Not to let this blog become a complete shoutout to tv... but to take a break from one tree hill, I watch army wives. Most people here in Fayetteville... or I guess the army in general aren't thrilled with the inaccuracies portrayed through the show, but I don't really watch the show for an army lesson just like I didn't watch Pocahontas for a history lesson.
There's been a developing storyline around a soldier who lost his legs. He returned to Ft. Army Wives to speak to other "warriors in transition." I admit, I'm a sucker for the inspirational, contemplative soliloquy but I really liked Mac's thoughts...
"You know what they say, you want to make God laugh tell him your plans. On May 2, at about 2 in the afternoon I had to let go of most of my plans, because most of my plans involved me having legs. Letting go, that's what this is mostly about. The first thing you gotta let go of is worrying about stuff you can't control. What happened, happened. So take a deep breath, this is your new reality. Whatever anger and frustration, you gotta let go of that too. There's no reverse button on our lives. If there was, I would go back to May 2nd, I would do it different. But I can't. It isn't going to be easy because your brain is going to want keep trying to steer you off course like some stubborn horse that don't want to stay on the trail. But the really important things, those get clearer in your head. I mean it. Whatever junk you thought you needed to make your life worthwhile, that goes away. Life gets a lot more basic and a lot richer. Now the coming months… it's scary man I won't tell you it isn't. Small changes can be scary and this ain't small. It's like you started out as one person, but a thing like this it changes you and this whole new person starts to form, but until you let go you'll never realize your full potential. So that's it. All of this here in this room, we were given a special challenge and what I have to keep believing is that special challenges allow for something special to float to the surface… something that I may never have known about myself if may 2nd 2 pm hadn't happened. It's all about letting go of what could've been and only holding on to the things that really matter."
Most of us will never lose a limb... but maybe there's something else we've had to let go. It can be difficult to find the good in it... keep looking... keep fighting.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
secrets
So I'm four years late, but I was just clued into postsecret.com (thanks kelsey :)People send their secrets on postcards to this random guy who posts them on his blog. He's written books and now he's even traveling to college campuses with a show all about everyone else's secrets.
Some are funny...
and some make me cry...
But it just really makes me wonder about the people who are sending the secrets. I think we all have secrets and most of us have at least someone to share them with. But postsecret.com seems to be for those who either have no one to share with or the secrets are so secret they can't be shared with even the people they trust the most.
Just the word "secret" brings a lot of different thoughts... there's oprah's crazy fix on the book and movie, "the secret" where if you believe it, it will happen. There's victoria's secret for your shopping fix. There's secret deoderant that hopefully makes us smell good. And then there's good old fashioned webster's definition 1 a: kept from knowledge or view b: marked by the habit of discretion c: working with hidden aims or methods d: not acknowledged e: conducted in secret.
If postsecret.com helps people share their secrets in a way that relieves guilt or temptation or pain then I'm all for it. There's still a part of me that hopes we can all find someone to trust.... someone to spill our guts to.... someone who will listen without judgment... someone who will cry with us and laugh with us... and even someone who can knock some sense into us when we've lost touch with reality.
Thank you to those of you who let me share my secrets.
Some are funny...
and some make me cry...
But it just really makes me wonder about the people who are sending the secrets. I think we all have secrets and most of us have at least someone to share them with. But postsecret.com seems to be for those who either have no one to share with or the secrets are so secret they can't be shared with even the people they trust the most.
Just the word "secret" brings a lot of different thoughts... there's oprah's crazy fix on the book and movie, "the secret" where if you believe it, it will happen. There's victoria's secret for your shopping fix. There's secret deoderant that hopefully makes us smell good. And then there's good old fashioned webster's definition 1 a: kept from knowledge or view b: marked by the habit of discretion c: working with hidden aims or methods d: not acknowledged e: conducted in secret.
If postsecret.com helps people share their secrets in a way that relieves guilt or temptation or pain then I'm all for it. There's still a part of me that hopes we can all find someone to trust.... someone to spill our guts to.... someone who will listen without judgment... someone who will cry with us and laugh with us... and even someone who can knock some sense into us when we've lost touch with reality.
Thank you to those of you who let me share my secrets.
Friday, October 3, 2008
deborah
When I graduated high school my mom and I went to the bank so I could start a checking account and she put her name on the account so she could make deposits from maryland while I was in college. (She probably wanted to keep an eye on my spending as well but whatever.)
Eight years later and her name is still on the account but I took her off my checks and everything. Today I went to deposit some money through the drive-thru and after the teller sent my receipt back through the tube, she asked "deborah would you like to try online banking?" I was speechless for a second while I tried to figure out why the heck she called me deborah. I eventually realized she saw the two names on the account and assumed I couldn't possibly be kirbie since kirbie is such a masculine name... Thanks. I must be deborah.
Eight years later and her name is still on the account but I took her off my checks and everything. Today I went to deposit some money through the drive-thru and after the teller sent my receipt back through the tube, she asked "deborah would you like to try online banking?" I was speechless for a second while I tried to figure out why the heck she called me deborah. I eventually realized she saw the two names on the account and assumed I couldn't possibly be kirbie since kirbie is such a masculine name... Thanks. I must be deborah.
Monday, September 29, 2008
paul newman
I'm just enjoying a sunday night at the house flipping through the channels when I came across CNN remembering Paul Newman. I couldn't tell you a thing about Paul Newman and I don't typically watch CNN but their info bar at the bottom had a quote from Robert Redford "My life, and this country, is better for him being in it."
I have no idea when I'll die, but I hope I live a life where people could say that about me. Maybe not Robert Redford... and maybe they won't cover it on CNN... but I always think you can tell a lot about a person by what people say about them when they die.
I have no idea when I'll die, but I hope I live a life where people could say that about me. Maybe not Robert Redford... and maybe they won't cover it on CNN... but I always think you can tell a lot about a person by what people say about them when they die.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
he who does not weep does not see
A few thoughts...
- My air conditioning isn't working... my first real problem in four months of home ownership. I'm real excited about the possible reasons for malfunction and hoping it won't be too expensive to fix. I am thankful the a/c pumped me through summer and perhaps a cool breeze will cool us off tonight.
- I am a really good assistant tennis coach. A slight exaggeration... but I had a great time supporting the women's tennis team at their tournament this weekend. Sometimes it's easy to get sucked into the computer behind my desk and forget the reason why I do this job. I look forward to actually getting to know the athletes and taking a vested interest in their success both on and off the court/field/track/course.
- I am not a very good tennis player. I love running around and making a fool of myself, but I wish I was better. I wish I had more time to dedicate to the sport. Some day I'll get there!
- I am trying to balance work with my social life. I'm not always very good at it. I started going to FCA again so I at least have a break Tuesday nights to escape... not to mention I break into a bit of nostalgia while I reminisce about the "good ol' days."
- I love one tree hill. Silly? Yes... but it's another stress reliever while I escape into the silliness. My quote of the month... "he who does not weep does not see." Let it sink in... love it.
- Is it november yet? While I thoroughly enjoy our fall sports... november brings some sanity while I have a couple of months to just have one home event at a time.
- please excuse the ramblings... there's a lot floating around in this noggin... the headband must have been a little too tight this weekend.
- My air conditioning isn't working... my first real problem in four months of home ownership. I'm real excited about the possible reasons for malfunction and hoping it won't be too expensive to fix. I am thankful the a/c pumped me through summer and perhaps a cool breeze will cool us off tonight.
- I am a really good assistant tennis coach. A slight exaggeration... but I had a great time supporting the women's tennis team at their tournament this weekend. Sometimes it's easy to get sucked into the computer behind my desk and forget the reason why I do this job. I look forward to actually getting to know the athletes and taking a vested interest in their success both on and off the court/field/track/course.
- I am not a very good tennis player. I love running around and making a fool of myself, but I wish I was better. I wish I had more time to dedicate to the sport. Some day I'll get there!
- I am trying to balance work with my social life. I'm not always very good at it. I started going to FCA again so I at least have a break Tuesday nights to escape... not to mention I break into a bit of nostalgia while I reminisce about the "good ol' days."
- I love one tree hill. Silly? Yes... but it's another stress reliever while I escape into the silliness. My quote of the month... "he who does not weep does not see." Let it sink in... love it.
- Is it november yet? While I thoroughly enjoy our fall sports... november brings some sanity while I have a couple of months to just have one home event at a time.
- please excuse the ramblings... there's a lot floating around in this noggin... the headband must have been a little too tight this weekend.
Monday, September 1, 2008
smiling
Lately I feel like I start every blog commenting on my absence. I guess I go through blogging phases. Or maybe I go through phases of free time. Regardless, I value the opportunity to "write"... some writing just can't be published on myspace! Some thoughts...
1. While it's not the most popular tv show... especially not for a 26-year-old... I've been open about my enthusiasm regarding One Tree Hill. The season premiere is tomorrow night so in preparation I watched last season's finale tonight for a refresher. Peyton's upset because Lucas (the guy she loves) told her he hated her. He was drunk and I still think he loves her (just my opinion - or maybe I just want him to love her) but their mutual friend Haley tried to show Peyton he doesn't hate her through some letters. Peyton says, "That's what he writes, but what he says is a totally different story." Haley responds... "Sometimes people write what they can't say." (video clip)
I wish we could all just say what we mean and mean what we say. Wishful thinking... I'm trying to be more of an adult and confront conflict rather than let it snowball into something I never intended. It's not easy... It can definitely be easier to retreat into writing. Either way... I'm totally excited about the new season!
2. I've been reading blogs from Jamie at To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA) You can visit his myspace here or here . He just wrote on the TWLOHA myspace page about speaking to 50,000 people for a festival in South Dakota (who knew South Dakota had that many people? jk). Something he said that resonated with me... "maybe God doesn't look down and see this giant bunch of people. maybe God looks down and sees your story and my story. individuals. our dreams and fears and pains and hopes and all the things that make us unique. our questions and our favorite songs. these things matter so much. and somehow maybe we're all connected, everyone there in that field last night, more across a world right now. perhaps we're all in this thing together, part of a bigger story, one not over yet but still being told. hope still happening and all of us invited."
I don't know. I think sometimes I just need to feel connected. When things get crazy and I get stressed or drained I can lose perspective, but I get up every morning counting on the fact that there's more to life than this. I think we can all appreciate knowing we're not alone.
3. 20/20 did a special on a movie called about suicide jumpers on the Golden Gate bridge. A camera crew filmed the bridge for a year catching jumpers on tape. 20/20 tried to break down the pros and cons all surrounding the debate over adding safety precautions to the bridge. Check out 20/20 or the official movie site for more information.
The movie features one man, Kevin Hines who survived the jump in 2000. Suffering from bipolar, he said as soon as he jumped he regretted it. Now he spends time speaking to others and campaigning to raise the rail on the bridge in order to prevent more suicides.
4. Methodist, my employer, is getting a new athletics web site very soon. Hopefully this week... I'm pretty pumped about all of the features and would love to publish the link, but it will have to wait. In theory it's going to allow me to do my job faster! I also have an assistant this year... (thanks La!) it has taken me a couple of years, but things are starting to piece together... although I'm still striving for my spurs (one of my boss' goals for myself).
5. I've learned sometimes I need a pat on the back. Especially if you're about to criticize me. I don't want to be needy... I think I'm better at accepting constructive criticism, but I still appreciate the "sandwich approach" where you deliver a positive statement, then a future oriented, positive feedback statement, then a behavior based compliment. A silly sports psychology term that helps to build someone up before you tear them down!
6. Labor Day typically commemorates the end of summer. (It also usually means a day off but not so much in my world.) I suppose it at least gives me a chance to reflect on the last few months. I did everything I could not to work on Fridays... and it was refreshing to relax for a three-day (or sometimes more) weekend. I went to the beach on four different occasions... went to my first nerd convention in Tampa... spent some time with my other family at the OBX... made a couple of trips home to visit friends and family in QA... made my first trip to Mississippi for the grand tour of Meridian... attempted to settle into my first house along with plenty of help... and learned that things don't always work out the way you plan... but things not following the plan don't have to be bad. Summer marks the end of my free nights and weekends but some things don't have to end just because school starts... and I'm thankful... and optimistic!
6a. Every year I think I get a better handle on who I am and who is important to me. I still have a ton of acquaintances... but I work hard to spend my free time with people that matter. I can't get caught up in how things were or how I might wish they would be... I'm grateful for all of you that look out for me. I'm also grateful to all of the myspace stalkers who make me look like I have a lot of friends. :)
6b. I was always taught if I had an "a" I had to have a "b".
7. Methodist hosts Campbell on Saturday at 1 pm. Campbell is expected to bring a huge crowd... any MC/MU alumni should make the trip if you can so we don't look outnumbered on our home field! Oh... and homecoming is Nov. 1 and somehow I was put on the 2003 class recruiter or something... so this is my plug... come to homecoming. Okay one more plug... the Methodist Hall of Fame induction is Oct. 31 (yes halloween) and for anyone curious Gwen Holtsclaw, John McCormic, Sissy (Sink) Rausch and Elena Blanina are going to be inducted so come... cool.
1. While it's not the most popular tv show... especially not for a 26-year-old... I've been open about my enthusiasm regarding One Tree Hill. The season premiere is tomorrow night so in preparation I watched last season's finale tonight for a refresher. Peyton's upset because Lucas (the guy she loves) told her he hated her. He was drunk and I still think he loves her (just my opinion - or maybe I just want him to love her) but their mutual friend Haley tried to show Peyton he doesn't hate her through some letters. Peyton says, "That's what he writes, but what he says is a totally different story." Haley responds... "Sometimes people write what they can't say." (video clip)
I wish we could all just say what we mean and mean what we say. Wishful thinking... I'm trying to be more of an adult and confront conflict rather than let it snowball into something I never intended. It's not easy... It can definitely be easier to retreat into writing. Either way... I'm totally excited about the new season!
2. I've been reading blogs from Jamie at To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA) You can visit his myspace here or here . He just wrote on the TWLOHA myspace page about speaking to 50,000 people for a festival in South Dakota (who knew South Dakota had that many people? jk). Something he said that resonated with me... "maybe God doesn't look down and see this giant bunch of people. maybe God looks down and sees your story and my story. individuals. our dreams and fears and pains and hopes and all the things that make us unique. our questions and our favorite songs. these things matter so much. and somehow maybe we're all connected, everyone there in that field last night, more across a world right now. perhaps we're all in this thing together, part of a bigger story, one not over yet but still being told. hope still happening and all of us invited."
I don't know. I think sometimes I just need to feel connected. When things get crazy and I get stressed or drained I can lose perspective, but I get up every morning counting on the fact that there's more to life than this. I think we can all appreciate knowing we're not alone.
3. 20/20 did a special on a movie called about suicide jumpers on the Golden Gate bridge. A camera crew filmed the bridge for a year catching jumpers on tape. 20/20 tried to break down the pros and cons all surrounding the debate over adding safety precautions to the bridge. Check out 20/20 or the official movie site for more information.
The movie features one man, Kevin Hines who survived the jump in 2000. Suffering from bipolar, he said as soon as he jumped he regretted it. Now he spends time speaking to others and campaigning to raise the rail on the bridge in order to prevent more suicides.
4. Methodist, my employer, is getting a new athletics web site very soon. Hopefully this week... I'm pretty pumped about all of the features and would love to publish the link, but it will have to wait. In theory it's going to allow me to do my job faster! I also have an assistant this year... (thanks La!) it has taken me a couple of years, but things are starting to piece together... although I'm still striving for my spurs (one of my boss' goals for myself).
5. I've learned sometimes I need a pat on the back. Especially if you're about to criticize me. I don't want to be needy... I think I'm better at accepting constructive criticism, but I still appreciate the "sandwich approach" where you deliver a positive statement, then a future oriented, positive feedback statement, then a behavior based compliment. A silly sports psychology term that helps to build someone up before you tear them down!
6. Labor Day typically commemorates the end of summer. (It also usually means a day off but not so much in my world.) I suppose it at least gives me a chance to reflect on the last few months. I did everything I could not to work on Fridays... and it was refreshing to relax for a three-day (or sometimes more) weekend. I went to the beach on four different occasions... went to my first nerd convention in Tampa... spent some time with my other family at the OBX... made a couple of trips home to visit friends and family in QA... made my first trip to Mississippi for the grand tour of Meridian... attempted to settle into my first house along with plenty of help... and learned that things don't always work out the way you plan... but things not following the plan don't have to be bad. Summer marks the end of my free nights and weekends but some things don't have to end just because school starts... and I'm thankful... and optimistic!
6a. Every year I think I get a better handle on who I am and who is important to me. I still have a ton of acquaintances... but I work hard to spend my free time with people that matter. I can't get caught up in how things were or how I might wish they would be... I'm grateful for all of you that look out for me. I'm also grateful to all of the myspace stalkers who make me look like I have a lot of friends. :)
6b. I was always taught if I had an "a" I had to have a "b".
7. Methodist hosts Campbell on Saturday at 1 pm. Campbell is expected to bring a huge crowd... any MC/MU alumni should make the trip if you can so we don't look outnumbered on our home field! Oh... and homecoming is Nov. 1 and somehow I was put on the 2003 class recruiter or something... so this is my plug... come to homecoming. Okay one more plug... the Methodist Hall of Fame induction is Oct. 31 (yes halloween) and for anyone curious Gwen Holtsclaw, John McCormic, Sissy (Sink) Rausch and Elena Blanina are going to be inducted so come... cool.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
today
Today I turned 26. I think most people stop making a big deal out of their birthdays around 21 (of course I guess some stop at 7 and then pick up again for 16, 18 and 21) so please pardon my enthusiasm about 26. I typically spend my birthday in different places other than home beginning with celebrating at summer camps while I was growing up. After college I was all over... In 2003 I was trying to make it at my first real job in Cary... In 2004 I was actually home on the shore for a little while... In 2005 I was taking my comps aka final exam in Tennessee... In 2006 I was in New Mexico... In 2007 I was hanging out with the family in Fayettenam. Today I went to work but tried to make the most of my annual holiday.
It shouldn't really be that big of a deal but I look forward to hearing from my friends and family. The one day a year when I can be a tad bit selfish and expect a call. I secretly (or not so secretly anymore for all of you that stalk my blog) test everyone's memory to see who remembers my birthday. When myspace and facebook arrived I felt like it gave everyone a cheat sheet and for the past couple of years I took my birthday down the week before to see who actually remembered but I opted to leave it up this year. Last year there were four well wishes and today there were 45. Evidently facebook is a good reminder.
Regardless I'm grateful to all of my friends and family. I received a ton of gifts today that I did not deserve nor expect. I had some help staying up til 1:03 am to ring in my actual birth in style... ok not really that exciting but I appreciated the company. I finally have my fire pit that I've been wanting since I bought my house and had a special delivery to the office to brighten up a normally blase afternoon. I wish I could combine the four different versions of "happy birthday" that I heard... someone could make a lot of money off of that mix. I've lost track of the birthday e-mails, texts and phone calls. Who knew that many people cared when I turned 26.
I hope I can soak in every moment... sometimes when you've been doing something awhile it is easy to become complacent. I don't want to take life for granted... I am blessed and extremely thankful.
It shouldn't really be that big of a deal but I look forward to hearing from my friends and family. The one day a year when I can be a tad bit selfish and expect a call. I secretly (or not so secretly anymore for all of you that stalk my blog) test everyone's memory to see who remembers my birthday. When myspace and facebook arrived I felt like it gave everyone a cheat sheet and for the past couple of years I took my birthday down the week before to see who actually remembered but I opted to leave it up this year. Last year there were four well wishes and today there were 45. Evidently facebook is a good reminder.
Regardless I'm grateful to all of my friends and family. I received a ton of gifts today that I did not deserve nor expect. I had some help staying up til 1:03 am to ring in my actual birth in style... ok not really that exciting but I appreciated the company. I finally have my fire pit that I've been wanting since I bought my house and had a special delivery to the office to brighten up a normally blase afternoon. I wish I could combine the four different versions of "happy birthday" that I heard... someone could make a lot of money off of that mix. I've lost track of the birthday e-mails, texts and phone calls. Who knew that many people cared when I turned 26.
I hope I can soak in every moment... sometimes when you've been doing something awhile it is easy to become complacent. I don't want to take life for granted... I am blessed and extremely thankful.
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