careful...

I have a ton to say and not sure how to say it. I'm not even sure myspace is the place to say it. On the other hand, if I don't say it, "it" becomes hypocritical in some sense of the message.

I could never claim to be an expert on reading minds. I try hard, I analyze everyone's words and actions over and over in an attempt to understand what people mean... what they're really trying to say. I think I must misinterpret people a lot... I think we all say things to be polite sometimes... we ask people how they are when we could care less about the answer... we might even compliment someone's shirt and not really care about it... but I feel like those are superficial things. If I tell you I like hanging out with you, I mean it... if I tell you how I feel about you, I mean it. I understand that in relationships sometimes we get all blissed out or caught up in the moment and start spouting off things we can't follow through on... but for lack of a more educated response... it sucks.

I don't want to push anyone into telling me they feel something they don't. I'd rather you just tell me how you really feel. Even if you're not sure... tell me that. Otherwise I'm stuck in the dark trying to figure out what that hug really meant... or if that comment was just a joke... or if you're just trying to be polite... or if you're just not careful with your words.

updates...
- Almost two months ago I posted about waiting. how long is too long?
- I told you my iPod crashed when I went home the first weekend of August... I received a new one via my warranty on the 15th and when I brought it home it didn't work... I took it back on the 16th and received a new one on the 27th... I used it this morning but when I tried it after work, I get nothing. I think iPods around the world are conspiring against me.
- February 15 I posted about the devastating news regarding peter pan peanut butter. Six months later, peter pan returned to shelves and thanks to clementine I was reunited yesterday morning... a beautiful morning after a long night... gracias

sometimes...

Sometimes I feel like writing when I really don't have anything to say. In this case... I revert to an update. The methu is back to chaos with students returning and classes starting tomorrow. I'm so glad the energy has returned to the campus, but it also means my life just returned to non-stop work. I want to be better at balancing work and pleasure... things should at least be easier than last year with a year of experience.

My job requires I serve as the public relations guru for all 19 sports at methodist. I try to do it fairly without showing favoritism. Sometimes there are more successful teams than others, or perhaps more successful individuals and that can make it more difficult to cover everyone equally. I also have to keep in mind there's a certain expectation in society that prioritizes sports. The media at-large usually thinks of the "big three" as football, men's basketball, and baseball. I know the reality of the situation... they draw more interest and more revenue than other sports (not as exaggerated in a DIII scenario). Then you come to methodist where golf could be considered both king and queen with 29 national championships between them and things could be re-sorted a bit... but that still leaves 14 other sports in the dark.

I have my own personal dilemma when my heart lies with soccer. I first fell in love with it at six and despite any team or player/coach drama over the past 19 years I can't remember a time when I didn't love the game. I wasn't sure if I wanted to play in college knowing it would limit my college options, but I eventually realized I wasn't ready to let it go yet. Some might say I let it go when I didn't pursue my fourth year of eligibility but there's still something that gets me around soccer season. I ran the beep test twice this summer... voluntarily. I spent my day off yesterday running balls and filling up water bottles at a scrimmage in a hundred degree heat. They made fun of me... but some day they'll understand. You take what you can get when it's gone.

So I'm routing them on this fall. I can't favor them on the website and when there's a football game and a soccer game at the same time, I have to go to football... but my heart... my heart might want success for the women's soccer team more than they do. good luck.

third time's a charm

Sometimes we throw out cliches not really believing their meaning. Sometimes we throw them out there not really understanding them but it fills an awkward silence. The number three is common whether it's "third time's a charm" or "things come in threes." I'm not sure how much evidence supports either statement but I'm sure some of the validity hinges on your belief in charms or maybe the stipulations of threes.

I really don't think I care much about it either way. But tonight I had my third flat tire in less than two months (second in four days) and I kept having those dumb three cliches running through my head. Most of you know, or at least saw the pictures of when I hit the washing machine back in june. In between the damage quotes and the repairs, the one tire that had been hit went flat. My sister's boyfriend changed it for me and it occurred to me that even though I knew the gist of how to change a tire I wasn't strong enough so what was I going to do if I had a flat in the middle of nowhere.

Thursday night I drove home to Maryland and when I woke up Friday morning my mom showed me I had a flat tire... somewhere I had found a big screw to run over. My mom and I got the spare off the back but my brother had to come set up the jack and get the flat one off for me. Again... I was thankful I made it home and wasn't stranded on 95 or 495 with a flat tire.

This morning I woke up at 3:15 in the morning to drive back to NC in time for work. I made it with no problems, worked until a little after four when I came back to my apt to unload the car, cook dinner and watch a movie. My iPod crashed over the weekend so I decided to try to take it to Best Buy and then pick up the essentials at Walmart. I get out of the apt complex and the guy in front of me pulls off to the side of the road. I started to go around him and he put his window down and I thought he was waving me around but as I kept going I realized he had been trying to get my attention because I was definitely driving on my third flat tire. I made it to Pizza Hut and tried called my sister's boyfriend, but this time he was in Raleigh leaving me to change the tire by myself. Thankfully I had made it back safely and wasn't stranded but I sure felt like it as I provided Pizza Hut's customers with their parking lot dinner entertainment. Somehow I changed the stupid tire. I was annoyed and frustrated at the situation, but there was some consolation in knowing I changed it by myself.

Meanwhile, my neighbor (who I had never talked to before in my life) drove back by while I was at Pizza Hut and apologized for scaring me earlier but said he had just noticed I was driving on the flat. I told him not to worry about it, but I noticed he made a quick exit without volunteering his assistance. Preciate it.

So I'm not sure who's planting the screws and nails or cutting my tires or what but I get the point. I thought I couldn't do it but now I know I can. Is that the charm? I'm hoping I learned my lesson before my fourth one goes flat next month.