bachelorette...

I made a commitment to blog Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Sunday and despite being exhausted after a night out, I'm determined to write something of substance in order to fulfill my commitment.

Watching the Bachelorette during the summer is such a good form of escapism for me. I don't have to work on nights and weekends and following along with this cheesy love story is a fun (or funny) way to get away on Monday nights. The big story this season is Ashley falling for this tool Bentley who plays with her heart until he leaves suddenly in the middle of the show. She is still hung up on him not knowing why he really leaves and we are all anxiously waiting Monday to find out what happens when she gets a chance to seek closure.

Most Bachelorette fans will tell you they are absolutely sick of hearing about Bentley. He is/was a tool and chose to walk away from the show so why do we have to continue to listen to Ashley gab about how much she misses him and felt like they had a connection. It seems outlandish to the viewer who watched Bentley's interviews about how he had no interest in Ashley and wished the other chick had been on the show. No one wants to hear about Bentley anymore. I wish the host, Chris Harrison, or a producer, or someone would show Ashley Bentley's interviews so she could move on.

I was absolutely frustrated on Monday when I realized I could be in her shoes. I'm usually too embarrassed to talk about the guy I'm hung up on through national tv, but it's crazy how you can get stuck on someone.. years later. I pray I'm not the annoying "Ashley" daydreaming about a boy who could care less about me... but I guess if I didn't see his ABC interviews, I have no idea. It really makes you think about who you spend your time pining after. I don't want to be an annoying Ashley pining after "Bentley" but I do want to be honest with myself about how I feel in hopes guys would be honest with me. Here's to seeking something real... beyond the Bachelorette.

closure...

I don't usually look forward to August. The end of summer is too close and I can feel the pressure of the chaos that is my life during the school year. I'm spending today and the next three days living in denial and trying to embrace these last few days... Some thoughts for today...

1. There are many people in my life who I was once close to and now I'm not... sometimes it's because something happened to drive us apart... sometimes it's just distance and circumstances slid us apart... sometimes one person maybe tried to tiptoe out without being noticed... sometimes I have no idea what happened. I don't know that I'll ever be good at letting go of what was... I value people... I rely on people (probably too much)... but I think I'm getting better. Life goes on... but every once in awhile closure helps me go on with it.

2. More than eight years ago I went to Duke on a Saturday with my (if I remember correctly) soon-to-be ex-boyfriend and soon-to-be best guy friend to hear Anne Graham Lotz speak to a group of collegiate FCA leaders. I had no idea who she was other than Billy Graham's daughter. I haven't followed her career that closely since to know if she's cuckoo, but I remember leaving Durham impacted by her message. She spoke from 2 Timothy 1 and she encouraged us to take up the baton... focusing on verse six, "For this reason I remind you to fan into the flame the gift of God..." I don't know that I did anything differently after meeting Mrs. Lotz, but she made me think and I'll never forget that day.

Fast forward to Easter 2010 and I bought her newest book, "Magnificent Obsession." It's taken me awhile to get to it, but I've been working on it. A story I liked...

"One day an acrobat staged a dramatic performance by walking on a tightrope across Niagara Falls. Crowds gathered on each side of the falls, pointing and staring at his daring feat. When he returned to the overlook where his rope was anchored, the crowd applauded enthusiastically. Then, in astonishment, they watched as he took a wheelbarrow and pushed it over the tightrope. When he turned and came back, this time the applause was thunderous. But when he picked up a burlap bag of sand, placed it in the wheelbarrow, and began to push it across the tightrope, many in the crowd thought he was crazy! As they held their breath in suspense, unable to tear their eyes away from such a display of death-defying bravado, he very gingerly completed his walk. The crowd gasped, then burst into applause punctuated by cheers and whistles.

The acrobat bowed dramatically to the crowd, then issued a challenge: 'I'd like to do something even more spectacular!' he said. 'But first let me ask you something: since the bag of sand weighs the same as an average-size man, how many of you believe I can take a man across the tightrope in a wheelbarrow?'

'We believe you can do that.You can do it! You can do it!' everyone shouted.

Then the acrobat asked, 'All right, which one of you will be that man?'

There was dead silence. No one moved. Finally, a shriveled little old man in the back raised his hand as he stepped forward. 'I've seen what you've done, and I've hard what you've said. I believe you can push me across, so I'll do it.'

He climbed into the wheelbarrow, and the acrobat set out across the tightrope with the brave little man perched precariously inside. Everyone in the crowd held their breath and strained to watch as the wheelbarrow was rolled over the falls... and back again. On the final return, the roar of the crowd was deafening as the man was helped out of the wheelbarrow. The acrobat gallantly bowed, saluted, smiled broadly, and said, 'Thank you, sir, for really believing in me.'

As I concluded the story, I drove the point home for the young couple: 'Everyone in the crowd at Niagara Falls said they believed in the acrobat, but only the old man demonstrated genuine faith. He was the only one who trusted the acrobat so completely he was willing to climb into the wheelbarrow and let himself be pushed across the tightrope.'"

3. Some music I like... Black Lab - Lonely Boy and Joshua Radin - When You Find Me

4. Bachelorette... There are opinions all over the place loving or hating Ali's decision depending on if you were Team Roberto or Team Chris... My thoughts... I absolutely loved the way she handled the decision. She wanted to like Chris, but once she knew it was Roberto she sat Chris down and was honest with him. Was he still hurt? Of course... but he agreed it was easier to deal with and he respected her for her honesty. If only we could all do the same in our own relationships... Stay tuned for more laughable drama via the Bachelor Pad :)

funny...

Sometimes I get in a mood where I just want to laugh... I'm on the verge of letting people and things take control... things out of my control that I just need to let go! So... here's to laughter! My favorite is to be hanging out with a friend and something come over us and we just can't stop laughing. It is refreshing to get a good laugh... and healthy too!

As previously documented Monday night meant an evening of the Bachelorette... and Tuesday morning meant getting all of the inside scoop on the web. My favorite line of the day was a recap that described cheater Justin's exit as... "Ali and Chris chase him down, but given that Justin has a bum ankle, the 'chase' felt more like a police officer trying to stop someone on a lawn mower."

I can always go to Kelly Clarkson for a good laugh... I reminisced this weekend watching her Behind These Hazel Eyes video... the bloopers are definitely the best part... I could sit and watch funny ones all night long!

Here's to laughter!