inadequate...

I feel like we are living in a culture that is breeding feelings of inadequacy... When I checked out the definition for inadequate, google told me it is "not adequate." Well that's helpful isn't it! It goes on to say, "lacking the quality or quanitity required; insufficient for a purpose." Perhaps it is my age and the age group I'm most often surrounded by, but I tend to hear a lot of people first trying to figure out their purpose and then secondly not feeling like they're good enough.


Moses is probably the guy from the bible most often cited in discussions of inadequacy, but I've been thinking a lot about Elijah. Ahab was king and Elijah had told everyone there wouldn't be any rain for three years. God told Elijah to go hide in this ravine where he could drink from the brook and let the ravens feed him. Eventually the brook dried up as brooks sometimes do when there's no rain. The bible says, "Then the word of the Lord came to him." Well isn't that nice. God told Elijah to go chill with the ravens and drink from the brook and the brook dries up so God shows up and tells him where to go next. I have no idea what Elijah was thinking while the brook was drying up, but I know how I would probably react. Most of us start freaking out at the first sign of the water level dropping. I'm a planner and I know I would be trying to map out other options, trying to find new brooks to quench my thirst. I can only imagine how much I might start to panic as the brook really started to dry up. And yet... did you notice, God showed up after the brook dried up? Once the brook dried up, "then" the Lord spoke and gave Elijah a new spot. (paraphrased from 1 Kings 17)


Can we trust God to quench our thirst? To find our new source of food and water? Too often we'll listen for a little while... trust Him for a little while... and then get scared and want to go do it our way. I find I feel most inadequate when I am not relying on God to be adequate. God knew he had enough food and water for Elijah. God is enough. When we're trying to quench that thirst or satisfy that longing... He is enough. Sometimes he asks us to keep drinking from a brook that looks like it's going to dry up. Keep drinking because just when you think it's dried up, it is then that He shows you the next step... the next brook to fill you up. I'm grateful for when I feel insufficient or inadequate or just insecure... He is sufficient. He is adequate. He is secure.






When my heart is like a stone, And I'm running far from home, Remind me who I am. When I cant receive Your love, Afraid I'll never be enough, Remind me who I am. If I'm Your beloved can You help me believe it. Tell me, once again, Who I am to you, Tell me, lest I forget, Who I am to you, that I belong to You. I'm the one You love, I'm the one You love

9/11/01...

It was a Tuesday. Somehow I made it through my 8 a.m. class and hurried to one of my favorite spots on campus... the Lion's Den. Not only did "the den" have food, they had couches and tvs that kept us all entertained between classes. Ten years ago today, I walked into the den and immediately knew something was different. I found one of my teammates and friends, Slavin, and knew things were not good. As soon as the second plane hit, we knew it wasn't an accident. Slavin immediately became concerned for what this would mean for her military dad. Another teammate's brother was a student at NYU and she spent the day trying to make sure he was okay. Another teammate's dad was a firefighter on Long Island. Thankfully, everyone I knew located their family. Unfortunately, not everyone around the country was so fortunate. Nearly 3,000 people died that day and our country completely changed. Our college campus was on high alert due to our close proximity to one of the largest military bases in the country. My parents live an hour from DC and at the time, it felt entirely too close. Nothing we knew seemed to be the same. There was fear. There was confusion. There was really a lot of just not knowing.

It's hard to believe it was 10 years ago. Sometimes it feels like yesterday. It has me thinking about how much changes in relatively little time. I can't help but think about the people who were so important to me 10 years ago... Or five years ago? Two years ago? Last year? The people you surround yourself with help give perspective to what you're going through, sometimes at the time... sometimes much later. I'm grateful for my family and friends for supporting me through big events like 9/11 and even the little ones like a break up or a bad day. Some people have come and gone and some are still here... regardless I'm stronger and I'm grateful.