jambalaya...

I wish I had a focus today but it's one of those days... good luck keeping up :)

1. cheating... I've found people define cheating differently, but I'm not a fan of it on any level... emotional, physical, whatever. I've noticed cheating is one of the easier sins to call people out on and sew the scarlet letter on their shirt. I don't agree with it, but I struggle to try and look at our flaws the same way God would rather than how our legal system might. Regardless of the sin or the flaw or the mistake the biggest question becomes, where do we go from here?

The contradiction with cheating is we are always so quick to ostracize the cheater, but at the same time cheating has become so much more popular. It has become more glorified in movies and on television and I hear of more and more college students losing relationships because of cheating. It sucks...

2. fire... I learned over and over again growing up all about fire safety. Smokey the Bear was constantly reminding me, "Only YOU can prevent forest fires!" Well I didn't think I would really need the information, I almost needed it this weekend. After a halloween gathering around a fire on Friday night I made sure it went out before I went to sleep. Saturday morning I dumped out the ashes in the back of my yard and recovered the firepit before going to work. About an hour later my roommate called to let me know everything was under control but we had a fire. Thankfully my neighbor noticed the fire and Lindsey was home to help him put it out. Evidently I stirred up the ashes when I dumped them creating enough of a spark to reignite the flames. They said it took them 40 minutes to put it out, but I'm so grateful they caught it before it went over the fence or really caught onto any trees or buildings. Lesson learned... I still need Smokey.

3. I wasn't the little girl dreaming about my wedding as a kid. I was way too worried about school and sports and friends. Of course after being in nine weddings I think about it a little more. The biggest thing I've learned from my married friends and family is that is more important to focus on the marriage more than the wedding. I read a blog today from one of my fave's Bianca Jaurez. Married just over a month she is still navigating the marriage, but I hope one day I can write letters to my husband with the same sentiment...

Dear Matt,
It’s Sunday and the dishwasher is empty, the bed is made, and breakfast is consumed. For the first time in almost two months we finally had a lazy Sunday. No deadlines, no rushed breakfasts, no missed gym workout, but most importantly, no reason to move at the speed of light.
On our first weekend since the wedding we’ve been able to rest. And I wanted to thank you. And remember. And honor you for who you are. Not a perfect spouse, but a spouse who tries hard to do his best—and I’m not sure I tell you that enough.
So, thank you. Thank you…
… for making the best pancakes I’ve ever eaten
… for allowing me to dance to Michael Jackson in the car
… for doing laundry every day, every load, and every color
… for buying me a printer after my panic/meltdown last week
… for always coming back to me after an argument to “talk about it”
… for pushing me to talk about my feelings when I want to shut down
… for bringing me flowers and putting them into vases around the house
… for encouraging me to step outside of my comfort zone and embrace who I am
I love you more today than yesterday. But not as much as tomorrow.
Love,
Your Sidekick for Life

On that note... I have another big week ahead so prayers appreciated. Hard to believe tomorrow begins November... but that means I can see my family in 24 days!

emotional much...

It was a well-known fact when I was growing up I had no problem crying. The problem was more like I couldn't stop... or maybe I just couldn't control it. I always cried at the most inopportune times and places... in the most embarrassing situations. Movies, tv shows, books, real life... nothing was safe.

Years later I'd like to think I'm better but not sure I've really convinced myself. It's a little more acceptable for females to cry, but not sure about 28-year old females... especially 28-year old females in professional settings.

On Sunday I went to church and saw a woman crying while we sang "Your Grace is Enough." A woman in my row squeezed out to the aisle to give the woman a tissue and a hug. I couldn't decide if I would have been embarrassed or grateful if I was the crying woman. At the end of the service they announced the tearful woman had just found out her second child had a second cancerous tumor while her youngest was still dealing with leukemia. Her story made me teary.

During the last song people had an opportunity to come forward to make a decision to join the church or to become a Christian or just ask for prayer. A young guy that looked high school age started the walk forward as soon as the song began and talked to the pastor. After speaking to the pastor he sat in the front row with a man from church to fill out a form as we continued to sing. Midway through the song, the kid's friend came forward to sit with him and put his arm around him. My eyes filled with tears again as I thought how blessed they were to have a friendship like that... to be there for each other... to support each other. Pastor Cook announced at the end of the song the guy was joining the church.

I don't know any of those people, but I think about how God is working in their lives... and how He's working in mine and I'm grateful... and I cry. Why do I cry so much? Who knows? But I'd like to believe when my heart overflows with gratitude and love, the overflow is expressed through my tears. I feel like I cry more now out of happiness but sometimes I still cry out of sadness. Everyone always says "everything happens for a reason." I try to embrace the theory but I don't always understand the reasons. When bad things happen I really struggle with the reasons.

I want to get better at trusting the reasons... better at trusting God's plan. In the same sense I need to figure out how to forgive. I always talk about trying not to hold grudges but I also don't want to be taken advantage of or walked all over. In our culture we judge our mistakes on a scale based on how bad it is... anywhere from a "whoops" to a "you're going to jail." I'm still sorting out what is ok and what's not... what's forgettable and what's not.

I read a cool blog last week that really made me think... praying for wisdom. If you get a chance, check out Carlos Whittaker's blog on "Christians and Their Molestation Problem"

p.s. Someone in Australia checked out my blog... shoutout to the outback!

pops...

Eight years ago my dad was turning 60 and it was a big deal. Family folklore had us convinced no other Britt men had lived past 59. I knew for sure my dad's dad, brother and cousin all followed the rule. It was a small joke, but I can remember being slightly more concerned as the 60th birthday approached.

Since then my dad has lived what I've considered to be a strong eight years. Despite having two knee replacements and kids that made his hair go gray early, he's rocking it out. Most people would have no idea he turned 68 on Monday. I keep telling him having his youngest kid at 45 was the best thing that ever happened to him... other than having his second youngest kid at 40. :)

My dad is conservative, old-fashioned and short tempered... but he is also generous, funny and supportive. For all the times he drives me crazy... I'm reminded I have no idea where I'd be without him.

happy birthday to my pops

10.10.10

How cool is it to be a part of 10.10.10? Only once a year for 12 years every hundred years do we get to experience a 10.10.10 or a 3.3.3 and I feel blessed to experience my 10th triple number day. Nothing really exciting or unusual to report but I think it's a cool day.

Occasionally I like to go back and read what I was blogging about a year ago or five years ago. I like to evaluate my growth and development and I pray that I can see progress. Sometimes it's a good reminder of lessons I learned and sometimes it's a good laugh.

Some flashbacks for you...

Oct. 7, 2005... I was digging a One Tree Hill quote that I still love... "At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world, some are running scared, some are coming home, some tell lies to make it through the day, others are just not facing the truth. Some are evil men at war with good, and some are good struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world, six billion souls and sometimes all you need is one." - peyton sawyer

Oct. 7, 2006... I was posting about a devotional I was reading Streams in the Desert... "On September 30th, there's a story about a little plant in the forest whose growth was stunted because it was hidden in the shade of a giant oak tree, but the plant valued the shade and protection the tree provided... until a woodsman came in and chopped the oak down. The plant was upset he was left unprotected and scared he would be uprooted by the wind and storms. But in reality... the plant was exposed to the sunlight that would help the plant grow stronger and bloom flowers making it better than it ever could have been in the shade of the oak. There was a bigger blessing waiting for the plant that it couldn't see beyond the oak."

Oct. 2, 2007... I spoke at FCA for the first time as a staff member at Methodist... "What's the point of my walk down memory lane? When I look back on it now I can see all the masks I wore as a college student… literally and figuratively. I'm not sure if anyone really knew me. Sometimes I tried so hard to act like I didn't care what people thought that I was even faking that I didn't care. I don't know all of you but I feel like there is such a natural inclination to put on masks and hide from reality or keep a protective barrier between us and reality. We surround ourselves with people, but they don't really know who we are. Some of you are walking around this campus faking it. We pass on the way to class and I ask you how you're doing and you say fine when really you just bombed a test or just had a fight with your boyfriend. Sometimes we spend our nights in alcohol because we feel more comfortable but alcohol can just become another mask that lets us be someone else or lets us forget who we are. We have athlete masks, party masks, Christian masks, class clown masks, slutty masks, etc. depending on who we want to be that day around which people. I think sometimes we subconsciously stop before we enter a building to check our mask. You don't have to answer, but how many of us threw on the FCA mask before walking in tonight? Some of us walk around claiming to be Christians but we're doing more acting than we are being. We spend a lot of time doing the right things… we go to church, we do community service, we put Jesus fish on the backs of our cars, we might even read our Bibles or tell our friends about God… all things that are fine and good. But God didn't ask you to do things to make you look like Christ. He has asked us to get to know Him and through our relationship with God we can be a Christian without having to worry about acting like one. In theory, we wouldn't need a churchy Jesus mask to be a Christian. If that's who we are, it is a part of who we are without a mask."

Oct. 7, 2008... I was a new fan of the postsecret web site and loving the meaning behind it all... "If postsecret.com helps people share their secrets in a way that relieves guilt or temptation or pain then I'm all for it. There's still a part of me that hopes we can all find someone to trust.... someone to spill our guts to.... someone who will listen without judgment... someone who will cry with us and laugh with us... and even someone who can knock some sense into us when we've lost touch with reality."

Oct. 13, 2009... I was all about taking a timeout... a perfect reminder today... "Things that make me smile lately... the jamie kennedy experiment... bojangles... xangos... cookie dough... david crowder's cd church music... needtobreathe's cd the outsiders... house guests... MU winning... an unexpected text from a friend who hasn't bailed... dinner with friends and/or their families... home in six weeks."

Here's to learning lessons... and sometimes re-learning...

best friend...

I have a hard time with the label "best friend." I always thought people used it too loosely when I was younger. I never understood how you could have more than one best friend, but people threw it around to any of their friends.

I was catching up on some Oprah this week and she had Martha Stewart on her show to talk about life post-prison. I didn't follow the Martha trial at all. I have a tendency to trust our justice system and if they decided she was guilty I'll go along with it. It's weird to me how many people either decided she was innocent or were quick to forgive and help Martha's empire rebound so quickly. On the show, she seemed like prison was no big deal and just a place she had to stay for a little while. What I didn't know, but Oprah asked her about was her best friend of 20 years testifying against her in court.

Oprah: What was that like?

Martha: Disheartening, to say in the mildest possible terms.

Oprah: Was she always a best friend? Because I always think a best friend couldn't do that.

Martha: Well, I thought so. Best friends are sometimes not, and it's too bad.

Oprah: And [she] wrote an unflattering book.

Martha: Yeah, it's a sad thing. I did not read the book, and I have nothing to do with her and I'm sorry about that.

Oprah: You're sorry about that.

Martha: Yeah, of course. You would be. You would be horrified. Well, you can't let it be the end of your world, because people change. People are odd. People do strange things for different reasons. Sometimes you don't know the reasons. You don't know what kind of pressure they're under...

I've had people I've called best friends over the last 20ish years. I'm still friends with most of them... some closer than others but it's always been a struggle for me. I don't like losing touch with anyone, but especially not someone I considered a best friend. It has become harder as I got older to balance friends from home with this whole real world thing. I've added some good friends along the way, but unfortunately lost some too. As my wise criminal friend Martha says, "Best friends are sometimes not, and it's too bad."

To those I call friend... I'm grateful... To those I've lost... I miss you. To everyone... here's to avoiding Martha Stewart moments in court.

time...

Somehow I let a week pass by and I was feeling a blog drought. I'm not sure anyone else was, but I have definitely decided this isn't about anyone else. Of course if I really didn't care about anyone else, I would write it all in a private diary so I guess if someone benefits from my ramblings that's a positive byproduct.

The big discussion these days seems to be time management... how do we do it better? It usually involves somehow learning to balance things better. I manage my time... but I know I could do it better. I watch a ton of tv. I procrastinate on facebook. I take long lunches and have vent sessions in my office. Do I do them all the time? No. Should I do them less? Probably. But, it is a question of priorities and balance. I could totally shut the door to my office and work a solid nine hours from 8-5 every day and probably not work so late, but then I wouldn't have a vested interest in the student-athletes I'm spending so many hours statting. I could definitely come home and read educational books or do extra work at home, but then I would not have the opportunity to share my life with other people.

I want to live a full life... life full of people and activities and experiences. I also don't want to live a life full of always doing and not stopping to appreciate it.. or feeling so caught up in the busy-ness of it all that I miss it. There is a balance. There is a way to do your homework on a bus trip so that you can avoid an all-nighter. There is a way to catch up with a long distance friend before knocking out some more work... or a thought-provoking blog. (*insert sarcasm here)

Let's do it better... I'm holding on to the hope it's possible to really live balanced.

In the meantime I'd love it if someone would come work the next couple of weekends for me so I can hang out with my friends and family coming to visit... Sweet, thanks!