let it go

Let it Go ~ by T.D. Jakes

There are people who can, and will, walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this!

When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. 1 John 2:19

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when a person's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to... LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains... LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth... LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you... LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge... LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction... LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents... LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude... LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better... LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him... LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship... LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves... LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed... LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to... LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. GOD is doing a new thing!!! LET IT GO!!!

Get Right or Get Left... think about it, and then... LET IT GO!!!

closer to myself

Digging deep, I feel my conscience burn
I need to know who and what I am
This hunger jolts me from complacency
Rocks me, makes me meet myself

Jacob walked a limp to remind him
Of the greater gift of the greater One
But when I fell, I fell to my own resources
How can I carry the truth if I can't even crawl to You?

I wanna feel something sweeter than this sin
Cover me in leaves roll me over again
I've been everybody else now I want to be
Something closer to myself

Paint me in a different light
Shed me yet another coat of skin
Mark me with ash until I'm clean again
'Cause I'm so sick and tire of being sick and tired
I know I can love You, I know that I can
- kendall payne "closer to myself"

filling the blog silence...

I remembered that it's been quite awhile since I posted some random rambling so I feel like I should really stop working for a few minutes to feed the people. I don't usually like to post unless it's something worthwhile, but it also annoys me when my most recent blog says Thanksgiving and Christmas is less than a week away!

I had another wedding weekend. I keep waiting for people to ask me what I did this weekend and I can say, "I was in my best friend's wedding" just to play off of the movie with an anti-climatic ending but a great soundtrack. I almost fell off the steps during the ceremony, tripped across the dance floor as they announced me at the reception and stuttered through a toast I had attempted to memorize, but it's all good.

It's hard to believe Christmas is Sunday... 2005 is almost over and I'm sure it's going to lead to some deep, thoughtful reflections, but I'll try to ponder for the next week or so and enlighten you all soon...

thanksgiving

Well Thanksgiving has come and gone and I'm not sure if there are that many exciting stories to share as a result, but I figured I could subject you to some random babbling to mark the occasion. I think I may have some form of ADD in an extension of the medical definition. When I was a kid, people would always ask me or my friends if I was ADHD or on ritalin because I was always wired. But my mom (a special education teacher who is pretty wise when it comes to these things) says she never thought it was a possibility. I don't want people who have been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD to think I'm trying to take away from it at all, because I'm not, and I have no idea what it really means to take medication every day or not be able to focus or have control.

Besides, I'm a control freak, but I get restless in the biggest sense of the word. In high school I wanted to graduate early because I was tired of it and my friends were leaving. Then I went to college and liked it, but got tired of that too. I lived in Raleigh for a little while before moving back to Maryland to work... before I decided to head off to grad school. I decided that wasn't as good as I thought it would be and finished that in a year only to rush home... to what? I'm getting restless again and it's only been four-ish months.

There's a part of me that wants the stability of just staying here and putting down some kind of roots, but there's another part that's ready for a change, something new, something different. I'm sure there are psychoanalysts that would say I'm running from something or have some other major character flaw that causes my restlessness... which may be true... but in the meantime, I'm in search of a new career. When all else fails I head back to school so maybe I'll get my doctorate after all... or maybe I can just get a teaching certificate, teachers don't seem to have problems finding a job... or maybe I can make it big as a reality tv star... I'm accepting any and all suggestions...

"our hearts are restless until they find rest in thee" -- augustine

final exam

Okay I'm thinking you might be One Tree Hill-ed out... but I thought I'd put in another piece to the puzzle. It seems from puberty until marriage, most of life's big stories revolve around love gained and love lost. At the end of last season, we watched (okay I watched) the kids take a final exam responding to a George Bernard Shaw quote. They all add a different element to the quote based on their high school drama (that could never repeat itself in real life) but it still makes me think. It's always easier to see the good in a loss once time has passed and we have gained some perspective, but I'm not sure you can ever forget or erase the pain it brought. We get pretty good at learning to love again, but I'm not sure I'll ever be good at losing it.

Brooke: “George Bernard Shaw once wrote ‘There are two tragedies in life: one is to lose your heart’s desire, the other is to gain it.’ Clearly, Shaw had his heart broken once or twice.”

Nathan: “As far as I’m concerned, Shaw was a punk. Cuz you know what? Tragedies happen. What’re you gonna do, give up? Quit? No. I realize now that when your heart breaks, you gotta fight like hell to make sure you’re still alive. Cuz you are, and that pain you feel: its life. The confusion and fear… that’s there to remind you that somewhere out there is something better. And that something is worth fighting for.”

Haley: “This year, I got everything I wanted and everything I wished for… but, in a way, I lost even more.”

Lucas: “Shaw was right; as we strain to grasp the things we desire… the things we think will make our lives better… money, popularity, fame… we ignore what truly matters – the simple things like friendship, family, love. The things we probably already had.”

Mouth: “So, Mr. Shaw thinks that getting your heart’s desire is a tragedy? I say he’s wrong.”

Peyton: “Yeah, losing your heart’s desire is tragic. But gaining your heart’s desire… It’s all you can hope for. This year, I wished for love. To immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted. And if having that is tragic… then give me tragedy. Because I wouldn’t give it back for the world.

more quotes...

I know no one cares about one tree hill except maybe kelsie who likes to find new quotes for her profile, but I tracked down just about every decent quote from the last 2.25 seasons. Some of them mean more when they're in context of the episode, but most of them apply to any of us trying to find our way.

The Builders
All are architects of Fate,
Working in these walls of Time;
Some with massive deeds and great,
Some with ornaments of rhyme.
Nothing useless is, or low;
Each thing in its place is best;
And what seems but idle show
Strengthens and supports the rest.
For the structure that we raise,
Time is with materials filled;
Our to-days and yesterdays
Are the blocks with which we build.
Truly shape and fashion these;
Leave no yawning gaps between;
Think not, because no man sees,
Such things will remain unseen.
In the elder days of Art,
Builders wrought with greatest care
Each minute and unseen part;
For the Gods see everywhere.
Let us do out work as well,
Both the unseen and the seen;
Make the house, where Gods may dwell,
Beautiful, entire, and clean.
Else our lives are incomplete,
Standing in these walls of Time,
Broken stairways, where the feet
Stumble as they seek to climb.
Build to-day, then, strong and sure,
With a firm and ample base;
And ascending and secure
Shall to-morrow find its place.
Thus alone can we attain
To those turrets, where the eye
Sees the world as one vast plain,
And one boundless reach of sky.
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each. – Henery David Thoreau

We all live in a house on fire, no fire department to call; no way out, just the upstairs window to look out of while the fire burns the house down with us trapped, locked in it. – Tennessee Williams

There is no privacy that cannot be penetrated. No secret can be kept in the civilized world. Society is a masked ball, where everyone hides his real character, and reveals it by hiding. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

It seems to me that if you or I must choose between two courses of thought or action, we should remember our dying and try so to live that our death brings no pleasure on the world. – John Steinbeck

As happens sometimes a moment settled, and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment. And then the moment was gone. – John Steinbeck

What a frightening thing is the human, a mass of gauges and dials and registers. And we can read only a few. And those perhaps not accurately. – John Steinbeck

There is a tide in the affairs of men which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune. But omitted, all the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and miseries. On such a full sea are we now afloat. And we must take the current when it serves. Or lose our ventures. – William Shakespeare

To be nobody-but-yourself – in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else – means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. – e.e. cummings

He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream, and he sometimes wondered whose it was, and whether they were enjoying it. – Douglas Adams

Time takes it all, whether you want it to or not. Time takes it all, time bears it away, and in the end there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometimes we lose them there again. – Stephen King

Your reason and your passion are the rudder… and the sails of your seafaring soul. If either be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas. For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction. – Kahlil Gibran

When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone. – Tennessee Williams

No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself, and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true. – Nathaniel Hawthorne

Many people die with their music still in them. Why is this so? Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it, time runs out. – Oliver Wendell Holmes

Perhaps we all give the best of our hearts uncritically… to those who hardly think about us in return. – T.H. White

borrow mine

I've never been a huge fan of Bebo Norman... even when one of my friends claimed she was going to marry him (they have since married other people ) and even though some of his songs are easy sing-a-longs I just never ached to listen to a Bebo song.

But... never say never... I stumbled upon his song, Borrow Mine and then read an explanation from his blog on http://www.myspace.com/bebonorman and I wanted to share it with all credit going his way...

"i’m excited about this one though, because this song is really important to me. not too long ago, a dear friend of mine was in a pretty dark place in her life. another close friend of ours asked her if she had faith that God was somehow in the middle of her struggle…if she had faith that God would somehow bring her through it. her answer was very honest, very broken, and very simple…she just said, “no. i wish that i did, but i don’t seem to have the faith to believe that right now.” our friend replied to her, “borrow mine. borrow my faith, because i’m willing to be with you in the middle of this, and I am certain that our God is to.” my friend just found an incredible amount of strength and courage in that response. and i thought it was such a beautiful picture of the body of Christ…a real life picture of our command from our God to “carry each other’s burdens and in this way fulfill the law of Chirst” (Galatians 6:2). the song was not a hard one to write after that."

I think we all experience times when we could use a chance to "borrow" from a friend... or maybe we come to a point when our faith is strong enough to be borrowed. Thank you Bebo... and Bebo's friends for letting us know it's okay to borrow.

“borrow mine”
Bebo Norman

Take my hand
And walk with me awhile
Because it seems your smile
Has left you

And don't give in
When you fall apart
And your broken heart
Has failed you

I'll set a light up
On a hilltop
To show you my love
For this world to see

You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
You can borrow mine
When you can't go on
Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine
You can borrow mine

And take my love
When all that you can see
Is the raging sea
All around us

And don't give up
Cause I'm not letting go
And the God we know
Will not fail us

We'll lay it all down
As we call out
Sweet Savior
Help our unbelief

You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
Borrow mine
When you can't go on
Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine

When you are weak
Unable to speak
You are not alone
God of us, save us
And never forsake us
He's coming to take us
Take us to our home

You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
Borrow mine
When you can't go on
Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine
You can borrow mine

Take my hand
Take my love
Don't give in, no
And don't give up

work

There's this article on msn about how to tell if you like your job so you know if you should find a new one. (article) The key questions are

Do you dread Mondays?
Do you have big plans for your retirement?
Do you fantasize about winning the lottery so you can quit your job and live the life of your dreams?
And if I answer yes to all of them? Of course I don't like my job... but the article does little to give me the big answers about what to do about it. I have minimal to no experience with a bunch of what seems like wasted education that isn't getting me anywhere. So I'm looking for a new job... meanwhile I'm making good use of my time at work...

wedding weekend 1

When I was in middle school I went to this camp called Camp Wo-Me-To (pronounced Woe-Me-Toe and people still argue about if it stands for Women and Men of Tomorrow or Women and Men Together). Every year my friend Nicole and I would go and stand outside the fellowship hall on Sunday afternoon waiting to hear who our counselor would be that year. Every year we would pray that this year we'd get Kim. Kim was the outgoing, nicest counselor ever (I'm not sure on what evidence we based these opinions, but that's what we thought!) that sang the Frankenstein song. But... Kim was never our counselor. One year Kim's little sister Sarah was in our cabin and we had fun but we didn't keep in touch after camp. Nevertheless, one year we snagged Kim's mailing address from some other camper (we didn't have e-mail back then) and I wrote this probably very cheesy letter professing my hero worship towards her. But... I never heard back from her. In 1996, Nicole and I were put in a cabin next to another one of Kim's sisters, Laura. Normally you didn't get a chance to meet girls in other cabins that well but we ended up sitting near each other during a particularly lengthy missionary talk from our good friend Rose. Rose was not the most engaging speaker and I decided to be a smart butt and make jokes... and for some reason Laura laughed and we all hung out the rest of the week. We left on Friday after I had bawled my eyes out thinking I would never get to see Laura again. Fortunately Laura and I have been able to stay in touch and remain the "best of friends."

The next summer I worked at camp and Kim stopped working at camp...but I inherited her Frankenstein song. Then Sarah was a camper and I had the privilege of having her in my cabin. Meanwhile... I got to know Kim better through my friendship with Laura. I spent my first weekend at a college with Kim (even though I puked the whole time - and not from alcohol!), she came to visit me in North Carolina, and we've shared many a phone conversations the last couple of years.

All of this rambling is the build up to try to explain how everything came full circle this weekend when I had the honor not just to see Kim get married, but to be a part of it. It was the first time in awhile that I had spent more than 24 consecutive hours w/ the family and they really treat me like one of their own. I am so thankful for Camp Wo-Me-To and the relationships that God builds there. I probably keep in touch with more friends from camp than I do from high school and college. I'm also thankful for the best wedding date ever that made me look really good this weekend. I couldn't ask for anything more! Even more so... I'm even more anxious for wedding weekend #2 in December to see Laura and Kenny tie the knot. There is always that bittersweet feeling that comes along with change... but it is so awesome to be a part of what God is doing in my friends' lives.

P.S. I think it's about time for a Wo-Me-To reunion? anyone

peyton sawyer

The OC has maintained a stronghold on teen soap operas, but I think I'm partial to One Tree Hill. The story lines can still be over the top and evil dad Dan seems to have nine lives, but I like Bethany Joy Lenz's music and Hilarie Burton's character Peyton Sawyer tends to always add a thoughtful perspective to almost make each episode a learning experience.

In case you missed the third season premiere:

"At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world, some are running scared, some are coming home, some tell lies to make it through the day, others are just not facing the truth. Some are evil men at war with good, and some are good struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world, six billion souls and sometimes all you need is one." - peyton sawyer

kirby... is that your real name?

When I was a kid "Kirbie" was an easy name to make fun of. I hated it. Kirby Puckett was actually famous and kids found things to rhyme like bucket and suck it and it wasn't fun.

Today... a lot of people seem to get a kick out of it. They think it's an original name and very "unique." And I guess in world of "Apple"s and "Denim" Kirbie fits right in. Of course people still want to spell it Kirby... including my family. When I was eight I received a home made coat rack in the shape of a unicorn. Real cute right? Except for the fact kirby was painted really big above the hooks!

The most common question over the past five years has to do with my real name. Kirbie must be a nickname, what is your real name? No, what is the name on your birth certificate? Guess what guys... it's Kirbie. And I'm not the only one. There are more than 40 other Kirbie's just here on myspace. It may not even be so unique anymore. Own the name.

myspace?

My little sister is a freshman in college... leaving me back at home with the 'rents by myself. Being the older sister I can be a bit protective and worry too much... but it's all out of love! When I couldn't date until I was 16, I started campaigning at 13, but of course when the little sister turned 16 I was campaigning for the rule to be changed to at least 21. Like I said... a little protective. But... she also lives and breathes myspace and I figure if I want to make sure she doesn't forget who I am I need a "profile" with pictures and blogs and friends and all the trimmings. So here's to kelmorbri... what would I do without her?