inadequate...

I feel like we are living in a culture that is breeding feelings of inadequacy... When I checked out the definition for inadequate, google told me it is "not adequate." Well that's helpful isn't it! It goes on to say, "lacking the quality or quanitity required; insufficient for a purpose." Perhaps it is my age and the age group I'm most often surrounded by, but I tend to hear a lot of people first trying to figure out their purpose and then secondly not feeling like they're good enough.


Moses is probably the guy from the bible most often cited in discussions of inadequacy, but I've been thinking a lot about Elijah. Ahab was king and Elijah had told everyone there wouldn't be any rain for three years. God told Elijah to go hide in this ravine where he could drink from the brook and let the ravens feed him. Eventually the brook dried up as brooks sometimes do when there's no rain. The bible says, "Then the word of the Lord came to him." Well isn't that nice. God told Elijah to go chill with the ravens and drink from the brook and the brook dries up so God shows up and tells him where to go next. I have no idea what Elijah was thinking while the brook was drying up, but I know how I would probably react. Most of us start freaking out at the first sign of the water level dropping. I'm a planner and I know I would be trying to map out other options, trying to find new brooks to quench my thirst. I can only imagine how much I might start to panic as the brook really started to dry up. And yet... did you notice, God showed up after the brook dried up? Once the brook dried up, "then" the Lord spoke and gave Elijah a new spot. (paraphrased from 1 Kings 17)


Can we trust God to quench our thirst? To find our new source of food and water? Too often we'll listen for a little while... trust Him for a little while... and then get scared and want to go do it our way. I find I feel most inadequate when I am not relying on God to be adequate. God knew he had enough food and water for Elijah. God is enough. When we're trying to quench that thirst or satisfy that longing... He is enough. Sometimes he asks us to keep drinking from a brook that looks like it's going to dry up. Keep drinking because just when you think it's dried up, it is then that He shows you the next step... the next brook to fill you up. I'm grateful for when I feel insufficient or inadequate or just insecure... He is sufficient. He is adequate. He is secure.






When my heart is like a stone, And I'm running far from home, Remind me who I am. When I cant receive Your love, Afraid I'll never be enough, Remind me who I am. If I'm Your beloved can You help me believe it. Tell me, once again, Who I am to you, Tell me, lest I forget, Who I am to you, that I belong to You. I'm the one You love, I'm the one You love

9/11/01...

It was a Tuesday. Somehow I made it through my 8 a.m. class and hurried to one of my favorite spots on campus... the Lion's Den. Not only did "the den" have food, they had couches and tvs that kept us all entertained between classes. Ten years ago today, I walked into the den and immediately knew something was different. I found one of my teammates and friends, Slavin, and knew things were not good. As soon as the second plane hit, we knew it wasn't an accident. Slavin immediately became concerned for what this would mean for her military dad. Another teammate's brother was a student at NYU and she spent the day trying to make sure he was okay. Another teammate's dad was a firefighter on Long Island. Thankfully, everyone I knew located their family. Unfortunately, not everyone around the country was so fortunate. Nearly 3,000 people died that day and our country completely changed. Our college campus was on high alert due to our close proximity to one of the largest military bases in the country. My parents live an hour from DC and at the time, it felt entirely too close. Nothing we knew seemed to be the same. There was fear. There was confusion. There was really a lot of just not knowing.

It's hard to believe it was 10 years ago. Sometimes it feels like yesterday. It has me thinking about how much changes in relatively little time. I can't help but think about the people who were so important to me 10 years ago... Or five years ago? Two years ago? Last year? The people you surround yourself with help give perspective to what you're going through, sometimes at the time... sometimes much later. I'm grateful for my family and friends for supporting me through big events like 9/11 and even the little ones like a break up or a bad day. Some people have come and gone and some are still here... regardless I'm stronger and I'm grateful.

20 questions...

This brought back memories or e-mail forwards or myspace surveys, but I stole it from Bethany Joy Galeotti and she makes everything more sophisticated so I feel better about it!

1 Were you named after anyone? nope... absolutely an original

2 Do you like your own handwriting? sometimes

3 What would your superpower be if you could choose one? healer

4 Are you an optimist or pessimist? I want you to think I'm an optimist.. fake it til you make it right?!

5 What do you collect? sports memorabilia... specifically Tennessee or USWNT

6 What movie would your friends be surprised that you like? I think I'm pretty predictable but maybe seven pounds?

7 What are your favorite smells? fresh cut grass and my mom cooking sausage

8 Coffee or Tea? neither

9 Wine or Beer?depends on the occasion

10 What is the best thing you've ever eaten? (Where?) xangos at scrub oaks

11 Mac or PC? I would love to say PC but the iphone is starting to turn me towards mac

12 What are you listening to right now?adele, lifehouse and sidewalk prophets... how's that for a mix

13 What career would you pursue in another life? pro soccer player

14 What sound or noise do you love? music, rain

15 What sound or noise do you hate? repetitive anything... clicking pen, shaking, squeaking

16 Mountains or Beach? beach fo sho

17 Cook or Bake? bake

18 Do you go to restaurants and movies by yourself? nope but I could if I had to

19 What is your favorite fairy tale or childhood story? polar express

20 What would you tell the 13 year old you? relax

growing up...

I've decided one of the most important lessons you learn growing up is how to deal with conflict, specifically conflict in relationships. It seems our instinct is to walk (or sometimes run) away. Someone is annoying us or has made us mad or is just not holding our attention anymore and so we would prefer to just get out of the situation. Sometimes we get ourselves in too deep and can't figure out how to get out so we just tiptoe away hoping no one will notice.

I would like to think that as we grow up we might learn how to better handle situations. I think in most situations people deserve honesty, and by that I don't mean hurtful honesty - check your intentions. If your roommate is driving you crazy, talk to them. If your coach sucks, talk to them. If your boyfriend or girlfriend is boring you, talk to them. If we're all grown ups, we should be able to handle a conversation. I tend to encourage people to ask questions rather than pull out your list of 100 reasons why you suck. I'm not so naive to think talking always fixes things, but I feel like it gives the other person an opportunity to change or at the very least understand where you're coming from before you run away.

Let's be grown ups.

pat summitt...

I have been a Tennessee fan for as long as I can remember. I credit so many people in my life for fostering a love for women's sports including Tennessee women's basketball. I obviously grew up post-Title IX and I feel fortunate to have been empowered by so many female athletes in my 29 years. I vividly remember Tennessee's "Cinderella Season" in 1996-97 and I quickly loved everything about head coach Pat Summitt. During college I did an internship with the Washington Freedom of the now defunct Women's United Soccer Association (WUSA) and one of my supervisors had attended Tennessee. After graduation I took a job with the WUSA, but when it fell apart I started looking at graduate schools more seriously.

I spend a lot of time educating college students on grad school partially because I had no idea what I was doing and didn't feel like I had a lot of direction. I didn't have a clue about graduate assistantships or how to go about getting one but I knew I liked Tennessee and I knew someone who went there and she turned out okay. I also knew as a student I would have free tickets to all of the women's basketball games. The friends I made at Tennessee were through our shared love for sports. One of my classmates was the manager for the women's soccer team and she shared her women's basketball tickets with me. I took a sport psychology class and convinced my partner to do our project on Pat Summitt. I went to tons of practices and just tried to soak up everything Pat Summitt said and did. I knew if I was only going to have a chance to live in Knoxville for a year, I had to make the most of it.

I still love Tennessee women's basketball and I'm still inspired by Pat Summitt. In 37 seasons at the helm she has built the Lady Vols from the ground up. That's not to take away from her assistants or the hundreds of players who have come through the program but it is hard to deny the influence Pat Summitt has had on Tennessee basketball, women's basketball and women's sports.

Summitt announced this week she has been diagnosed with early-onset dementia. I cried. Some people will think that's crazy... to cry over someone who really has no idea who I am. But when you have grown up watching someone make a difference... and when you have seen the effects of dementia... it's heartbreaking. My grandmother struggled with dementia for at least the last five years of her life. My family chose to laugh about it to keep from crying. Dementia is such a cruel disease... it tries to steal everything that is good about a person... everything that makes a person who they are.

I take comfort in knowing Summitt has been and always will be a fighter. I refuse to let dementia steal the monumental difference she has made for the people in her life and the people she has never met. I am grateful for the attention she will bring to the disease in hopes someone will find a cure. And I will be routing for the Tennessee Lady Vols more than ever.

Summitt's friend Sally Jenkin's piece for the Washington Post

ESPN.com coverage

awesome God...

I was on such a roll this summer... blogging more... working on consistency and then July hit and I feel like I can't catch up. I had to share my story of the day though...


I went to church this morning and we went through the first couple of songs and things seemed dare I say... business as usual. One of the youth spoke about her mission trip experience and then Giles invited Jonathan Lazenby up to the front. Jonathan had also served on the trip and Giles has known him. Jonathan began to speak and everyone quickly realized he stuttered. My "fix it" personality wanted to help him get it out faster, easier... anything to ease the tension in the room. Jonathan shared how he wasn't a good talker, but he had something to share about how awesome God is. The band then broke into "Awesome God" and Jonathan led everyone with a flawless voice, belting out how awesome God is.


I've heard of stories like this... people who can't speak clearly but can sing as clear as day. But today... hearing it for myself... I was overcome with how awesome God really is... the tension of Jonathan's difficulty speaking completely erased in a pure song of worship.


Sometimes I think it would be "easier" if we saw miracles every day... of course we would never doubt God then, right? I want my faith to grow in the every day moments even without the big miracles. However, I am completely grateful for the moments when I feel completely consumed by God's love and faithfulness... He is enough.


Here's the video that inspired Jonathan's performance:

29 things...

In honor of my 29th birthday yesterday I've created a list of 29 things worth holding dear... (inspired by Bill Kirby's "62 things worth holding very dear")

1. faith
2. family
3. friends
4. health
5. soccer
6. FCA
7. forgiveness
8. employment
9. freedom
10. education
11. books
12. movies
13. music
14. shelter
15. technology
16. vacations
17. accountability
18. communication
19. living in the moment
20. honesty
21. working out
22. teaching
23. inspirations
24. birthdays
25. the little things
26. new things
27. learning
28. loyalty
29. hope

I could write a paragraph about each one but I might be 30 by the time I finished and I want to make sure I'm taking advantage of this year... living in the moment right... here goes nothing!