TMI...

I could go on and on about the positives of social media. I really believe in the benefits it provides personally and professionally, but I'm not oblivious to the negatives. We spend a lot of time in college athletics talking about social media and how to educate student-athletes (and sometimes staff) to use it successfully. I think one of the biggest questions to ask is always, "How much is too much?" There are no official rules and I'm sure there are people all over the spectrum in terms of what they deem acceptable, but I've been brainstorming a lot on how to find the balance, especially when writing a blog. People usually appreciate vulnerability. We want truth, but at some point there's a line that we cross that makes us feel like creepy voyeurists and we just run away with our eyes covered. 

Many people will use social media to gush about their current relationship. I think there is a time and place to share about your awesome relationship. Please compliment your significant other, celebrate those milestones and share those photos of your adventures through life together. On the other hand, I'm not quite sure your friends want to see a daily (let alone hourly) post about how you've been together for 22 days 14 hours 5 minutes, nor do most friends support daily selfies from bed… but if they're still following you, that's on them. :) 

The bigger problem comes when you break up. I have this thing where when I get dumped, I usually don't want the guy or anyone else to know he hurt me. I'm going to at least appear strong even if all I want to do is cry. I'm not sure the "fake it 'til you make it" approach is psychologically approved, but it feels safe at least from a public perspective. I'm definitely going to vent to my best friend and tell her how hurt I am, but I'm not always sure what the public venting accomplishes. If enough people like your status or favorite your tweet, will you feel better? Too often, we don't get the approval rating we want and we end up feeling even more lousy. I am not saying we should bottle up our feelings or stifle all emotion. I, of all people, believe in expressing ourselves, but I'm just not sure a public domain is always the best place to heal from a relationship. 

In most cases (not all), I think it's usually safe to share with a  friend or family member first. If I were in charge of social media law, I might even ask we put a moratorium on all social media sharing for a week after a breakup (or longer depending on how long the relationship was and/or how traumatic the breakup).  Take some time to heal and talk it through with your inner circle (or even journal!) before saying something you'll regret via social media. I'm much more patient with the sappy, but I am also a lot more hesitant to buy into the sappy if you were being all googly-eyed with a different person last month. 

Can we be genuine without drowning in the woe is me? Can we replace one post with an actual conversation this week? Can you find something positive to share?

passive aggressive social media...

I've been pondering this blog for awhile... questioning my intentions... wanting to make sure I'm asking myself the same questions I'm about to ask all social media users..

I am constantly questioning the point of my tweets and facebook posts. I'm sure I'm not innocent in it all, but I guess my hope is my presence online would be an encouragement to someone else. Sometimes that may be through a laugh, but I hope it's not at the expense of someone else. There's a fine line and I want to make sure I'm treading carefully.

My big question tonight is about the passive aggressive posts/tweets... It seems we need an outlet to vent so we turn to social media and post what we think (or maybe hope) are cryptic updates in an effort to create something similar to an inside joke amongst our friends while calling someone else out. Sometimes the wrong person thinks the post was about them and more passive aggressive posting ensues. My suggestions for alternative ways to handle it...

1. pray... I keep trying to go here first but it's definitely not instinctual yet for me. He's the best listener... and a whole lot better than any of our followers/friends.

2. talk to the person you're secretly posting about... Sometimes they're angry thoughts toward a former friend... sometimes it's someone you've never met... sometimes it's a crush or a former flame... the hashtag #oomf for one of my followers is more than awkward to me. I'm really good at tweeting something I want someone in particular to read and wish we were as close as we used to be. But it's silly... if I really miss someone, I should be able to tell them. If I'm mad at someone, I should be able to tell them. If I'm not ready to tell them, I don't think I should be tweeting about it.

3. walk away from technology... A coach once told me after a heated situation with a player he always takes 24 hours to cool off before doling out punishment to ensure the emotion has been taken out of the situation. Would you want to tweet/post that same update 24 hours from now? Sometimes I think we need to just walk away from the smart phone or the iPad or laptop or whatever device we're using to creep and take a break. Go for a run, read your bible, call a friend... anything to put life in perspective.

I still believe in social media. I believe it's a positive thing... we can communicate so much faster... and hopefully better. I just want to practice being a more positive participant.

"To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived-- this is to have succeeded." - Emerson

where your heart is...

My friend Quinn came and met with our FCA leadership team this past year and shared a cool illustration. (Someone might have to correct me if I get the specifics wrong, but hopefully the principal is the same.) First, she asked us to list our top three concerns or things we worry about. Then she asked us to list three things we want for FCA. She made the connection.. shouldn't the lists overlap? I can't remember exactly what Quinn said that day, but I have been constantly thinking about what my priorities are... and what I'm thinking about... what I'm praying about.

What are your top three priorities? Are those the things that occupy your thoughts? Your prayers? Lately I've been thinking about how that relates to what we're telling everyone else. Before social media really took over we used AIM or AOL Instant Messenger. Everyone had a profile and an away message where we could tell everyone what who we were or what we were doing. Maybe we used a good quote or a bible verse or a countdown for something... whatever it was by placing it there, we made it seem important to all of our "buddies."

Now we have things like facebook and twitter to let everyone know what we're thinking. Facebook asks us "What's on your mind?" and twitter asks "What's happening?" On both sites you have space to insert other profile information. I've been wondering if my updates... if my profile... reflect my priorities. I don't want to fake it and just post things to make it seem like I'm always happy and living a perfect life to make my "friends" and "followers" happy... but it is a heart check. If you read my facebook posts and tweets, could you guess my priorities? Is my faith evident? Do my words match my actions? I want my words... my actions... even my posts... to reflect my heart. What are you posting? Where is your heart?