surrender...

Most of my blog thoughts are not my own... I usually hear something that sparks something allowing me to babble on about everything and nothing all at the same time.

I was stressing about the weekend. I'm not always good at dealing with issues I try to bury. I am usually pretty good at stressing out.

After an interesting Saturday I woke up at my usual butt crack of dawn Sunday time to go to church. I love being able to go to church early before work but at 7 a.m. I'm not usually feeling so loving it. Sunday Pastor Cook spoke from one of the most difficult passages of scripture for me... Genesis 22 when God tells Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac. I have a hard time wrapping my head around Abraham seeming to be so willing to do it. I get the example of God sacrificing his son but that wouldn't happen for years after Abraham was dead and gone. Regardless... one of Pastor Cook's points was that Abraham was willing to do it...

My favorite part of Sunday... the story of the Pearl Necklace...

The cheerful girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them: a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box.

"Oh please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please!"

Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face.

"A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them, I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma."

As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbor and asked Mrs. McJames if she could pick dandelions for ten cents.

On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace.

Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere--Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath. Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.

Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One night when he finished the story, he asked Jenny, "Do you love me?"

"Oh yes, Daddy. You know that I love you."

"Then give me your pearls."

"Oh, Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess--the white horse from my collection. The one with the pink tail. Remember, Daddy? The one you gave me. She's my favorite."

"That's okay, Honey. Daddy loves you. Good night." And he brushed her cheek with a kiss.

About a week later, after the story time, Jenny's daddy asked again, "Do you love me?"

"Daddy, you know I love you."

"Then give me your pearls."

"Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my babydoll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is so beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper."

"That's okay. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you." And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss.

A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian-style. As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek.

"What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?"

Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver,she finally said, "Here, Daddy. It's for you."

With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's kind daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime-store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls and gave them to Jenny.

He had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her genuine treasure.

What are you hanging on to?

That is the question... what am I hanging on to? Our worship pastor Giles followed up with one version of "I Surrender All" and I felt wrecked. I wanted to spend the rest of the day figuring out what it meant to me and how I can be better... Instead I went to work a tennis tournament and three soccer games and dealt with work drama and catching up with friends and family and woke up to fall back into the vicious cycle of work. I don't want to forget... I want to surrender everything... not just when I have time... but most of all when I don't...

"I Surrender All"

...I surrender all my silent hopes and dreams Though the price to follow costs me everything I surrender all my human soul desires If sacrifice requires That all my kingdoms fall I surrender all
If the source of my ambition is the treasure I obtain If I measure my successes on a scale of earthly gain If the focus of my vision is the status I attain My accomplishments are worthless and my efforts are in vain
So I lay aside these trophies to pursue a higher crown And should You choose somehow to use the life I willingly lay down I surrender all the triumph for it's only by Your grace I relinquish all the glory, I surrender all the praise
Everything I am, all I've done, and all I've known Now belongs to You, the life I live is not my own Just as Abraham laid Isaac on the sacrificial fire If all I have is all that You desire I surrender all