Fortunately or unfortunately I'm usually pretty tuned into the issues facing our college students... at least at our college. There are a ton of things going on and some are probably causing others and I'm not sure we've really found the root of it all, but I know there are a ton of people hurting and a ton of people searching. Most recently, I have heard a number of concerns surrounding fakers.
What is a faker you may ask? Well my convenient dictionary.com source lets me know a faker is a "person who fakes." Brilliant I tell you! Really though... some definitions of fake: to make an imitation of to mislead others, to pretend, imitation intended to be passed off as genuine.
Seems pretty cut and dry. We should be genuine. We should be sincere. Sometimes we struggle when we want to be kind and are afraid our sincerity may be taken as unkind. Or perhaps we're afraid of confrontation or scared of being exposed and so we fake it.
Is it kind to be fake sometimes? Are we protecting our "friends" by talking badly about them behind their backs but joining them at the hip once they turn around? I might be alone, but I think it's more kind to hurt me to my face than behind my back.
I have a huge passion for
people removing the masks. I think we would feel better about ourselves and feel more connected to the people around us if we could be genuine and take off the mask that we think helps us fit in. I also think we would feel better about out the people around us if we could be honest with them and share our heart not in an attitude of judgement or air of superiority, but of love and concern.
How we can be more real? How can we drop the fake... particularly with those close to us who we can't stop talking smack about?
1. Remove the mask. We have to be willing to admit our own flaws if we're going to confront someone with their flaws. This also means dropping the judgement, superiority... any ounce of attack has to be stripped from you.
2. Pray about it. Ask God to help you use the right words and ask Him to open the heart of your friend.
3. Ask questions. It's important to understand someone's motives. Figure out the why before you attack the who or the what. You may never agree with who they're dating or what they're smoking but I think we can't dig into any of it until you understand the why. Not to mention people usually buy in faster and more wholeheartedly when you can get them to fix their own problems without preaching the fix to them.
4. Be willing to choose your battles. Your best friend might not have chosen the best outfit today... Worth sitting her down for an intervention? Probably not. Worth talking about her behind her back? Definitely not. Sometimes we just have to know how to shut our mouths.
5. Be willing to walk away. In
Matthew 18:15-20, Jesus is teaching about dealing with crap in the church. He lays out some instructions on how to confront the people in our lives and at the end... when you've exhausted everything and it still doesn't work he says, "treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector" which is particularly amusing to me since Matthew was a tax collector. I don't think Jesus is giving us permission to be a jerk when someone won't listen to us. I do think sometimes we need to be able to let go. I think it's better to have confronted someone and lose their friendship than to continue masquerading around with a superficial, fake friendship.
Let's be real.
"And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ, being filled with the fruits of righteousness which
are by Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God." Philippians 1:9-11 NKJV
