choosing

I think our culture is saturated with a glamorized version of love. Nothing new I know. Not even groundbreaking. The tabloids and gossip columns are the first things read... we're watching everyone's wedding on tv and ooohing and ahhhing over the latest chick flick or perhaps chick lit. Unfortunately most of the "love" we're watching fizzles and the rest is fantasy. If we're going to base our own relationships on what we see, we're going to be disappointed.

I've grown up with clashing examples of what love is... My parents are working on thirty years of marriage but I can't remember the last time I saw them kiss. Of course some people grew up watching their parents make out and maybe they'd prefer their parents get a room. Occasionally my mom attempts a little flirty funny but my dad looks uncomfortable... maybe he just doesn't like pda and he considers his kids part of the public. I think they've tried a ltitle more the last few years... or maybe I just pay attention more, but I hope I look like I'm still enjoying marriage thirty years into it.

On the other hand, I'm a chick flick nerd. I own all of Julia Roberts' movies... even the bad ones (except firehouse from 1987 b/c I can't find it and her cartoon movies) and I've taken to reading cheesy chick lit on occasion as well. I'm a little more realistic than I was but I used to live vicariously through anna scott and maggie carpenter... maybe even a little mary fiore and lucy kelson... (name that movie?) Regardless... they always make love look easy. Sure there are tears and maybe even an occasional sad ending but the love always comes out looking good... I think it's in the requirements to being listed as a chick flick... or at least a romantic comedy.

Meanwhile... I'm a bit more cynical to it all. I want to find that happy medium but know it's not easy. I refuse to be bored or habitual but know no one is writing a screenplay about my love life in a way that would entertain millions. I want it to be real.

I just finished the Mermaid Chair by Sue Monk Kidd... my older sister recommended it, but it took me awhile to appreciate it. In the end, Jessie realized, "I felt amazed at the choosing one had to do, over and over, a million times daily - choosing love, then choosing it again, how loving and being in love could be so different."

Falling in love can feel subconscious. People always describe it as "love at first sight" or "I couldn't help myself" but when the hollywood tinted lenses come off loving is conscious... it is choosing... sometimes it's a choice to show it... sometimes it's a choice to fight for it... don't take it for granted.