new memories

I used to have a habit of cutting out things in my life that reminded me of bad memories... kind of along with my whole habit of holding a grudge... it always seemed easier to forget about hurt or anger if I didn't have to re-live it every time I saw something that reminded me of the experience. I called them triggers. If I met someone at a particular restaurant, eating there again wasn't exactly on my list of things to do. I didn't want to hear songs that meant something to a former relationship. I didn't like watching movies I had seen with them, etc.

I've decided that's a dumb theory. My new theory (and yes theories are open for revision) is to replace bad memories with good ones. I'm not going to ruin a good restaurant or a great song because of a bad experience. I want to recreate new memories that replace the old.

I took a break from CiCi's for awhile. Why in the world would I sacrifice an all-you-can-eat buffet for $4.99 because of some crappy memories when I would have missed out on dinner with my best friend, some work friends or a road trip with the women's soccer team and my 'rents?

There are a number of songs that will take me back to a particular relationship. But I add them to my road trip playlists and create new memories... or spend a day reminiscing about what I learned from it.

I bought a dress to go to a wedding that lit a spark to a week that blew up in my face. Traditionally I'd avoid the dress... but this time I spent too much money to forsake it... I put it on for the next wedding and cleaned the slate.

It seems I've come to a point when I have the freedom to make choices about the direction of my life. I don't know where I'm going, with who or when... but it's ok. I'll be rocking out to "Holiday in Spain" in my wedding-date-dress at CiCi's while I figure it out.