new music tuesday...

New music usually comes out on Tuesdays. Today is no different. I've been anxiously anticipating needtobreathe's new cd The Outsiders. I heard "Lay 'Em Down" months ago and loved it immediately. I downloaded the cd tonight and can't wait to blast it tomorrow at work.

I'm still waiting on Crowder's new cd Church Music, but his single "How He Loves" is amazing. Originally written by John Mark McMillan you can hear the story from the youtube video. The David Crowder Band redid the song and I can't wait to get their new cd on what my newest brother-in-law kindly reminded me comes out on his birthday. :)

Jimmy Needham was tweeting about an interview he did for his new song "Forgiven and Loved." I don't think I'd really heard the song but I love his story behind the song.

"... Tell me I’m forgiven and loved Cause I hear it from the street corner priests On how God is love and how man can be clean But my joy has been on holiday And my peace has almost passed away Tell me I’m forgiven and free..."

In some not so new music we jammed out to some Jars of Clay's "Worlds Apart" tonight at FCA and it honestly gets me every time.

"...take my world apart... I am on my knees... take my world apart... broken on my knees"

p.s. I've blogged many times about losing people in my life. Sometimes people die and we become distraught over their loss. It always seems like no one understands and couldn't possibly be able to feel what we feel. I'm sure there's some truth to that but I'm also learning even if you've only met someone once, the impact they had on others can still bring a deep sense of loss when they pass. Death is never easy. Being the one left behind is never easy.

30 hour famine...

When I was growing up some of my friends went to churches that did a "30 Hour Famine." I thought they were crazy. They starved themselves to raise money for hungry people around the world. I'm a lover of food and wasn't really sure I was cut out to participate. Giving up food for five hours can be a stretch for me, let alone 30. I think I went awhile without food when I had my wisdom teeth out, but you're drugged up and I physically could not eat so it's different than making a decision not to eat. I also don't like to be told I can't do things and it started to motivate me to wonder if I was strong enough to make it. Of course this was more than 10 years ago but in the back of my mind I've always wondered.

Yesterday around 1:30 pm I ate a late lunch (some quality PB&J) and inadvertently started my 30 hour famine. When I really think about it, at first I think it was out of stress and maybe a little pity. Work has been kicking my butt and after a late lunch I wasn't exactly starving for dinner. I also ate the same thing for dinner Sunday and Monday night and more leftovers weren't exactly tempting me. The evening passed and I started wondering how long I could go.

World Vision sponsors the "30 Hour Famine" events and while I've given to them in the past I'm not a current donor. I do think there are so many people less fortunate than we are and not eating made me take a look at the blessings in my life. Thankfully I had work to distract me today but I finished off my own 30 Hour Famine this evening. I didn't really fundraise or do any community service projects but I experienced hunger and I hope I can take the lessons I learned as I continue to grow as a person.

²⁰Jesus looked at his disciples and said: God will bless you people who are poor. His kingdom belongs to you! ²¹God will bless you hungry people. You will have plenty to eat! God will bless you people who are crying. You will laugh! ²²God will bless you when others hate you and won't have anything to do with you. God will bless you when people insult you and say cruel things about you, all because you are a follower of the Son of Man. ²³Long ago your own people did these same things to the prophets. So when this happens to you, be happy and jump for joy! You will have a great reward in heaven. Luke 6:20-23

new start...

I'm grateful for new starts. Sometimes we have a new start that only happens once. Sometimes we have a new start every year with just a new year's resolution. Sometimes we have a new start that comes every couple months with a fresh perspective. And sometimes we have a new start every day. I try not to let a bad day become a bad week. I can start over now.

Yesterday was perhaps not all I was hoping it would be. I went to sleep with a lot on my mind praying today would bring a new start. I woke up and went to church... I didn't have anyone to sit with but I think sometimes that's just what I need to eliminate distractions. We sang a couple of great songs to start and then they showed the Lifehouse "Everything" skit. It is one of my favorites and gets to me every time. When they start singing "You're all I want, You're all I need" I always get goosebumps praying God would hold off the junk in my life and make Him my everything. After the video we sang "We are Hungry," one I didn't remember doing before but thought it really fit into the theme of the morning.

I've been working a ton this week with the new school year beginning and the football media guide due tomorrow. Every year it's the same and I know it's coming, but I'm not always good at balancing it all. I will be thoroughly relieved to send it off tomorrow and catch up on some other things I've neglected lately. Today I opted to work from home other than a brief photo shoot at school so I was watching one of my favorite tv show's "One Tree Hill." Thoroughly documented through my blog I'm a sucker for the drama but even more of a sucker for what I find are the thought provoking voiceovers and literary quotes. They were showing a couple of reruns on the Soap net and there was one of my faves, episode 413 Pictures of You (no I didn't memorize them all I googled it :).

They're given a class assignment to get to know their partner through the five steps and then take a picture of each other for the yearbook.

1. Share something personal with your partner.
2. Lighten up. Do an impression of a celebrity or a famous character.
3. Admit something that worries you, or something you are afraid of.
4. What do you want to be in ten years?
5. Tell your partner some secret.

Brooke is the party-girl sometimes slut of the high school and she's paired up with a new kid Chase, a "clean teen" (virgin club). Brooke liked Chase but lied to him about who she is and her past. Part of their conversation...

Brooke: I was worried I wouldn't be enough for you. That's why I lied. That's what I'm afraid of. Not being enough, not... good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not...
Chase: Brooke, your the student council president, captain of the cheerleaders and probably one of the most popular girls in school. How is that not good enough?

At first glance, it doesn't make sense. Brooke is what many girls dream of.. to be class president, cheerleader, popular... but even that wasn't enough. I think sometimes we're all looking for something else, wondering if we're enough. Or at least Brooke and I are. Eventually Chase begins to trust Brooke again (all within a single class period... the assignment creates fast foward forgiveness :) and their conversation continues...

Chase: Still think you're not good enough?
Brooke: I don't think that ever goes away. But I think you just have to learn to deal with it, you know? Learn to use it.
Chase: So let's use it, then.

I think we'd all be a lot better off if we could learn to deal with our insecurities or our weaknesses and use them for something positive. Some days are better than others. But then, that's why I get a new start.

Christ follower...

Yesterday I was driving to Raleigh to visit with some friends from Camp Wo-Me-To. I could dedicate an entire blog to Wo-Me-To... now that I think of it, I would be surprised if I haven't already. Long story short... (well as short as I can make it :) I grew up at Camp Wo-Me-To spending a week there every summer since 1991. I met some of my closest friends as a camper and then in 1997 I was finally able to work there as a counselor-in-training before serving as a counselor from 1998-2000. In 1995 I made a decision to follow Christ at Wo-Me-To... I technically became a Christian and was baptized in 1992 but I think I really began to grasp the concept in 1995. In 1996 I met my best friend Laura and the Riley family has embraced me and treated me as their own over the past 13 years. In 1997, I led my first person to Christ... I think I cried just as much as she did. :) I continued to grow and go through ups and downs through camp but it was nothing less than an amazing experience... every single year.

I met Cara in 1997 when she came to camp as an Acteen (girls entering grades 7-12) and I was a counselor-in-training for her cabin. She came back in 1998 as a counselor and we became fast friends. Jen and I were both new staff members in 1997 and worked together every year through 2000. After seeing Cara at my little sister's wedding in June we talked about getting together with Jen since the three of us all live in N.C. now. Jen facebooked us not long after and plans were in the works. Back to the drive... I was listening to a sermon from New Hope Church in Durham and they're going through a One Prayer series where some different pastors have had a chance to speak. Steve Ellis spoke July 26 and I was listening to his message on "God is More." He asked the question, "Am I follower of Christ or just a user?" It just struck me. So many times we get into a routine of just asking for things or taking advantage of God's omniscience. I really want to be a Christ follower and not just a user.

Another message I was listening to earlier this week while traveling was about how to deal with it when we pray and God says "no." Many times we get frustrated and don't understand why He wouldn't give us what we want (or what we may even think we need). The pastor referenced Paul's request to take away the thorn in his flesh (2 Corinthians 12:1-10). It seems like a perfectly legitimate request... scholars have debated what the thorn was... some say an eye disease or something wrong with his eyes. Paul was a great guy too... he had done a lot to spread the news about Christ, why wouldn't God want to help him? The pastor said that too often when God says yes, we run off taking credit for the answered prayer and become independent of Him. Sometimes by saying no, God is saying, "depend on me." He can do it... sometimes not in the way we expected or in the time we desired, but He can see the big picture.

I'm reading Nehemiah right now. It was one of my favorite books during the summer of 1999 while I was working at Camp Wo-Me-To and I wanted to re-read it. Nehemiah 9:26-31 talks about the Israelites quest to get out of slavery and Nehemiah talks about how the people took advantage of God's graciousness. Verses 27 and 28 say, "So you handed them over to their enemies, who oppressed them. But when they were oppressed they cried out to you. From heaven you heard them, and in your great compassion you gave them deliverers, who rescued them from the hand of their enemies. But as soon as they were at rest, they again did what was evil in your sight. Then you abandoned them to the hand of their enemies so that they ruled over them. And when they cried out to you again, you heard from heaven, and in your compassion you delivered them time after time"

We keep screwing up and God keeps saving us. I am grateful.

three years ago...

Three years ago today I started working for Methodist College... now University. My entire 2006 was a bit crazy and full of changes and it's weird to think back to how far I've come since then. In January 2006, my friends Kim and Justin started trying to talk me into working these summer camps in NC and NM during the end of June and most of July. I knew I'd have to quit my accounting job in Maryland to do it so I wasn't sure I was ready to for that risk. I wasn't thrilled with the job and I wasn't resigned to living with my parents for the rest of my life, but if I quit, what was I going to do when the camps were over? I had already left my job and came back once for grad school, I didn't think they'd let me do it again. I prayed about it and decided it was a risk I needed to take. In March the Methodist Sports Information Director left and during a trip to visit Kelsie my old "boss" Coach Jarman asked me if I would be interested. Of course I was interested, but I didn't have any experience and I was already committed to the camps through July. I knew if it was going to work out, it would have to be a God thing.

Long story short, I got an interview (a six-hour interview) and accepted the job and started to make plans to move back to Fayetteville. I had to coordinate a lot of plans between camp and moving all to start Aug. 1 (a month later than what Methodist wanted). Turns out my first day on the job was scheduled to be the USA South Athletic Conference Football Media Day. I actually ended up cramming a season preview and 10-page packet about the team July 31st and then left my apartment at 4 am on the 1st to drive to Williamsburg, Va. for my first official day on the job. I walked into a room of other SIDs and football coaches and I suppose it may have been the whole deer in headlights thing I had going on, but everyone knew I was the rookie. During the SID meeting before the media day started they asked my opinion on stuff and I had to admit I had no idea what they were talking about. Supposedly there was a big debate on how to list player information on rosters... who knew? I've learned so much in the past three years. I'm not sure I can make this business a lifelong career but I'm grateful for all of the people I've met and the opportunities I've had. On Monday we have another football media day. Thankfully I'm not a rookie anymore.