sunday...

I've had a long four days. Last week was a bit of a tease without any homes games. It all came back to bite me when we had four volleyball matches, two soccer games, and a tennis tournament along with baseball and softball's fall playdate on Saturday. I'm looking for positives in situations and the postive thing about Saturday was that football was away. Essentially I worked 14 hours Friday preparing for the weekend... worked 16 hours Saturday drowning in everything... worked eight hours Sunday and drove three hours to Charlotte... attended a seven hour conference Monday and drove three hours back to Fayetteville. It's been a bit much with not much sleep thrown in between.

After working all day Saturday and not getting home until 1 am I had a decision to make for my Sunday. I've been attending Snyder's 8:40 am church service which is awesome to get to go before I have to worry about work but that means I have to get up at 7. Getting up for church meant another long day and I wanted to make sure I wouldn't fall asleep driving to Charlotte at whatever hour I got to leave. On the other hand, by going to church I could escape and rest for at least the morning.

When my alarm went off Sunday morning I struggled. My body did not necessarily agree with my decision, but thankfully I got up and picked up Kristen and Rachel. I think we were all half asleep during the short drive but when we got there we realized it was Snyder's 60th anniversary. Worship was particularly good. Dr. David Crocker spoke as a former pastor of the church from 1994-2002. It was just what I needed to hear. We had just been talking on the way to church about the mission of Christian organizations/churches and not being ashamed of what we believe in and then Dr. Crocker really drove it home. He finished with the lifesaving station story. I really think he did it better than any youtube video I could find or written version but so you can get the jist of it...

On a dangerous seacoast where shipwrecks often occur there was once a crude little lifesaving station. The building was just a hut, and there was only one boat, but the few devoted members kept a constant
watch over the sea, and with no thought for themselves, they went out day or night tirelessly searching for the lost.

Many lives were saved by this wonderful little station, so that it became famous. Some of those who were saved, and various others in the surrounding areas, wanted to become associated with the station
and give of their time and money and effort for the support of its work. New boats were bought and new crews were trained. The little lifesaving station grew.

Some of the new members of the lifesaving station were unhappy that the building was so crude and so poorly equipped. They felt that a more comfortable place should be provided as the first refuge of those saved from the sea.

They replaced the emergency cots with beds and put better furniture in an enlarged building. Now the lifesaving station became a popular gathering place for its members, and they redecorated it beautifully
and furnished it as a sort of club.

Less of the members were now interested in going to sea onlifesaving missions, so they hired life boat crews to do this work.

The mission of lifesaving was still given lip-service but most were too busy or lacked the necessary commitment to take part in the lifesaving activities personally.

About this time a large ship was wrecked off the coast, and the hired crews brought in boat loads of cold, wet and half-drowned people.

They were dirty and sick, some had skin of a different color, some spoke a strange language, and the beautiful new club was considerably messed up. So the property committee immediately had a shower house built outside the club where victims of shipwreck could be cleaned up before coming inside.

At the next meeting, there was a split in the club membership. Most of the members wanted to stop the club's lifesaving activities as being unpleasant and a hindrance to the normal pattern of the club.

But some members insisted that lifesaving was their primary purpose and pointed out that they were still called a lifesaving station. But they were finally voted down and told that if they wanted to save the life of all various kinds of people who were shipwrecked in those waters, they could begin their own lifesaving station down the
coast. They did.

As the years went by, the new station experienced the same changes that had occurred in the old. They evolved into a club and yet another lifesaving station was founded.

If you visit the seacoast today you will find a number of exclusive clubs along that shore. Shipwrecks are still frequent in those waters, but now most of the people drown.

We sang Mighty to Save and I could not stop crying. I'm a sucker for a good message or a good song but I was beginning to feel silly. I just felt such a sense of rest... a sense that everything was ok even when outside that building I knew it wasn't ok in the sense that we think of things. They closed the service with a parade of signs representing all of the countries the church had traveled to and done work. We sang God of this City and I was moved again just thinking about how much God must have used this church over the last 40 years.

After church we went to Krispy Kreme for our informal debriefing. Before we knew it we had been there for nearly two hours. I'm so thankful for encouraging Christian conversation in the middle of chaos. I knew I needed to get up Sunday.

embracing change...

I'm not very good at change. I'm not sure I know many people who are. This semester has been full of change and I'm trying to become better at embracing it. Last week was full of ups and downs. It felt like one bad thing would happen and thankfully God came through with something positive. 

Most notably... I'm teaching a class. When I was a kid all I wanted was to be a teacher like my mom. As I got older I really liked math but I just couldn't picture myself teaching and after not settling on something else I wanted to do with a math a degree, I switched to sport management. Since working at Methodist for the past few years I occasionally daydream about the lives of professors who seem to have more free time than I do. I know there are some who still put in ridiculous hours and others who are doing ridiculous research to move up in their field... but I guess I've become jealous of their ability to set their own schedule. I keep thinking about this whole teaching thing but I never knew if I would be any good at it or if I would really like it. I don't want to do it just because I'm lazy. Some unfortunate circumstances opened up a fortunate opportunity for me and I'm excited about it. Today was the first day... hopefully they all come back Wednesday. I guess the cool thing about teaching is if they don't show up, I have control over the outcome!
The next month is crazy busy with fall sports playing the final half of their season and basketball gearing up in a couple of weeks. I keep praying about balancing this life and trying to figure out where I'm headed. 

I've been talking about the new needtobreathe cd but I heard the "Garden" on the way home from volleyball tonight. It makes me think about Jesus and his last night in the garden asking God to change the plan... to not let him have to go through the next phase... before eventually just completely and totally surrendering. I'm making that my prayer tonight... let my heart be after you.

Won't you take this cup from me?
because fear has stolen all my sleep.

If tomorrow means my death
pray you'll save their souls with it.

Chorus: "Let the songs I sing bring joy to you.
Let the words I say confess my love.
Let the notes I choose be your favorite tune.

Father let my heart be after you."

In this hour of doubt I see
who I am is not just me
so give me strength to die myself
so love can live to tell the tale.

Chorus: "Let the songs I sing bring joy to you.
Let the words I say confess my love.
Let the notes I choose be your favorite tune.

Father let my heart be after you."

Father let my heart be for you
For you
For you
For you

Chorus: "Let the songs I sing bring joy to you.
Let the words I say confess my love.
Let the notes I choose be your favorite tune.

Father let my heart be after you.

proud...

"I'm proud of you."

Four little words that mean so much. I just finished watching tonight's "one tree hill" and Julian "needed" his dad to tell him he was proud of him. It's crazy how much we just want to make people proud of us... particularly our parents. People crave it as children, but then seem to forget once they become parents how valuable the little phrase can be. Sometimes we just assume people know we're proud. Sometimes we wrap it up into achievements... whether it is academic or athletic or social... we're proud of you for good grades or proud of you for winning or proud of you for being successful. It becomes attached to circumstances. But are you proud of me for me being me? We get caught up in seeking approval from others. We want to be accepted. We want to hear, "I'm proud of you."

winning deoderant

My job forces me to become engrossed in sports. I've always loved sports so this isn't necessarily a problem. However, I have a few teams that I support more than others and my job sometimes prevents me from following them as much as I would like. The US Women's National soccer team and the Tennessee women's basketball teams are probably my favorite. At different points in my life I could probably recite both rosters with number, hometown, height, etc. My old roommate Stacy used to call me and quiz me on player birthdays. Not stalking... just dedicated! You could almost name a league and I'd have a team. I'm more committed to some than others, but I love watching games live.

For the past three years I've watched more Methodist athletic events than any other team. People come and go... many who are looking for a place to vent. I even acquired a couch for the office last year so I feel even more therapeutic! After one of our teams who had been really successful for the last few years had a losing season last year, my athletic director and I were talking about some of the inner team problems they were having. He mentioned that he always said "winning is a deoderant." When teams start losing, things start to stink. Most teams have some kind of drama... stereotypically women are famous for it, but I think he's right. Drama on winning teams seems to get swept under the rug. Players and coaches are able to let it go or write it off as long as the team is doing well. On the other hand a team facing losses on the field/court/track/etc. is attacking any and every problem in an attempt to fix the culprit leading to their struggles. 

I'm not sure this is anything worth fixing. Do you dig up the dirt when a team is winning at the risk of messing up the success or do you let the drama go when you're losing in an effort to just ride it out? I have such an interest in sport sociology and why and how teams and/or groups of people react to sport within the context of our culture.

Either way, winning helps me in my profession. I'd much rather write about wins than losses. Not to mention, everyone is happier in my office!

the path...

It's been an interesting couple of weeks. School is in full swing so of course my work schedule has picked up quite a bit. Games started Sept. 1 which makes my schedule pick up even more. I'm trying to balance my personal life with my work life and still put God first before all of it. I'm not always very good at that. I find myself battling between my head and my heart, between what I know to be true and what the world tells us, between who I am or who you want me to be.

I've told you before, but I've enjoyed listening to Benji Kelley from New Hope Church in Durham. I subscribe to their podcasts and love a good message from him. His latest series Proverbs and Pathways had been collecting on my ipod without a long trip to listen to them but after a reminder last night I took an hour to listen today to the first one and was not disappointed.

If you get a chance, you can watch the sermon or read Benji's blog or subscribe to all of New Hope sermons.

The last 15 minutes are what really hit home for me from Proverbs and Pathways part 1. I had to listen to it again just to let it sink in and evaluate how I can best apply it to my own life... In case you don't have to time to catch the whole thing I'm a nerd and typed it out...

My prayer is in the very beginning is that you’d let this principle, that Solomon is using to teach us about this couple, that you’d let the principle bubble up from scripture and just start piercing your mind, your heart and your soul and that’d you muster from all of this the courage to get on the right path and whatever area of your life whereby you’re not experiencing the destination you had once hoped for and dreamed for and longed for. Here are a few examples:

I want to end up with a great Christian guy, a great godly man that will bless our family and lead our family in the way of the Lord so I’m going to date any guy that comes along as long as he’s cute.

It’s a path, not just a date. It’s a path.

I want a family that is so family-centered. I want a family that is loving and warm. I want a family that values vacation time. I want a family that values family time so here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to work 18-20 hours a day and travel all the time.

See the disconnect. See the chasm.

I want my kids to respect me. I kind of want to be a statesman one day. I want my kids to come back home and value my input and my insight and I want to bounce the grandkids on my lap one day. I just want to be respected by my kids so I’m going to fool around on their mother.

I want to grow old and invest in my grandchildren. I want to live a long life because I want to see my grandchildren and love them and have good retirement years. And bless them. I want to live a long life with my grandchildren so I’m going to neglect my health.

I want to be thin. I want to be attractive. I want to look good so supersize that for me.

It’s a path.

I want to be a man of God. I want to be a woman of God. I want to be a man and woman after God’s own heart. I want to be wise and I want to grow. I want to be a man and woman of the word so here’s what I’m going to do I’m going to get up every morning and spend countless hours on facebook because I’m so nosey I want to know what everybody else is doing. I want to be a man of the word so I’m just going to get up and twitter and blog and totally neglect the word. I believe in those things I believe in using technology but the moment I put technology and all that stuff above the study of God’s word and prayer time, is the moment I have just decided I’m going to get on a path and that path is destruction.

I want to have a great sex life. I want “Notebook” kind of sex, I want passionate, intimate sex. So here’s what I’m going to do, I’m going to practice with everyone along the way until I get married. I don’t know of one mature believer who I respect, I don’t know of one mature believer who’s walked with the Lord for any amount of time, whose grown in the Lord and could look you or me in the eye and tell you the way to have great sex when you get married is to practice along the way. In fact, it’s exactly the opposite. You say no it’s just an event you wouldn’t buy a car without test driving it. No, it’s a path, it’s a principle that is in direct opposition to the word of the Lord and the moment you start to break God’s principles you break yourself on them in the process.

I want to have a great relationship with my husband. I want to feel loved by him and I want to love him back I just want us to be so tight and so joined. I want a great relationship with my husband, so here’s what I’m going to do I’m going to prioritize my children over my husband.

It’s a path.

I want to be financially secure. I want to live in a great house and I want to provide educational means for my children. I want to drive nice cars and I want to do this and that, in fact I want to save and have enough money in retirement years to live the final years of my life in a very nice way. I want those blessings so here’s what I’m going to do, I’m going to go more and more in debt and live way beyond my means.

The path determines the destination.

Not your tears, not your dreams not your hopes not your prayers.

The path determines the destination.

When you get where you’re going, where will you be?

Where will your path lead?

You came here today already on paths. You’re already on a path. You’re on a path financially, relationally, in your marriage.

My hope and my prayer is that we’ll be honest with the subject matter and get off the paths that will end so painfully and get on the paths that will honor God and be the greatest life you could ever imagine.

friendship...

At FCA on Tuesday, our Vice President of Church and Community Relations, Mike Safley, spoke about friendship. He had a list of characteristics for friendship including honest, open, trust, etc. He wrapped it up with advice that you need to be a friend to have a friend. I'd like to believe it's always so simple. I always thought being a friend was something I could do. Don't get me wrong, I've been blessed to make some awesome friends in my life. I've also been blessed to keep some amazing friends in my life. I just wish I could keep more longer.

“Sewer Walking”

You and me,we used to talk
Like a river underground, the sewer
where we used to walk.
The hole at the end empties out to the pier
Where paperboats disappear.

Me, I try to send this note,
Float it like a paper boat,
But paper sinks and words are weak.
I try but I don’t speak.

Join together in the silent snow;
Turn our faces up to see
Not endless night but day,
A pier,
And you and me,talking…

-- from Joan of Arcadia episode “Anonymous”

new music tuesday...

New music usually comes out on Tuesdays. Today is no different. I've been anxiously anticipating needtobreathe's new cd The Outsiders. I heard "Lay 'Em Down" months ago and loved it immediately. I downloaded the cd tonight and can't wait to blast it tomorrow at work.

I'm still waiting on Crowder's new cd Church Music, but his single "How He Loves" is amazing. Originally written by John Mark McMillan you can hear the story from the youtube video. The David Crowder Band redid the song and I can't wait to get their new cd on what my newest brother-in-law kindly reminded me comes out on his birthday. :)

Jimmy Needham was tweeting about an interview he did for his new song "Forgiven and Loved." I don't think I'd really heard the song but I love his story behind the song.

"... Tell me I’m forgiven and loved Cause I hear it from the street corner priests On how God is love and how man can be clean But my joy has been on holiday And my peace has almost passed away Tell me I’m forgiven and free..."

In some not so new music we jammed out to some Jars of Clay's "Worlds Apart" tonight at FCA and it honestly gets me every time.

"...take my world apart... I am on my knees... take my world apart... broken on my knees"

p.s. I've blogged many times about losing people in my life. Sometimes people die and we become distraught over their loss. It always seems like no one understands and couldn't possibly be able to feel what we feel. I'm sure there's some truth to that but I'm also learning even if you've only met someone once, the impact they had on others can still bring a deep sense of loss when they pass. Death is never easy. Being the one left behind is never easy.