preserving memories...

After college I started journaling pretty regularly. I scribbled randomly during college and have notes from the summer before college, but that's the extent of what I can find pre-college graduation. I remember having diaries when I was a kid, daydreaming about the newest boy I thought was cute, but I'm guessing someone eventually convinced me to chuck them... normally I'm a bit of a pack rat. 

Journaling can be helpful in the moment, because it allows you to express yourself. I started blogging on myspace (shout out to myspace!) in 2005 and eventually transitioned over to blogspot. Sometimes (okay usually) my blog turns into a journal and I pretend I don't have any readers. I know blogging and journaling have been crucial for me to work through things rolling around in my head. 

Not only is it helpful in the moment, I also think journaling is helpful looking back. I love reading journals or blogs from this day five years ago or 10 years ago. I love seeing how far I've come. I love reading about a time when I felt like things were crashing in around me and being able to see how God led me out of it. I love reading about a really good day and having those feelings imprinted on my heart over and over again. 

I'm a little bummed at myself for not capturing high school and college better. I spent six years working at my collegiate alma mater and relived a lot of those memories every day, but I just don't want to forget. Every time someone's collegiate athletic career ends, I think back to my own. I played my last college soccer game November 8, 2002. I actually try to block that game out. We lost in the conference tournament semifinals 3-0 to Greensboro on CNU's field. A combination of bad memories all around. When I think about my last game, I prefer to remember my senior day. We won 2-1 and I assisted the game-winning goal in the last 10 minutes. Of course a couple of my teammates got me a copy of the game (VHS baby!) and my performance was not as glorious as I prefer to remember it. 

I always want to remember the end. I want to remember what it felt like to be a college athlete. I will always be grateful for my coach for giving me a chance to play even when he drove me crazy. I will always be grateful for my teammates... for putting up with me and making me better. 

I wish I had written something that night... November 8... to capture what I was feeling. Being a college athlete doesn't last forever. Every time someone else's career ends, I try to remember what it felt like. I remember no one wanting to stay in Newport News another second and I remember a pretty miserable ride back to Fayetteville. I also remember spending that entire year thinking about the "lasts." I was the only senior on the roster that year, although my teammate Courtney ended up finishing early too, but I felt like no one was as concerned about the season as I was. Until you're a senior, you always know you have another game, another season, another chance. I always think if I could find a way to bottle up a player's commitment and perspective as a senior and sell it to freshmen, I'd be successful. 

How do you convince freshmen it doesn't last forever? How do you convince players to exhaust every option, to work out above and beyond, to do more than expected when they think it will last forever? 

It doesn't last forever, but I'll be forever grateful for the time it lasted. 

a few of my favorite things...

Rather than blowing up facebook or twitter with a ton of links I decided to put them all in one place... here are some things I'm loving this week in no particular order...

1. Rachael Lampa's first Stairwell Session... cool concept... even cooler cover

2. From the Plain Dealer... Love game: Toledo's Ben Pike ends football career to assist ill fiancee

3. Kelli Higgins' "newborn" photography... I have a heart for adoption and some of my favorite people are adopted. It warms my heart to see this adopted mom share a "newborn" experience with her adopted 13-year-old.

From yahoo.com "Three years ago, Kelli Higgins of Crestview, Florida, had five biological children at home and was pregnant with a sixth. She and her husband then adopted two siblings, 5-year-old Chanya and 10-year-old Latrell. Last month, while the family sat around the dinner table, Higgins, a photographer, told the kids that she would be doing a newborn photo session. Latrell, who spent much of his youth in foster care, mentioned to his mother that he didn't have any baby photos of himself. That gave his 12-year-old sister Alycia an idea: Their mom should take "newborn" pictures of Latrell now, at age 13!"

Check out the photos HERE!

4. Prinstant Replays... When I have my own place with a sports room again... these are awesome. It doesn't hurt that the company was started by a Tennessee alum They say... "If you have any connection to a team, their most memorable plays have a special, warm place in your soul. Well, we want to put that feeling on your wall." They essentially take famous plays and make the diagram into art. Check them out HERE! 

5. Big Bang Theory... This isn't anything new, but I've been loving the new episodes. Shelden has inspired me to start a business helping guys buy gifts for their girlfriends or wives. They can register their anniversary and her birthday and get reminders around gift-giving holidays. I'll do the stalking and help create potential gift lists. A branch of personal shopping, but personal shopping for other people. I don't even really like shopping, but I like helping people come up with gifts that will make others happy. 

To be continued... 

the Ray Lewis theology...

I'd like to think I'm a pretty big Ravens fan. I'd even consider myself a Ray Lewis fan. I'm also completely aware there aren't a ton of people outside those of us who grew up in Maryland or live here now who feel the same way. To write a blog anything Ravens related seven days after the Super Bowl is a prime example of showing up late to the party, especially with today's culture of "need it now" information and short-term attention spans. Once again... here I am going against what might be acceptable or preferred. :)

I could probably write a book (and perhaps someone will) about Ray Lewis and his theology, particularly when you frame it next to the Atlanta "incident" from 2000. While I don't have any statistics to support it, I would imagine the majority of America (especially if you didn't poll Marylanders) would consider Lewis a criminal and think he killed one or two people January 31, 2000 at a post-game Super Bowl party. I'll debate that with you another day... Even those willing to admit he's a good player have been sick of all of the retirement hoopla... tired of hearing Lewis rant. Through the Ravens' playoff run, Lewis has been the spiritual leader of sorts wearing his Psalm 91 shirt in the postgame interviews after his last game in Baltimore and continuing to spout "no weapon formed against us shall prosper" leading up to the Super Bowl.

Some people find it ironic that a "murderer" would be preaching to the masses. Other find it rubbish no matter who's preaching. And still some wonder if God and sports go together at all.

There has been plenty of commentary over the years, especially in the last few weeks analyzing God and sports and where God "fits." I'm not sure I have anything new to add to the conversation, but I had to at least say my piece. I really struggled after Lewis' postgame Super Bowl interview when he quoted part of Romans 8:31, "If God is for us, who can be against us?"

First of all, I don't think God "fits" into a nice neat box when it comes to sports or anything else. Some Christians have claimed God doesn't fit onto a football field. What an athlete has to do to compete, doesn't fit with their personality as a Christian off the field. I've never played football, so my opinion doesn't carry a lot of weight, but I think that's crap. I'm taking God with me wherever I go and if I feel like I have to drop him off at the door, then maybe I shouldn't be going there to begin with. God's been in a battle or two... life threatening ones believe it or not and I don't think a football game would scare him away.

Secondly... I have a hard time applying Romans 8:31 to the outcome of a Super Bowl... or any athletic event. If we apply Lewis' assertion literally, he's saying, "If God is for the Ravens, the 49ers can't stop us." Logically, this implies God is not for the 49ers. So God likes the Ravens better than the 49ers? There's nothing theologically sound about that argument. There are Christian men on both teams and I don't think God sits down before every game and weighs the strengths or numbers of Christians against each other between the two teams to pick a winner.

If we buy into Lewis' application, what bad Christians we must be every time we lose a game or miss out on a job opportunity or go through a break up? If we were better Christians, God might be for us instead of the other "guy."

Even if you throw out Lewis' theology (which I have but still completely love him as a former Ravens player), I suppose the next question would then be, what role did God play in the outcome of the Super Bowl? I think if you want to answer the question "Why do good things happen to good or bad people?" we have to go back to "Why do bad things happen to good people?"

We struggle how God could cause or ignore (depending on your beliefs) big disasters like Columbine or 9/11 happen. I believe He gave us free will to make our own choices and there are some evil people that choose poorly and cause disasters and nightmares for others... and other times there are just plain accidents that God doesn't want anymore than we do. I think God still finds a way to use bad things. It doesn't always make anyone that loses anyone feel better right away, but God still finds a way to reach people when things don't make sense. Stories of Columbine students speaking out about their faith spread quickly after the shooting. Churches filled following 9/11. Does that bring any of the dead back to life? No, but maybe another person chooses life.

In the same way, I don't think God causes or ignores good things to happen like Super Bowl victories. I think He wants people to glorify Him... in victory and in defeat. Maybe it's not so black and white. I'm just not sure He cares who wins or loses as much as He cares about how we're living.

Completely unrelated to Ray Lewis or the Ravens but completely related to stories of God working through tragedies... ever since hearing the story of the Laymon family in December, I have not been able to get them out of my head. As Elevation Church describes it... "Their story of unshakeable faith in the midst of pain and loss inspired our church and reminded us all of the real reason the Church exists." It's a bit lengthy, but when you have some time, pop a squat and bring a box of tissues! Scroll down and click WATCH: http://elevationchurch.org/sermons/banneryears/part6