grew up going to church because it was Sunday and my parents said so. I didn't drink or have sex because I was afraid of getting caught. Over the last 15 years I have consistently tried to find my own faith. I didn't want to do something just because my parents did it. I can't change the past, but it makes me think a lot about how I want to raise my own children. I want my children to know my faith. I want them to know not just what I believe, but why I believe it. I want them to love Jesus more than they love church. I want worship and prayer to be an integral part of our lives. I want them to trust me to love them unconditionally. I can't wait to share my faith and I hope someday I will have the opportunity to lead them to Christ.

Some things I like this week...
1. the Locator... I blogged a couple of weeks ago about how I cry often... I think it's impossible for me to watch this show without crying... There are people looking for their mothers, fathers, children... and Troy Dunn helps them reunite. I think the coolest part is that he doesn't just throw them in a room without spending time working through some of the hurt and anger that might have built up over so many years of separation.

2. Rachel Saburro White's singing... Ever since I started going to Snyder Memorial Baptist Church a few years ago, I found comfort in Rachel's singing. A member of the New Way worship choir, I even got her to come and sing the national anthem at school without having really met her before. Today she sang a new song she wrote that I loved... "I'm waiting and watching for my turn to come around... I've been on the sidelines for too long. My time is now... I'm gonna sing now... I'm gonna live now... I'm gonna speak now... I'm gonna love now... I'm gonna live now... for You.

3. Moving on... Over and over again I have documented my ability to hold grudges. I don't have a ton of patience for mess ups despite my own ability to mess up repeatedly. I've been trying to sort through balancing forgiveness with not being run over. I've found it's even more difficult to forgive someone that doesn't know you're mad at them. I'm grateful for God's providence placing conversations in my life that help me take another step forward towards moving on... moving past it. I was supposed to be helping you but you have no idea how much you helped me.

sucked in...

I have a habit of diving in head first... all in... particularly in my job and friendships. Sometimes more cautious almost too cautious in relationships but pretty dedicated to whatever I'm committed to...

For the last four years and three months I have been completely engrossed in my job. I know that I could be the awkward SID that only worked 8-5 plus the events and didn't "waste" time interacting with coworkers and students but I feel like I would be miserable.

Occasionally I've entertained the idea of working for a different school, but I've always thought I would have a hard time working for a school I didn't have a connection to.. Working for my alma mater means I have a vested interest in the teams and I honestly care about their success.

During my first semester here I had the privilege of watching the women's soccer team earn a bid to the NCAA National Tournament for the first time in 11 years. I think I was more excited than they were... the opposite felt true this year when the team finished seventh in the conference. I tried not to look it up, knowing it would irritate me more, but since we started a women's soccer team in 1985, we have never been lower than fifth.. and even then we were only fifth twice in 1999 and 2009. The conference started a conference tournament in 2000 and Methodist had never been left out of the semifinals until this year.

I'm always going to have a connection to the women's soccer team as an alum. And I care a lot for the lacrosse team as a semi-alum and sister of an alum... and as a former official scorekeeper for the women's basketball team I obviously care about them. I've created connections with other teams over the last few years and I get sucked into the wins, losses and the drama. I want to fix the problems and I want everyone to win a national championship.

On Friday one of my closest friends from my college soccer team came down from Virginia and I was the nerd that made us get takeout and sit in front of my computer to watch our volleyball team in the conference tournament semifinal. I felt silly but also knew if we had won I would have never forgotten that I missed it. I wish I could have been there in person... like somehow I would have made the difference in the outcome.

I'm always babbling about balance but I'm still trying to find it. I am grateful for my job and glad I can be a part of college athletics but I want to remember my role. I can't take credit in the wins or really bring much comfort in the losses. But I can listen...