I knew when I accepted this job that the month of march would not be easy. I'm not sure I really understood the true meaning of the concept. In the big picture, I'm three days away from surviving it fairly unscathed. But it's been a few weeks since I've rambled so the 28th it is...
A couple of weeks ago kelsie hurt her knee. It's hard enough watching her team when they struggle to pull together amidst a ton of obstacles this season but to have to watch her struggle through an injury has not been easy. I played nurse for a little while and tried to be strong for her even though I didn't feel it.
A week and a half ago my former advisor and professor from methco passed away unexpectedly. I can't remember how many times I've written about death. I've lost count of how many people I've "lost" during my life. Some I knew better than others, but Dr. J was definitely a reassuring face when I returned to fayettenam this fall and I will miss checking in with her.
I'm trying to balance my work life with my social life. I think it's a work in progress. To be honest I'm not sure I'm good at it. Right now I'm in survival mode just trying to get through the spring sports hoping I can evaluate and adjust during the summer with a chance to do it better next year. I guess I want to carve out a place for me here in glorious fayettenam while still maintaining the relationships with people outside of this bubble. I used to get mad when long distance friends didn't get in touch. They said they didn't mean it and I don't mean it when I do it... but I think there is an underlying sense of letting go that no one will admit to but I feel it. We all have different kinds of relationships with different people, but sometimes I wonder who I would be friends with if there was no internet...
On a completely different note... I was saddened to hear Chris Sligh kicked off of American Idol tonight. America prefers junk like votefortheworst and mohawk warbling Sanjaya rather than Chris Sligh. I admit last night was not his best... but come on... really?
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Monday, March 5, 2007
genuine commitment and unhealthy fixation
Nichole Nordeman is a talented singer, musician, artist... whatever term you prefer, but to be honest, I prefer her writing. She writes a column for CCM magazine every month and without fail I can always take something away from it to attempt to apply to my life. This month she was frustrated after watching king kong (note I haven't seen the movie so I can't comment on its quality) but mentioned she was left pondering Jack Black's character. In the beginning she admired his passion but by the end she noticed, "Danger lurks around every corner, and even though his closest friends and crew are losing their limbs and lives to creatures who are unspeakably gruesome, he manages to somehow keep his camera rolling: 'for art's sake.'"
On that note Nichole commented... "Why is there always such a fine line between genuine commitment and unhealthy fixation? And why is it so easy for everyone else to recognize when that line has been blurred or crossed, except for the sucker who is still clinging to the illusion that he or she is somehow gallantly obliged to keep fixating? We see it all the time... dating relationships that should have ended long ago, jobs that should have been resigned from, unrealistic pie-in-the-sky notions of being 'discovered' at something, the optimistic pining away for a certain kind of physical beauty we will never attain, the clutching, the grasping, the constant justification... and everyone else in the room is thinking... Put the camera down. Your life is falling apart around you, and you're waiting to get footage of a 50-foot monkey holding a blonde. Let... it... go. Knowing when to clutch at something even tighter because you believe so firmly in seeing it through, and knowing when to walk away, might be one of the hardest parts about a journey in faith. There are so many competing voices..."
How do we know where to draw the line... I think what's right for one person isn't universal... I knew years ago while I could dream about pro soccer I should leave the actual acting on aspirations to ciara... and while I could handle a few church or school musicals when I was young enough for people to think kids singing are cute regardless of talent I figured out soon enough that I should leave the singing to kelly clarkson... and angela.
I suppose the first task is finding something that I feel passionate enough to pursue... then... draw the line... I hope we can all find genuine commitment in the face of unhealthy fixations flying towards us in every direction.
On that note Nichole commented... "Why is there always such a fine line between genuine commitment and unhealthy fixation? And why is it so easy for everyone else to recognize when that line has been blurred or crossed, except for the sucker who is still clinging to the illusion that he or she is somehow gallantly obliged to keep fixating? We see it all the time... dating relationships that should have ended long ago, jobs that should have been resigned from, unrealistic pie-in-the-sky notions of being 'discovered' at something, the optimistic pining away for a certain kind of physical beauty we will never attain, the clutching, the grasping, the constant justification... and everyone else in the room is thinking... Put the camera down. Your life is falling apart around you, and you're waiting to get footage of a 50-foot monkey holding a blonde. Let... it... go. Knowing when to clutch at something even tighter because you believe so firmly in seeing it through, and knowing when to walk away, might be one of the hardest parts about a journey in faith. There are so many competing voices..."
How do we know where to draw the line... I think what's right for one person isn't universal... I knew years ago while I could dream about pro soccer I should leave the actual acting on aspirations to ciara... and while I could handle a few church or school musicals when I was young enough for people to think kids singing are cute regardless of talent I figured out soon enough that I should leave the singing to kelly clarkson... and angela.
I suppose the first task is finding something that I feel passionate enough to pursue... then... draw the line... I hope we can all find genuine commitment in the face of unhealthy fixations flying towards us in every direction.
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