turning 30...

During the summer of 2012 I have managed to get a new job, a boyfriend and.... gasp... turn 30. I've seen some friends really struggle with 30 and I was determined not to join them. In reality, we're getting older every day and we've created these societal expectations and media pressure that have determined who we should be when we turn 30. I think if you had asked me 15 years ago... probably even 10 years ago where I would be when I turned 30, I would have told you I'd be married with a kid or two while balancing some amazing career. Of course I also thought I'd meet my husband in college. I probably struggled more graduating college and not being any closer to mastering my love life than I did this year. At the same time I was cognizant of this milestone approaching and trying to figure out what I was doing with my life.

I've tried to balance these feelings of content and panic all summer. Change is never easy... at least not for me and I am usually a big long-term planner. In May I typically know what the next 7-8 months will look like. During this May I had no idea what I would be doing in June let alone December or January. I over think things and analyze every possible scenario and this summer I've been challenged to just take it one day at a time while still checking my direction. We can't let the unknown of next week paralyze us, but I also don't think we should keep our head down so much that we end up falling off the track.

I'm confident God spends time convincing me to really be satisfied in Him alone and sometimes that means holding back some of this stuff I think I need. I want to grateful for the Giver, not just the gifts. I'm grateful for the opportunity to see a couple of steps in front of me after a season of unknown as I turned 30. I was ready to move forward and I think it helped me conquer whatever expectations I have placed on myself for this particular time in my life.

At the same time, there is still what feels like an almost overwhelming sense of unknown. After an exhausting week with a move... I came to some sense of peace. I don't have all the answers, but I'm trying to live in this moment and be content... even at 30! The last month has been full of stress, change and sleepless nights... but tonight I am grateful. I am so thankful God always knows better than I do... His timing is better than mine. Here's to embracing unsettledness!

just a see you later...

I have always tried to remind God I’m not a very good decision maker. I consistently ask him to close the doors I shouldn’t walk through and open the ones I should enter. I'm trusting Him as I close one door and open another at the Landmark Conference. I always knew leaving Methodist would never be easy and I'm dreading all of the goodbyes. At the same time, I have a peace about my decision and I'm super excited about a new job. It's bittersweet as I have a ton of people I'm going to miss and yet I'm returning to friends and family in Maryland I have been missing for the last six years.

How do you put six years into words? Six years ago I came to Methodist slightly naïve, but still completely thrilled to have a fresh start and a job that allowed me to not only return to my alma mater, but to actually use my degrees! Six years later I’m beyond blessed to have grown both professionally and personally in ways I could have never imagined. I could recant a list of things I’ve learned to do as a sports information director and assistant athletic director, but it always seems to come back to the people more than the things.

I knew I was at the right place within my first three months when I had the pleasure of accompanying the women’s soccer team to the NCAA Tournament. The Methodist women's soccer team was a national championship contender in the mid 1990s, but returned to the "big dance" for the first time in 11 years in 2006. I had dreamt of reaching the tournament when I was a student-athlete so watching as a member of the travel party (twice) was a close second.

For nearly three years I was able to watch my sister play lacrosse. I watched her fall in love with her husband, shared my house with her and I am confident God meant for us to be here together for those years.

I made friends and I lost friends, but I don’t regret any of them. I've dated and I've experienced break ups and I only regret a couple. Just kidding. I don’t regret any of the experiences and lessons learned from each and every relationship.

For most of my time back, my cousin and her family have lived less than 10 minutes away and I have loved having family here. Her kids have kept me laughing and I will miss them dearly.

I have worked with a ton of amazing people both at Methodist and throughout my travels amongst other colleges and universities. Sometimes it was a phone call at just the right time or maybe it was filling in at the table or the press box when I was in a jam or even pulling me away from work when I felt like I was drowning. Regardless… I am grateful.

One of my favorite things about Methodist will always be FCA. The speakers have blessed me, but I have been even more blessed by the students I have met there. I know it won’t be the same without having an office on campus with a semi-cozy couch, but I pray I might still be able to encourage the students and somehow make a difference in someone’s life.

I suppose it all boils down to… Thank you! To everyone I have met, worked with, hung out with… you have made the six years worth every minute. I am grateful for the experience and pray I might have left just a piece of the impact on you that you have left on me. I'm not saying goodbye... just see you later.

"I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers, because I hear about your love for all his holy people and your faith in the Lord Jesus. I pray that your partnership with us in the faith may be effective in deepening your understanding of every good thing we share for the sake of Christ. Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the Lord’s people." – Philemon 4-7

DVD clearance...

I'm in the process of cleaning out my collection of DVDs... I have collected 200 DVDs and took a ton of pride in a bunch of movies I keep listed in alphabetical order and usually only watch once. It's time to clean house and I'm selling some of them. I could use amazon or ebay, but thought I'd cut out the middle man first and see if any of my friends would want any. Anything made 2003 or later is $5 and anything earlier is $4. If you're not local, we can discuss shipping. Please let me know if you're interested and we can work out the details.

17 Again	2009
50 First Dates	2004
American Dreamz	2006
Antwone Fisher	2002
Aurora Borealis	2005
Backup Plan	2010
Because I Said So	2007
Best Laid Plans | The Edge | Kiss of Death	1999	1997	1995
Birdie & Bogey	2004
Blood Diamond	2006
Bobby	2006
Brave One	2007
Break-Up	2006
Brothers	2009
Chariots of Fire	1981
Charlie Wilson's War	2007
Closer	2004
Collateral	2004
Come Early Morning	2006
Confessions of a Dangerous Mind	2002
Conspiracy Theory	1997
Courage Under Fire	1996
Curious Case of Benjamin Button	2008
December Boys	2007
Definitely, Maybe	2008
Devil Wears Prada	2006
Dreamer	2005
Duplicity	2009
Dying Young	1991
Elizabethtown	2005
Emperor's Club	2002
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind	2004
Everyone Says I Love You	1996
Family Stone	2005
Firm	1993
Flags of Our Fathers	2006
Flatliners	1990
Four Christmases	2008
Fracture	2007
Full Frontal	2002
Ghosts of Girlfriends Past	2009
Grace is Gone	2007
Gracie	2007
Grand Champion	2002
Greatest	2009
Hardball	2001
Heartbreak Kid	2007
High Crimes	2002
Higher Learning	1995
Hotel Rwanda	2004
How to Deal	2003
I Love Trouble	1994
In Good Company	2004
In Love and War	1996
Inception	2010
Inside Man	2006
Joe Somebody	2001
Just Friends	2005
Last Kiss	2006
Leap Year	2010
Legendary	2010
Letters to God	2010
List	2007
Maid in Manhattan	2002
Mary Reilly	1996
Meet the Browns	2008
Men of Honor	2000
Mexican	2001
Michael Collins	1996
Mighty Heart	2007
Miss Congeniality 2	2005
Mona Lisa Smile	2003
Monster	2003
Monster-in-Law	2005
Murder by Numbers	2002
Mystic River	2003
Player	1992
Poseidon Adventure	1972
Precious	2009
Ready to Wear	1994
Rebound	1996
Reggie's Prayer	1996
Reign Over Me	2007
Rendition	2007
Reservation Road	2007
Room to Move	1987
Rumor Has It	2005
Satisfaction	1988
School Ties	1992
Siege	1998
Sleepers	1996
Sleeping With the Enemy	1991
Something to Talk About	1995
Something's Gotta Give	2003
Stand By Me	1986
State of Play	2009
Sydney White	2007
There Will Be Blood	2007
This Christmas	2007
Though None Go With Me	2006
Time Traveler's Wife	2009
Two Weeks Notice	2002
Ugly Truth	2009
Untraceable	2008
Up in the Air	2009
Vanity Fair	2004
Walk the Line	2005
Wedding Date	2005
Wedding Planner	2001
While You Were Sleeping	1995
You, Me and Dupree	2006

laugh of the week...

Based on my post stats, my laugh of the week posts are struggling in popularity, but I think I've realized they're more for me than any kind of audience. Sometimes things can get too stressful or too serious and I just need a laugh. 

I recently watched Lisa Ling's special on the teen pregnancy "epidemic" covered on "Our America" so this seemed timely. I'm a huge proponent of abstinence, but I also believe in education. One of the girls featured on "Our America" had two children as a teen and had refused birth control because her friends told her it would make her fat. One of my friends stated the obvious in reminding the girl you gain weight in pregnancy too! Either way... there are a lot of mixed messages and crazy myths out there that need debunking!

asking for help...

I'm not very good at asking for help. I'm sure a psychologist could thoroughly analyze my childhood to figure out why, but regardless I'm independent. I'd like to think I'm more willing to accept help when offered, but really I want to do it by myself. Sometimes I think owning a home has made me even more independent. I've had family, friends and the occasional boyfriend help me out over the last four years of home ownership, but no one here to consistently help when I need a ceiling fan installed or the bushes trimmed.

Sometimes I'm reminded I can't do it on my own and have to rely on the experts. While I think I've mastered ceiling fan replacement, I thought I should seek some help for recessed lights. Not long after, I  learned quickly I would need some expert help with the air conditioning in my house. Unfortunately the "experts" aren't really working on my timeline and I'm stuck with no air conditioning during one of the hottest weekends of the year. Temperatures outside exceeding 100 degrees had my house at 90. I'm not even a fan of air conditioning and didn't turn it on until June 19th, but I was beginning to question my ability to get through this one on my own. I had a couple different offers for places I could stay, but I think if I just had a tent I would be cooler in the backyard and I wouldn't have to depend on anyone else. When the thermostat was still reading 90 at 9:45 pm I decided I couldn't do it anymore and had to take up a friend on her offer.

Asking for help is super humbling. I always want people to let me help them, but have trouble accepting their offer. I have to acknowledge I can't do it on my own and I always feel like I'm inconveniencing or annoying someone. I have to accept if someone really didn't want me to accept their offer, they shouldn't have offered. I am forever grateful for those around me who continue to support me and offer help even when I don't want it but especially when I just need a place to sleep in sub-90 degree heat.

laugh of the week...

standing for courage...

Last fall the movie Courageous was released as Sherwood Films' fourth film behind Flywheel, Facing the Giants and Fireproof. The movies have always had strong themes and messages while the production can sometimes be questionable. I think Courageous was probably the closest to a typical Hollywood film in terms of production, not that it seems to matter to me. I sobbed regardless!

Without giving away the entire movie, the tagline is: "When a tragedy strikes close to home, four police officers struggle with their faith and their roles as husbands and fathers; together they make a decision that will change all of their lives." The movie centers around the men as they make a resolution to change.

My pastor spent time last week and this week with messages to fathers. Today was centered around the passage in Joshua 24 where verse 15 wraps up, "But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." Pastor Cook reminded us of the short term memory the Israelites seemed to struggle with and noted how Joshua stepped away from speaking for the people and made it personal, taking a stand for his family. He wrapped up with a clip from the movie Courageous when the main character makes a plea to the men in his church. Pastor Cook then invited men to stand and make the resolution. He assured anyone who needed to take it home and process the information would not be judged or looked down upon, but after his invitation, it seemed as if most men were signing on to his request. Most, if not all the men stood up and repeated "The Resolution" after Pastor Cook.

I love the message in the movie and I love the message behind "The Resolution." I pray every day I find a man with such resolve to take a stand and be a Godly leader of my family. Normally my fear is people who won't take a stand. A popular saying goes, "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." It's easy to sit back and watch everything pass us by without standing. It takes courage to stand. At the same time, the reverse could be true. Sometimes people stand just because everyone else stands and never actually make a change. I think a resolution requires action beyond standing. I know standing is the first step, but it's more difficult to stay seated in a room full of standing men, than it is to stand up when everyone else is sitting down. I guess it just felt so fast. I wanted everyone to see the whole movie... to understand what they were agreeing to... to buy into the whole message rather than just signing up out of peer pressure or obligation.

Let's continue to stand up for Christ. Let's continue to stand up for positive change. But let's also make sure that stand of courage turns into action of resolve.




"The Resolution"

I DO solemnly resolve before God to take full responsibility for myself, my wife, and my children.

I WILL love them, protect them, serve them, and teach them the Word of God as the spiritual leader of my home.

I WILL be faithful to my wife, to love and honor her, and be willing to lay down my life for her as Jesus Christ did for me.

I WILL bless my children and teach them to love God with all of their hearts, all of their minds, and all of their strength.

I WILL train them to honor authority and live responsibly.

I WILL confront evil, pursue justice, and love mercy.

I WILL pray for others and treat them with kindness respect, and compassion.

I WILL work diligently to provide for the needs of my family.

I WILL forgive those who have wronged me and reconcile with those I have wronged.

I WILL learn from my mistakes, repent of my sins, and walk with integrity as a man answerable to God.

I WILL seek to honor God, be faithful to His church, obey His Word, and do His will.

I WILL courageously work with the strength God provides to fulfill this resolution for the rest of my life and for His glory.

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. – Joshua 24:15