It was time for another blog but I wasn't feeling very creative. I should be writing an article but I think I'm going to work better under pressure. Today I was talking to a friend and told her I was thinking about writing a blog about holding a grudge. No big shouts of acclamation or affirmation from my audience, so I pondered it a bit more. When I got home I caught up on some oprah (go ahead and barf now for all of the haters) and her show today was centered around forgiveness. I fought the itch for a bit more while I searched through all of my old blogs thinking I must have already addressed this at some point, but... not so much.
I think I have a habit to do things big... I go big for the people in my life and sometimes that means when I've been burned, it means I go big in the opposite direction. Over the years I perfected the art of a grudge. I am fairly sensitive... okay I am sensitive and when I've been offended or my feelings hurt, I start layering up on the armor to pretend I can't be hurt or that I don't need you. Really all I'm layering is bitterness and anger.
My senior year of college a friend was honest with me about how she felt and I cut her out. Less than two years later I was going to grad school in Tennessee... at the same school where she was finishing her master's degree. I found out she worked at smoothie king and tracked her down hoping to hash out our disagreement. The funny part... she couldn't remember why I was mad at her. The experts always tell you that holding resentment doesn't hurt the other person but I don't think I grasped the concept until I was standing in the middle of smoothie king explaining to someone why I cut her out. It kind of takes the wind out of your sails.
Oprah had two courageous women on her show today who forgave people who almost killed them. One of the women, Gill is part of the Forgiveness Project check out the stories if you get a chance... http://www.theforgivenessproject.com/
Ghandi said, "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."
Too often I am weak... here's to becoming strong...
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Monday, May 14, 2007
overexhaustion
I'm exhausted but can't sleep... kirbie blogging in this state of mind would be similar to drinking and driving... passengers beware.
... last week I worked 100 hours... in seven days... it's been awhile since I took a math class but I think that averages to more than 14 hours a day
... there are a lot of ways to say the name betsy bruinsma or lauren haag over a pa system
... mother's day isn't the same when you're not spending it with your mom
... you can be friends with someone... disappear for four years and pick up where you left off... guys make it easier
... can you care too much about your job?
... yes I know you can care too much... I guess a more appropriate question would be where do I draw the line?
... fourteen games of softball is a lot of softball... especially when "your" team only played three of them
... writing about national champions doesn't make you one
... people get offended when you suggest their kid might compete in the special olympics one day... ok they laughed but I just want them to have options
... I can't make everyone change our stupid name or logo the minute we do it
... I'm sorry your stats are wrong... I'm sorry your kid's stats are wrong... No I won't write a story about suzie being potty trained now
... the eastern shore is almost a figment of my imagination
... my mom's cookies are the best... especially when my sister brings them back fresh from the shore
... it's not always easy being at your alma mater watching and writing about sports you can't play anymore
... sanjaya is bad
... i miss work study company
... I would not want to end my career walking in the game-winning run... but I wouldn't light up a cigarette on the other side of the bus afterwards either
... they say survivor, the tv show, is a game but it's a lot like life
... I don't need to be rich but I'd like to find something where I can afford (logistically and financially) to come and go freely
... I have accepted the temporary loss of peter pan to the point I can eat skippy peanut butter on pbj sandwiches... but I still miss curling up on the couch with my jar of peter pan and a spoon... skippy's just not the same
... I may have just bored myself to sleep... maybe this could be your lullaby
... last week I worked 100 hours... in seven days... it's been awhile since I took a math class but I think that averages to more than 14 hours a day
... there are a lot of ways to say the name betsy bruinsma or lauren haag over a pa system
... mother's day isn't the same when you're not spending it with your mom
... you can be friends with someone... disappear for four years and pick up where you left off... guys make it easier
... can you care too much about your job?
... yes I know you can care too much... I guess a more appropriate question would be where do I draw the line?
... fourteen games of softball is a lot of softball... especially when "your" team only played three of them
... writing about national champions doesn't make you one
... people get offended when you suggest their kid might compete in the special olympics one day... ok they laughed but I just want them to have options
... I can't make everyone change our stupid name or logo the minute we do it
... I'm sorry your stats are wrong... I'm sorry your kid's stats are wrong... No I won't write a story about suzie being potty trained now
... the eastern shore is almost a figment of my imagination
... my mom's cookies are the best... especially when my sister brings them back fresh from the shore
... it's not always easy being at your alma mater watching and writing about sports you can't play anymore
... sanjaya is bad
... i miss work study company
... I would not want to end my career walking in the game-winning run... but I wouldn't light up a cigarette on the other side of the bus afterwards either
... they say survivor, the tv show, is a game but it's a lot like life
... I don't need to be rich but I'd like to find something where I can afford (logistically and financially) to come and go freely
... I have accepted the temporary loss of peter pan to the point I can eat skippy peanut butter on pbj sandwiches... but I still miss curling up on the couch with my jar of peter pan and a spoon... skippy's just not the same
... I may have just bored myself to sleep... maybe this could be your lullaby
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
risk
I'm not a big fan of risk, at least not with people. I could do risky adventurous things without too much fear, but when it comes to taking a risk with a person I become more hesitant. I'm not even sure if it's something I learned from getting burned before or if it's who I've always been. Do you forgive and forget or maybe just forgive? Friends who forget you... or reject you... or hurt you... can make decisions a little more interesting. I don't want to be jaded or cynical... but I do want to be smart... and protect my heart.
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