Well Thanksgiving has come and gone and I'm not sure if there are that many exciting stories to share as a result, but I figured I could subject you to some random babbling to mark the occasion. I think I may have some form of ADD in an extension of the medical definition. When I was a kid, people would always ask me or my friends if I was ADHD or on ritalin because I was always wired. But my mom (a special education teacher who is pretty wise when it comes to these things) says she never thought it was a possibility. I don't want people who have been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD to think I'm trying to take away from it at all, because I'm not, and I have no idea what it really means to take medication every day or not be able to focus or have control.
Besides, I'm a control freak, but I get restless in the biggest sense of the word. In high school I wanted to graduate early because I was tired of it and my friends were leaving. Then I went to college and liked it, but got tired of that too. I lived in Raleigh for a little while before moving back to Maryland to work... before I decided to head off to grad school. I decided that wasn't as good as I thought it would be and finished that in a year only to rush home... to what? I'm getting restless again and it's only been four-ish months.
There's a part of me that wants the stability of just staying here and putting down some kind of roots, but there's another part that's ready for a change, something new, something different. I'm sure there are psychoanalysts that would say I'm running from something or have some other major character flaw that causes my restlessness... which may be true... but in the meantime, I'm in search of a new career. When all else fails I head back to school so maybe I'll get my doctorate after all... or maybe I can just get a teaching certificate, teachers don't seem to have problems finding a job... or maybe I can make it big as a reality tv star... I'm accepting any and all suggestions...
"our hearts are restless until they find rest in thee" -- augustine
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Monday, November 14, 2005
final exam
Okay I'm thinking you might be One Tree Hill-ed out... but I thought I'd put in another piece to the puzzle. It seems from puberty until marriage, most of life's big stories revolve around love gained and love lost. At the end of last season, we watched (okay I watched) the kids take a final exam responding to a George Bernard Shaw quote. They all add a different element to the quote based on their high school drama (that could never repeat itself in real life) but it still makes me think. It's always easier to see the good in a loss once time has passed and we have gained some perspective, but I'm not sure you can ever forget or erase the pain it brought. We get pretty good at learning to love again, but I'm not sure I'll ever be good at losing it.
Brooke: “George Bernard Shaw once wrote ‘There are two tragedies in life: one is to lose your heart’s desire, the other is to gain it.’ Clearly, Shaw had his heart broken once or twice.”
Nathan: “As far as I’m concerned, Shaw was a punk. Cuz you know what? Tragedies happen. What’re you gonna do, give up? Quit? No. I realize now that when your heart breaks, you gotta fight like hell to make sure you’re still alive. Cuz you are, and that pain you feel: its life. The confusion and fear… that’s there to remind you that somewhere out there is something better. And that something is worth fighting for.”
Haley: “This year, I got everything I wanted and everything I wished for… but, in a way, I lost even more.”
Lucas: “Shaw was right; as we strain to grasp the things we desire… the things we think will make our lives better… money, popularity, fame… we ignore what truly matters – the simple things like friendship, family, love. The things we probably already had.”
Mouth: “So, Mr. Shaw thinks that getting your heart’s desire is a tragedy? I say he’s wrong.”
Peyton: “Yeah, losing your heart’s desire is tragic. But gaining your heart’s desire… It’s all you can hope for. This year, I wished for love. To immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted. And if having that is tragic… then give me tragedy. Because I wouldn’t give it back for the world.
Brooke: “George Bernard Shaw once wrote ‘There are two tragedies in life: one is to lose your heart’s desire, the other is to gain it.’ Clearly, Shaw had his heart broken once or twice.”
Nathan: “As far as I’m concerned, Shaw was a punk. Cuz you know what? Tragedies happen. What’re you gonna do, give up? Quit? No. I realize now that when your heart breaks, you gotta fight like hell to make sure you’re still alive. Cuz you are, and that pain you feel: its life. The confusion and fear… that’s there to remind you that somewhere out there is something better. And that something is worth fighting for.”
Haley: “This year, I got everything I wanted and everything I wished for… but, in a way, I lost even more.”
Lucas: “Shaw was right; as we strain to grasp the things we desire… the things we think will make our lives better… money, popularity, fame… we ignore what truly matters – the simple things like friendship, family, love. The things we probably already had.”
Mouth: “So, Mr. Shaw thinks that getting your heart’s desire is a tragedy? I say he’s wrong.”
Peyton: “Yeah, losing your heart’s desire is tragic. But gaining your heart’s desire… It’s all you can hope for. This year, I wished for love. To immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted. And if having that is tragic… then give me tragedy. Because I wouldn’t give it back for the world.
Friday, November 11, 2005
more quotes...
I know no one cares about one tree hill except maybe kelsie who likes to find new quotes for her profile, but I tracked down just about every decent quote from the last 2.25 seasons. Some of them mean more when they're in context of the episode, but most of them apply to any of us trying to find our way.
The Builders
All are architects of Fate,
Working in these walls of Time;
Some with massive deeds and great,
Some with ornaments of rhyme.
Nothing useless is, or low;
Each thing in its place is best;
And what seems but idle show
Strengthens and supports the rest.
For the structure that we raise,
Time is with materials filled;
Our to-days and yesterdays
Are the blocks with which we build.
Truly shape and fashion these;
Leave no yawning gaps between;
Think not, because no man sees,
Such things will remain unseen.
In the elder days of Art,
Builders wrought with greatest care
Each minute and unseen part;
For the Gods see everywhere.
Let us do out work as well,
Both the unseen and the seen;
Make the house, where Gods may dwell,
Beautiful, entire, and clean.
Else our lives are incomplete,
Standing in these walls of Time,
Broken stairways, where the feet
Stumble as they seek to climb.
Build to-day, then, strong and sure,
With a firm and ample base;
And ascending and secure
Shall to-morrow find its place.
Thus alone can we attain
To those turrets, where the eye
Sees the world as one vast plain,
And one boundless reach of sky.
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each. – Henery David Thoreau
We all live in a house on fire, no fire department to call; no way out, just the upstairs window to look out of while the fire burns the house down with us trapped, locked in it. – Tennessee Williams
There is no privacy that cannot be penetrated. No secret can be kept in the civilized world. Society is a masked ball, where everyone hides his real character, and reveals it by hiding. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
It seems to me that if you or I must choose between two courses of thought or action, we should remember our dying and try so to live that our death brings no pleasure on the world. – John Steinbeck
As happens sometimes a moment settled, and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment. And then the moment was gone. – John Steinbeck
What a frightening thing is the human, a mass of gauges and dials and registers. And we can read only a few. And those perhaps not accurately. – John Steinbeck
There is a tide in the affairs of men which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune. But omitted, all the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and miseries. On such a full sea are we now afloat. And we must take the current when it serves. Or lose our ventures. – William Shakespeare
To be nobody-but-yourself – in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else – means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. – e.e. cummings
He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream, and he sometimes wondered whose it was, and whether they were enjoying it. – Douglas Adams
Time takes it all, whether you want it to or not. Time takes it all, time bears it away, and in the end there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometimes we lose them there again. – Stephen King
Your reason and your passion are the rudder… and the sails of your seafaring soul. If either be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas. For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction. – Kahlil Gibran
When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone. – Tennessee Williams
No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself, and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true. – Nathaniel Hawthorne
Many people die with their music still in them. Why is this so? Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it, time runs out. – Oliver Wendell Holmes
Perhaps we all give the best of our hearts uncritically… to those who hardly think about us in return. – T.H. White
The Builders
All are architects of Fate,
Working in these walls of Time;
Some with massive deeds and great,
Some with ornaments of rhyme.
Nothing useless is, or low;
Each thing in its place is best;
And what seems but idle show
Strengthens and supports the rest.
For the structure that we raise,
Time is with materials filled;
Our to-days and yesterdays
Are the blocks with which we build.
Truly shape and fashion these;
Leave no yawning gaps between;
Think not, because no man sees,
Such things will remain unseen.
In the elder days of Art,
Builders wrought with greatest care
Each minute and unseen part;
For the Gods see everywhere.
Let us do out work as well,
Both the unseen and the seen;
Make the house, where Gods may dwell,
Beautiful, entire, and clean.
Else our lives are incomplete,
Standing in these walls of Time,
Broken stairways, where the feet
Stumble as they seek to climb.
Build to-day, then, strong and sure,
With a firm and ample base;
And ascending and secure
Shall to-morrow find its place.
Thus alone can we attain
To those turrets, where the eye
Sees the world as one vast plain,
And one boundless reach of sky.
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each. – Henery David Thoreau
We all live in a house on fire, no fire department to call; no way out, just the upstairs window to look out of while the fire burns the house down with us trapped, locked in it. – Tennessee Williams
There is no privacy that cannot be penetrated. No secret can be kept in the civilized world. Society is a masked ball, where everyone hides his real character, and reveals it by hiding. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
It seems to me that if you or I must choose between two courses of thought or action, we should remember our dying and try so to live that our death brings no pleasure on the world. – John Steinbeck
As happens sometimes a moment settled, and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment. And then the moment was gone. – John Steinbeck
What a frightening thing is the human, a mass of gauges and dials and registers. And we can read only a few. And those perhaps not accurately. – John Steinbeck
There is a tide in the affairs of men which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune. But omitted, all the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and miseries. On such a full sea are we now afloat. And we must take the current when it serves. Or lose our ventures. – William Shakespeare
To be nobody-but-yourself – in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else – means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. – e.e. cummings
He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream, and he sometimes wondered whose it was, and whether they were enjoying it. – Douglas Adams
Time takes it all, whether you want it to or not. Time takes it all, time bears it away, and in the end there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometimes we lose them there again. – Stephen King
Your reason and your passion are the rudder… and the sails of your seafaring soul. If either be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas. For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction. – Kahlil Gibran
When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone. – Tennessee Williams
No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself, and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true. – Nathaniel Hawthorne
Many people die with their music still in them. Why is this so? Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it, time runs out. – Oliver Wendell Holmes
Perhaps we all give the best of our hearts uncritically… to those who hardly think about us in return. – T.H. White
Wednesday, November 2, 2005
borrow mine
I've never been a huge fan of Bebo Norman... even when one of my friends claimed she was going to marry him (they have since married other people ) and even though some of his songs are easy sing-a-longs I just never ached to listen to a Bebo song.
But... never say never... I stumbled upon his song, Borrow Mine and then read an explanation from his blog on http://www.myspace.com/bebonorman and I wanted to share it with all credit going his way...
"i’m excited about this one though, because this song is really important to me. not too long ago, a dear friend of mine was in a pretty dark place in her life. another close friend of ours asked her if she had faith that God was somehow in the middle of her struggle…if she had faith that God would somehow bring her through it. her answer was very honest, very broken, and very simple…she just said, “no. i wish that i did, but i don’t seem to have the faith to believe that right now.” our friend replied to her, “borrow mine. borrow my faith, because i’m willing to be with you in the middle of this, and I am certain that our God is to.” my friend just found an incredible amount of strength and courage in that response. and i thought it was such a beautiful picture of the body of Christ…a real life picture of our command from our God to “carry each other’s burdens and in this way fulfill the law of Chirst” (Galatians 6:2). the song was not a hard one to write after that."
I think we all experience times when we could use a chance to "borrow" from a friend... or maybe we come to a point when our faith is strong enough to be borrowed. Thank you Bebo... and Bebo's friends for letting us know it's okay to borrow.
“borrow mine”
Bebo Norman
Take my hand
And walk with me awhile
Because it seems your smile
Has left you
And don't give in
When you fall apart
And your broken heart
Has failed you
I'll set a light up
On a hilltop
To show you my love
For this world to see
You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
You can borrow mine
When you can't go on
Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine
You can borrow mine
And take my love
When all that you can see
Is the raging sea
All around us
And don't give up
Cause I'm not letting go
And the God we know
Will not fail us
We'll lay it all down
As we call out
Sweet Savior
Help our unbelief
You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
Borrow mine
When you can't go on
Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine
When you are weak
Unable to speak
You are not alone
God of us, save us
And never forsake us
He's coming to take us
Take us to our home
You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
Borrow mine
When you can't go on
Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine
You can borrow mine
Take my hand
Take my love
Don't give in, no
And don't give up
But... never say never... I stumbled upon his song, Borrow Mine and then read an explanation from his blog on http://www.myspace.com/bebonorman and I wanted to share it with all credit going his way...
"i’m excited about this one though, because this song is really important to me. not too long ago, a dear friend of mine was in a pretty dark place in her life. another close friend of ours asked her if she had faith that God was somehow in the middle of her struggle…if she had faith that God would somehow bring her through it. her answer was very honest, very broken, and very simple…she just said, “no. i wish that i did, but i don’t seem to have the faith to believe that right now.” our friend replied to her, “borrow mine. borrow my faith, because i’m willing to be with you in the middle of this, and I am certain that our God is to.” my friend just found an incredible amount of strength and courage in that response. and i thought it was such a beautiful picture of the body of Christ…a real life picture of our command from our God to “carry each other’s burdens and in this way fulfill the law of Chirst” (Galatians 6:2). the song was not a hard one to write after that."
I think we all experience times when we could use a chance to "borrow" from a friend... or maybe we come to a point when our faith is strong enough to be borrowed. Thank you Bebo... and Bebo's friends for letting us know it's okay to borrow.
“borrow mine”
Bebo Norman
Take my hand
And walk with me awhile
Because it seems your smile
Has left you
And don't give in
When you fall apart
And your broken heart
Has failed you
I'll set a light up
On a hilltop
To show you my love
For this world to see
You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
You can borrow mine
When you can't go on
Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine
You can borrow mine
And take my love
When all that you can see
Is the raging sea
All around us
And don't give up
Cause I'm not letting go
And the God we know
Will not fail us
We'll lay it all down
As we call out
Sweet Savior
Help our unbelief
You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
Borrow mine
When you can't go on
Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine
When you are weak
Unable to speak
You are not alone
God of us, save us
And never forsake us
He's coming to take us
Take us to our home
You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
Borrow mine
When you can't go on
Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine
You can borrow mine
Take my hand
Take my love
Don't give in, no
And don't give up
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