too picky...

I'm so grateful for friends who feel comfortable holding me accountable. It becomes almost easy to encourage our friends, but I think it's so important to also challenge each other.

One of my best friends who I've known for 15 years and served as her maid of honor picked my brain a bit regarding my singleness. She's always encouraged me to not sweat it... God has a plan... etc., but this time she dug a little deeper to ask why certain guys weren't appealing to me or why relationships hadn't worked out. I still believe most of my relationships that haven't worked are because we weren't on the same page in our faith journey. I think I settled. They met everything else on my list of "must haves" or stayed off of the list of "deal breakers," except having a relationship with God that comes first before everything else. Her point was what if we reversed it... if someone was completely sold out for Christ and putting Him first, does anything else matter? Can we throw out the lists? I wanted to keep non-smoker on my list and she even challenged that... saying he could work on it. I had to ask myself... was I being too picky?

Fast forward a week later and I had a chance to go on a date today. He confirmed he was a Christian and despite not having gone to church in a few years, said he "certainly would go with you and be more involved. You might need the person I need to get me back on track." Those are the hard ones. It's flattering to know I could help encourage someone in their faith journey, but I'm not sure how much I think it should coincide with a dating relationship or even male-female friendship. He seemed nice enough and I continued to talk to him before agreeing to meet him today. The last few days I grew uncomfortable with his forwardness. In a relationship it would probably be considered sweet or romantic, but 24 hours into communicating or three days into texting, I was uncomfortable. I kept challenging myself... am I being too picky? Or is this God nudging me? To be honest, I'm not sure he met the first requirement to allow me to drop my other requirements.

I've just been challenging myself to discern God's guidance with my own pickiness. I don't want to be picky... but I also don't want to settle out of impatience.

Here's to not being picky within God's will...

soundtracks...

It's crazy how intertwined music becomes in relationships. Couples have songs that remind them of each other. We have songs that remind us of a particular moment with a person. We have breakup songs and moving on songs. I'm grateful for music that helps to tell a story.

I've always been hesitant to give a relationship "Our Song" as Taylor Swift so eloquently sings. I vividly remember a "crowd" (I use the term loosely in 12-year old standards) asking two of my friends in sixth grade what their song was and they immediately responded, "I Swear." (Although I think Rachel will adamantly deny it-- I witnessed it.) Now anytime I hear the song all I can think about are Rachel and Joey (and no not from those Friends). Adorable? Maybe if they had lasted through the weekend.

I was always afraid a relationship gone bad was going to permanently ruin a relationship. I can still hear Brian McKnight's "Anytime" and instantly think back to high school and the relationship that wouldn't end. I hear Tim McGraw's "My Best Friend" and I'm reminiscing about the high school football stud and John Mayer's "St. Patrick's Day" reminds me of a disappointing senior year of college. Lifehouse's "You and Me" takes me back to my favorite week in Knoxville. I love when a couple picks a song from the top40 countdown and then think every time they hear it on the radio... "it's a sign!" Yes it's a sign... a sign you picked one of the most popular current songs of the moment that will be played over and over again whether your relationship lasts or not. 

Not only are there songs tagged to relationships, but there are the songs that just trigger memories. I hear Jonah33's "Faith Like That" and I'm on my way to Ohio State with my boyfriend at the time. I hear anything Jamie Cullum sings and I'm being serenaded. I can't get away from any of the songs I so nicely put on a cd and labeled the playlist accordingly.

Some of the other classics are songs to help you move on from a relationship or maybe the others that just take you back and let you drown in what you lost. Kelly Clarkson's "Behind these Hazel Eyes" came out just in time to try to move on from a relationship while I could try to talk myself into having moved on with the grammatically correct "Since U Been Gone." For every "Broken" (Lifehouse) there's a "Settlin'" (Sugarland) to help counteract each other.

Lately I keep hearing "Fix You" (Coldplay) and "Jar of Hearts" (Christina Perri) and while neither song triggers any particular relationship... they might need to be stored up for a rainy day. But then again... do I really want them to be forever linked to a relationship that didn't work? I think that's why I like Christian music. The songs are linked to a God who's never leaving me.