gratitude...

This month has been full of friends sharing the list of things they're thankful for on Facebook. Some may argue we shouldn't have to wait until a particular Thursday in November to be thankful. Others may celebrate the chance to really stop and be thankful, especially as the pace of life continues to speed up. 

I want to do both. I want to be thankful every day, but I also want to set this day apart to really stop and soak it in. 

I will always be thankful for my faith and my family. My faith has probably grown more in the last 15 months than it has in a long time. God continues to challenge me and push me to dig in closer to Him. It is my instinct to fall into myself and those around me and He keeps calling me out. Since moving, I've been blessed by my parents' church along with plenty of other sermons from solid pastors/speakers like Steven Furtick, Andy Stanley and Lysa Terkeurst that challenge me to keep pursuing Him first. 

One of the biggest reasons for me to come home was to spend more time with my family. If I didn't receive confirmation when I had the chance to go to the first three Ravens' games with my dad, I was reminded when 16 of us went to dinner for my dad's 70th birthday. Those are the moments I missed the most when I was in NC. It wasn't the end of the world when I wasn't here, but it meant the world to me to be able to be here, especially for such a cool milestone. I want to be here for my family when we're hurting, when we're celebrating, and everything in between. 

At the same time, while I'm able to be here for all those things I've missed in Maryland, now I'm missing them in North Carolina. Too often, I wish I could be two places at once. As thankful as I am for an opportunity to reconnect with friends and family in Maryland, I am just as grateful for my friends in North Carolina who haven't forgotten me. It's so easy for time and space to come between friends. I know it's only been a few months and next Thanksgiving I may be singing a different song... but today, I am thankful for my friends who have helped me during this transition... I've had good days and bad days, but it is such a comfort to know I have people I can call/text/write/FaceTime/e-mail and celebrate the good or vent the bad. 

I'm thankful for my new job that gave me a fresh start and more flexibility on nights and weekends. I've been working hard to reclaim my life and find hobbies outside of work. One of my favorites has definitely been playing soccer every week. Every Sunday night I get to reconnect with former (I would say old, but we're in denial) high school teammates and take out some stress on the field. I love the competition and just being back on the field.

I want to be thankful for my house even though it hasn't sold yet. I know this isn't an ideal time to sell (and not lose money) and I don't want to become bitter about it. I have a lot of great memories in that house and I will always be grateful for my first house. I am absolutely thankful for my parents' patience and understanding while I crash at their place during this "extended" transition!

I'm soaking in and stocking up the gratitude today in hopes it will exude from me all year long. 

good luck me...

If you have seen the movie "Good Luck Chuck" you might remember the premise is Dane Cook's character has a "curse" that has made him wildly popular with single women: Sleep with Charlie once, and the next man you meet will be your true love. If you haven't seen the movie, I don't recommend it. It's typical Dane Cook which I tend to find crude and usually unbearable. However, this story line happens to be relatable... particularly when you're single and 30.

Lately, I've started to think I'm the female version of "Chuck" without the sex. It seems after a relationship doesn't work out with me, "the one" is just around the bend. Perhaps it's mere coincidence particularly with two engagements in the last two months, but I'm beginning to think I might have a marketable skill here. 

There are a couple of common responses once an ex gets engaged... (and I use the term "ex" loosely since neither relationship was facebook official and because that is the top authority on relationships this note is important) 

1. Drown yourself in "what ifs" and a tub of ice cream. This is probably the most common response especially for girls. Either way, when someone else finds your ex desirable enough to marry, it's common practice to ask yourself enlightening questions like "why wasn't I good enough?" or "why didn't I think he/she was good enough?" I'm not sure either line of questioning is helpful and usually this just creates uncomfortable and/or awkward (aka sad) situations all around. 

2. Pat yourself on the back. Had your relationship with the now-engaged lasted any longer, you might have kept them from meeting "the one." Now I'm not necessarily a believer in everyone only has one "the one," but I do think if you find someone, who am I to keep you from them? This might work better depending on if you were the breaker or the breakee but neither is good. I despise being the breaker and hurting people... especially if you really choose to base a relationship on a prior friendship and not only do you lose a boy/girlfriend but a friend. There is always some relief in me when someone I ended things with finds their person (this is not a Grey's reference). It gives me confirmation I made the right decision and makes me happy that they're happy (this is based on the assumption engaged people are happy ha). I would congratulate them, but that always seems like it might be misconstrued so I silently congratulate them and give myself that pat on the back. If you're the breakee, maybe it's a little harder to spin the situation, but sometimes I can rest easier knowing it really wasn't meant to be. 

Not being the one is never fun and rarely easy, but I'm happy for those that figured it out. Congratulations!

word censoring...

We could probably all come up with a list of words deemed "off limits." Whether they have been deemed politically incorrect, socially unacceptable, crude or maybe offensive, there have been many words that are considered taboo, at least in certain audiences.

As a Christian, people occasionally debate the use of swear/curse/cuss words. Some debate which words fit into the category and others debate whether they any of them really should be off limits. I would even suggest there are words that some words' meaning have changed as our culture has changed. Depending on where and how you grew up a word may carry no weight compared to someone else in a completely different setting.

Rather than try to jump into either of those debates... I've created my own soap box. Some of my least favorite words or phrases people could say in church, school or work and most people wouldn't bat an eye and yet I cringe every time. They are considered politically correct (or at least not incorrect), socially acceptable and not crude or offensive... or at least it seems.

It seems common for people to express their stress or dissatisfaction with their circumstances with a "kill me now" or maybe a "shoot me now" or just the charade of a gun to the head or a noose around the neck. I hate all of the above. A lot of people would probably say I'm being too sensitive or it's just a joke, but I'm not sure how you can lose friends and family to suicide or even walk along side people who have attempted suicide and throw those words around so loosely. My personal experience with suicide makes those words jump out at me and carry so much more weight. I realize our tendency is to exaggerate or over dramatize without any real threat of suicide, but usually a simple "I'm stressed" or "This is miserable" or even "I'd rather be anywhere other than here" would suffice. Most of the time, things aren't that bad that you would really consider killing yourself. At the same time, if they are that bad, how am I to differentiate between an exaggeration and a cry for help. I don't always trust myself to know the difference and as a result would just prefer to eliminate the exaggerations all together. Please.

three hours and 130 miles...

For the last four years I have had a one-way commute of 1.3 miles. The two years prior it was a whopping mile (shorter if I walked). Tomorrow marks my one month anniversary of a 62-68 mile one-way commute. Some people think I'm crazy... some people have it worse. I feel like I've been spoiled the last six years and I needed to even out my road miles.

I see a lot of miserable faces when I tell people about the drive. When I tell people I'm commuting, the first question is always, "how long?"With no traffic (aka late at night) I can do it in a hour to hour and 15 minutes. I've been averaging closer to hour and a half other than the two hour Friday beach traffic trip and a four hour disaster morning when they closed one span of the bay bridge.

If I had a choice I would absolutely live closer. I suppose technically I have a choice, but I've chosen to pay my bills and in order to do that I need to live with my parents until my house sells. When I first accepted the new job I immediately began scouring the internet for places to live. I've never actually had the opportunity to apartment shop. When I first graduated, my apartment was essentially decided based on my employer. In grad school, my roommate was from Knoxville and picked out our place and in Fayetteville, my roommate was already living there and found us a place. All three apartments were just what I/we needed, but I was excited to pick out something on my own. I was pricing options and asking friends and taking virtual tours. And then I decided to stop looking.

I have no idea how long it's going to take to sell my house, and while I'm praying it's not long... the market is not ideal and the level of interest so far is not a good sign. I want to be content where I am and not constantly pine away for that place on my own. I also know I spent the last six years working at an incredibly high pace. I don't know how often I had three hours to myself and I've been craving a step back. So here I am driving 130ish miles a day and spending a solid three hours bonding with my car. I could be picky and ask God for three hours that didn't cost so much (I'm estimating I'm paying $400 a month on gas which is still cheaper than any apartment I could find close to work) but I think God knows what I need better than I do.

In the meantime, I'm catching up on my neglected 18 days of music on my iPod, listening to sermons, watching tv shows (only in traffic :), and occasionally catching up with friends when I have some spare minutes. Here's to making three hours productive and being content in the here and now! I also wouldn't mind if you'd join me in praying my house would sell... asap!

hope solo...

It might be a bit premature to write the token Hope Solo blog since I haven't read her book yet. Maybe I don't have the whole picture, but since following the US women's national soccer team (USWNT) for the last 15-20 years (and by follow I mean occasionally obsess and/or stalk) I've followed her career from the beginning and had to insert my opinion after so much criticism over the last five years.

Solo is most known for controversy when I probably appreciate her most for her goalkeeping abilities. A year older than me, I was trying to wrap up high school when Hope was finishing her freshman year of college and earning her first cap (appearance) with the full USWNT in 2000. She was an alternate for the 2004 Olympic team before really becoming the starting keeper in 2005. I'm not sure anyone really knew who she was until the 2007 World Cup. Her father passed away just before the tournament and Solo dedicated the tournament to him earning some press. Things really went crazy when former USWNT head coach Greg Ryan benched Solo for the semifinal versus Brazil in favor of Briana Scurry. Brazil had their way with the USWNT that day as they rolled to a 4-0 win and Solo told a reporter after the game, "It was the wrong decision, and I think anybody that knows anything about the game knows that. There's no doubt in my mind I would have made those saves. And the fact of the matter is it's not 2004 anymore. It's not 2004. And it's 2007, and I think you have to live in the present. And you can't live by big names. You can't live in the past. It doesn't matter what somebody did in an Olympic gold medal game in the Olympics three years ago. Now is what matters, and that's what I think." Most people only quote the first two sentences, but she's referencing 2004 because Ryan supposedly attributed Scurry's start to her strong performance in the 2004 Olympics.

My take: I agree with what Solo said. I was never a fan of Ryan and while I appreciated Scurry's tremendous career, I didn't think there was a need to change what wasn't broken. At the same time, I don't think it was the time to say it. I also don't think she should have even been accessible to reporters. As someone in PR, I don't think we're supposed to blame our own, so I'm not blaming anyone, but I think you need to know your personnel and the circumstances. It was obviously a volatile situation, but I think you have to know Hope would speak her mind so if you don't want to hear it, avoid putting her in that situation (this was also pre-twitter so there was more control).

Ironically enough Scurry was an alternate on the 2008 Olympic team when Solo posted a shutout in the gold medal game over Brazil. The 2011 World Cup was without a ton of controversy. The team lost and some have been critical of Solo's time spent with her family in the stands rather than congregating with the team, but I don't really care. It's hard to want to be around your team after a loss. She didn't ostracize her teammates (as far as I know) and she went and thanked her family. Not a big deal... to me.

Leading up to the 2012 Olympics, the USADA issued a public warning against Solo for taking a banned substance. It was a diuretic... not a performance enhancer and they figured out it was from a prescribed medication for "premenstrual purposes." Other than the public warning, there weren't any other penalties issued.

My take: Not a big deal. Some people have criticized her for being a distraction to the team before the tournament and suggesting she should have done a better job knowing what she was taking. I think athletes do have the responsibility of checking any medication to make sure it isn't banned. I don't know  whether Solo didn't check or just assumed it would be fine, but I don't think she was trying to disguise anything else with the diuretic and I don't think she was trying to bring attention to herself or be a distraction. She was publicly warned and had to tell everyone she was on premenstrual medication. Not the most embarrassing thing (there are tons of women taking birth control or some kind of medication for premenstrual purposes), but also not anything to brag about. In a bonus chapter of her book available online, Solo said, "Still, the burden of proof fell on me. Part of being a world-class athlete is keeping aware of everything that enters one’s body. I understood I needed to file a TUE—a therapeutic use exemption. I knew all the rules; I just hadn’t known there was anything in the drug that I needed to worry about. I couldn’t believe that my Olympic dreams could be ruined because of a medication I’d been taking for more than a year." She also mentions in the book the last athlete who tested positive for the drug was banned for two months. There's no way Solo does this on purpose or to bring attention to herself. Too dangerous.

After the second game of the tournament, Solo fired off some tweets directed to Brandi Chastain regarding her commentating. Solo was criticized for sparking controversy, serving as another distraction and heaven forbid, criticizing a '99 hero.

My take: You can read Solo's version in the bonus chapter, but I think the tweets were taken out of context. Solo and Chastain had a history and Solo had enough. I think she even felt like she was sticking up for her team, for the sport and even said, "When the tweets came across everyone’s Twitter feed, the bus erupted with cheers. 'Hell yeah, Hope,' my teammates cried. Pearcie and Abby and others offered up high fives. 'Somebody finally said it,' they said. It was a bonding moment for our team." I agree with Solo, Chastain is not a good commentator. I don't think it has anything to do with whether she's a '99er or not. I'm pretty critical of women's soccer commentators in general. I know sometimes executives think it's best to rely on a big name rather than big talent especially having worked with Anson Dorrance when he was broadcasting for the WUSA. Again, I question Solo's timing on the tweets, but after getting on the bus after a big win and getting an "onslaught" of negative feedback I can understand how she thought she was standing up for her team and the game. Those who had blown up Solo's phone (friends, family, twitter groupies) all applauded Solo's confrontation (can you call it a confrontation if it's on twitter?). Regardless, I don't think it was Solo trying to be a distraction. I think she thought she was standing up to the class bully (unfounded or not)... I can appreciate her intentions.

Since the Olympics Solo's been making public appearances and people will continue to critique her words and actions. I think that comes with the territory when you're on national tv and publish a tell-all book. I don't think Solo thrives in the public eye and she's more comfortable with her friends and around people she trusts. I know many are tired of people using the "troubled upbringing" as an excuse for crappy things. I don't think Solo would ever use it as an excuse, but I think she does tend to defend herself easily and question others easily and for that I'm not sure I can blame her.

My graduate degree would call me to question the treatment of Solo as a female compared to her male counterparts. Would anyone care if a male athlete had complained about getting benched in one of the biggest games of his career or tweeted to a commentator about a poor performance? I think it would make the news and I think people would either laugh at the guy (because he's not respected in his sport) or applaud him (because they would agree). Regardless, I don't think Solo's press persona should take away from her abilities on the field. She truly is an amazing goalkeeper and in 4-8 years someone else might be ready for her to be benched, but for now... play on!

accountability...

I'm a huge fan of accountability. I'm not sure I'd qualify as an expert and I'm not sure I even have any perfect examples of structured accountability in my own life, but I'm a big promoter.

I believe it is crucial to surround yourself with people who will encourage you and set you straight... sometimes in the same sentence. I'm guessing one of the more popular scriptures used for accountability is from Galatians 6, but I stumbled onto a reminder in 1 Thessalonians 5 I like. Verses 14-22: "And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else. Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not treat prophecies with contempt but test them all; hold on to what is good, reject every kind of evil."

I think this is one of those passages that can be misused. The first part of verse 14 alone could have a bunch of busybodies running around warning all of the lazy crew how they're sinning. Instead, Paul goes on with more instructions that make the job a little more delicate. We're to warn, encourage, help and be patient all in one sentence. I think that's the epitome of accountability without ever saying the word.

I'm not sure what accountability looks like in the best case scenario. I don't have a weekly confession session with a friend over coffee while we pray for each other (I am a fan of praying for my friends even when it weirds them out :). I'm sure that works for some people, and maybe I should give it a fair shot... but in the meantime I have tried to surround myself with people I trust will tell me the truth. I want people who can warn, encourage, help and be patient all at the same time. I don't really need friends who are just there to agree with me. I want people who will challenge me.

I'm not sure it's "natural" to tell your friend he/she is screwing up. And I really don't think it's "natural" to smile and take it when your friend tells you you're screwing up. It takes a special friendship to reach a point where you can give and take criticism and know it's coming from a good place. At the same time, I think we're called to something more than just being teammates or gossip buddies. I think God has called us to something more than, "he/she's not hurting me so we're good." I want it to hurt me when my friend is hurting someone else or himself/herself.

My favorite technique... ask questions. We're all less threatened by questions as opposed to a critical observation. Give me a chance to figure out what I'm screwing up before you lambast me for it. A question lets me process it and ask for your opinion when I'm ready. Don't get me wrong... sometimes people are still oblivious and you have to spell it out... or sometimes you still hit a nerve that makes people defensive or bitter. Regardless... keep praying and work on those other hints... encourage, help and be patient when the warning doesn't go so well. It's a package deal.

landmark eve...

Tomorrow's the big day. I'm set to embark on a new career... or maybe an extension of my career. This entire summer has felt like I've been getting reacquainted with being uncomfortable. I had to brush off the dust of my resume... stuttered through some interviews... and tomorrow get to experience a "first day of work"for the first time in six years.

There's something unsettling about putting yourself out there... listing everything you've done on a sheet of paper (or more depending on which job search advice you take) and letting people evaluate you. If you're fortunate enough to get a response, you try to prepare for any number of questions during a series of interviews. At the same time they're interviewing you, you're interviewing them and everyone is trying to size the other up to see if this is a good fit. There is a huge sense of relief and excitement once everyone decides they like each another to hire and be hired. And then you actually go to work.

Since accepting the new job, I've had a ton of questions about it. What are you going to be doing? What are your hours like? Is it like what you were doing? What were  you doing again? I don't know all of the answers... or it seems at least I can't answer them well enough. I have a general idea... I've worked with someone who has done my job. In reality, I'm resting in the faith the search committee has placed in me to do the job. I'm sure there will be plenty of awkward or at least uncomfortable moments as I have to ask stupid rookie questions or work twice as long to complete something that will hopefully be quicker in a year. I've resigned myself to the fact I will make mistakes... but I'm also confident my years of experience in mistake-making have prepared me to fix them efficiently and without too much destruction!

I had a busy (and sometimes stressful) month transitioning and I'm not naive enough to think the transition is over, but I am anxious to get started on this new adventure. Here goes something more than nothing but not quite everything!