the cave...

It's Tuesday... and for nearly nine years of my life Tuesdays have been dedicated to FCA at Methodist. I was the nerd who e-mailed the Methodist FCA advisor when I was in high school to get more information on the group, but it was a group I felt comfortable with and thought might help my transition to college spiritually. My dad was already lining up phone numbers and addresses to southern baptist churches and I wasn't sure I wanted to do anything he suggested but FCA could be mine. I had led FCA at my high school and I felt like I fit there.

When I arrived at Methodist, I moved into my room in Weaver Hall and every time I went up or down the stairs, I passed the door to "the cave" where FCA met. At some point I convinced my roommate to go with me and the first Tuesday night we crept down to the basement not having a clue what to expect. It blew my expectations out of the water. I don't think we talked to anyone and as soon as it was over we scampered back up the stairs to our room, but we couldn't stop talking about it. The cave walls were painted black, there were couches and cushions everywhere and a band of students played worship music and yet nothing felt like church. During the last song, the lights went out and the walls and ceiling lit up with glow in the dark stars. Between the darkness... the stars... and the chorus of voices around me I couldn't stop grinning. As much as soccer drew me to Methodist, it was the cave where I fell in love.

The stars were a perfect way for me to get away from the distractions of the day... to clear my head and worship. I have such fond memories from the cave... and thankfully one video I will treasure forever.

When I came back to Methodist a few years later, FCA was in the process of out growing the cave and has since moved to a huge space ready to accommodate hundreds of students. Of course I still think we fit just as many students in the cozy cave, but evidently the fire marshal doesn't consider packing a hundred students into the basement a good idea. We're at the point now where none of the current students had the opportunity to experience the cave. I try to remember it's not about the building or the space, but I'm also determined to never forget my experiences in the cave. I grew so much there... as a Christian... as a person... and as a friend. I miss the cave.

laugh of the week...

This week's laugh is more than just a laugh... Pastor Craig Morrison shared the video with the congregation on Sunday and I thought it was hilarious with a great message.

just enough to get by...

I found myself wrecked this week with feelings of doing just enough to get by... Sometimes for survival... sometimes to keep up appearances, but I feel like the trend is to do just enough. Sometimes "just enough" is different for different people, but typically we set the standard. Some students decide they're going to do just enough to get by passing (D = degree!) while others decide they're going to do just enough to get by and keep their scholarship or just enough to get by and get an A... but I'm not sure at any point "just enough" is enough.

My tendency to fall into just enough usually stems from my fear of living up to the high expectations of doing everything. I think I can handle just enough because the risk of failing is pretty low, while if I really set my sights on the pinnacle, on doing everything, I could fail or be rejected or get hurt. Somehow I convince myself it would be easier to take the pedal off the metal... to lower my expectations and do just enough.

And yet, just enough is not very fulfilling. Whether it's school, friends, work, faith, relationships... just enough sounds so good in theory... the work load is lighter, the risk is less... and yet the reward mirrors what you put into it.

I don't want to second guess what could have been had I just done more. I don't want to live a life of routine or rituals to make myself feel better about what is enough, but I do want to live sold out in every moment without holding anything back.

"His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness." - 2 Peter 1:3

His glory and goodness can't ever mean "just enough." Paul told us in Colossians to "work at it with all your heart." There's nothing about that even hinting at just enough.

Let's take a risk... let's live life seeking everything rather than just enough.

More food for thought...

Lindsey Nobles: http://www.lindseynobles.com/2012/01/drawing-boundaries/
Cru at ISU: http://iowastcru.org/blog/2011/12/05/add-nothing-blog-how-much-faith-is-enough/
Coffee and Matches: http://coffeeandmatches.typepad.com/blog/2011/05/deadly-purple-fruit.html

chasing Him...

I read a cool devotional the other night about God telling us not to be afraid. In Luke 2, an angel appeared to some shepherds in a field and told them, "Do not be afraid, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people" (Luke 2:10). The devotion's author Jon Walker noted, "perhaps, we are afraid of living apart from the mythology that we must be good enough for God. Yet, the good news of great joy is that you don't have to be good enough: Jesus is good enough on your behalf!"

Walker goes on to encourage readers to shake off your fears and chase God rather than perfection. We are so accustomed to earning love, it's hard to fathom unconditional love let alone know how to respond to it. He adds, "God doesn't love you because you are the best in your class or because you try really hard. God's love needs no because; he unconditionally loves you - period."

It sounds so simple on paper and yet I feel our instinct is still to check things off and earn approval... earn love. Our parents are supposed to love us unconditionally, but I know many of us still find ourselves trying to do things to please them. Our methods may change as we get older, but sometimes we join clubs or sports teams for our parents or maybe we buy them certain gifts or choose schools or jobs based on them... I'm hoping parents can show their children unconditional love, but I know it's not universal.

I'm wondering if we can separate love from approval. Earlier I used them interchangeably, but God said he loves us unconditionally... I don't think unconditional approval is included in that... but I also think the point may be approval isn't a stipulation of love... or at least not unconditional love just based on the definition.

Can we chase after God and leave our need for approval behind? Can we accept unconditional love knowing we can never be good enough?

Here's to the chase...

laugh of the week...

I probably need to post an entirely separate blog dedicated to my thoughts on the David Crowder Band... but in the meantime... check out their latest Rockumentary episode. If you haven't seen the others, visit their youtube account for what I find extremely amusing.

billy cundiff...

I've been a Ravens fan since 1996 when they came to town and my dad bought season tickets. I'm not sure I could claim diehard status just compared to my USWNT and Tennessee fandom... but I'm loyal and have been for all 16 seasons. I usually get to see one game a year when I go home for the holidays, but this season was particularly special having had the chance to see two regular season games and I made a special one-day trip up for the playoff game against the Texans last weekend.

I've been nervous about the Patriots all week. I never talk smack before a game, but this one made me even more determined to keep my mouth shut. Last week Brady devoured the Broncos and the Ravens narrowly edged out the Texans and I was hoping our offense could make a better showing against a weaker defense at New England. 

A nail biter makes for good ratings and good entertainment and the Ravens and Patriots provided both (with no real evidence on the ratings other than discussion via social media). I'm not sure why we didn't go for the field goal on the next to last drive and I wish Evans could have held onto the ball a split second longer to ensure a nail in the coffin touchdown rather than resorting to a field goal attempt, but neither happened. 

During the entire last drive I was wishing it didn't come down to Cundiff. I was a huge Cundiff fan last season. I thought he made some clutch kicks and was obviously rewarded for it with a pro bowl selection. This season he's admittedly been pretty inconsistent (in part due to a calf injury) and left a lot of people with questions including the Ravens front office based on their call-up to Shayne Graham late in the season... but just last week he hit two clutch field goals from 44 and 48 yards to help ensure the win over Houston. 

Thirty-two yards. On tv that seems so simple. I didn't feel good about the angle to start with and everyone knew as soon as he kicked it, New England had won. It sucks to lose and it sucks to be the one that had the game on his shoulders and couldn't convert... but I'm standing by Cundiff. 

I tried to stay off twitter and Facebook knowing "haters gonna hate" but I had to check. I expected the Pats fans to be thanking Cundiff and the general football fans laughing at his "choke" but I think the worst part is seeing the Ravens fans turning their backs. 

Ray Rice gave me hope when he said, "And one more thing...games consist of SIXTY MINUTES, NOT 20 seconds so before y'all start bashing MY kicker on this page, let me say this is a TEAM sport, win or lose...so if you want to be negative, keep it to yourself."

I know some may argue Cundiff is paid millions of dollars to kick a ball through two posts and he didn't do it so we can hold him accountable. I absolutely agree with that. I just can't hate him for it. People make mistakes. He didn't do it on purpose. I have no idea if he'll be a part of the team next year and my heart breaks for Cundiff and the rest of the team who were so close to making it to the super bowl (or at least overtime :). At the same time... people missed tackles and passes weren't caught or thrown to the right people and blocks didn't happen and routes weren't run correctly and a kick went wide... and now the Patriots are in the super bowl. It doesn't necessarily make anyone feel any better to let Cundiff off the hook, but I'm not sure it makes anyone feel any better to hate him either. Regardless... we have a few months to recover.

Go Ravens!

laugh of the week...

Going back to my roots today...

Deer gathering the day after hunting season ends for the annual "Haha you missed me party!"